Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
L
Lora Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
Yesterday I had a conversation with my H about my bith mother and how she will not tell her family about me and acts like she thinks I am a mistake, at the same time as she is religous and sending me stuff about how God doesn't make mistakes.

Today I called a credit company to finnally cancel a forgoten accout in both mine and XH name.

It has left me feeling kind of blah. A little courious about the X, how he is doing or going to respond. A little of the feeling now worthy or good enough. Is it a lifelong process to get over some stuff?


Lora
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 349
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 349
Lora your birthmother is not "religous" but she is acting religous and I say this because, she is not living out her faith, since Jesus died for our sins she should know, that what ever sinned she preceives as giving you up? having a baby out of wedlock or for what ever reason it's all forgiven, GOD does not make mistakes but he does forgive them.....maybe you should put some distance from your bio-mom, if it causes you pain to interact with her.

Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
L
Lora Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
Ahh, Swan song,

The only thing I have heard from my bith mother in 50 years are 2 letters she responded to me 2 years ago. I though I had worked it out and was accepting of what was her stuff and yet, I once again find myself thinking about it and wondering if I will ever be over some things in my life.


Lora
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,707
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 1,707
Hi Lora! Good to "see" you, though sorry you're faced with these reminders of the past... I had to hunt down my XH last week in order to get him to pick up the last of the money I owe him so I could close on a piece of property I was buying for my business. It took me several days during which I revisited the past more than I cared to. I think some sad memories will be with us forever, but fortunately we don't need to dwell on them all the time.

swan's song is right about your birth mother, but like all of us, I'm sure she's doing the best she can. In fact, I bet she's experiencing more pain than you are for whatever reason it is that she feels unable to acknowledge you. I know this doesn't make it ok, but maybe it can help you gain perspective. Remember, it has nothing to do with who you are because she doesn't even know you!

As for your XH, I, too, still go to that place of feeling unworthy. My XH asked me to go to DSS's grave with him this Wednesday, the 3rd anniversary of his death. I'm reluctant to do that and fortunately, he hasn't called me back, at least not yet.

BTW, if you feel like it, send me an e-mail with your new e-mail address. Mine's still the same... Hope everything else is going well in your life!


FBS, D'day 12/00 * NC since 5/02 * divorce final 5/06 * property settlement 9/06 What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has Magic, Power, and Genius in it. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
L
Lora Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
Letstry, Tried to email and it bounced back, maybe I only have an old one for you. Mine is the same name and numbers and comcast.net. If that is too criptic for you let me know and I will post it.


Lora
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
I think some issues just stay in a dark corner of our lives. Every now and then a light will shine on them and we have to deal with them a bit and then move on for a while longer.

Maybe there is a difference between religious people and spiritual people. Some people have one of those and some people have the other and some people have both. I think there are many people addicted to religion for the sake of trying to find worthiness. My opinion is that no one is "worthy" of God's love however He feels we are 'worth' loving.

Don't get too tangled up in your biomom's stuff. Don't let her get to you.

As long as a person lives, there will always be triggers for different long-dormant emotions and issues. Do your best not to let them bog you down.

Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
L
Lora Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
Cinderella, I think you are so right. I read a book on adoption that talked about how you deal with it in peices all your life.

The divorce trigger is still there too. Its hard after being accepted and loved into a family to then be cut off. I guess in a way it mirrors my adoption experiance as well so maybe that part of the hurt.


Lora

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (Roma.II), 256 guests, and 28 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Media Pract, amandawilli, Rachael Tilda, Aidenjohansoon, Dynamiq
71,907 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Newbie here. Advice appreciated. MLC??
by Dynamiq - 12/06/24 05:02 PM
Question for those who have done coaching
by Blackhawk - 11/30/24 12:55 AM
Separation
by BrainHurts - 11/27/24 08:59 AM
Really Struggling
by BrainHurts - 11/15/24 03:48 PM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,618
Posts2,323,471
Members71,908
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2024, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5