So I read on here that often remorse doesn't come for months down the road. And I also read that the WS doesn't "feel in love" with S because of the fog.

So could someone tell me why in the he!! a WS even comes home??!!

I am at a point where I feel hopeless. I just don't see anything but him not letting go of her. And even if he does finally come home, the longer he chooses to stay away the deeper my hurt goes. This is a man that by all appearances has adored me for over 20 years...and now he doesn't love me and doesn't want to spend his life with me!! I just can't wrap my mind around this right now.

If remorse doesn't come until later and he isn't feeling love, then why will he ever leave HER to come back home.

I am just overwhelmed with sorrow tonight. I have held it all in today. Now my kiddos are in bed, and the sobs are coming. This agony seems more than I can bear. I feel the emotional pain could kill me it hurts so badly. And the pain is relentless. I need it to STOP for a while. And I know that it's not going to. If I choose to divorce, my pain doesn't go away. If I choose to work for recovery, my pain doesn't go away. I feel like I am drowning in my sorrow.

And guess what, he's probably with her right now enjoying a little romp.

I CAN'T STAND THINKING ABOUT HIM WITH HER ANY MORE. It seems that if he EVER felt love for me, he could be doing this to me.

It's just a really bad night.

Remorse does not come until withdrawal comes. Withdrawal does not come until the affair ends. The affair does not end until it becomes too difficult to maintain.

And how does the affair become TOO DIFFICULT, you ask??? EXPOSURE!!! And how does one effectively EXPOSE THE AFFAIR?? They GET THE GOODS ON THE OW!!!

Did you hire the PI, SMB???

{{{{{{SMB}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I am sorry you are hurting tonight, hon, but please, please hire this PI so we can help you ruin this affair. That is your BEST HOPE.

Mel,

I called a PI today. $300 retainer plus $25 per hour. Because H can come and go from work (he owns the place), and his evenings are free, I cannot even narrow down a timeframe for them that he might be meeting her. I know he took off from work to meet sometimes, and I am sure they must have met some evenings, too.

It seems to me that this could really rack up quickly and I cannot afford a huge PI bill.

A friend called OW pretending to call wrong number, hoping to get last name...didn't work. I don't know what else to do other than tail him myself, but I have 5 kids I can just leave at home all day. And I don't know if I could really pull it off.

There are sites on the internet that will give you the name of whoever has the cell phone account for about $75. See if you can try that.

SMB, why not give the PI the OW cell phone # and have him get her name, address, marital status, etc? Have you compared the cost of a PI to the cost of divorce?

I did Intellius and they couldn't get info and refunded my money.

Tried something else yesterday and it said it was either a prepaid or unregistered. And it DIDN'T refund my money.

If you know of one in particular, please let me know.

Do you have access to your H's cell phone bill? If not, a PI might be able to get the bill.

The PIs office said sometimes they can get a name from a number, but not always.

His cell is through his business. And I already have her number, just can't get her last name.

ok..

Alright, I can start there. I hope just that isn't $300!

Don't you think it would be worth it??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

If I get the info, yes. If I get nothing....

You have a first name, correct? Is there a chance any of his family members would know her maiden name from when they dated years ago. If I remember correctly you exposed to everyone, I would hope they would be willing to help you get the name.

This has to be so frustrating. If he owns the business don't you have access to the customers names just as he does?

LC

OK...you have her number...

Have a friend call her and ask for so and so. She will say it's a wrong number and if your friend is fast on their feet, they may be able to get her first and last name out of her. It's better than paying a ton of money to cyberspace and beyone if you aren't going to get any info...

Just a possible shot... Remember, this may seem underhanded, but then them having an affair is extremely underhanded...

Mel,

Thanks for the help tonight. I went for a drive after my first post. Told my 17 yos that I'd be back in a bit. I needed to do some loud sobbing and can't really do that here.

Came back and found your response to me.

I am all cried out, my head is pounding from crying so hard, and I'm starting feel exhausted, so, I'm heading to bed.

Thanks again!

SMB, I hate to tell you this, but you may have to spend some money here to hire some assistance in averting the crisis at hand. I applaud you for being frugal, but there is such a thing as being penny wise and pound foolish. Your marriage and family are under assault and,while you can't squander your resources, you may have to put out some bucks to save your marriage.

You need the help of this PI to find out what your H is doing. This intelligence could be very effective ammunition against the affair that you can't afford to pass up.

OK, I'll stay up a little longer. Thanks everyone.

His sister doesn't remember her and I don't think I'll have help from others. It's the I'm so sad and sorry this is happening, but let's not get involved crowd.

As far as his business, I have nothing to do with his work, never have, never wanted to. It was his dad's company that he took over years ago.

That is exactly what my friend did today. And it worked great, except OW didn't offer up her last name.