There has been some late night text messaging going on -- in fact, WW has received 500 txt msgs since 1 June.

Since WW has pasword on cell phone, no doubt in my mind some will be from OM if not most of them!

Am I suppose to simply ignore this and just plan A? There are times WW seems warm but times she is in dazed mode (probably thinking of OM)!

Am I focusing too much on small details at the expense of the big picture doing a good plan A to try to save my M?

Bottom line -- we cannot move forward if NC is not maintained.

And to think WW wants me to pony up $6K for cosmetic surgery next week -- hhmmmmmmmmmm!

swade, yes, I would bring up the text messages. It sounds like the affair is still ongoing. That is not a minor thing, but a HUGE THING that has to be addressed. There will be no moving forward until the affair ends.


I wouldn't be ponying up any money while she is still in an affair. You need to reserve all your money for your family.

No. The question is how long will it be before you no longer care. It's a little over a year. But it is sooooo liberating.

So what is your response going to be to the text messages? Where will you draw this line? Does the cell have a SIM card?

First of all, one of my requirements would be no more password.

Did you read where I took a hammer to my WW's cellphone right in front of her? My MC told me that was an LB.

Smashing your car into your H's pickup with the OW locked inside is too.

Overachiever!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

ML - -Thanks for the common sense!

See, given I am in Plan A (1 mo next wk), I DO feel like a doormat because WW has exhibited NO TRANSPARENCY whatsoever.

Basically I have been doing the carrot part --meeting ENs, no LB or DJs. Now there needs to be some 'stick' somewhere.

WW treats daily affairs like business as usual -- basically 'cake-eating'!

I want to be direct, honest, and non-threatenining in my tone or words.

I plan to tell WW that:

1) I know txt messaging in going on.

2) She has exhibited no transparency since A D-Day.

3) I have been trying to meet ENs and would like to continue to meet her needs.

4) I DO love (her) very much and I care for our M and its recovery, but there is not room for OM in this M at this time or any future time period (no casual friend)!

5) Unless NC is established, this M will not progress toward any improvement.

6) I do not plan to move forward with cosmetic surgery next week because of the questionable state of our relationship.
(WW will be strongly disappointed, if not angry, by this!)

7) I suggest that WW drafts NC letter to OM and send to him while he is on the East Coast and exhibit more transparency to build up my trust bank.

Meanwhile, I will suggest MC for both of us.


How does the above sound?

Is it threatening in any way, any ultimatums? I just need WW to see that I am serious about our M and will not enable the A.

I think that is all very good. Ultimatums are good, demands are not.

"this marriage cannot survive until all contact ends. i am giving you a chance to prove that contact has ended. What are you willing to do to reassure me that contact has ended?"

Ya think??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pio -- I forgot to say, you crazy!!!

I do plan to have WW remove the password! The real question is, if she says NO, then I will continue my plan A for another month and assume the A is still on. Then, I will move to my plan B.

I need to resist the urge to suggest she leaves the home until she decides she wants to work on our M? This would definitely catch her off guard since she would be financially strapped, AND OM is on East Coast with his kids so she would not be able to 'move in' with him rigtht away.

Like you Pio, if she left I do not know if I could take WW back especially if she hooks up with OM.

ML -- I liked the way you worded this!!!

Should I take anything out the 7 statements I previously laid out?



ML -- you are downright scary!!!

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do to fight for your M!

I hear ya there!

I would be afraid of how I would respond if I saw my WW in a car with the OM! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Pio -- what point were you going to make regarding the cell sim card?

Mrs W,

If you can recollect, what was the most impactful action your BH did that really drew you back to the M?

Was it meeting your needs in plan A?
The BCs he set if any?
MC, books?
Other?????

It appears my WW does not want to adhere to BCs right now.

I have been doing plan A for 1 month next week.


My WW had the A for 1 mo before D-Day. I have been trying to get her to maintain NC, I believe still ongoing at this point long distance (OM on East Coast, we on West).

Thanks.

I've never done it myself but Todd mentioned this a long time ago.

Do a Google search on "sim card reader" and it will get you close enough.

If you search "sim card recovery", you will see a lot of software. I'm not sure if software is the way to go. I'm betting the hardware would be better. But once again, I've never tried either one.

Swade, were you asking me or Mrs W?

I'm sure if you divorce that she will get 50%. Why don't you just pony up $3K and let her only do one side? Keep receipts though.

Jen,

I welcome any inout from a FWW perspective.

I'm listening....

Exactly! Let her contribute to this well - or - if she decides to leave me one day, let OM pony up!

swade...I just saw these posts from you to me...I haven't read your thread yet...Let me read a bit and get my bearings before offering further comment...Just wanted to let you know that I saw these and I'm not ignoring you...

Mrs. W

The best way I can show you what my H did that was the best thing is post a link to my first post.

My first post

Thanks Jen for your insightful post!

What really hit home for me was the attentiveness your H exhibited toward you without and DJs.

That's what I want to be for my WW AND it appears that I will have to initiate talks because she will try to avoid the A topic and keep busy...

Besides while I am working my plan A, I DO NOT want my WW to get the impression that I do not care about what occurred given I have not asked alot of questions lately.

In fact, I have not asked much yet about the A since D-Day on 28 May. The A was ongong for 1 month before I found out.

I certainly continue to wish you and your H well for a God blessed recovery!