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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 306
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I posted this on the EN board. Maybe it's a better fit for discussion here:

I really should be posting more...I'm sorry that I haven't been. I've still lurked here some and wish that I could help many of you more.

My own situation (for those that remember me from two years ago) improved some, and then improved a lot early this year. Things have gone unbelievably well.

Saturday, it seemed like it all came undone. I felt like she was being overly critical of me, I got defensive and responded with my own criticisms and things got progressively worse. She even said that the reason why I reacted so negatively was because things haven't been as good in the last month than they were earlier, therefore I was quick to snap...and that caught me off guard and I didn't know how to respond to it other than saying she was "reaching a little too far in trying to figure this out."

She is acting like she's over it. We had people at our house all day yesterday, so she had to act nice to me...but she was also fine after that. We watched TV together and shared some conversation and laughs last night.

Mostly, though, I have been very guarded since the fight. I feel like there's a weight on my chest. I'm feeling depressed because I feel, not only back to square one, but maybe further back from that and it's pretty much my fault. I want to fix things; I don't know what to do, what to say, and on some of what she said, don't even know how to make sense of it.


I'm really not comfortable with this.
Joined: Feb 2007
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4everhopeful: Great username, by the way. It shows a willingness to do just about anything to create and maintain a strong bond with your spouse.

I can totally empathize with your situation. A sense of well-being and balance interupted by a broadside of build up frustrations and harsh critisms from your spouse, who failed to effectively commuicate them with you before feelings were hurt. After the fight and the destraction of your company being left in a fog of uncertianty not knowing what the next step is to resolve the problem.

I would suggest a "happy-check" conversation. Tell your spouse that you need to tell her how your felt about the arguement, admit any faults and try your best to correct your errors, but express your 'lost'feeling. Tell her that you want to feel love for and from her even in the midst of a disagreement. Tell her what the best way to communicate her frustrations to you that will catch your attention before and 'Angry Outburst' finds its way to your discussion.

Reinterate that you are a team and that together you can work through any problem by not letting the issue get between you.

Hope that this help. Let me know what you think.

Sincerely,

SandBoxSailor

Joined: May 2003
Posts: 306
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SBS:

Thanks for the reply and the suggestion. I'm just thinking of how to frame it a little differently. Most of this mess was my fault. She's still been fine, I still feel wrecked. We've gotten along fine, I just feel guarded. I'm gun-shy about reapproaching anything that has to do with last Saturday and know that I can be as appologetic as I can be and she can accept that...but it doesn't get things back to were.


I'm really not comfortable with this.
Joined: Feb 2007
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Okay, that's fine.

Does your spouse know about this site or the concepts that Dr. Harley lay out in his books? If not, this might be a good time to introduce your wife to them. It will show your desire to build a better relationship. And once she gets familiar with the concepts maybe the two of you can put them into play.

SandBoxSailor


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