LITW,
(Still wish you'd change your screen name, BTW) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

It seems to me that until she reaches the bottom, she doesn't really know she is falling. She thinks she is flying <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />...a pity, really. Any real grievances that she does have will be lost in the fallout from what she is doing. Nothing will be resolved and she will move on to her next husband without knowing what really happened. Her husband too may move on without ever knowing that he may have contributed to the situation and will perhaps fail again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

And then there is the example that is being set for the members of the congregation..."My life is boring, I'm moving on to something more exiting." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I only wish that her H would find his way in here.

Saw the doctor today, BTW. For the first time since late December the only thing between my chest and the world at large is my shirt! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> It feels kinda...weird. I won't miss the tape, though.

I also get to start working out again. Kewl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I just reread a book you might find useful. It is called "Lasting Love" by Alistair Begg. Good chapter on "Pulling Weeds" & another on "Planting Hedges." Good stuff!

My copy is signed by the author. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> We met him last fall at a speaking engagement he had in the area. He might be a nicer guy in person than he seems to be on the radio, if that is possible.

Mark

Hi Mark....
What would I change my name to? LITWBFBG? lost in the world but found by grace?

I am excited to hear that you are healing well and will be able to resume things that some of us avoid like the plague.... funny how when you cant do something you miss it huh?!?

As for the book... i wrote it down and as soon as i am done posting will be ordering it! I am in need of a good book and am going on vacation in 25days 11 hours and 9 minutes (not counting at all) so i need a good book to read!

as far as TJ... i completely agree... one thing that through my situation was brought up to me was how i either figure this out and improve where i am at with whom i am with or i will have to repeat it again later on with someone else..... It hurts to see someone getting so much good advice and choose to slap it away.... I just dont understand.... I came here to get some sense knocked into me and remind me of the things i already new deep down inside but was trying to forget or had forgotten..... I know by all means I and my husband are to recovered but we are working and communicating so much better and I know that God will take us to a level I never even dreamed of! I just want to go up to tj and grab her shoulders, look in her eyes and say wake up!!!! this isnt real what are you thinking!?! The fact of life being boring.... doesnt everyone have days like that? isnt that life?!? my gosh if i wanted an adventure everyday.... well man i dont even want to think what i would have to do to myself....
Maybe we can pray that her husband does stumble across MB....

LITW, (If you change to what you suggest I'd have to shorten it to what is already to avoid getting cramps in my fingers) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I have already used all of my vacation days and sick days and personal days....and good behavior days for the whole year. So I won't be going on a vacation any time soon. Fortunately we have a vacation spot about an hour and a half from home that we can go to on weekends (when the church doesn't have rights to either of us) and can actually go to work from if we choose to do so (Extra hour travel for W, extra hour and 15 for me.)

For me, working out was part of my Plan A. I had just sort of stayed in OK shape, but knew I could do better. Since DS21 is big into workouts (he's a real stud), when W was considering last fall the joining of a gym, I suggested that for about the price of one membership for one year we could get one of those "home gym" things and give it a try, allowing us to both do the workout without leaving home. I was using it Mon, Wed and Friday and the tread mill (she already owned that) on Tues and Thurs. I used it for just over 2 months when I had to stop. My waist size was down an inch and my neck increased by an equal amount, though my weight remained the same as it had been. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

She has used it about twice, BTW and is 30 pounds heavier than she was a year ago. She says she can't work out because our DGD is around or someone else always has something for her to do...I gave up my early morning fishing shows to work out. I think she could find the time if she wanted to do it. Sort of a point of contention around our home. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I feel at times like she has replaced working out and being attractive and wayward with sitting in front of the TV and eating to avoid having to learn to ignore the attention she gets when she's 35 or 40 pounds lighter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

But this morning I did 25 minutes on the tread mill and tomorrow I'll see what I can do on the rest of the stuff.

As for tj, I'm done unless and until I am asked for help. I should have stayed out of it to begin with, I think. But I don't learn very quickly because today I got involved in a similar situation. I just get so tired of excuses as to "why" someone "can't" when what they are referring to is "won't." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

My current sig line describes where I am at this point in time...

As for the book, try his website if you don't find it anywhere else. Prices are usually below list and there is a bunch of other stuff that is good as well.

Keep working at being the wife God expects you to be and you may find that your H will become the best H you could ever dream up. If we make our own half better, the whole improves. If we allow our own share of the M to fall into disrepair then the M itself is worse off than it was. I can't make my wife do anything, I can only work on myself. Whether she improves herself or not, the M will still be better than if I let myself become bitter.

That is not to say you should give at every turn or even worse, give in. The best that can do is to build resentment and cause our taker to rise up in response. Instead be totally honest, own your own stuff and let H own his. Negotiate in the way Dr Harley recommends and attempt to use POJA on any decision that has any effect on you both.

If I can't find the bright side to look on, it may be that things aren't as dark as I first thought. (sound bite for the day) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Name change suggestion (and a wave :::hi LITW:::)...

WFTS

Whole From The Start

or

MWFG

Made Whole With Love?

Keep it simple for us really old people, 'k?

LOL

LA

Thanks LA!

LA,

You're as young as you feel...

OMG, I'm a hundred and three! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The first sign of old age is forgetting things.

I don't remember the rest of the list. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />



You know you're getting old when:

1)Your cool new sunglasses are bifocals. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
2)You think back on your childhood fondly only to realize you can't remember much of it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
3)The police officer that just wrote you a ticket for driving too slowly looked REALLY young. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
4)The new department manager they just hired remembers you because he went to school with your son. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
5)The young kid you once raced against has now retired from NASCAR (applies to me) Another one is considered the old man of the sport. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
6)You think the latest super-model gracing the covers of all the magazines is a cute kid. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />
7)You are more confused after reading the owners manual for your new television than you were before you read it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
8)The remote control for the TV at your house was YOU. "Hey, while you're up, get channel 2." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
9)As the traffic accident takes place and your life flashes before your eyes, you really only get the trailer... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
10)You remember when Elvis broke into show business. (You remember because you saw him on the Ed Sullivan Show.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ah, yes. I remember it all now! It's like it was only 40 years ago or so.

What was the question? Speak into my GOOD ear, will ya?

Mark

LITW,

How was your day?

How are things going?

Any improvement in your sitch?

Mark

Hi Mark... Still trying to brainstorm a good name... I want something with thought and meaning.... kinda hard to do sometimes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
As for the tj stich.... she hasnt humed or hawed today.... I hope all is well..... I've been talking with another lady in the recovery thread... i think that is going well... but between you and me.... what do you tell someone when they know of God but have choosen to stray away and yet they know that God is the only one to salvage their marriage.... Should they put all their focus into God? I know that God should be our number 1, but at the same time for a marriage in trouble... couldnt that end up having a negative impact?
im just kinda talking out loud... does that make sense at all?

LITW,

"Still trying to brainstorm a good name... I want something with thought and meaning.... kinda hard to do sometimes"

Harder for some than others. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

That's why I decided to use my name. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


I saw that tj has said nothing in a while. She knows what to do, I can only leave it in God's hands.


"Should they put all their focus into God? I know that God should be our number 1, but at the same time for a marriage in trouble... couldn't that end up having a negative impact?"

Proverbs says that when a man is trying to please God, God makes even his worst enemies to be at peace with him.

When you were a kid, did you ever walk in the woods at night? It can be so scary. Every tree and bush looks like a wild animal waiting to pounce. A tiny vole scampering through the brush sounds like a heard of buffalo. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

But turn on a flashlight and it quickly seems much easier. The light illuminates the path and shows us in detail what lies ahead. As long as we keep the light on the path, the rest of it seems to dissolve around us. The light helps us to focus on where we are going and lets us see the goal. It basically gives us the hope we need to keep going in the right direction. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If we point the light into the woods, the phantoms quickly return. We aren't looking in the right direction, we are looking at our circumstances and where we are instead of where we are going. Keeping the light on the trail keeps US pointed in the right direction and focused on the goal, rather than the circumstances we find ourselves in.

The ultimate plan for marriage comes from God. It was His invention, not ours. He took woman from out of man so that without her, he is incomplete. He made women from man so that in him she would find fulfilment and purpose. He brought the two together and they became one.

Likewise, God made us in His image. It is in Him we find our purpose and completeness. Without Him, we wander aimlessly in the woods, but when we keep our focus on Him, we can see the way we should go and are able to focus on the goal.

When both husband and wife are seeking God and His plan for their individual lives, the nearer to Him they get, the closer they are to each other. So it isn't trading God for a healthy marriage; seeking one leads to the other. It is by keeping our focus on Him we gain the strength to continue toward the goal. That goal is the marriage He has in store for us, a better one than we could ever conjure up in our imaginations.

Marriage is a metaphor for our relationship with Him.

By Him, all things are held together and have their meaning. (Col chapter 1) This applies not just to the world, but us as well and even to marriage.

What God has put together... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



I Saw the light

Just like a blind man
I wandered alone.
Worries and fears
I claimed for my own.
Then like the blind man
That God gave back his sight,
Praise the Lord
I saw the light.

I saw the light.
I saw the light.
No more in darkness;
No more at night.
Now I'm so happy;
No sorrow in sight.
Praise the Lord
I saw the light.

Mark

Mark, you posted that verse immediately on my 'Mr. Romance' saga and inspired me to write the whole 5 chapters.....remember? Thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lost 'n Found (aka "LNF")....how does that sound LITW?

Would you two post to it if I started a thread discussing how we all came up with our screen names? Mark, you would be especially welcome since you're brave enough to use your real identity. Lost, you might gain insight into the name process since you're into meanings.....if you wanna start a 'name' thread, fine by me.

Ace

Ace,

So now we're gonna play the old name game.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mark

Mr. Mark,

Why do you want Lost to change her name?

Why did you chooose your original name....'BetrayedHub' was it?

Then why did you decide to go with your real name and birthyear...if that's what 1952 stands for.....?

....Or does it stand for something else.....like how many times you've felt like going fishing (in the last week?)

...How many words are in your first fishing chapter?

...The time of day when you gave your wife your first kiss?

...Number of boards on your vacation cabin?

...Didn't see any ground rules to your name game.....so I'll help make 'em up as we go.

I do have a suggestion, though.....could you CAP the title THE NAME GAME to emphasize its new theme for the weekend?

Great idea to start a NAME thread, wish I'd thought of it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

"Ace in a Bucket"

Ace,

You did think of it and I thought you might have started it by now...

Or are you waiting for me? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

As for LITW's name, I have felt from the start that a true believer in Christ is not lost and, though still living in this world is not a citizen of it any longer. If she never changes her name, it is perfectly fine with me. Any time I bring it up, it is mostly tongue in cheek any way.

My original screen name was to stand for Betrayed Hubby, which is how I felt when I first arrived. I used it to remain anonymous. I eventually realized that the only people I was protecting were the ones that I felt had betrayed me.

I also had begun to refer people to this site that were also having difficulties in their marriage. I knew that some of them were reading, even if they never posted and thought that by actually knowing who I was and the situation I was attempting to overcome, it would somehow give them the courage and hope to repair their marriages.

And yes, it was the year I was born....

Mark

hmm... I think a name thread is a great idea.....
funny thing Mark... your little sentence on in the world but not of the world was my initial thoght for changing my name.... but that along with everything else i have thought of is too darn long.... ITWBNOTW.... see.... LNF does sound like a good one... I also thought of Lost In The Word or Lost In His Word.... so i am still brainstorming on my end....

LITW,

Did you follow my "answer" to your question from yesterday?

Mark

Hi Mark,
I did see it and ended up posting it to her... I think you said exactly what i was trying to say, but in a way it could be understood....
It was a nice reminder for me too!

Maybe all those years of attending that Sunday School convention paid off after all...

There are three things you need to do to be sure someone understands something you are trying to get across to them.

1) Tell them what you are going to tell them
2) Tell them
3) Tell them what you told them

A successful SS lesson has to have three parts:

1) A hook
2) A look
3) The book

If I simply answer "Yes," a followup question is almost always forthcoming. Instead I try to say "Yes' by stating why that is my answer through an example or analogy of some type. When I'm done, the person knows my answer and also my reasons for it.

Jesus often taught by giving examples. He seldom taught a lesson without first telling a story. The story gave people a reference point that allowed them to get his meaning because they had something to relate it to.

Have I given enough examples or would you like more?

Think three...

Mark

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> is this where I should just say yes?

I completely understand.... the story or analagy is the hook into the point.... the point is what you are trying to get accross and then to make sure they got it you cover the facts one last time.... Makes sense to me!

[color:"red"] I always knew you were a fast learner. [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Mark

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Thanks!!!