GREAT video!

Lots of take home points.

bump

keep it at the top !

yep.

bump

Everyone here should view this - great take-away points for both BS and FWS.

Loved It...I'm a bonified, koolaid drinkin', Harley "groupie" for life! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Are you a Marriage Builder?



A Marriage Builder is someone who is constantly and consistently giving four gifts to the marriage: care, protection, honesty, and time. A Marriage Builder knows that without these four gifts routinely in the marriage, the connectedness in the marriage will suffer. Also, a Marriage Builder is someone who is willing to share with others their understanding about how to have a great marriage.

Definitely. I spoke to Steve Harley this morning, told him I was watching the video...got the link from the forums. He said "oh wow, I was wondering why the numbers for watching that video were going through the roof!".

So, we're doing a good job of getting the word out there.

It's a great thing for both the BSs AND FWSs to watch. Tons of great info condensed.

[P.S. I did not have time to just sit and watch, so I just turned it on and did dishes, cleaned up the house, made the bed. It does not have to be watched, it can be *just* listened to.]

Awesome video!!!

I definately want to make it to one of his weekend marriage builders seminars......

Thanks for bring our attention to it MelodyLane.

I'm a believer!!!!

kds, his weekend seminars are very, very good!

Good morning Builders ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey, I'm wearin' my "I'm A Marriage Builder" t-shirt and drinkin' outta my matching coffee tumbler right now! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

I love taking this opportunity to say I AM A BUILDER..every day..in every way...

DUH..

You guys know how sold out I am....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Awesome video. I'm going to ask my hubby to watch it simply as a reminder that we need to keep following the MB principles.

Funny thing is we have been following many of the principles, not realizing we were. I read HNHN right after I ended the A and asked him to read it, too. He read it at a time he was not aware of the A. I often wish we had read the book early in our marriage.

I have to admit I didn't really ever believe the idea of never seeing the AP again until recently. I worked with my FOM for 2 years after I ended the A. My H was only aware of the A for the last 6 months of us working together. My pride of not wanting to feel like the FOM shoved me out the door at work was very disrespectful to my H. My H never asked me to quit my job, but I never volunteered to do so either. I remember one day when I was getting ready for work, my H had sprayed his cologne on while standing right next to me. I said, "Honey, now I'm going to smell like men's cologne all day today." His reply, "I'm just marking my territory." When Dr Harley talked about not ever seeing the AP in the video it really hit home for me.

Also working with the FOM all that time hindered my healing and prolonged the amount of time it took. I know I would have healed sooner had we cut all ties, but I was too stubborn to do it at the time. I remember for a long time thinking I would never fully recover from having an A. I was very hard on myself. I realized about 6 months or so ago that I finally feel I have fully healed. I recently asked my H how he feels and he also feels fully healed.

Has anyone ever considered giving HNHN as an extra gift for a bridal shower? I plan to give a copy to each of my girls when they get married. I think it would serve as a nice tool for a newly married couple.

Mrs. W<~~~Cheering loudly for lifeschoice and Dr. Harley!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I am bumping this back up because I keep thinking about his video and wondering a few things.

I think it would be very interesting to see statistics on the number of people who would walk away from infidelity because of Dr Harley's words. Knowing what I know and being involved in an A, it's a no brainer, I would run like the wind.

I am going to be extremely honest here and please know I am in no way knocking the video because I think it's awesome. I just feel the need to share this and see how other people feel.

When I think back to where I was pre-A and ready to walk away from my marriage, I wonder if Dr Harley's words would be so meaningful. I would like to say they would stop me from cheating, but I don't know. I wonder if my sense of entitlement and selfishness, at that time in my life, would allow me to "really hear" what he was saying or even care what he was saying.

Our love banks were EMPTY, we had zero communication skills and we were sure we could read each other's minds. I honestly believed my H didn't love me and I honestly believed I didn't love him, shoot I often felt I didn't even like him.

I wonder if the thinking that "my situation is different" would close my ears to really hearing the level of pain my BS would face. Of course I know now my situation was NOT different, I'm just revisiting how I felt at that time.

I also realize the video is a small part of the MB weekend, but in my case I was so far gone, I'm not sure w/o the hindsight view I have if it would have made a difference or not.

Now I have 2 questions:

FWS's do you think if you saw the video prior to cheating it would have stopped you from moving forward into the A?

BS's do you think if your FWS saw the video prior to their A if they would have chosen a different path?

IMO, MB weekends should be a requirement before anyone gets married. Think of what a wonderful marriage it would be if couples had all these skills from the start.

It depends.

If he'd seen the video at least 6 months prior to his emotional involvement with OW (helping her out over the phone with her marriage problems) .... it probably would have begun discussions BETWEEN US, rather than private secret discussions with OW.

However, if he'd seen this video just prior to his EA going PA, I'd say "no", he'd probably continue with his EA-PA path because he was on shakey moral ground anyways.

I think this is a major difference between our situations!

H and I were both still had Love Banks "in the black" ... my LB for my H did not [color:"red"]"go red"[/color] until D-day ! In fact, the day prior to D-Day, we'd spend the day driving around together, laughing, joking, and looking at Victorian homes, thinking about future investments.