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#1832701 02/28/07 07:49 PM
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Do you think a marriage can work when there is a 15 year age difference? (He's older.)

Thanks for any thoughts. I just found this site and it's great.

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Hello hyzenthlay,

Welcome to MB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Before I give my full opinion,can you state the ages? This issue actually just came up for another poster.He was 28 and his new wife of 8 months is 18,and she's already cheated on him.That age difference,to me, is not appropriate nor do I feel it will work out.

Now if you were say,30 and he was 45,it could probably do well.But I think one of the biggest factors is the maturity and experience of the people involved.


Are you thinking of marriage?

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i think that is a pretty big age difference, especially if you are say in your early 20's and he is in his mid-late 30's. there is just going to be maturity issues, etc.. you are from 2 different generations. unless you are extremely mature or he is extremely immature (no offense meant) i think it is a challenge for such relationships to work out. what happens if you are 20 and he is 35? or later on, you are 40 and he is 55, pushing 60 soon... you are still relatively young and your spouse gets his senior discount! i dunno... every sitch is unique... some of the issues i mentioned could be shallow ones... but i just think 2 people with that age difference are going to age differently and continue to drift apart with those differences. i personally, would have no interest in someone that much older than myself.

i am 35, my bf is 36. that is pretty near perfect for me!
mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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I think one of the biggest factors is the maturity and experience of the people involved.

This is true, but I think that sometimes, the lack of experience in one of the parties is exactly what is attractive about them.

I know of one couple where the woman is in her late twenties and the man in his early 40s - they have been together a couple of years. He was attracted to her partly because of her lack of experience - not only her age, but her culture and upbringing made her more naive than the average woman her age.

I think there's a kind of 'pygmalion' thing going on - he enjoys teaching her new things and moulding her, and she appreciates his greater life experience.

Probably not very healthy, but it seems to work for them.

Olanya #1832705 03/03/07 07:00 AM
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see, and that to me would be him being very controlling. "molding" her.... she may be ok with it for now, but 10 years from now she may resent never being "her own woman"

jmho
mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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Well, it depends on what the actual ages happen to be. If you're talking about an 18 year old and a 33 year old, yeah, that's probably on the extreme. A 33 year old has absolutely nothing useful in common with an 18 year old. Suppose that the ages are 65 and 50, well, now you have two people with enough acquired wisdom to know the challenges life presents and old enough to know what they want out of life.

Where the answer to that question becomes more grey and less black and white is in between those ages. If you're talking about someone 28 and 43, now you have to take a lot of things into consideration. What are their life experiences? Say the 28 year old served in the Navy for 10 years and the 43 year old lived in the same small town since childhood and never left the state - well, you're likely to see some interesting maturity and experience mixtures. What are their backgrounds? Do they have kids and if so, what ages? It's entirely possible and even somewhat common for a 43 year old to have a 28 year old kid!

So, the answer to your question is it really depends on who we're talking about <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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I am in my early 50's, and can't imagine being attracted to an old man in his late 60's. I would be horrified if my daughter, who is in her 20's, started dating someone who was in his early 40's.

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see, and that to me would be him being very controlling. "molding" her.... she may be ok with it for now, but 10 years from now she may resent never being "her own woman"

I completely agree - they've only been together a couple of years... I doubt it'll last a lifetime somehow...

Olanya #1832709 03/04/07 05:26 PM
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i watched part of this show the other night, it was on age differences. some were older men with younger women and some were older women, younger men.

anyway, the older guy, younger women one showed this couple who had been dating a few years. they met at this place called "viagra triangle" (no kidding) in chicago. it is where older guys go to meet younger women. the girl was, i dunno, i am going to say mid 20's so she was early 20's when they met. he was mid - late 40's. so first off, they looked ridiculous together. she was this hot blonde ( of course) and he was this balding business man. during most of the segment on them all he kept saying was "you are so hot". ok, so we obviously see why he wants to be with her. she said he was great sexually. BUT, as the segment continued, you got to see how controlling he was, how he wanted to "mold" her into the perfect wife. he pretty much wanted a trophy he could control, bottom line. and she really didn't like it. he talked down to her because she was younger and inexperienced, after all, he was older and had seen so much more.

so, i think in the beginning age differences seem fun and kind of sexy, etc... but the novelty wears off from what i have seen. there are just too many differences.

when i was 18-19 years old,something like that, i dated a guy in his early 30's... i want to say he was 32 or 35 something like that. i thought it was cool at first. older guy getting off on being with young blonde me. thank GOD i saw the light soon enough. it of course didn't last. that guy is probably like 50 now. no thank you. when i was younger i just thought it was cool to be with older men. i dated a 28 year old too when i was 18. i just thought it was cool and sexy. good lord what was i thinking? none of them ever worked out. duh! i find some my own age much more appealing now.

my ex is 4 years younger than me, so younger than me doesn't work for me either! i need someone on the same page and level of experience ya know?

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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My EX has made a 17 year difference work for almost three years now. The OM is only 6yrs older than our DD. I have been very dark with her for close to a year but my kids tell me all is still rosy in adulteryville.

I think that the age difference in people who do become attracted to each other pushes them even closer together. The questioning looks and comments from others only serve to bond them even tighter together, especially if there are some real feelings between them. I don't believe these realtionships will stand the test of time. I don't even believe the couples involved in them want that from the relationship.

I think these "hookups" are between individuals who have given up looking for a "lifetime" committment. They exist because these people have found someone who provides a spark that was missing in their lives or someone that fulfills a need that they either can't find or won't rekindle within a more long term relationship.

The fact that each party knows and accepts the relatively short lifespan of the realtionship may even be a plus for these individuals.


Dukhuntr

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that opened for us" - Helen Keller
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IF both parties accept the relatively short life span.

I have seen older guys see it as a short life span and the young girl is heart broken because she wanted forever. boo hoo hoo.

and, I've seen young girls play an older guy too.

in fact, i've seen one younger woman do both to the same man!

i'm sticking with my same age.

mlhb


God first, family second, and all else will fall into place.

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My rule is to not date anyone who is closer in age to my DD18 or parents than myself. More than 10 years starts to get weird. However, I am finding that I am dating mainly men about 7-9 years older as many single men my age (38) want to start a family (been there, done that).

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I am 26 and my husband is 42. We have been together for about 3 years and married a year and a half. I agree with most of the above posts. I feel that we are both at about 30 maturity wise <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />. Both never married...no children. I can also say that I have been hit on by other men my husband's age who I felt were "too old" because of various reasons. That being said...

hyzenthlay, I think that it's possible to have a successful relationship, but there are obstacles. My husband IS less energized, more stubborn, and has a tendency to "father" me at times. It is important that you are self-sufficient, educated, and independent in order for this to work. You need to realize that you ARE from different generations and age is a factor in the relationship (even if neither of you want it to be, medical issues will eventually come in to play.) If you remain true to yourself, you will not be disappointed.


He who lives without quarreling is a bachelor. —St. Jerome
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hyzenthlay - it can work, but I would never, ever recommend it and I would never do it again!

I am 32, my husband is 46 (fourteen year difference). We have been married almost eight years now - I was 24; he was 38. I felt we were more on the same maturity level when we married, but at his point in life I feel like he is aging faster than I and the age gap is increasing. We really are in different stages of our lives and maturity but now we have the common factor of two young daughters. Can't change anything now but I hope I can help someone else from making my same mistake.

I wish, wish, wish I would have listened to everyone who told me he was too old for me!

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My H is 3-1/2 years younger than me-(M=37,H=33)... His maturity level is right up there, same as mine: His thoughts were that so many females his age--and younger were so immature.. hence- dating me... we have been together for 2 years, married for 9 months.. he acts so "old" sometimes- and I feel not much different than I did in my 20's... But for the most part it works...I guess my point is CHRONOLOGICAL age does not always mean anything...life experiences and general psychological awareness and maturity come at varying ages for varying people.


-not just 4myself anymore... for BOTH of us ...we survive together, or not at all....
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Ah, but if there is a big chronological age gap, and there is no gap in maturity, that is worrisome as well. There was 17.5 year difference between my ex and myself. Yet, we were about the same maturity when we married. Only, he had been at that level for 20 years, and I had been growing. I continued to grow and he stayed the same. Plus, there were also control issues.

That's not to say it would never work.


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Hi GG,

Nice to see you on MB.

Merry Christmas!

God bless

back #1832718 12/15/07 11:42 AM
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We have a sixteen year difference, and it was a real challenge, to have him think that he knew everything, because he was older, and I thought I knew everything, because that's what young people think <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am grateful to have found MB, to find proven methods like POJA to create compatibility. POJA is the opposite of "molding" one to fit another; it's about finding solutions that both folks are enthusiastic about.


Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010

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