Does anyone know why the books don't really talk about affairs with prostitues? My husbands affair was over two years of visiting a massage palor to get oral sex several times untill he gave me an STD and was caught. I have read that this is about unemotional sex or anger. Does anyone know if it is different? Could it be the begining of a sexual addiction? I keep reading in the books how it starts with an attraction to some else but I can't relate my husban just pulls off the freeway to get a quicky WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

i would say that it some form of a sex addiction.

...

Masturbation is perfectly normal IMO and I don’t view or classify it as immoral or “addictive” behavior unless it becomes obsessive/compulsive and is done in such a way that it interferes negatively with a person’s daily normal live and relationships...and/or cause emotional/physical damage to the person who’s doing it.

Dear shesha..

The human brain and mankind himself is programmed to survive....

we know this because people throughout history and present day atrocities survive horrific horrific circumstances....

our brains have unending capacity to rationalize and deny...

this is partly why people are able to commit horrific acts even on to those they love...and seperate in their minds the actions from its consequences...

sex feels good
sex feels great.....

consider the ability of the brain to rationalize the acts of sexual encounters with prostitutes even easier to rationalize and minimize the impact on those they love...

the junky brain will say...

it was only a sexual act
there was no emotional attachment..
it was and is seperate from the FEELINGS of love for a spouse and family...

those actions of rationalization feed upon itself...
roaring through the junkie mind to justify...

this won't hurt my spouse because it is emotionless...

where is your husband in this process of recovery...
what responsibility does he take

ARK

whew... at least I won't get arrested! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have not found one piece of information to support the maturbation concept. Everything i have found includes the words excessive (3-4 times per day).

I would like to read where the info came from that you included in your stages. Do you have a source Askme?

I have read other posts by Askme and i am pretty sure he meant excessive masturbation......particularly when it becomes a ritual to soothe emotional voids or insecurities.

We were going threw a really hard time in our life our 20 year old became a drug addict and was in and out of jail and we didn't agree on they way to handle it and he says that he felt I was doing things I wanted without his agreement and he felt emasculated and and unwanted and turned to this the first time than it became easy to go back when he was mad. He claim he did it 3 times in a 2 year period. The problem I am haveing is my husband has a very high position in a large coporation and has a very large ego so I try to see him just pulling off the side of the road and walking into a run down massage parlor. I made him show me on a map where this place was so I could go see it and I did it was gross. He says he dosen't feel he has a problem in that there is some compulsion to go back. But I told him that means every time he went he could have not gone but he chose to risk everything and that makes no sence to me. He has taken complete responsabilty in that it was his choice and is all his fault for not handling his emitions correctly. He has agreed to go to thearpy to figure out where the break down was that led him to chose such a thing. The big problem I am having is that the only reason this came out is because he gave me and STD so I have to wonder how much is true and I don't want to be at risk for another. Even after he new I had one and he had to tell me he lied he got two pills from his doctor and wrote me a letter saying we had some sort of bacteria and needed to take these that he was not having an affair and he did not know where we got. I was scared so I took the pills but saved the wraper and looked it up online and found out it is only givien out for STD. I than asked him and he told me some story about bieng drunk in Mexico and was with a prostitue but in a huge fight it came out that was a lie too and he had really been going to this place by our town. So I left with no trust and very scared about what is going on. If this a sex addiction how at risk am I if he is remourseful and going to therapy. He crys and says he is so ashamed and can't belive he has done this to me. He claims he had already stoped for a year and had recommitted to this realtionship than the signs of the STD came up and he started avoiding me. Thsi part is true because I told him he needed to think about if he wanted to be in this relationship and let me know because the marriage wasn't good for me any more. I told him I wanted some one who would come home and not go to bed at 8:00 pm just to avoid being with me. I am lost I have orderd lots of books but they don't talk about this kind of affair I don't know if it is an "affair" or if I should call it adultry. I just keep seeing it in my mind him walking in this place and trying to image what he was thinking. He says he can't really tell me he says it was just like he wanted a physcal release. Thank you for responing it means a lot to me just hear that someone knows something about this. If you know of any publications I would love to read them.

how did YOU get an STD if he only went to massage parlor a couple of times for oral sex?

maybe i missed something.

Apparently it is a common misconception that you can not get STDs from oral sex (that is what he says he thought) but you can. Clamida, Gonerea etc. In rare cases if the Partner giving oral sex has cuts or sores in thier mouth you can get HIV. I had to have many test. You can check online to confirm.

HPV can also be transmitted through oral sex.

As far as publications on sex addiction, you can look for books written by Patrick Carnes, such as Out of the Shadows. Another good author is Rusell Willingham who wrote Breaking Free. You can also look at a couple of websites such as www.sexhelp.com www.recoverynation.com www.bethesdaworkshops.com www.faithfulandtrue.com