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#1889515 06/08/07 10:58 PM
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elemeno Offline OP
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My fiance and I are getting married in a month. He wants me to move in with him now, but I want to wait until marriage because I feel like it will make our marriage more special. In my opinion, if I move in with him now, it won't give him much of an incentive to get married next month like we plan to.

Everyday, he asks me if I will spend the night with him, or if I will move in with him now. And every day, I tell him no, not until marriage. And each time, he acts surprised and hurt at my answer. This makes him mad at me, to the point where he goes out of his way to do hurtful things to me (such as talk bad about me to his family; talking to me in a harsh tone; ignoring my phone calls and turning off the phone so I have no way of getting in contact with him, etc).

However, when we are together, he is happy and loving to me. So should I just move in with him now to save me the hurt feelings caused by him getting mad at me?

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he's talking "bad" about you before the wedding

do NOT complain when he does this ~after~ you are wed

you are getting a view of what your married life will be like

when you do not do what he wants ... he will become disrespectful & childish

are you SURE you don't want to wait & see if he can clean up his act first?????

ask your parents what their opinion is about "talking bad" before the wedding

if you submit to his temper tantrums you are training him how to treat you for the next 50 years

think it over

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Are you serious? You want to marry and live with somebody who treats you this way when you don't do what he wants?

You came to a board where people have worked hard to improve and restore their marriages. I don't believe anybody here will tell you it's a good idea to move in with your fiance before the wedding, or to do anything else against your principles and values.

In your position, I would postpone the wedding indefinitely. No matter how beautiful the gown is, or how much you have put down as deposits on the hall, on the caterer, the photog, whatever.

In the future, when he doesn't pick up your phone calls or return your messages and you are married, when he badmouths you to his family for any reason, treats you with disrespect for any reason, the cost will be much more than the money you are out now.

You have a chance to dodge a bullet. So what if he doesn't marry you, and you remain single. There are worse things. Much worse.

Use your head. Think. Don't think with your heart. Or your emotions, or with (Heaven forbid) "hope."

Last edited by Bellevue; 06/09/07 10:40 AM.
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it isn;t that big of a deal, i let my girlfriend move in with me for the summer and it is cool....

but you know if you make him wait till you are married, no big deal either, people whine about the most petty ****** sometimes,



Hate Hits Hard but love is a bigger banger

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NicName, I beg to differ, but it is a big deal to both of these people. One doesn't believe in shacking up before marriage. The other wants to and reacts dramatically because Elemento won't.

Elmento, there are a lot of us who ignored red flags and warning signs and got married any way. Don't be one of us. With the right person, marriage takes effort. With the wrong one, it is energy-sapping, neverending drudgery.

My guess based on the limited information you've provided is this man has control issues. He wants you to do what he wants. He wants you to sacrifice your principles to prove your love. He wants to be the one in control. If you buck him, he'll punish you by lack of contact. Or perhaps he'll have another way. AFter the wedding, the gloves come off. People let down their hair.

Don't risk it.

Put off the wedding. I know it hurts now, but it will hurt worse if you get married and find out he doesn't talk to you for weeks on end because you served him something he doesn't like for dinner. Or because you went out with your girl cousin for a drink.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15

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