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Jim- Those are some sound words of advice. I just fear she is too far down that path......I tried to bring her back once, but she tuned her back on me, again, and this time it may be too late.
"A lot of women struggle with depression after the birth of their first child and the "high" of an affair is the drug they choose to numb the pain." THATS WHAT I SAID! SHE SAID NO and Mr. MC said probably not either.
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I feared the same thing last October and November, but here I am, recovering my marriage. You will get your opportunity. The affair will end. Your goal is to get it to end as quickly as possible so she is open to reconciling BEFORE you move on. Once the affair is ended, I GUARANTEE that she will be open to reconciliation as long as you made it clear to her that you were open to it as well. So your plan right now is to present yourself in the best possible manner, do everything you can to kill her affair, and then go dark in plan B and let her see what a divorce would really be like. Most WSs are surprised to see that life without you is worse than life without their affair partner. They don't want to lose their children, their financial security, their family and true friends, just for some other guy that they only have been with a few months, especially since this guy has never had to support them, take care of their kids, had to deal with them on a day-to-day basis, etc. When she stops fighting you, she'll start fighting with the OM.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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LB in disguise, asked the wife about the price to sell the house. BS asked WW if the price the realtor recomended was OK. WW replied, "OK I guess what do you think?" BS replied, "You tell me, if you say let's move forward then I will get it listed. Unless you are having second thougts we can wait." WW replied, "I don't know." BS replied, "If you can't answer then you don't really want this end." WW replied, "I will be sad if this house sells."
So this was a LB but how can I avoid it while she wants to move forward with the seperation. Was this is a bad thing? How I am to take WW's responses? I think she is fence sitting. Thoughts, advice?
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Why are you listing the house to sell? When the affair ends (as they all do), where will the two of you live?
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Don't sell the house. If anything, when you do file for divorce, get her on the hook to pay for a good portion of the mortgage. This is will her a nice slap in the face of reality.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Believer- I like the way you think, she is ****** bent on selling so she can get her own place, we/she can't afford it otherwise. She is living rent free right now with a friend. I can't imagine this lasting very long though.
Jim- I don't want to sell, I want the A to end and OM go bye bye. I want to work on our M. I think she does too but she is scared.....my gut instinct.
I am still in Plan A but she has the boy this weekend so how do I implement Plan A when she has no reason to contact or see me? I hope she sees what single mom life will be like this weekend. Breakfast/lunch/diner/naps/bath time/play time in an appt with no help from me. Maybe she will see that we need each other and the light bulb will go off. I said no OM as outlined by Star*fish; she agreed but I don't believe it.
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Verify there is no OM. Do a driveby and see if there is. If there is take a photo with a timestamp. You will use this as evidence if your situation comes down to divorce and custody.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Plan A continues as best as it can, she has 'custody' this weekend. WW just called and said she will drop our son Sat night so she can sleep in Sunday. If it's her weekend to have him why would she ask that? She said she hasnt been sleeping too well and is really stressed out with work and her 'time of the month' Now do you think she has plans with OM or is this all starting to take a toll on her? Half of me whats to say your weekend you deal with it! Half of me wants to be Mr. Nice guy and help her out. WW has been very pleasant to me last few days. Do I use this opputunity to go to Plan B or is too soon?
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I would tell her you have made other plans so you can't have your son. Just say something like, "Sorry to hear you are tired, but as you were having him at the weekend I made other plans" and just leave it at that. The chances are she is seeing other man.
That's my opinion.
Together 10 Years Married 14 Febuary 04 DD 6 March 2007 DS8 & DS9 BS 38(me) WS 39
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Ok, I told her and she just blew it off, like she didnt care.
Her oldest and true! friend now knows, I finally found her number and told her. She said she will talk to her, as she is married with a son almost the same age as ours. I hope she has some luck, one more person the A has been exposed to! I hope the pressure mounts and WW will reconsider reconciliation of our marriage.
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If your WW is anything like mine, she will just isolate herself from all her friends that would not approve. The good thing is that this still puts pressure on her because she loses her support system. This will help her crash more quickly.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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