Update...
I still am getting nowhere with the phone and still only getting answering machine. Will keep trying again.

I do have another question and didn't know if I should post a new thread if I have a new question. Let me know if that should be the case.

Has anyone ever filled out the emotional needs questionnaire and then spent time going over them with each other? Also the love busters one? There are others available on the website, so I was looking for thoughts and opinions.
Thanks as always.

gsh, yes, it is a great idea to fill out those questionaires and share your ressponses!

Hello again, An update; things have been going along ok.

I have to say that I appreciate all the words of wisdom given by Melody and Ace, as well as Pepperband. If I have not mentioned your name please know that I appreciate All of you. Thank you so much.

I have a few more questions or concerns that I need to post on now. I can't seem to get the OW out of my head. Has anyone ever contacted her by letter or email to express their feelings of what she did to their H as well as with my H? Or is that stirring up the pot and the NC would become possible Contact.

Her husband says they have an 'open' marriage, so I don't know that he cares too much about what transpired. That was a shot in the foot, so to speak to me when I heard that.

My H and I are moving along. We filled out the emotional needs questionnaires for each other and had really good good communication with all of that information. There was alot more negativity on his part than on mine -- irritations so to speak, but they do seem workable. We both seem to want to make things work.

I am wondering if we will be able to do this on our own or should see professional assistance. Advise would be appreciate on that also.

Thank you again and I hope to hear thoughts on both items.

This is probably a lie to divert you away, but if true means that the OWH won't CARE if you call him up and tell him about the affair. It wouldn't matter, right?

Your H is likely telling you this to keep you from exposing to the OWH because that will SHUT THE DOOR for any future contacts. Most likely, he wants to keep that door open just in case your marriage doesn't work and he can resume the affair. Contacting hte OWH usually effectively shuts that door. This is why contacting the OWH is so critical!



This is very good. It might be well worth it to have a few sessions with Steve Harley. He can assess your situation and give you a PLAN. This is not long term frequent counselng, but pro-active coaching where you are directed and placed on the correct path. Very much worth the money!

You are doing great, gsh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Has anyone ever contacted her by letter or email to express their feelings of what she did to their H as well as with my H? Or is that stirring up the pot and the NC would become possible Contact.

Melody Lane -- was wondering your thoughts on above....

also for clarification -- that is what the OWH said to me -- that they have an open marriage.

You DID actually contact the OWH?

As far as telling the OW your feelings, rest assured she does not CARE about your feelings or she wouldn't have had an affair with your H. Your feelings are too sacred to share with the likes of her. ugh!

Answer: OWH, well we don't and won't so tell your wh*re wife to stick to wh*oring around with single men.

Yes I finally did contact OWH (it took awhile) and that was the comment after I said what I said...

Mel gave you the exactly right answer. Do not contact her. The relationship you have with your H is too sacred to share with the other woman. I know it's hard, you want to take back some control over what happened.

You can only recover your marriage by working with your H. No contact really means no contact. Don't expose yourself to her and her profanity. It won't do any good, and could do harm to you. Protect yourself and your Marriage by staying away from her.
Lake

gsh,

I know how hard it is to NOT let the OW control you. I let her for months, even tried to be her friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

When I feel like telling her off, what is working for me is to journal 'pretend' letters to her and not mail them. It's just venting, but it is helping me.

If you want, email them to me.....I understand what you're feeling. But like all have said, she is not worth it to re-establish any contact with her.

Otherwise, how are things going?

Ace

Ace,
Thanks for checking on me. Things have been OK. Re: OW, she lives in another state, so I don't even know her, I just wanted to vent a mean spirited note and tell her how sleezy I thought she was to have entered into a relationship with married man, but upon further questioning to my H, she appears to be a (don't know what word I want to use)but open marriage type of woman...

I am still having moments of "can't believe this happened" and "will I ever forgive and forget"...I am thinking the forgiving will happen, but will you ever really forget?

We did the EM needs questionnaire together this past weekend which I mentioned above and need to really implement those needs on a consistent basis. We need to relearn what we like about each other and do those things and learn again to feel good to one another. I also am seeing that we need to spend time together and not talk about all this, but that is hard still for me. I have questions, questions and more questions, but don't want to make that our only form of conversation.

Thank you again for thinking of me...how are you doing...I so appreciate all your words that you send my way.

PS How do I change the title of my topic? Can I or do I need to start a new one.

Hi gsh,

Glad you're making progress. Yes, things do get better with time and effort. I'm only 5 months from D-Day #4 so I speak gingerly, but I'm working on Chapter 6 and 7 of my MR. ROMANCE saga so you'll see how much progress we SEEM to have made. Our "this-time-last-year" triggers are still a challenge.

There might be another way, but to change titles, I click on the very first post.

Then click on 'edit'.

Then put your cursor in the title box and delete or add.

It's up to you whether or not you change your title or start a new thread.

You got such good input on how to confront and why to expose, it might be good to keep the same thread with the original idea in your title but add a semi-colon or colon and change the second part as things change.

Until I get my saga posted, I'm only checking your thread and a few others, but I may get behind. Please don't think I've forgotten you if you don't hear from me but you can email me if you want.

Thanks,
**edit**

Bumping for Brighterfuture at the request of Ace Bucket...

Yes, I do her bidding...

MAZ

Maz, you're so funny......this was the best recent thread on when, where, why and HOW to expose.....well, that I saw anyhow. Some of us can't post from work.....well I could, but I like my job and don't want to lose it so I CHOOSE to not give the IT police any reason to bust me. Anyhow, thanks.

GSH, how's it going? I've been wondering about you and Broken in Cali, and onethousandwords.

What's happening?

Ace

Ace,
Things are moving along nicely. I can't complain. I have a few 'off' times where my mind starts thinking about it all too to much. I just wonder if you ever forget... we are taking a mini break next week and I am going with him on work travel and we are staying through the weekend. I have never done that before.

How are you doing? I understand about posting from work...would not be a good thing if IT police started monitoring.

Glad to hear about your progress, gsh. BrighterFuture is experiencing similar agony as you did, but now her pain is complicated by her dog being killed by a car just as she decided to expose to OWH last night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" /> If you haven't, it would be great if you could encourage her.

My H and I are approaching a major milestone on May 10th. Our first D-day was on June 30, ('06) but the ensuing 3 D-Days were on July 10, August 10, and Nov. 10. I'm working on Chapters 6 and 7 of MY MR. ROMANCE Saga and will post after we make it past May 10th without another D-Day.

Thanks for asking and for checking in with an update on this excellent thread Maz bumped for me.

Ace