I really have stopped putting any time on anything. I've released myself. I will D when/if I'm ready. I will never be done with this man, but I can move on to a FULLY happy existence without him. He is the father of my son, so I will be in contact with him for quite some time.

I don't know what will happen. My WH doesn't seem to be as happy as all get out about his current sitch, but he could always choose to dump this girlie and move on to someone else. I just hope he doesn't turn to any other substances to 'help' him feel better. I have no control over this.

I'm pretty choked up right now, as my concern for eav is in the forefront of my mind. Today is her Double Dday, for it is the day that the infidelity turns to D. Many have already dealt with this, but she has held strong for so long in Plan B, dark, silent, hoping, and I know, tonight, is the hardest day for her.

Maybe this will be her low point in the valley on the way up that beautiful mountain.

Sis, I dread the remarriage of my WH to anyone. Just dread it, as he said he would definitely remarry (that one hurt, and it stuck with me, I can even remember the innocent look on his face when he said it). What would probably hurt me and my son the most is if he chose to remarry and have another family.

Silent,

That is my #1 fear, WH remarrying OW or any one else. OW is 17 yrs. younger, no kids, so she might want them. WH told me he didn't want anymore kids with me, he's in his 40's now, but who knows? He might do that to keep her.

That would pretty much destroy me.

Yeah, I don't look forward to that, but I will deal with it, if the time comes. I still hope it doesn't. This is almost the last place that I have that allows me this hope. Most people are aghast that I would even consider taking him back. Sometimes, I gotta tell ya, I am too!

People have asked (as they tend to do) about the boys...how are they doing with all of this?

It's like an ice cold knot in my gut.

RT's kids were friends with my kids. If WH were to marry RT, her kids would become the replacement kids.

It's one thing to throw me over for my "friend" RT, but to throw over his OWN CHILDREN for "their friends," her children...it's unconscienable; breathtaking in its sheer cruelty and thoughtlessness.

Honestly...this would be unforgiveable offense.

Remarriage in this case would be not just having "another" family...it would be totally substituting another family for his own...one that he test drove for two years before trading in the old model...or even before he put the old model up for sale. Side by side, we did things as families. Her kids over here for sleep-over, our kids over there...in the comparison, one family came up lacking...and it was his own. (I KNOW this isn't true, but the emotional response)

From the perspective of the boys...what are they to think? I imagine they'd be feeling much the same things that I have felt...except they have no context, no adult understanding, no way to filter it or intellectualize it. They just know that dad left our family for another one that he decided he liked better. So they must be not worth much. They must be replaceable, not special or significant, cheap, not uniquely and deeply loved.

I hope I'm just projecting...because those have been the feelings that I have had. But remarriage will bring all of that right home on the boys...

Hey Lil'Sis...and friends <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


('K, I know this quote is old...just catching up know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />!!!!).

You guys...and believe me, I do not say this lightly....cuz I know that Plan B sucks, BIG TIME....but, enjoy it while you can....cuz, believe it or not ~ recovery sucks even more. It ain't no walk in the park, trust me. I was feeling pretty good during Plan B. This recovery thing bites the BIG ONE.

Now, I know, I know...it'll be worth it in the end...but, Plan B gave me the time to remember who I am, who I want to be, and what I gave up and tolerated.... which all played a big part in leading up to the affair. It was time that I needed, and maybe I needed more time, I don't know....but like Lil'Sis said, God's timing is perfect, so maybe not.

I don't have tons of advice, because, well...I am not perfect. I made lots of mistakes, because I am an imperfect human being, as is FWH, as is...well, we all are. But I'm doing the best I can, and even though I screw up every single day, I am still trying. That is all you can do.

Keep on keepin' on, you guys...and pray, pray, pray. What else can we do?!?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Great thread, CJ. Very illuminating. I'll be marking this as one of my favorites.

Bumping this great thread for all the Plan B'ers.

Good Job Saralynn...it helped a great deal of us at that time...CJ is awesome...I hope that the MOM B will find the time to come back and post...

I wish you well...
Rin

CJ

OMG!! Too delightful--you brought needed laughter to my heart with your story. I am 5 months in a REALLY DARK Plan B, and WH has been pretty persitent in trying to get me to communicate with him by sending emails and letters while he continues to muddle through Affairland with OW in the LoveNest.

The latest attempt...he got me gift subscription to cooking magazine we used to share before he moved in with OW. We used to have fun looking at the receipes and deciding what new dish to try -- October thru December were our favorites months b/c the issues were really good!!

Now I don't see many WSs on MB who get their BSs gifts -- so if anyone has some insight as to WTH is going on I'm all ears. All I can say is I swear I'm getting more attention in Plan B than I got during the M. LOL!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Hang tough killer Bs. Gifts or no, I'm staying dark.

Smartiepants

Smartiepants,

Good for you!! Sounds like your Plan B is working. I bet he breaks soon. Keep us posted.

Wish I knew what was going on in Affairland with my WH. My sitch is a little different - 34 yr marriage, grown child, I support myself, D and available OW. My only hope is that OW's financial sitch and demands to M will bring the A down.

ChaiLover,

Thanks for the encouragement! I'm only halfway through the mandatory separation period for N. Carolina, so I'll be in a holding pattern in terms of my M for awhile longer yet.

Don't know if WH will ever come out of the fog, but I'm in this now to recover ME! And that is a worthy outcome in and of itself.

And I agree with you--I think a shaky financail situation always helps end the A. Can't live out the fantasy without some cash flow! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Smartie

Smartie,

Yes, I can see how my personal recovery is starting to shape up. Never thought that I would get here to be honest. I remember those bottomless days where I was sure that my life was over etc. but wow, how far I've come. I'm starting to look forward to the little things again.

N. Carolina? Isn't that one of those states that has the alienation of affection law?

Bump for Tarnsy, who seems to have given up on MB. Her WH has been living with OW for more than a year and still comes by and has dinner with her and the kids.

Many of us tried to convince her to go to plan B but she never did and now she doesn't seem to be posting anymore.

Hope she is OK.

Who

Chai

It sure is -- and both OWH and I have filed alienation of affection lawsuits against our wayward spouses' affair partners.

Found out today that OW's lawyer who is handling her divorce from BH will not even represent her against me in the AofA lawsuit - told her to get another attorney. Now OW is in a pickle because she can't afford another lawyer!!

Oh life is good some days....

Oh Smartie I love it!! What does your WH think of being in this suit by OWH??

Wonder what is going on in Affairland with two AofA suits? Bet that puts a little damper on the lovenest mattress chatter... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

This,,,



Is the BEST thing I've read all day!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi All,

I haven't posted in a while for 2 reasons. 1 it didn't seem like I was getting anywhere and was just dragging up the day to day stuff and 2 I printed off a thread I created for my WW in the hope she would understand she could come home even if she didn't want to.

Anyway reading this post gives me mixed feelings. On one hand I see people recovering and getting through plan B, but on the other hand I seem to think now that my WW's A will not end and I'll be one of those 3%ers.

I am waiting to move to Plan B, but this will only happen with the sale of our house. This is now being agreed and WW will take a 56% stake to my 44% stake. This has been agreed for a number of reasons. My WW could take me to court for unreasonable behaviour (although she doesn't have any) and the courts are likely to side with her as she is the main carer and secondly I don't want this to go to court for my children's sake. My solicitor has said the maximum I could get from going to court is 50% but once court costs are taken I will get less than what I will get by accepting 44%. This isn't about money, its about avoiding the big D at all costs. My WW offered me more but I needed to D her, which I couldn't agree to. This way I get to go to plan B for my own recovery.

I have tried to plan A as best I can but its difficult when my WW doesn't live here anymore and won't speak to me. OM lives with his parents and I know that when the house is sold they will live together. Here comes the next problem.

When they move in together what will this mean to my boys. If they get to know him and resent him then its possible the A could end. If she keeps them out of the way from OM then they don't live as a family and the A continues as he loses nothing. My boys have seen him twice in 9 months, but that's my fault apparently, which I don't really care as my attitude is the less they see the less the impact on them.

As OM has nothing to loses and because of the reluctance from my WW to speak to Steve H or any other MC and her sheer determination something telss me I'll be in plan B for a long time.

When I spoke to my WW the other day she said she didn't want to come home if she would just be miserable. So I said I don't want you home unless you are willing to work at things. She said she that whether we got the big D or not that if she felt she needed to come back she would. All this just before the house goes on the market.

What on earth does that tell me?

Will this ever end and am I some sort of muppet

Chai and Bugsmom

Both WH and OW are shaking in their little wayward boots!! Since they are poor as little church mice, they now to have to choose -- do I fight the spouses to screw them out of homes and retirement funds or do I fight the AofA lawsuits against the BSs? Hmmmm....

What's that you say--divorce attorneys don't work for free? But that cuts into our fantasyland money!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

LMAO!!!

Have a great weekend ladies.

Smartie

H&F:

Do you have another thread somewhere along the line? I think your post is getting lost in this one. Maybe drag out your old one and post again where others can find it.

I wish I could help you, but I'm in the same sitch as you. My WH won't end his A. We sold our house and I went into Plan B at the same time. I guess he went to live with OW, I bought a condo and moved into it. My WH got very, very hostile at the end. I broke up the little arrangement of him having both. They hate when you do that. The one thing that I can tell you is that Plan B will be good for you and your recovery.


Smartie,

Keep us posted. I always wondered if anyone ever really won in those AofA suits.

Just wanted to ask................what happens if the OW doesn't have children and the WS children are pretty much grown up???

I believe that what you wrote fits the situation when both OP have small children or children that are still living at home and I agree completly with what you wrote but what happens when this is not the situation and the BS goes dark and into Plan B. What happens then???

I'm just interested...............and I'm not disagreeing..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

What happens when the OP and WS have no distractions in their life and can give each other undivided time, including sharing hobbys and when OP has money of their own?
bb