This is what Shugah just posted on another thread:




Shugah..was struggling along with me during my time..and look at her NOW...

I think Still would benefit from reading this too...the D is almost final and it's not something that she wants...

THanks Rin,

It does give me some hope.

Still

Still, about detachment. It was a feeling for me. A reaction to time and space.

I asked WH to leave in July of last year. After he left, I had about two months of a separation/Plan B mode that helped me to calm and become more centered. We then had a false recovery in Late September, early October. It took the next 4 months to detach. One day in April, I just felt better, felt calm and serene and ....most of all, I felt happy, truly happy.

NOT happy about any impending D. No, i still wanted my M; I believe in M. I may not be religious, but I witnessed divorce from the childs perspective, and never grew to think that divorce was a solution to your marital problems (barring abuse).

Still, I know that this D is not what you want, not at all. I know that you have not been as dark as you would like, and I hope you achieve more of that as you go on, because it really does help emmensely. I never gave up, but I can say that I said "WHEN" and left all of that garbage (the A's, my idea of control, my WAYWARD H, just all of it ) sitting at the curb. I extracted myself from the storm, decided not to ride it out, because it's not my storm.

It's really coincidence that my awakening came right before WH called wanting to leave the wayward behind. I am so glad that he did call, and so happy for our chance to have a much better marriage. I do know, however, that I would have survived and been happy, no matter what. The ongoing fear to face, for me, was how destructive the D would be for him, how destructive the separation already was.

Each day, I woke up, looked at my son and decided to chug along one more day, to hold on one more day. *I* kept the ember burning with NO expectations.

Silent,

Thank-you.

I guess part of it is that I feel like I'm not detaching as fast as I should be. It's comforting in a sense to hear that it also took you some time. I always looked at you as having it all together. At least that's how you came off to me.

I haven't read your first thread and tonight I think I may go back and check it out.

I'm slowly trying to uneentagle (? if even a word) my spirit and soul.

Still

There is no set speed for personal recovery, and there is no stopping point. Just deal with your fears, don't avoid them.