Your question now: "How can I make my wife not go away?"

A better and more important question: "How did I get to be a guy who would put out an ad for an affair and would go mess around with some swamp creature?"

Stay within the limitations set by your wife. She wants separate rooms, deal with it. Don't beg her to change that circumstance. She wants a certain physical distance from you, deal with it. Don't try to maneuver your way into her proximity. You've got cooties, buddy.

Read some of the Harley materials. Figure out what your wife's emotional needs are. Think about it and see if you can come up with an answer on your own, then think about how you can meet them under the framework she's setting. Allow her the right to set that framework (living arrangements, etc.). Don't try to convince her to change the logistics. She has a right to them.

GC

Tom,

How long have you been married? How many kids do you have and what ages are they. Have you done this before? Graycloud asked about the prior state of your marriage earlier and you did not answer.

Please don’t be offended but I just feel there is more to this tale.

Also I Googled and Yahoo’d your screen name and got some curiously coincidental returns regarding infidelity and on-line dating. I don’t generally believe in coincidence.

Ok thank you

Good habit, googling usernames.

OMG! I just found out that I'm seeking 22 year old males on dating sites in several states. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I never thought about googling my username before.

Sorry, TJ over. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

This sounds like the same person:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t23964/

If so, he's got bigger problems than he's letting on here.

-ol' 2long

Interesting.

A Google of my user name produces a black metal rock band (whatever that is - unrefined heavy metal maybe?) and a SF mag (Science Fiction to you guys)...

And lots of astronomical unit references.

Tom,

Because I analyze communications for a living, I'm afraid you have something to do before we can be of help.

Start over.

Tell the TRUTH, first.

It is only by telling us the truth that we can be of ANY help to you. The details DO count, and we need those to be clear to us. You are not clear, or you are not telling the truth - whichever it is, you need to clean that up.

I personally suspect that the truth isn't out yet. Your wife/girlfriend probably knows that as well. As long as the truth isn't out, you have NO HOPE for recovering the relationship.

If I can tell you have not yet told the whole story on this simple thread, then your BS can easily see it in your face when you talk to her. I'm not saying this to be mean, but I am telling you this to help you. The truth is simply your only way out. Until she knows the truth, you will NEVER be able to reestablish the intimacy you desire with her. It is that simple.

Second,
USE SOME PUNCTUATION, BOY.

It is only through honesty and clear communications that you can be helped. The people on this board can and will help, but the ball is in your court at this point.

Hit it back with some truth on it - no spin.

We will try again after you give the truth a shot across the net.

SB

Sorry, tc.

I don't believe you are, or even can be, genuine.

I will post 2 you no more forever.

-ol' 2long

This kind of a paragraph is almost always a tell.

He just came back and changed his screen name. Guess I am still right not to believe in coincidence.

One more, then I'm done.

So, it sounds like you've confirmed our suspicions by changing your username so quickly.

I really can't figure out what you're really after here.

-ol' 2long

that is not me you guys are talking about

tc~

I think you really do want and need help, but it sounds like you need more serious and professional help than you will find here. Please look into that, and then when THOSE issues are cleared up, come back here and work on your M.

Your personal issues need to be resolved first and foremost.

lostin2007/tc/tomcurrier2:

How many times/frequently are you going 2 change your screen name?

And when (if ever) are you going 2 offer a better defense than "that is not me"?

I don't believe you.

-ol' 2long

tom/tc/lost/whoeveryouare ~

Your M issues CAN be fixed, but first you have to stop lying about ANY and EVERYTHING. To EVERYONE, including us here. Stop playing games, there are too many smart people here who will figure you out.

People have been helped who have similar or even worse issues than you. But you can't be helped until you STOP LYING.

It sounds like you are sick of this lying, cheating lifestyle anyways, why not stop now and get some help? It's not too late!

Another amazing coincidence! The thread at Loveshack (love that name) no longer exists. It sat untouched in cyberspace since 2003 and today after discussed and viewed here it disappeared. What are the odds?


But....It can still be viewed in the cached files!!!

http://72.14.253.104/search?q=cache:r5m4...us&ie=UTF-8

Well, his puntuation sure has gone downhill since 2003.

I'm certain it's the same person. After the first "coinkydink" post, I did my own google search, and a number of the dating links were closed. I suspect he got pretty busy closing them once he realized he'd been found out.

I suppose it's still possible that what we have here is a pathological liar who's trying 2 quit, but is also a WS.

I have no clue how 2 help such an individual.

-ol' 2long

OK, I will go with the name change:

Lost,

Still, you have to tell the truth. The name change does not change any of the previous advice.

Your BS will not accept anything as "changed" about you without that one basic and fundamental change about you. If you do not deal in the truth, she cannot, and will not, EVER, trust you.

How can someone have a relationship with you if you cannot be trusted?

How can we help you if you do not tell us the truth?

You see, my job is very unique, Tom, and I have to analyze communication. One of the things I do is compare things that people write, or say, against other things they have written or said. I analyze these things for a number of factors. One of the things I have the capability of doing is looking at a person's writing and - more or less - figuring out if the very same person wrote something else.

The chances are pretty durn good that you are the one and the same as the LoveShack guy.

That's okay. Because the LoveShack guy also lied. Welllll, put it this way - he lied about some things, and not about others. You lied here about some things, and not about others.

I'm right about this. And you know it.

So.

Now that this is clear to both of us, and I need not even explain the details about which lies are there - although YOU KNOW THAT I COULD, AND EXACTLY WHY - let's move on.

I forgive you, and we shall move forward.

The one fact that is true in both statements is this:

You want to save the relationship with the woman.

For some reason, I tend to believe she is most probably currently your fiance or live-in girlfriend and not your wife - am I correct?

This is also not the first affair?

And it was sexual - although this is very difficult for you to admit, because you fear she will leave you?

Please tell us the entire truthful story, and we will try to help you out.

Otherwise, there is no help here for you.

Again,

START OVER.

The only way to start over clean - which is what you want to do - is to accept that you are, and have been, lying like a dog to cover the embarrassing and shameful things you have been doing and now want to leave in your past. To leave them there, you cannot cover them up - they will only haunt you. Expose them to the light, they will die faster that way.

Schoolbus