Post deleted by jrlex

Oh, I see.

Wait, watch and see, I guess. Right now you simply don't have enough information. Do you have some way to capture conversations that your wife is having (recorder)? You might find some information that way in the next few days if she talks about the pregnancy test to the OM or to someone else.

And, see an attorney to at least figure out what options you'd be dealing with "in case."

Mys

Post deleted by jrlex

JR, I thought you just had a personal counseling from Steve Harley late last week. Didn't you understand his suggestion you should quit torturing yourself by continuing to snoop around? What the heck, JR? Look, Bub, if you aren't going to follow your counselor's advice, why the heck are you paying those prices for it?

Mister, settle down and THINK instead of emoting. DNA will settle the question of whether any possible child is yours or not. Worry about that when it comes time to worry about it.

Pardner, I've been advising you to get your behind to a lawyer for a long time now. Do you have even ONE good reason for not doing that, especially in light of your most recent revelation?

JR,

Everyone feels like this isn't the person you married, she isn't right now! You are in the phase of this that is PURE CHAOS. Be still!

Do you know it's not your child as a FACT? No. Will you find out in due time? Most likely.

Keep snooping, if you wish to fight for your marriage then you can carry on the fight by snooping. GPS, Recordings, etc. I would do so! (I did, actually)

There's not much you can do right now to affect anything, work your Plan A. I can see how this would be SO EASY to give disrespectful judgments to her, refrain from doing so. Don't tell her that you don't believe her, even if you have your own beliefs on the matter. Avoid talking about it if necessary.

Do you want your wife back or are you preparing for war? Plan A and be still. You just exposed recently - there are great pros here who can lead you the rest of the way (I'm not one of em', I'm just a rookie who is right there with you in this). I'm telling you of my personal experience in the post-exposure weeks: Don't repeat my mistakes, be still, be in control, and take quiet measures to protect yourself in every way.

My prayers and best wishes, I'm pulling for YOU.

Ok, so:

1) See lawyer - what do I say?

2) No more snooping - covered, I'm too scared to anymore. I've cut it too close too many times. Really no reason to anyways. Yes, I've noticed it just works me up but at least I didn't react this time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

3) Wait to see what WW doesP

4) Plan A if possible

5) Continue working on myself

Anything else?

Find a good, experienced divorce attorney. He or she should be mean, nasty, and should have the mentality of a pit bull. Someone in your life will have a line on such a lawyer…someone already has a friend of a friend, or something like that, who’s gone through the process already. Find that someone in your life. Make an appointment with the cold-hearted lawyer.

When you get behind closed doors, explain to your attorney your WW has been involved in adultery. Tell him or her you believe she may be on the verge of filing for divorce on her own and you need to protect yourself against the ravages of a freewheeling WW and her cutthroat lawyer, particularly since there is a remote chance your WW has conceived. Your attorney will begin to ask questions to develop the situation. Provide him/her with answers.

Don't overcomplicate this process in your mind. The attorney has been through this a zillion times and will guide you through it.

Once you’ve taken the precaution of protecting yourself, let the possible pregnancy and your WW’s suspected filing fall away for the time being. Your lawyer will take care of those things, you take care of recovering your marriage if you still want that to happen. The two extremes are NOT mutually incompatible. YOU talk marriage; your attorney has your back and all things relating to divorce are referred to him or her. Got it?

Of course you do Plan A, if and when you can. It's little more than being courteous to your WW at this stage anyway. There's nothing to be gained by being rude or incommunicative. Since a key component of Plan A is improving yourself, yeah…you keep on doing that too.

(Edited 'cause I forgot to say some things I shoulda said the first time.)

I guess I probably need to tell the attorney how I came about the evidence I obtained, despite the legality of it?

The lawyer works for YOU, JR. Use him/her and follow the legal advice in legal matters.

Ok, I'm still looking for an attorney. I'm actually surprised no one I know has any idea who's a good one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> They're all looking for me though.

That's okay. Someone will come up with a name sooner or later. The problem is to determine how long to wait. You clearly can’t wait forever. Your instincts are telling you something is in the wind and it’s not wise to ignore such things. If necessary (after another 48 hours without a referral perhaps?), you can "shop" for attorneys like any other commodity. Look them up in the yellow pages, for instance. You can “interview” any number of them because the first meeting is generally free. Find one with the attitude you want and hire him or her to protect yourself.

Now remember...you're only doing this to protect yourself if worse comes to worst. You need to make it clear to the attorney YOU will determine when to make any petition for divorce or any other motion.

Hang in there, JR, and "be still," okay?

LH

Thx LH. Appreciate you leveling my head.

Delete

Thx, I've been thinking of this all day as I am a mod on another board and we end up having to do this sort of thing all the time.

MOD DELETE PLZ!!!

Post deleted by rwinger

JR, you'll have to email Justuss and request she delete this thread. It's not easy on this board and the moderators don't like to do it if there's any alternative. While you wait, you might go through and edit any post that might come back and bite you. If you do, I can do the same to my posts. Let us know what you're going to do, okay?

Please edit for now.

Well she called this morning and we talked for a bit. She told me this would be the last time we spoke ever again.

And what else was said in the phone call?

Don't panic, that kinda stuff has been said before. I know it's hard to detach, but that's exactly what you need to do. Detach yourself from the cold outbursts or negative things she says and keep a clear head.

If that was set in an angry or annoyed voice, then it's WS-script - didn't you get the memo? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

However, if she sounded depressed when she said it, that could mean something else entirely.