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Joined: Mar 2007
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My SO has told me that her adult daughter of 29 may want to have a "talk" with me that if I ever hurt her mother I will have to deal with her. My SO says she has no control over her daughter and what she might say. Is this common of adult children to be involved in their parents personal lives?
Thanks
48, male, divorced, ds14
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Joined: Sep 2000
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Well...
Uh....
My DH's kids are 26yo, 25yo, 23yo, 19yo, 14yo and 11yo. The folks in their 20's are out of the house, and I don't think ANY of them would speak to me that way. That's because their dad's personal life is HIS life, not theirs. Thus, this is just MHO, but I think your lady-friend needs to have a chat with her very adult D and say, "I do not threaten the men that you choose to have in your life, because your private life is YOURS. Same for me. The men I choose to have in my life are my choice, and you are not to get in the middle."
Just MHO (my humble opinion)!
~~CJ
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That's kinda what I'm thinking too. This may never happen but, lets face it, it would be a threat would it not and how would our relationship be able to develop with such a comment from her DD. Likewise my SO has her own life to live, just like her DD29 does.
Thanks for the reply
48, male, divorced, ds14
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Joined: Jun 2005
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My SO has told me that her adult daughter of 29 may want to have a "talk" with me that if I ever hurt her mother I will have to deal with her. My SO says she has no control over her daughter and what she might say. Is this common of adult children to be involved in their parents personal lives?
Thanks Yes, the answer is yes, children are always involved and always impacted by parent's personal life (whenever parent&child have good/close relationship, that is), the difference is only what you can hear vs. what you do not... But, I wonder... I mean, this would be the last question I'd ask if that happened to me... I.e. does it mean you already know what's that all about? I'd be interested to know why - your gf told you that at all? Any 'hidden message' here? (Assuming that D (and her mom) is mentally healthy 29 years old...)
I'm not Belonging to Nowhere anymore! :-)
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Joined: Nov 2000
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It's all a matter of context. It could be anything from a slightly clumsy effort to ask you to not break her heart(your SO, that is, the daughter is just a pretext) to a big red flag that there are psychos or other dysfunctions in the picture.
You need to figure out the meaning behind the words. In general, I do not like having to mind read, I always get it wrong. So I would ask your SO straight out, and see what she says.
AGG
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I agree AGG--I hate having to read minds. That's why I go straight for the "no BS". And I also agree that adult children ARE impacted by their parent's personal lives (for example, when my mom chose to return to her abusive XH)...BUT it is my mom's life, not mine. The guy may have been my stepdad by marriage, but I would not have stepped in TO HIM and threatened HIM--I would speak to my mom, with whom I have the relationship.
I don't know...it just rubs me the wrong way.
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Well, my SO has three children - two adults and one almost an adult. I've gotta tell ya, while I would respect the fact that the kids love their father such that they would be devastated if I broke his heart, I would take several steps back if one of them approached me and warned me to 'watch it" if I hurt him........
Wouldn't make for a comfortable relationship with me and his kids.........it's hard enough as it is.........without adding any extra tension to the mix.
Older But Definately Happier and Wiser
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rl,
I would also hasten you to clarify what the meaning was,really.Afterall,your GF doesn't need nor should she encourage her D to fight her battles for her.No she doesn't have any control over her D nor the other way around but heartache is always a risk when you date.That doesn't mean it is pain inflicted on purpose though and you have to be grown up about dealing with it,not threaten people.
Is there any reason for the D to say what she did? Have you even met her before?
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