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Yes I did quit my job that him and I (OM) shared but the OM called me at his other job. Not he works for the security officers at a collage there in town. I am thinking he talked to him today. I am not to sure. He has been trying to get in contact with the OM but not sucessful. He talked to the chaplin but he said he is not turning to GOD just because his life is gone to sh it. But no I have not talked to anyone except my cousin. No I don't think he ever posted I think he just read. I understand that he has changed but it can only be for the worse if he wants it to be that way. Yeah I can only hope that he will talk to someone. He thinks all they are going to do to him is LIE to him. So I am not to sure how helpful that would be.

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So the OM contacted you after you quit your job? I will tell you from experience that talking to the OM doesn’t help anything. It will only make things worst. Talking to a Chaplain doesn’t mean that you are turning to God. They have great insight a can be a good way to talk to someone without to much psycho babble. What would they lie to him about? I know that no one on this site would lie to anyone. I would talk to him, but I don’t think that he would listen right now. For all I know I might know both of you. It is a small Corps after all. It is unfortunate that he doesn’t see the gift that has been offered to him. I know a lot of BSs that would like to have the WS or FWS want to work on the marriage.


Divorce Final 2 Jun 04
3 Kids (16SD,15S,13D)

Making it one day at a time.
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See the OM had quit the job that we had together before my hubby found out. He would come back as a fill in sometimes but not a lot. Heck you never know you may know Hubby. That would be crazy huh. I have not to OM since H found out. Almost 7 months now. I have no desire to talk to him and no desire to see him. I realized what I have done and how messed up things are. I would never do this again. Not to sure what he thinks they would lie to him about but thats what he kept saying when I would ask him to talk to a chaplin or councelor. So I am not to sure what to do. He will be coming home next week. I am really nervous about this home coming. Not to sure what to expect. No my cousin and her hubby were going through this and they have talked to him over and over again and nothing really. I would love to work on it. I even took and dropped off a book about SAA and I am not to sure what he will do with it. Probably have a bomb fire..LOL. I hope he does read it because I bought it today and read it and then took it to him. I really think it has some really good info in it for him. I am doing everything in my power to prove to him that I am here for the long haul. Because it is a uphill battle for us. I just hope he wants to go uphill battle with me.

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I can see where your husband would have some anger problems. According to your story, you love your husband, things were going well, he was away for his job, and you met a guy at work and had sex with him, all in less than a month. It "just happened" and you don't know why. Is that correct?

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Hey I never said I didn't understand why he's angry. It is the way he deals with his anger. See it took me awhile to reply to you because of ur post. Yes that is the way it happened. I Fu cked up I know I did.

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He is not dealing with his anger well. That is for sure. He should not be drinking, and if there is physical violence, you need to keep him out of the home.

Have you written him a letter letting him know how much you regret what you chose to do? Have you figured out how to keep something like that from happening again? Have you decided to take extraordinary precautions so it could never happen again?

Also, there is the whole problem of the Marines. They really look hard at instances of DV. He could get tossed out of the Corps.

So I can see why he is angry.

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No I have not written him a letter or anything because I can not talk to him. Before they took him for 30 days I had told him over and over again how sorry I am. But he seems like he really doesn't care. So I am not to sure whats going to happen. Hey I can see why he is angery but he needs to learn and deal with it in a better way. I love him with all my heart and soul but I can not have him drinking in my house ever again and I pray he is getting help while he is out of the house so he can come home and deal with this like adults.

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Quote
Also, there is the whole problem of the Marines. They really look hard at instances of DV. He could get tossed out of the Corps.

So I can see why he is angry.
You can't get tossed out of the military for getting divorced. I don't know where you heard that from, but it's not true.


"Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will." - John Macdonald
Kuky #1845712 03/19/07 10:14 PM
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DV = domestic violence

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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have to brush up on my abbreviations.


"Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will." - John Macdonald
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I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice but I don't think is going to work our. I put a book in Hubby truck yesterday and he sadi he THREW THAT STUPID BOOK IN THE TRASH. So I guess I guess this is it. I am just thankful I found this site through all this. You all gave me hope but now thinks its done. I just hope this is what he wants. Because D is forever. Thanks again every1

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Maybe putting it in his truck wasn't quite the right thing to do. Maybe giving it some time will let him work through his hurt. When my XW told me, it took me a while, and her doing that to me, may have upset me too.


"Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will." - John Macdonald
Kuky #1845716 03/20/07 09:29 PM
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You are willing to give up fairly easily. Just realize that it takes about 2 years to start feeling normal again after a person has been betrayed.

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Hey I just think he has given up on me and it tears me apart.I do not want to give up but I think he is through with me. I am truely sadened. But I am just not sure if he can get pass this. Let me know if I am making a mistake. Please. Any advice is welcomed.

Kuky #1845718 03/20/07 10:33 PM
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I have givin it since September 06. SO I am not to sure how much more time he needs to read a book that will help him along. I did not put that in his truck to piss him off or anything. I was truely thinking he would read it and get some insite on how he can be helped and how this marriage can be saved. See there is not a day that goes by that he is not pissed off. And belive me I do understand why he is so upset and pissed but there has to be a time when we finally say OK it is time to work on this. I do truely love him with all my heart and soul.

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I found out about my then wife's affair in October, 06.

We are now divorced.

Maybe since he is still around, there is still something you can salvage.

I am still extremely hurt, and honestly I don't know how long it will take me to really get past what she did to me.

It does take time, a lot of it.


"Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will." - John Macdonald
Kuky #1845720 03/21/07 07:38 AM
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I know Kuky but I am not to sure if he wants the M anymore. But I guess I will have to wait and see when he comes home.

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If you want to save your M then you need to give him time. I understand that you are wondering how long it is going to take him to try and move past you’re A, but unfortunately everyone is different. For example, it took me four to five years to move past it and be able to interact with her again in any way other than about business. It takes time to get past major emotional trauma like this. And yes that is what an A is to the BS. What you can concentrate on is making yourself a better spouse and mother. That will show him more than anything that you could say that you mean business about saving the marriage. This way if he doesn’t come around you are ready and able to move on and be a better person and mother. I am not condoning his behavior at all. His abuse of you and the drinking are things that no one should have to deal with. There is no excuse for that. No matter what you did. But let me ask you. Is this the behavior of the man that you want to still be married to? You are thinking about the man that he was before this all started. You need to look at how he is acting now and he needs to better himself just as much as you do.


Divorce Final 2 Jun 04
3 Kids (16SD,15S,13D)

Making it one day at a time.
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Well hey he has told cousin that we are done. He filed for divorce. So I guess that is the answer to my question. Thanks again every1.

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Sorry to hear that. But, you can still work on yourself. Because you never know what can happen. You can still learn a lot from the people that are here and they don't mind helping you.


Divorce Final 2 Jun 04
3 Kids (16SD,15S,13D)

Making it one day at a time.
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