I cheated on my wife over a year ago when she was pregnant with our second child. I told her about the affair because it made me feel bad. Its been a year now and i am still trying to let her know that i love her and i will never do anything to disrespect our marriage again. Its hard for her these days because she really doesnt love me the same after the affair. I just want to know is it possible for her to love me again?

It's very possible for your wife to love you again. What have you been doing to get her to that point? You hurt her deeply and you have to let her know you cherish her. Court her like you courted the OW. If you had done those things in the first place you would not have the problem you are having now. You can not turn to someone else to solve a problem you are having with your W the only one that can fix the problems you have together are you and her. You have to make yourself transparent in every way. Do the things you did to get her to fall in love with you in the first place.

I have to say I was on my way to my own A and coming here these wise and helpful folks help me see how I was contributing to the problems we were having. I thought I was being a good wife when I wasn't meeting my H's EN. I was doing things for him that I would like him to do for me and vice versa. Now we both realize just because the things that make the other happy is not as important to us we still have to do them because they are important to the one we love.

I hope this helps

Read the links to the right of the page...look at the basic concepts, love busters, and emotional needs sections specifically.

Then pull down the emotional needs questionnaire, see if you're wife would be willing to take it with you. If so, both of you take it, and look at ways to use it to improve your ability to fill your wife's love bank. If not, then fill it out with what you think are her emotional needs...then use it to start finding ways to fill those needs better.

A couple of good reads that might help you...

"The Five Languages of Love"
"His Needs, Her Needs"
"20 (Surprisingly Simple!) Rules and Tools for a Great Marriage"

I'm glad that i found this site, it sames that people are very supportive and give good advice. I having been doing everything possible to gain my w trust back. We have been to counseling and have talked alot. I am doing everything that she asked me to do and more. My main issue is sometimes when it seems like things are going o.k. she has flashbacks and start thinking about the affair in her head. This immediately puts her in a nasty mood. I try to be understanding and just let her have her space when this happens. I just wonder sometimes if there is more that i can do.

I am going to read the questionaire and check out some of the books recommended. I just want my wife to give us a chance again.

Tm31 I would suggest when she gets nasty you hold her and tell her you are so sorry you have caused her so much pain. Then ask for her forgivness. Also it has been said that it takes 2 years to rebuild your M after an A. So you still have a year to work and grow and be a better person. What were you failing to do in your M that caused you to turn to someone else? What was it you wanted from her that you were not getting?

When did you tell her about the affair? Have you ended all contact [I mean ALL] with the OW?

The affair started in nov 05 to may 06.I told her in may 06 and i stopped all contact at that time. I mean all contact. I even changed phone numbers.

I really love my wife and im sorry i put our family in this situation.

Torrmar, I suspect the worst is over now and it will start getting better from here on out. My first year was really bad, with the climax around 8-9 months.

After that first year, things just got better and better. She is probably reaching that point. Will she come here and talk to us about her triggers?

p.s. it sounds like you have handled this very well, Torrmar, and I applaud you for stepping up to the plate like a man. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />