Yesterday I had a conversation with my H about my bith mother and how she will not tell her family about me and acts like she thinks I am a mistake, at the same time as she is religous and sending me stuff about how God doesn't make mistakes.

Today I called a credit company to finnally cancel a forgoten accout in both mine and XH name.

It has left me feeling kind of blah. A little courious about the X, how he is doing or going to respond. A little of the feeling now worthy or good enough. Is it a lifelong process to get over some stuff?

Lora your birthmother is not "religous" but she is acting religous and I say this because, she is not living out her faith, since Jesus died for our sins she should know, that what ever sinned she preceives as giving you up? having a baby out of wedlock or for what ever reason it's all forgiven, GOD does not make mistakes but he does forgive them.....maybe you should put some distance from your bio-mom, if it causes you pain to interact with her.

Ahh, Swan song,

The only thing I have heard from my bith mother in 50 years are 2 letters she responded to me 2 years ago. I though I had worked it out and was accepting of what was her stuff and yet, I once again find myself thinking about it and wondering if I will ever be over some things in my life.

Hi Lora! Good to "see" you, though sorry you're faced with these reminders of the past... I had to hunt down my XH last week in order to get him to pick up the last of the money I owe him so I could close on a piece of property I was buying for my business. It took me several days during which I revisited the past more than I cared to. I think some sad memories will be with us forever, but fortunately we don't need to dwell on them all the time.

swan's song is right about your birth mother, but like all of us, I'm sure she's doing the best she can. In fact, I bet she's experiencing more pain than you are for whatever reason it is that she feels unable to acknowledge you. I know this doesn't make it ok, but maybe it can help you gain perspective. Remember, it has nothing to do with who you are because she doesn't even know you!

As for your XH, I, too, still go to that place of feeling unworthy. My XH asked me to go to DSS's grave with him this Wednesday, the 3rd anniversary of his death. I'm reluctant to do that and fortunately, he hasn't called me back, at least not yet.

BTW, if you feel like it, send me an e-mail with your new e-mail address. Mine's still the same... Hope everything else is going well in your life!

Letstry, Tried to email and it bounced back, maybe I only have an old one for you. Mine is the same name and numbers and comcast.net. If that is too criptic for you let me know and I will post it.

I think some issues just stay in a dark corner of our lives. Every now and then a light will shine on them and we have to deal with them a bit and then move on for a while longer.

Maybe there is a difference between religious people and spiritual people. Some people have one of those and some people have the other and some people have both. I think there are many people addicted to religion for the sake of trying to find worthiness. My opinion is that no one is "worthy" of God's love however He feels we are 'worth' loving.

Don't get too tangled up in your biomom's stuff. Don't let her get to you.

As long as a person lives, there will always be triggers for different long-dormant emotions and issues. Do your best not to let them bog you down.

Cinderella, I think you are so right. I read a book on adoption that talked about how you deal with it in peices all your life.

The divorce trigger is still there too. Its hard after being accepted and loved into a family to then be cut off. I guess in a way it mirrors my adoption experiance as well so maybe that part of the hurt.