I don't know if you have, but I would suggest telling PWC about this - how you are feeling - the done-ness, what you feel your son is learning from the process, ask for suggestions, give your own.

He can't know if you don't tell him.

• Is there currently an issue in your marriage that you are dissatisfied with but haven't wanted to bring it to your spouse's attention?

A Buyer is emotionally honest with themselves and with their spouse

[color:"green"] No. All of MY issues with the marriage have been voiced. I have told FWH on more than one occasion, with care and concern. [/color]


* Is there a situation in your marriage you are dissatisfied with but are just tolerating?

A Buyer understands that sacrifice leads to resentment

[color:"green"]Yes, the lack of SF and affection. This has been voiced. I have ‘offered’ myself up, and GIVE affection from my end. I do feel that resentment builds. Don’t really know how I can remedy this, beyond letting go of the subject and coming back to it at a later date. [/color]

[color:"green"] Also, I feel that we could benefit a great deal from counseling; this would give him a chance to voice his issues, and give me a chance to make appropriate changes, or POJ A with him. He refuses. [/color]


* When your spouse tells you that they are dissatisfied with something you are doing, do you get defensive?

A Buyer understands that criticism indicates a need for change

[color:"green"] NOPE. I’ve learned a great deal about listening over the last six months. My spouse doesn’t just come out and say it, I actually have to ask him if there is something he is dissatisfied with. I don’t think he likes to be the ‘bad guy’, so he says nothing. [/color]

[color:"green"] Last conversation we had, after being questioned, he did admit to some dissatisfaction with my weight, and I took it to heart. I did cry, but I immediately took the steps to begin correcting the problem, on my end. [/color]


* Do you ever utter the phrases, "If you loved me, you would..." or "What can I do to change his/her mind"?

A Buyer seeks solutions to conflict that are a win for both spouses.

[color:"green"] Again, I no longer do this, due to my changing myself. [/color]


* Do you ever think that maybe you and your spouse are just incompatible?

A Buyer understands that the way to build compatibility is through successful negotiaton.

[color:"green"] NOPE! I think quite the opposite; I know that we have so much to talk about, to laugh about, to enjoy together. This is what bothers me so much—why can’t I just relax and BE this person. I don’t think it’s that easy. I’m more than willing to open the table to negotiation. PWC is reluctant to talk about our issues without me setting the scene. [/color]



* Do you ever go along with something you aren't really enthusiastic about just to end a conflict?

A Buyer believes that marriage is long-term and knows that short-term solutions will not provide long-term marital enjoyment.

[color:"green"] Yes. PWC lets me know about OUTTINGS the night before, sometimes the morning of, sometimes not until he’s off work and heading out. I’m not really enthusiastic about that. I get NO say in it. I feel resentful that my feelings aren’t considered. I then feel like I have no choice, so I say OK. Basically, he’s already told his friends ‘I’ll be there” and I am a SECONDARY contact in the matter, like I just need the information, not the choice. [/color]


* When you negotiate with your spouse, do you tell your spouse that you don't enthusiastically agree and your negotiation ends there?

A Buyer understands that requiring their spouse to sacrifice is dangerous and is to be avoided.

[color:"green"] There hasn’t been much negotiating happening. Not much to negotiate about. We will discuss where we want to have dinner, what movies to watch, what to have for dinner, but that’s about it, so far. [/color]


* When your spouse approaches you for negotiation, are you disrespectful? Do you roll your eyes, make disrespectful comments such as "You're never satisfied with anything"? Do you attempt to invalidate their request?

A Buyer knows that in order to successfully negotiate, the negotiation process must be safe and pleasant for both spouses.

[color:"green"] NOPE. I’ve learned to be respectful. His opinion matters a great deal to me, and I try to listen with an open mind, ready for discussion. [/color]


* Do you ask your spouse to do things you know they don't truly want to do for you in order to prove their love?

A Buyer knows that love is not measured by sacrifice.

[color:"green"] NOPE. Not that I’m aware of. I know that PWC was resentful of having to call me and let me know where he was. He was resentful of giving me his accounts and passwords. I don’t think that was much to ask of him. I never asked him to PROVE his love, just his trustworthiness. [/color]

* Do you feel as though you have given and given in your marriage and if only your selfish spouse would give a little, you might have a happy marriage?

A Buyer knows how to balance both their Giver and Taker. A Buyer takes responsibility for their own satisfaction and doesn't blame their spouse for their dissatisfaction.

[color:"green"] I certainly DID at one point, up until recently, I suppose. Now, it’s not about him not giving, it’s about not having my most important EN’s met. He’s meeting other needs, which makes deposits, but the biggest deposits would be met in ways that he is aware that I need, but can’t or won’t bring himself to do often, if at all. [/color]