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#1842967 03/13/07 08:18 AM
Joined: Mar 2007
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I'm new to this post thing, however, I just don't know what to do so I decided to try this and get some other opinions. I'm engaged to be married in less than 8 months but I feel as though Im already having second thoughts. I love him dearly and he's a wonderful guy. I dont think I could find a better guy in anyone else. The problem is I'm either jealous or non trusting. We never had problems until his sister made him a myspace page. Things went down hill from there. He doesn't get on the page very much but he he does I get paranoid and start wondering if he's talking to other girls or looking at the profiles of those just trying to get you to look at there porno pages. I just get really nervous and freaked out. He not been one to really go out much unless we are together(which is great in my opinion). I have no reason not to trust. Is it that I don't trust him or am I just scared of him finding better? Either way I want it to stop. I want to fix this because I do want to marry him. He's a wonderful guy and I know he has done nothing for me not to trust him. I trust him with everyone else... money, vehicles, my life really. I just don't want to be hurt, cheated on, or left.... again. Seems like in my past relationships thats always happened. Someone please give me some advise on fixing this so I can go forward in planning my wedding to a wonderful man. Thanks for reading such a long post

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I don't think it is unreasonable to be nervous about Myspace but from your post it does sound like you are not trusting. Have you seen his Myspace page? Does he mention you on it? Are there pictures of you on it? Do you have a page?

There are ways he can make his Myspace page protective of your relationship. My husband has my username and password. I also use a picture of both of us as my profile picture. You can set accounts up to be private and to not allow spam or solicitations.

You can find a way for him to keep his Myspace page and for you to be comfortable with it. Read up on the Policy of Joint Agreement. You can apply those principals to this situation.


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Oh my goodness cbrown you are me!!! I have the very same problem with my fiance except I am ok with myspace but I HATE (pardon the strong word) a friend of his. She seems to constantly want to spend time with him (of course without me there) and while he swears that she is just a friend (he was actually friends with her before he knew me) and I trust him 100%, I just can't trust HER. I just don't know how to handle it either! I don't want to be that b*tchy fiance that breaks a friendship of his off. Besides I think that she would have a feilday with that because she doesn't like me either. Oh my I am glad that I found you though from your brief dicription I think that you, like me, have had a lot of ex's that were as I would say less than moral... I can't tell you how many times daily I wish that she would just go away but as I have learned over these last few months, wishing doesn't work. I guess my advise to you would be tell him how you feel. I know you are afraid to sound nuts because I felt that way too, but it's better that he knows than not. Maybe he will just say "Oh I had no idea you felt like this, I will erase the profile right now." or maybe he wont and you will have a bit of work to do. Either way better to get this worked out before the big day! Good luck!

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My guy doesn't go out with "friends" without me. I used to be nervous he'd leave me for a friend but I'm more content with that now. I've talked to him and for the most part he's understanding yet a little hurt because he thinks I dont trust him at all. Oct112008 why don't you email me at sweetheart_39443@yahoo.com and maybe we can give each other advice. Thanks for the advise you have given and I'm glad I'm not the only one out here like that.

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Regarding MySpace, can people contact you via email even if the user does not actually "log in" frequently?

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No.

The user has to log in to view the message. If the user has their account set up so that they receive email alerts when someone sends them a message or asks to be added as a friend, then the user does not have to login to see that activity. However, they do have to log in to read or respond to a message or to accept a friend request.

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Here is what I think. First of all, this may stem partly from your insecurity. But on the other hand if you are married my opinion is that you both don't need to have myspace accounts. What is the point of that? Your just asking for trouble. What I think you need to do is to first examine why you feel the way you do when it comes to trust issues. Maybe it is self-esteem? Early childhood experiences? etc. Secondly you need to talk to him about what boundaries you will make in your marriage in order to protect it from an affair. Having a myspace page is just asking for trouble. The time spent on myspace could be better time used for meeting the need for recreational companionship or conversation, etc.

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Quote
We never had problems until his sister made him a myspace page.

Why did his sister make him a myspace? Did He ask her to, if he is getting on it, he may have..


Quote
I have no reason not to trust. Is it that I don't trust him or am I just scared of him finding better?

Apparently, YOU do have a reason for not trusting, you may not have a reason for not trusting HIM, but you have reasons for not trust in relationships in general. Based on what you've said..You have been left or cheated on previously in past relationships.

So How can you learn to trust HIM?

realize and accept that He is NOT the men from your past..He is someone else..

But I'm curious, what is he doing to HELP you build trust in him? Would your having access to his myspace help? Not that you need to check it every day...but if your planning on getting married, there needs to be honesty and openness.


Simul Justus Et Peccator
“Righteous and at the same time a sinner.”
(Martin Luther)
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Quote
She seems to constantly want to spend time with him (of course without me there) and while he swears that she is just a friend (he was actually friends with her before he knew me) and I trust him 100%, I just can't trust HER. I just don't know how to handle it either! I don't want to be that b*tchy fiance that breaks a friendship of his off. Besides I think that she would have a feilday with that because she doesn't like me either. Oh my I am glad that I found you though from your brief dicription I think that you, like me, have had a lot of ex's that were as I would say less than moral... I can't tell you how many times daily I wish that she would just go away but as I have learned over these last few months, wishing doesn't work. I guess my advise to you would be tell him how you feel. I know you are afraid to sound nuts because I felt that way too, but it's better that he knows than not. Maybe he will just say "Oh I had no idea you felt like this, I will erase the profile right now." or maybe he wont and you will have a bit of work to do. Either way better to get this worked out before the big day! Good luck!

Why do you trust him if he's not protecting YOUR feelings about spending time alone w/ this lady friend?

He should be protecting YOUR feelings, and not hers.

Would he be okay with you spending alone time with a male friend, who didn't want HIM around at all?


Simul Justus Et Peccator
“Righteous and at the same time a sinner.”
(Martin Luther)
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Ditto. When I was engaged I had a good friend who lived in the apartement below mine. We were in a townhouse with only three aparments so we knew each other well. My friend wanted me to go out for a drink or two alone. My fiance was uncomfortable, so I invited my fiance along. My frined was a little disappointed but he got over it.

I think the red flag is it is always wihtout you. I could see situations where friends of the opposite sex may want to have a private chat, but I imagine it would be in the living room while the spouse is in the kitchen.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15

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