I'm just posting the best way I know how..without any ulterior motive..I can only be myself...

Maybe I'm wrong..but I feel like you are attacking ME and who I am...or how I post...

I'm not sure what it is and don't much care...

In regards to you, since you feel entitled to speak about ME, I feel that you are being OVERLY PROTECTIVE of SIS in a way that is not HELPFUL to her...

And that you are trying to get me to back off from encouraging her to take a look at herself...

It's almost working...

MEDC

the more you agree with making sis's MIL The Wrong ... you encourage The Right

Sis's WH certainly had an integrity flaw. No one argues that.

It is out of her locus of control to change her MIL's mind with logical arguements ...

Sis should not be encouraged to apply direct pressure to her MIL ... but to BEHAVE in ways that cannot be construed as manipulative/cruel/wacky

especially since the jail episode

LOCUS OF CONTROL

I told Lilsis to be cordial and nothing more to MIL at this point. No pressure. That doesn't change that her MIL is wrong. There is no, THE Wrong or THE Right... it all depends on the facts and the situation.

I think the message that you are giving Lilsis is fine...VERY helpful Pep...I just don't quite view IL's and the situation quite the same as you. I did call her on her need to control things as we both agree about that.

I fail to see how the jail episode has any bearing here. IMHO, Lilsis acted with restraint in that episode.

Anyway, I am off to enjoy my day. The sun is out and it will be the last day of that for a while.

Bye. Have a nice day.

So ignoring ME.. wonderful ME, ME, ME...fine...

Can't say that I didn't TRY to have a conversation with you.


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

MIMI:

About this:

Can't say that I didn't TRY to have a conversation with you.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Mimi!

Hiya...how are ya? I am here to say I totally support and applaud your choice to call out and make a thread to address your concerns.

Way to go.

What I saw was reasonable and assertive. I caught something, as you know I do...and wanted to explore it a bit...

"I'm not sure what it is and don't much care..."

You shared your perception and your half...then you threw it away...and I wondered, why? You do care. This was important to you to listen and know MEDC's stuff. Why say you don't much care?

Does that feel like protection to you? Or are you saying something else entirely? I wanna be clear...you know I believe that when you share, I learn. Mutuality.

((((GREAT TO SEE YOU!))))

LA

Sharing one's own experience, strength and hope is never wrong.

Yikes...LA, you caught me..you are GOOD!!!



I did find myself wincing when I typed this.

It was my way of saying OUT LOUD that I felt that MEDC might not deal with me or engage with me in a discussion about this and I was CORRECT.

I told myself NOT TO CARE about HIM and HIS THOUGHTS because I know that I can only control myself and not what he chooses to share with me about the reason for his response to me.

I don't think it's worth it or it matters to share with him, a stranger on this board, how much such a statement HURTS MY FEELINGS and it did. It's FOR ME to work that out. It's FOR ME to grow from such experiences and not TO RUN AWAY or to BLOW UP as I would have done in the past...the old FIGHT OR FLIGHT. Most importantly on HERE, I had to STATE MY TRUTH.

I did not want his lack of response to keep me from speaking to how it is not OK with me for him to expect me to post the way HE wants me too.

I will continue to SPEAK MY OWN TRUTH to Sis and others for as long as I want to do that and I will post on here the way I choose to post and not in the VET MODE..whatever that is...

MEDC touched Mimi's lemmonman buttons

Mimi used to get all pizza'ed off and get off balance when engaged in such a conversation

You have really grown in this area Mimi ... able to hold on to yourself in the heat of battle

good practice for marriage building at home

always pay attention to how posters go to war on the board ... it can be a window to their at home issues

Pep <~~~ with issues

Golfer.... holding Mimi's feet to the fire for her "TRY" remark is GOOD for Mimi.... However, I think Mimi was being funny <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> in her own way !

Pep <~~~ funnier than Mimi & Golfer put together

bwhahahaa **snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> dat be true. But you ain't more funny than me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Mimi --

There have been a few situations like this that make me a little uncomfortable.

I find it a little inappropriate when male posters "take over" a thread with a subtle "listen to me and nobody else" messages to vulnerable female BS's.

Mimi,

"I did find myself wincing when I typed this."

Wincing is a signal...not right or wrong...just a signal...I get it when I make a bold statement, and then want to backspace over it--I wince when I think "they won't like that" or "I'll be seen as" thoughts. I also get it when I DJ in other ways in my head...and when I am more in my inner child than my adult self.

I don't always pay attention to it, either.

"It was my way of saying OUT LOUD that I felt that MEDC might not deal with me or engage with me in a discussion about this and I was CORRECT."

Could the wince have come from the presumption? Or when you aren't stating your truth as truly yours...highest honesty? If you felt hurt, discounted, dismissed and attacked, would stating what you felt make you more vulnerable...or more truthful?

"I told myself NOT TO CARE about HIM and HIS THOUGHTS because I know that I can only control myself and not what he chooses to share with me about the reason for his response to me."

You did the "don't feel this way, don't think this way" routine? I know that one really well. Lived it. That was me discounting, dimissing and trying to change MY stuff. Same pain signal comes up as if others were...why? 'Cuz I'm doing the same thing.

"I don't think it's worth it or it matters to share with him, a stranger on this board, how much such a statement HURTS MY FEELINGS and it did."

Which belief do you live from--I share who I really am with other humans...or I share who I really am with only those humans I feel safe with...or I share who I really am because that is in my code?

For it's worth...how do you determine worth? Worth it to you to say, "Ouch...here's what I perceived"? Or do you define the worth of sharing who you are by the response (including lack of response)? Do you believe everything matters...or some things do and some things don't and discerning which is which every moment is a whole lotta work?

"with only thos It's FOR ME to work that out. It's FOR ME to grow from such experiences and not TO RUN AWAY or to BLOW UP as I would have done in the past...the old FIGHT OR FLIGHT. Most importantly on HERE, I had to STATE MY TRUTH."

This is my truth as well...from my perception, like Pep said, you have grown leaps and bounds in not allowing others to determine your actions...and they were when you ran away, when you attacked...and that was you giving them the power to make you. I believe you stating your truth is importantly everywhere. The huge fear in fight or flight includes emotional death...if I share what I feel, what I think, when I hurt...then I'll die...be a target...and we don't. Each time you share "my feelings hurt" and say how and what we're thinking, then we are no longer in flight or fight...and our brain doesn't rule our moment. Nor do others.

Which is why I applauded you because your post helped me...got me back to that. My feelings will not kill, maim or make me weak for attack...my feelings just are...and identifying them, tracing them to my beliefs is the journey...and sharing that journey is our journey.

"I did not want his lack of response to keep me from speaking to how it is not OK with me for him to expect me to post the way HE wants me too."

So your "not much care" was in part from preparation for his lack of response, from your presumption? That little element of future thinking crept in, as well?

"I will continue to SPEAK MY OWN TRUTH to Sis and others for as long as I want to do that and I will post on here the way I choose to post and not in the VET MODE..whatever that is..."

Because that's who you really are and you're brave to share? In your code...which doesn't negate saying Ouch on another thread...exploring what feels attacking...through discounting or dismissing? I am benefitted when you hold to your code, Mimi. I believe all humans are...ripples. You know that.

Now to the assumption MEDC is ignoring you...reasonable to think he may have you on ignore now...not reasonable for you to choose to believe this when you don't know...not knowing and being okay with not knowing may be what God's bringing to you right now...and this thread may not have been intended for you and him..."What you intended for harm, God intended for good." Okay, so I mess up that biblical quote a lot.

MEDC has no domain inside you and you know that. He has no domain to define, state his truth as the truth. He has full domain over his opinions...and that is what they are. That's really what all of our stuff is...ours. And all I am saying to you, I too, remind myself of...to see God's message in it for me...which is why you sharing who you are is vital...and you are not ignored...you can't be. You ripple.

You may know you do. What I'm saying here is thank you, for rippling...not based on outcome...your action ripples, anyway.

LA

Pep:

My point wasn't the hold Mimi's feet to no fire.

But her attempt to engage MEDC.

WHY would she want to do that?

But LA threw Mimi into the fire...

And Lexxy:

This was very perceptive of you.



I read LilSis thread every day. And there is much I would like to add, but she is in a area that I have no personal experience with, so I stay quiet. OK, quieter! Cuz I have posted, but not nearly as often as I have started a response and never posted it...

LG

And Pep: Mimi and LG together? No barrel of monkeys there! Maybe we could both do a little soft shoe, however... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

LG:

I cracked up when I read this...

I've been in the mood for dancing lately..but I haven't actualized this YET..EXCEPT in my car..I keep the MUSIC BOOMING in there...and let loose at stop lights...DIVA SHADES ON, OF COURSE!!!

"Soft shoe" is not what I've had in mind...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LG,

"But LA threw Mimi into the fire..."

?

LA

BTW, LA:

I certainly will be responding to ya when I have more time...

Love ya...

LA:

Your longer post exploring Mimi and her reactions came in while I was posting. Your earlier post noted the "Don't care" line, which you wanted to explore, and that is where my line "into the fire" came from. You picked up on something and went with it, And for that I wanted to thank you.

No offense was intended.

LG

Mimi:

About the soft shoe....

Imagine LG Square Dancing!!!

Cuz that what Mrs LG and I do do!

Cool Shades don't work there however....

LG,

Thank you for clarifying. I imagined me picking up da Goddess and throwing her into the fire...I was confused.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Now, maybe holding a magnifying glass over her chic hairdo...

And I got your answer to Pep as "Me? Look at LA! She did it!" All mine.

LA