Hello everyone! Im new here to the disscusion forum,very familiar to the website. I also posted this on the recovery forum. It seems like a safe place to be. Being the wayward spouse, it has been very hard to find a place where there isnt judement and harshness. God knows Ive given myself enough harshness and am ready to stop, and continue the healing.
I was wondering if anyone can give me any pointers as to what Im doing or if there is more that I can do. It has been about 10 months since my H found out about the A. We immediatly started counseling and have continued every week.
I feel Im doing everything I possibly can to show him that Im so incredibly sorry for the pain I have caused him, and that it will never happen again. I have and continue to work on myself and change the things that werent right with me . I believe not valuing and loving myself enough allowed me to wonder into another mans arms looking for something I only needed to find within myself.
I know that recover can be a slow process and Im trying to be patient and understanding, it is just so hard sometimes. What do I do when his behavior continues to be of that prior to the A and what contributed to it. I know that it was me that made the decision to have an A and that no one made me.
I told H when I moved back home that I would not allow things to go back to the way they were before, I would end our marriage first, and that it would be the right way, and not through a cowardly A. I think we both have to take risks and trust eachother again. We both have been hurt.
Im trying to show him that Im changing and that he can trust me again. What can I do if he refuses to open up even just a bit and allow some trust in. I know that hes hurt but how can I earn any trust back if he isnt allowing himself to acknowledge it. Im I fighting a loosing battle here? Please if anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.

Both Aphelion & I posted on your last thread and you did not respond. What kind of help are you seeking?

We do NOT pamper WS' here. We provide genuine support and help for M's and families.

L.

You didnt post to my intro thread, but thats ok. In no way did I ever indicate that I was here to be "pampered", Im here for support in rebuilding my M and improving myself.
Blessings to you in your own healing!
~S

Trigirls,
I can understand how hard it is to gain trust from your H after making a choice such as you did (due to me being in the same situation).... I have been posting on a thread intitled Is it Inevitable? under the Recovery forum.... I have been getting a great deal of information that has showed me and reminded me the only person I can change is me.... perhaps you can read through that thread to see if there is something there that God puts on your heart. I would be more than willing to talk with you on this thread if you would prefer. Just let me know....
Take care....

Thanks Lost, I will check it out.
blessing to you!

Hi Trigirls...

I too am a FWW. Our timelines are pretty similar. I have read your other thread, it seems like you are on the right track. I too struggle with...I guess I'd call it...disappointment? when it seems like M is reverting into old dysfunctional patterns (those nasty LBs!).

I keep in mind that recovery isn't necessary a straight line forward, sometimes it's a two steps forward, one step back kind of thing. It's the direction forward that ultimately counts in the end.

Make sure you keep focus on improving yourself as well as your marriage which it seems like you are doing.

Oh and thanks for starting a book recommendation thread. I have been hoping for one.