So how are you going to find OMW?

You have the phone number right?

If nothing else, you could call it day and night. Surely OMW would answer at some point. If nothing else, it would turn up the heat on the guy.

Make the birthday thoughtful and nice but don't go overboard on the gift. Let her know you are thinking of her - not trying to buy her love.

Pio,

I DO NOT have the OMW phone number.

That's the goal I am trying to achieve - obtain that number so I can make the call.

I just have cell number of OM.

That's my point. The guy has to take a shower sometime.

Best believe I will have WW pay for this next phone bill as I will not be financing this A.

I need to get a good PI in the Baltimore/Annapolis area quickly!

PI search continues....

Practice the snivel. I promise it works. I could get an academy award for mine.

I did my own Background Investigation and have come up witj some hopeful information possible OM home location and number.

We'll see where it takes me!

Pio - you ever did any journaling during or after your WW's A?

I kept all the important thoughts in the TKO thread. I still do. You just have to dig deep to find them.

A 500 ton excavator should help you with that digging.

I think that excavator is in Pio's uber cool garage. Should be all waxed and shiny by now. Maybe he'll allow you to borrow it for a Starbucks.

Jo

Actually I've lost my excavator. If I do happen to find it again, do you know anyone who could recommend a good GPS unit for it? It would be much easier to keep track of that way.

hahahahahaa

I guess not <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Would you recommend letting OMW know in no uncertain terms who I am when I call to expose OM or remain anonymous but offer concrete proof of A (cell phone records)?

I do not want to use my home phone to allow OM or OMW to use it.

My WW and OM have been communicating strictly through cell phones.

Pio or any other BSs:

Did you randomly bring up the A during plan A (stick) to let WS know that you were hurt by the situation?

I don't wabt to be a complainer but I would like to clearly communicate to WS that I am hurt particularly by the ongoing contact with OM and the A in general.

I DO KNOW that I am not afraid to lose my W because I cannot lose what I do not already have! WOuld you consider it an LB to let WW know this?

I definitely think you should let your still WW know you will not tolerate such disrespect for long and that she is free to leave if she can't live by your boundaries.

BK -- I will definitely express my strong dislike for what is going on at this point.

It is apparent to me that my WW does not feel comfortable talking about the A openly!

I can speak openly or via letter which is my question:

Would you think it would be effective to communicate my displeasure with the A through a letter to my WW or would it be more effective berbally although it is uncomfortable to WW?

Swade, we talked about NOTHING but the A for six months. Day and night, night and day. All day sometimes and all night sometimes. How can you not talk about something that has the capability of ruining your marriage?

When my H rang the OM's wife he DEFINITELY let her know who he was. It's the first thing he said. He said "My name is ***. I'm Jenny's husband, you may remember me." She said she did remember him.

Then he said "I have some bad news for you. Jenny and OM have been having an affair. It was a physical affair."

They talked for an hour. The OM's wife defended the OM very strongly. She said he'd been stressed and under pressure at work. She did believe my H though. Well, she would. I'd been a shadow over them since they first met 35 years ago.

I would not do anything randomly. Everything should be a response to a stimulus. Absolutely tell her that each time she contacts him it hurts you that much more. Be aware that she is not particularly concerned about your feelings at this point so don't expect an apology.

If your WW is like my WW, she'll just get a secret cellphone to hide the evidence. But state very clearly that you won't pay her sellphone bill. You do not make money to finance her affair. Do you have joint credit/debit cards? Cancel her off those accounts. That's really not an LB in my book as long as you carefully and calmly explain your reason for doing it. Don't be vindictive.

Definitely state who you are very clearly to OMW. Give her your evidence. She may not be supportive of your goal in that she may simply decide to dump OM. That will still help you. I know it seems counterintuitive but any upheaval in his life is a good thing for you. Make sure OMW has a way to contact you.

My H also said to me "see him again and I'll divorce you without a second thought."

An LB? Maybe, but it made me think and it pushed me in the right direction.

Yep, right along with bread bag ties, cable ties, physics, movies, pottery, books, peeing in the shower, hamster genocide, calling Todd an [censored], calling BigK an [censored], banning me......