She WAS stalking you and she was trying to use you to get to your husband. If she's your pal, she'll get close to him, too, and will have the perfect doorway into getting to him (you). This is predatory behaviour on her part and it's not unusual. Sick, but not unusual.

I agree with the others. You have got to start fighting for yourself and your marriage or you are going to lose your husband to this lowlife predatory b*tch.

Call her husband today. Any consequences are on the heads of the OW and your WH - NOT yours.
Mulan

I still don't understand why, if the affair ended a year ago when you hired her, they were texting each other back in 01/07?

I'm still smelling a rat.

Did you say the affair ended a year ago? or am I missing something.

You are being asked to work with your RAPIST as if nothing happened. That is emotional ABUSE of the highest form. Adultery is as TRAUMATIC as RAPE, according to PSYCHOLOGISTS, such as Dr. Willard Harley. Going to work every day and facing your rapist is cruel and unusual punishment that prevents you from recovery. You cannot recover as long as you have to face your rapist.


Guess who the REAL JERK is here? Your H and his ho. Your H screwed his wife, dear. So don't tell me the victim is a "jerk." He is their VICTIM. Your H and his ho made your life and his life miserable by commiting adultery. Your H did not care enough about this man's wrath to avoid taking such a risk. If your H and the OW don't care, then why should you? And who knows him better than the OW?

The bottom line is that this man HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW! This is HIS RIGHT. Even jerks and [censored] have a RIGHT TO KNOW the truth about their own lives. To not tell him is to PROTECT the affairees from the consequences of thier actions. You become their PROTECTOR, their ENABLER.

You are the ENABLER of the OW. By not telling her other victim, you leave her free to pursue your H in the future. You are helping her cheat.


You have this backwards. You have to ACT to grow a set of balls, not the other way around. You will become a HERO when you ACT, and not before.

Yes according to both of them it ended a year ago. He claims he was texting her to keep her quiet. "To appease her so she didn't tell me." They had been texting for quite a while before I found the messages. (I actually don't know if the texting stopped after the Affair) I didn't and don't buy it either, but I have to move forward past that. And to further complicate she claims he was trying to start it up again, he claims she was trying to start it up again. Who knows?!?!

This is why you need to explose to her husband. You need his help.

You need this brought to the light of day to save your marriage...and your sanity.

I sense you are being played.

If you understand that the affair is an addiction, then you know it is highly unlikely that it ended just because she started working for you.

I'm sorry. I know you are hurting and we are not saying what you want to hear. But trust me, we have all either been through this or read it a thousand times on this board.

Of course, THAT IS THE POINT. You would be removing yourself from the SOURCE OF THE PROBLEM: the OW. That is the GOAL. Such a move would greatly increase the chances of saving your marriage.

You know what? You only know about a few recent text messages and that is probably only the tip of the ice burg. As long as they are in ANY contact, the affair is ongoing. I think the affair is still on and that the OW is just keeping an eye on you so you won't disrupt their affair. As long as you shut up she can continue to pursue your H and laugh at you behind your back.

Whatever happened that has allowed you to let people treat you so badly? Are you not worth defending? What has happened, WOW?

I still can't believe that the OWH hasn't been informed yet.

What is it about everyone affected by As that causes us to naturally gravitate towards actions that allow the A to comfortably continue and away from actions that could put pressure on it to end? Maybe the "Fog" doesn't affect just the WS and OP? Maybe this is Mother Nature's way of ensuring that her devious plans for propagation of our species are as unhindered as possible, by wiring us to come up with all sorts of "rational" excuses for not doing the very things that will hinder an A from developing or progressing.

IMO both "Wowzers" and her WH should inform the OWH immediately.

They have had no contact since the A was outted. I have full access to his cell and e-mail accounts now. I know that a few texts that I saw were just the tip, but we are healing and trying to move past that. I fully believe there is nothing going on any longer.

And another reason why I haven't told OWH is because our therapist told me that I shouldn't. He knows the whole situation and he said it should be up to her and that it would do us no good.

As for what has happened to me.... this whole damn affair thing! It completely blew me out of the water and made me feel like I can't even trust my instinsts anymore. I have been betrayed sooo badly by the person that I trusted the most I don't know which way is up anymore.

Did you see this therapist during or after his A?



See my note above. I'm beginning to think that Mother Nature's deliberately wired us to be pretty blind to our S' wandering ways... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

[quoteDid you see this therapist during or after his A?



We started seeing a therapist after the affair came out. We've both seen the therapist individually as well as together.

Your therapist is a QUACK who knows absolutely nothing about infidelity. And most don't. This is bad advice that only enables the affair and greatly increases the chances of a resumption. Not to mention that this is information about the OWH own life to which HE HAS A RIGHT A NEED TO KNOW.

He has to know so he can protect himself from your H and his wife. Your C is DEAD WRONG and Dr. Harley, a psychologist who specializes in adultery, would tell him this.

Your C can't possibly rationally defend such dreadful advice and you should not follow it.

To allow the OWH to be around your H, not knowing about the affair is cruel and manipulative, WOW. When someone is harmed behind their back, you have a moral obligation to tell them so they can protect themselves.

If your neighbors bookkeeper was embezzling money from him would you not warn him because "it was the bookkeepers place to tell him?" Wouldn't that LUDICROUS?? Well, it is ludicrous for you not to tell the OWH and no responsible, educated "therapist" would ever advocate such irresponsible, cruel neglect.

By not telling the other victim, you ENABLE the affair and the affairees at your own expense. Go tell the man, WOW!

>I fully believe there is nothing going on any longer.


May I respectfully say here, that I believed that at one time also...2 OCs later I BELIVE I put my trust in the wrong people from the get go.

Look...they both kept stuff from you...are you that CERTAIN that you should TRUST him already???

I mean, you know him...BUT...trust is EARNED...has he REALLY earned your trust back already? Is he REALLY 150% accountable to your for himself and all his actions ALREADY?

Just asking...

Cos honestly, it certainly is early in the healing timeline if he is...

Prodigy WS, that man, if so.

FWW swore in church in front of the altar nothing was going on.

She put it in writing.

She cried real tears, begged me to believe her. Many times.

It was continuing right on along, and it continued smoothly on along for another five years.


You see what you want to see.

WOW, you write this:



Then you write this:



See how you say that you can't even trust yourself? An A will do this to you. I came here last June and I was blown out of the water too, we all were at one point. I had about 10-15 posts under my belt at that time and that is when everyone here told me to expose to the OMW. Took me a few days to get a phone number and the next thing I knew we were having lunch together. Talk it all over and would call each other if we found any more contact. You really need to expose this to OWH. It will help in the short and long run. Hey, maybe OWH will make her find a new job.

Time to kick this b*tch out of the office and off your H for good.

Just wanted to post again and let you all know that OW found another job and left a few days after that. I haven't seen her now for a couple of weeks. It's been great. OWH does now know, and no, I'm a chicken and I was not the one to tell him about it. Things are going pretty well in our M, and we are on our way to recovery. It's still really painful at times, but we'll get through it. Thanks for all your advise and help!