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Thanks Jilly! There's been a few times I was tempted to post to those threads, but couldn't because we were traveling... sort of an imposed cooling off period, probably saved me some embarrassment. Mine was the last post on at least one locked thread... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I don't like threads to "disappear"; that's worse than locking them. To me, it's crazy-making... did I just imagine a post? Am I remembering wrong? Even a deleted post at least lets me know I didn't just imagine it's existence. *sigh* I think your post to MLS was very thoughtful and helpful. I sincerely think you are a valuable contributor. I would be surprised and upset if your posting here on EN turned controversial... although I know you (or Zog?) have been followed here before. Maybe they've got enough to keep them busy right now. The New Year's eve issue... I tried some H&O on the car trip back a couple days ago. It was while we were having a pretty good, pleasant conversation, and I tried to say it just expressing my feelings with no DJs. He still got mad and said he didn't want to talk about it. I asked if he'd be willing to talk about it later, and I think he said no or I don't know. I respected his request. I guess time will tell whether my driving drive-by H&O did some good. One of my New Year's resolutions is to totally eliminate LBs, and to work on providing more SF and DM. I know, I didn't have to wait for New Year's to start that! And I didn't, I just use the New Year to re-commit to that, with renewed enthusiasm. Except for that, we are getting along well right now. I'm really unhappy with my job, it's too stressful and too time-consuming, so that I'm missing out on too much of the family time, and too scary for me providing the sole income for this household. I am feeling sooooooo extremely depressed right now. Seriously. If I didn't have kids, it might be dangerous. H is saying he supports us finding a place where we both can get a job and be happy. That is huge deposits into my "love bucket". I hope it happens before the next millenium.
me - 47  H - 39  married 2001 DS 8a  DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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ps - I'm glad star*fish recommended that BA come to EN if he is interested in learning principles. I just wanted to let ppl know that's what I was referring to, by star*fish's recommendation. *I* didn't want to mention the EN board out loud... I've been met with sarcasm for doing that in the past.
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Jayne, There's been a few times I was tempted to post to those threads, but couldn't because we were traveling... sort of an imposed cooling off period, probably saved me some embarrassment. Mine was the last post on at least one locked thread... I don't think it was your post that caused the thread to lock. I doubt it was any one post... but perhaps just the general trend the thread takes... I think it cannot be easy to moderate this board because when a thread starts going downhill... how long do you wait before you lock it? Do I think there might be times when if they went a bit longer some things might be resolved... maybe? I don't like threads to "disappear"; that's worse than locking them. To me, it's crazy-making... did I just imagine a post? Am I remembering wrong? Even a deleted post at least lets me know I didn't just imagine it's existence. *sigh* I do understand what you are saying here. Have felt the same way... like huh? Did I imagine that? But I do not envy the job of moderating this board. I have not yet been able to determine why some get locked and others are removed but I am sure there are reasons behind those decisions. I think your post to MLS was very thoughtful and helpful. I sincerely think you are a valuable contributor. I would be surprised and upset if your posting here on EN turned controversial... although I know you (or Zog?) have been followed here before. Maybe they've got enough to keep them busy right now. Yes, I have been followed here before. I am usually okay if I stay off of GQ. It's fine if someone wants to point out that I am in an affair driven marriage. I don't have any problem with people knowing that or stating their beliefs about it. I do understand that my presence may be very upsetting for a BS. As a BS I would not want to cause any more pain for someone who is already hurting very deeply. That said I do not want MLS's thread to take a turn... I want it to remain focused on her and her getting some help. Many of the things she may need help with may not be able to be provided by us as members; however I don't want her to feel like no one will even attempt to assist her. Whatever her issues are... she is a person who is as her thread title states... lost. I have no idea if anything I say will be of any help to her but I am willing to try. The New Year's eve issue... I tried some H&O on the car trip back a couple days ago. It was while we were having a pretty good, pleasant conversation, and I tried to say it just expressing my feelings with no DJs. He still got mad and said he didn't want to talk about it. I asked if he'd be willing to talk about it later, and I think he said no or I don't know. I respected his request.
I guess time will tell whether my driving drive-by H&O did some good. You were respectful of his wish not to discuss it and honest about asking if discussing it another time would be okay. No harm in trying. The only way for things to improve is for us to keep trying no? One of my New Year's resolutions is to totally eliminate LBs, and to work on providing more SF and DM. I know, I didn't have to wait for New Year's to start that! And I didn't, I just use the New Year to re-commit to that, with renewed enthusiasm. First what is DM? I am not familiar with this acronym. I am also working on eliminating LB's and providing more SF. I know my H would really appreciate me making more of an effort in SF. Except for that, we are getting along well right now. I'm really unhappy with my job, it's too stressful and too time-consuming, so that I'm missing out on too much of the family time, and too scary for me providing the sole income for this household. I am feeling sooooooo extremely depressed right now. Seriously. If I didn't have kids, it might be dangerous. H is saying he supports us finding a place where we both can get a job and be happy. That is huge deposits into my "love bucket". I hope it happens before the next millenium. What kind of work are you doing now? I know that I would also feel stressed about being the sole income provider for our family. I understand about feeling depressed. Are you in IC... talking with someone about these feelings? Have you shared with your H how you are feeling? Sounds like you have since discussions of relocating to a place where you can both find work. The next millennium? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I hope it is sooner than that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Sometimes it seems like it is all too much. When I get like this I try to focus on one small thing that I can do... the dishes or some laundry... some small task that I will feel better after doing. Sometimes I just want to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed all day too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Hang in there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Jilly
Maybe it is Rocket Science...
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First what is DM? I am not familiar with this acronym. LOL There's a good reason you aren't familiar with it.. it's a typo! I meant Domestic Support, DS. The next millenium is a reference to his promise to propose "before the next millenium" i.e. either Dec. 31, 1999 or Dec. 31, 2000, depending on whether you start counting at 0 or 1. So he got to tease me, raise my hopes then dash them, twice! He never really got around to proposing... I hope he is more pro-active about finding a better place for us, especially since I don't have the spare time to do it myself. Yes definitely, I would like to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed all day... well, I am in bed, doing some work-related reading and writing, with occasional MB breaks. Thanks for the kind thoughts.
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Jayne, LOL about the typo... I do get that sometimes the DS is hard. When you are working full-time, raising kids, etc. sometimes chores really feel like just more WORK. I was watching some old home DVD's of the kids the other night and one of the things I noticed was sheesh... the house looked so clean. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Sometimes if I don't watch myself I can really get overwhelmed with the housework. My H does help but I still feel like it is my responsibility. I don't know why I feel like it is mine more than his. What happens when you ask him respectfully about moving? Does he get angry? Does he seem motivated to want to move?
Maybe it is Rocket Science...
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Oh he would love to move, back to where he had a job (and I didn't). He is telecommuting part-time right now, so that we can actually live together. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />
At one time I told him I didn't want to live there but it was for a relatively minor reason. I've told him many times that he shouldn't quit his job which he loves; that I should be the one to quit, except for the fact that I have more job security. So if he could get a pretty permanent position, then we would work around that.
He is not very motivated to look for jobs and send out applications. I send him emails about possible jobs, but he doesn't follow up and I don't have time to.
I think he's getting how very depressed I am, and he does have a couple ideas where he or we could go. It sounds hopeful.
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Ok, I've seen cool sig quotes come and cool sig quotes go, but by far the coolest seem to be in use right now. I'd like to preserve a copy here on my thread, lest either of the two sig owners decide to change their sig anytime soon and they be lost forever. So without further ado, and until someone complains, I am "capturing" my two nominees for Coolest Sig: graplin: A fool's lips bring strife, they are his destruction & the snare of his soul.
Hubris: to shame a victim for your own gratification, by thinking that by ill-treating others they make their own superiority greater. ~Aristotle
Pay no attention to that board behind the curtain!
~The Wizard of Odds
The Claw! The Claw is our master! The Claw decides who will go and who will stay!
~Toy Story
There is no secret cabal conspiring to discredit and attack people!
~The Secret Cabal and 2long: Pluto: 1930-2006
"Revolve in Peace, Little Friend." I hope y'all don't mind. If you do, let me know, and I will remove them and apologize most humbly.
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Jayne, from my *totally* unbiased view - you have *excellent* taste! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Har!
Saw your note on the thread that was locked and appreciated what you had to say.
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jayne, no problem!
Scary thing is that, if Pluto isn't a planet when it's a "dwarf planet", does that mean that Jupiter, Sa2rn, Uranus and Nep2ne aren't planets because they're "giant planets?"
There's only 4 "planets" in the solar system! Akk!
-ol' 2long
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You never know where you are going to learn something. I have been LBing the past few days. I've disagreed with H over parenting issues several times. Since I really thought I was right, I felt justified. On raven's thread I was just posting about FOO issues, childhood development, boundaries, and enmeshment. I googled to try to find helpful links... I found the following website with excerpts from a book: http://books.google.com/books?id=M1OlopL...WyISWb-g#PPA105,M1 The following is a quote: "Similar patterns were noted by Fish et al. (1991), who found that early family patterns indicative of boundary disturbances were related to mothers' undermining of their spouses' parenting and to the gradual decline of marital satisfaction, suggesting a transaction between the emergence of boundary disturbances, declines in the marital relationship, hostile and role-reversed caregiving patterns, and the strengthening of inappropriate parent-child alliances leading eventually to triangulation, parentification, or spousification." Wow. I didn't realize the harm I could be doing by undermining my H's parenting. Somehow or other I guess I want to get him to talk to me about these issues in private, and come up with a POJA.
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Oh, and my attempt at a humorous response to 2long:
So what's a "jumbo shrimp" then?
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Good morning, Jayne! Thanks so much for that link, that makes so much sense! Trusting my H's parenting skills was really a thorn in my side. When your kids are old enough to share their H&O, though, that really helps.
Have you ever read Between Parent and Child? LovingAnyway recommended that one to me, and it has a chapter on respecting your partner as a parent.
Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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Oh, I totally missed your post, ears! Sorry. No I haven't read that book. It sounds good, I'll see if the library has it. I read someone's post just yesterday (?) describing to someone else that their H's quality time with the kids may not look like their own quality time with the kids. (Hey, was that cat?) That was a good reminder too. I've been working on that.
I do firmly believe that kids need both a mother and a father, and that mothers and fathers have different styles for a reason. It's just easier to agree with that in theory rather than really letting go of H's approach. I think I'm doing better lately.
So today was their birthday party. It went quite well, I think. Just a couple of quotes you guys might appreciate:
H (when we were discussing whether or not the party package would inlude pizza if we didn't have the party at lunchtime):
"Everybody eats pizza all the time!"
Yeah, so HE NEVER exaggerates!
Then, DS5b (who is now DS6b) was bragging about how much cake he ate (you guy are gonna love this):
"I'm the biggest cake-eater in the whole universe!"
Of course I thought of MB and "cake-eating"...
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Jayne, Happy B-day to the twins. I laughed about the cake eater comment. That was too funny. I read someone's post just yesterday (?) describing to someone else that their H's quality time with the kids may not look like their own quality time with the kids. (Hey, was that cat?) That was a good reminder too. I've been working on that. Ooooh I wanna read that post... link me up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I have to ask you Jayney... what was it really like delivering twins? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Jilly
Maybe it is Rocket Science...
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Ok, I'll try and find it...
Oh man you don't wanna hear my sob story about their birth do you???
I'm soooo full of cake... we bought 2 quarter-cakes, one choc. and one white. DH cut me a piece of the white for dessert tonight... the theme was dinosaurs and he gave me a piece with a volcano. The volcano was pure icing... I mean, there was at least as much icing as cake!!! I'm on a major sugar rush right now...
So I was "complaining", asking why he gave me the volcano, it was so much icing that my tongue was sticking do da roof of my mouf...
As I was saying that, he noticed I was scraping my fork on the plate trying to get the last little bit of icing. LOL
We're never gonna get to sleep tonight...
And tomorrow one of their friends has invited them to a birthday party at the very same place we were today...
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Jayne, Are you telling me that you are a being a big cake eater tonight?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Maybe it is Rocket Science...
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I am a HUGE cake-eater... LOL
And don't they say it's like a drug? Cus I am sooooo buzzed right now...
My family is so funny. The kids killed all their balloons with the Transformer weapons, we have "webs" all over the house from the Spider-man web-slinging guns, and now they are popping all the left-over poppers. They shoot out pretty colored streamers of paper. DH started picking up some that they had just shot... I dunno, I thought they were pretty and should be left out to look pretty for awhile... DH said "Sigh."
No, DH didn't sigh, he SAID "sigh." ROFL
There was a YouTube video of these two cats talking, and one version had a human translation... at one point one cat says to the other, "Someone's coming. Act like a cat. Meow." And he didn't meow, he said "meow." The kids loved that one!
I'm goofy. It's the sugar talking.
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Jayney, Now your kids can call you their "sugarmama" since you are being such a cake eater and all tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> That was funny that DH didn't sigh but said sigh. That's some good sugar humor that is. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Maybe it is Rocket Science...
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Jilly...
When you said it was funny how DH said sigh, I was about to say, "Aw yer just humoring me..."
Get it?!? Humoring me?!?!? Ahahahahaha! *slaps knee*
Sugarmama... ROFL
"That's some good sugar humor..."
What I'm hearing is, "That's some good hat Harry." That thing that's after some tv show, I forget which one.
Somebody better talk me down from this high! You drink black coffee to sober up when yer drunk, what's the antidote to a sugar high? No wait don't tell me, I don't wanna know!
me - 47 H - 39 married 2001 DS 8a DS 8b :crosseyedcrazy: (Why is DS7b now a blockhead???) (Ack! Now he's not even a blockhead, just a word! That's no fun!)
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Yep Jayney, That was some Good Humor! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> The antidote to the sugar high is... drumroll... CARBS. High fat ladenend (sp?) carbs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Did somebody say leftover pizza?? What's that line? Let them have cake. Jilly
Maybe it is Rocket Science...
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