Pep,
Read most of this yesterday, but could not respond. Envision someone with hands above the key board twitching uncontrollably trying to not type... Dr. Strangelove comes to mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I realize you have your answer but this thread has been very interesting to me. You originally stated
If ~~~sometimes~~~ the BS who cannot get his/her feet out of the quicksand no matter HOW MUCH GOOD ADVICE is given to him/her .... actually might be conflict-avoiding the outcome they secretly desire ???
They are really NOT wanting the broken marriage to survive.
Their main goal is to position his/her self as the victim/innocent ~after~ the divorce.
They do not want to take any action that could be construed as ~~~> THIS BS did THIS and THIS made the marriage end....
Perhaps they would have loved to end the marriage ~before~ discovery of the affair ... and now they are passivly allowing the marriage to unravel.
No intervention is their plan.
Sometimes I just wonder.... yanno?
Actually, I have not wondered that, I know that the scenario you paint does happen and even here although one would think that someone avoiding with malice of forethought wouldn't be here.
I also understand this is about your evaluation of yourself.
Pep it seems to me that of all of the people on this site you are one of the most if not THE most concise, observant, dead on posters here. Your BS (not betrayed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ) detector is really really well tuned.
What I wanted to add that there is also another class of BS here, also a minority, but here nevertheless, that shall we say "Don't take instruction well." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> In short, one can see why there are problems in their marriage because although they appear to listen, nothing seems to stick. It is the implicit dismissal of ALL advice, that probably got the marriage in the mess it is and it is this implicit dismissal of all suggestions, that will lead to no progress.
In Gimble's parlance, there is no feedback loop between what they hear, what they think, and what they feel. The only thing that has kept me from running screaming into the woods <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> is a phrase I have used for virtually ALL of my adult life.
No one runs their life like I would run it for them.
I think your own detector is actually very good at determining who you can help and who you cannot.
Just ramblings, this has been a very interesting thread. I am glad you got your answer.
God Bless,
JL