Hi there u all I have been reading all these articles. I am the one who has had an affair on my husband. He found out about it in Sep. of last year. It has been really rocky to put it nicely. It happened one time and that was it. I have never spoken or even seen the other guy since then. I was working and I had met this man. My husband is in the Military and was gone and me and this guy just started talking and one day it just happened. I have regreted it ever since. But my husband said that he can never forgive me. We have two children who are taking this really hard. I have been working on this marriage ever since. I am not to sure what else to do. He says he loves me but doesn't think he can ever love me as his wife again. I am not to sure if I should stay and fight for us or just let go? Please help!!!!!

First of all... if anyone let's go it should be him. You should hang in until he makes a move to get out.
Second... it didn't "just happen."
Third, how did your H "find out?" That is important from his perspective.
Why did you do this? And why would you do this while your H was away in the military... seems like a kind of cheap shot on your part. Do you have hostility towards him for some reason?
So, my answer to your last question is... you should fight for your M and your family. They deserve it.

I agree I do not want to let go. My husband found out by the cell phone bill. I am figuring out that I did it because some other man made feel special and gave me the attention. I am not to sure why I did it while he was gone. No I love my husband very much. I feel we just got to comfortable in our marriage and into a routine. I hate myself for what I have done to our M and family. The military has taken him out of the house for 30days because it was getting to heated in the house. So of course that is way to damn long for him to be out of the house and not able to talk to us. I feel like that is worng because we can not even begin to work on this marriage. I just feel like he is over there and just stewing in this. Thanks for the post. I will never give up I love him way to much.

What branch of the military? How often does he leave and for how long?

He doesn't leave often. Maybe in this 3 years here he has left maybe twice. But if he goes back to the fleet no telling. He is in the Marine Corp. This last time he was gone for 2weeks. But he has left for months and nothing like this has ever happened. I know if and when he leaves again I know it is going to be really tuff on him. I know it will be really rough. But I am willing to do whatever it takes to prove to him that I am here for him and that this will never happen again.

I am ex-military myself, and I just have to be kind of blunt here... you have an uphill battle. There is nothing worse than to have to go on deployment, and not be able to contact those you love. I have a relative in the USMC, and he was deployed one time, when his friend's wife sent him a tape by mistake, of her and her BF having sex. After watching it, an hour later he had killed himself. Being deployed is no picnic.

My point, please try to see it from his point of view. When he is out in the field, and he cannot contact you or anything like that, it is such a helpless feeling that his trust in you is/was all they have, and sorry to say it, you shown him that you cannot be trusted.

My sister is a USMC wife. Being a military spouse is tough as ******, believe me I know. Divorce is high in the service, because people are apart for extended periods of time. About 10 years ago, he was sent to Japan for a year, and his wife couldn't go with him. They lived apart for a year, and during that time, they had fallen apart so much, that they almost divorced.

You may want to prove to him that you want to make it work, I don't know what advice to give you, except just try to understand how hard it is for him. When I was deployed, I would go 3 months or more without being able to use a phone, all I got was letters.

You have an uphill battle.

Only useful thing I would suggest, is to go see a counselor, with him in tow. Maybe if he see's you are working on what ever issues you have, would start to help him out.

I filed for D 2 weeks after finding out she had been cheating on me for the last year of our M. I realized that after knowing that, she was no longer my wife in my eyes, but the other guys play toy. Maybe if he is still around, then understand that you are the one who has to do the work, if you start working, he may pay attention to that.

MEDC is right... that doesn't just happen. My ww said after I found out... it just happened, oops. I have never accidently had any form or kind of affair, accidently or intentionally...

Let's see if we can hook your H up with someone in the same branch of service and an MBer who can be able to help. He is also a BS whose W never recovered but he did.

If you want to have your H contact him, please let me know. My e-mail addy is: **edit**

I will send the MBer an e-mail and he will come. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Yes I totally agree that I have a uphill battle but I am willing to do that to prove to him. I know I am terified of him going on deployments thats why I am here trying to get advice on what to do for this marriage in the mean time. I am scared to death. I am trying and I am understanding and I know how much I have crushed him. ****** it is hard for me to deal with everyday I can only amagine how hard it is for him. I know he can't trust me but I am willing to try and repair that and get it back. Thanks but I know I have a huge battle ahead of me. Thanks again.

I'm confused

"it" only happened one time ... right?

then how can this be?



were there lots of calls?

Pep

He had been talking to his Major and he is going through the same thing but right now I can't talk to him to even ask if he wants to do that. I would love for him to talk to as many people as he can because he already said will not go to counceling with me so they can lie to him. I am just affraid that he is going to give us up and then later hate himself for that. You all just need to remember I love him with all my heart and soul and I can't imagine life without him. He is my rock and I betrayed that. I never relized how much he meant to me until all of this. I think we just got to comfortable and we were getting bored with the same old same old crap. But now I wish I can have that back and work from there but I am not to sure now. Thanks again. I will get back to you on that.

The sex part of the affair happened ONE time. We had talked before the sex part of happened. the OM and I talked when we at work on the phone. So no I did not have SEX more then ONCE. I have not spoken or talked to the OM since he found out. I have fu**** up once. I know the talking was bad as well but I think the SEX part was worse.

About how many phone calls did your H discover on that bill?

I am not to sure a lot I guess. But what does that have to do with it?

it is part of the betrayal picture

it has a LOT to do with how much you invested outside your marriage

more than 10 calls?
more than 50 calls?
more than 100 calls?

try and respond

Pep

Hey orchid is this peson a WWS or BS? I would love for him to contact him. But he is very sensitive to this subject if u can imagine. But I will take all the help we can right now. Thanks again.

I don't remeber more then 10 but less then 50.

Don't you think the number of calls is important to your husband?

look it up & find out

the number of calls
and how long the calls were

Has your H asked what you talked about with OM?

Pep

where (place) & when (day/month/year) did you FIRST meet OM?

Did you "meet" OM online?

that too is very important

Pep

I met him at work in September 06. Mt the OM at work. 06. I longer work there because of this. My huband and I changed our phone numbers. Which was fine. So I can not go back and look.