Journeyer.

I thought that you handled that exchange well.

You do realize that she was trying to get you into a screaming match don't you? Just so she could feed her "justifications" about how "bad" you are for her.

She will continue to do this until the affair is over.


I'm afraid that I will be a bit of a broken recond on this: Exposure is your BEST weapon to break up this affair!

Hire a PI... Rent a different car & stake out her "parking spot"... Do whatever you need to do to get the "evidence" you want and get the exposure done!

The longer this is delayed the longer she will drain your Love Bank. If you let it get too low you will NOT want to reconsile and will become a threat to your own M.

I really recommend that you just stop communicating with your email pal. YOU & HER are VERY vulnerable to having an A right now. Believe this!

If your WW discovers these chats / emails she will use them to further "justify" her A.

I have a question for you:
How good do you feel your plan A has been?

The reason that I ask is that you want to end on a "good" plan A BEFORE going to plan B.

Stay Strong!

Too funny, that quote above that I made bold. My wife just said the samething to me. I was on a trip for six days. I guess I'd withdrawn from my wife a bit over that time. When I got back, apparantely I was acting a bit different. My wife said the exact same thing to me; too funny.

You think your wife is insane; my wife was routinely cleaning out my drawers and taking my things to the attic and dumping them there. I've finally gotten her to stop that one. Bizarre.

I ran into a friend I haven't seen for a couple of years. He starts telling me about his wife having an affair. It's something about the age, I swear.

Your story is too funny. I mean, sorry but I got a chuckle out of how wacko these women are.

HWW

journeyer,

One of the things that has been working for me is the following:

'no, I will not do that. It (whatever wacko thing she wants me to do) is designed to humiliate and degrade me. I will do this and adulteresses and those who are divorcing me will do that' (modify to fit the topic).

I've used that over taking my clothes to the attic, who sleeps in the master bedroom, talking to the OM on the phone in the house. I've been able to get her to comply.

HWW

Strange weekend. Started on Friday night. WW and I are sitting watching TV late at night. Recall; I have paid little attention to her for several days now, no talk about US at all. I guess this is becoming a tradition for me, but here is the ensuing conversation which she initiated(for reference, WW was gone all night last Sat. night):

her: Where you at (local bar) Saturday night?

me: No, I was here at home.

her: Your daughter told me you went out late.

me: I went to the grocery store around 11:30pm to get some coffee for morning because I just realized we were out, I was only gone about 15 minutes, ask your daughter.

her: (my youngest brother's wife) told me you were there and you were with (local woman I know, recently divorced and very attractive I might add).

me: I wasn't even there, (sister-in-law) never told you that.

her: Yes she did, I know you were with her.

me: (Laugh), you're full of it, I wasn't even there and no one told you that.

her. (screaming) yes you were, you ******, I hate you! I'm going to bed. (stomps off to bed, slams bedroom door)

me: continue to watch TV show.

Is this extent of insanity normal for WWs, or is there something seriously wrong with this woman? Bi-polar? Worse?

On to Saturday:

WW goes nowhere. She is quite ill, has pneumonia for 2nd time in a little over a month, taking very strong antibiotic(Cipro I think). That evening, she ask me to go to nephews baseball game with her. I oblige. We get there and she has terrible coughing spell and we have to go home.

Sunday: WW is very ill, along with pneumonia, she has severe urinary track infection(this is getting bad, I won't give all details as it is not pleasant, but she is passing blood), she is in bed all day and I am waiting on her hand and foot all day and persuading her to go to clinic. She refuses.

This morning: Me and WW are getting ready for work. She looks like a ghost she is so pale. Tells me she is so weak she can barely stand. I suggest, nearly beg her to stay home and I will call into work, and take her to clinic. She refuses. Ensuing short conversation:

Her: What was it that I took when I had this(urinary tract infection, which she is taking macrodantin for, going on 2 weeks now) before, that really helped me?

Me: (pondering question, briefly)

Her: You f'in ******, you don't care about anyone but yourself, I ask you a question and you just stand there like an idiot, F you, I hate you. This is all your fault that I'm sick anyways, loser!

Me: Leave room, get keys, go to work.

I don't know what is wrong with her that she's so sick and demented. Is there some type of STD that attacks both body and brain? I'm not kidding here, this is crazy, it's like something out of the twilight zone. I have surely descended into the very deepest depths of the abyss. God help me.

Well, my suspicions are confirmed. Noticed that WW is playing lots of solitaire on computer lately. Only that is just a cover for what she's really doing. Text messaging OM with some 3rd party TM service. Got the proof positive when I was outside watering our flowers yesterday evening and happened to be passing by the computer room window and she had the blinds open. Peeked in and watched her flip windows between solitaire and the TM program window. The phone number and message were clearly visible, but I couldn't make either out from that distance. She's not too bright. There is now a key logger on her profile that runs in stealth mode on start-up. It's just a matter of time now and I will have positive identity of OM and plenty of evidence to show OMW and whoever else needs to be exposed to. I have a freakin computer science degree for Christ's sake, not that I would need one to figure this out, but just how stupid can a WW be? I'll keep you all updated, but I have this feeling exposure is soon at hand.

Journeyer,

Do you want to save your M?

KM

KM,

I honestly don't know anymore. Part of me does, part of me does not. I still love her, but maybe not in a romantic way anymore like a man should love his wife. She has really pushed this to the extreme, the disrespect is just unreal. What do you think I should do? I welcome any advice.

Thanks,

J

Journeyer,

Just checking in with you to see how things are going with your wife. Mine is as "dug in" and stubborn as ever, but I'm still doing a combination of "Plan A" and fighting the affair with everything I've got. I too openly wonder why I'm fighting for her, and I don't have many feelings left, so God better move quickly if His plan is to restore my marriage, because more and more of my love for her is dying every day by her behavior.

I hope you are doing OK.

Choc.

J
I would wait until you have fully exposed and brought this relationship out to light before making any decisions. Your W is fully involved in the fantasy of the A and is acting as an "Alien" as they say. Bringing exposure and hopefully the end of the A will make her angry initially but with a good Plan A you will hopefully get your W back instead of the alien.

Also, I would move back to the marriage bedroom. If anyone is to leave it should be the one having the A.

I agree wholeheartedly. Taking back my own bed -- after months of ME sleeping on the couch, and HER comfortably in our bed, after she was the one who cheated on me -- was the best thing to happen to my integrity and my self-esteem thru this whole godawful ordeal.

Now SHE is the one sleeping across the house like a gypsy, first on the floor of a vacant bedroom, then in S10's bed while he was sleeping on the sleep sofa with his brother (their choice -- they enjoy "camping out" every summer this way), and now on the family room couch, coming full circle, as this is the very same couch that I used to sleep on.

She's still in contact with OM, but it makes me feel much better to be in my own bed. What finally did it for me was finding a text message on her phone where she said "I miss u. I'm all alone in this great big bed."

That did it.

Choc.

Ok, did my detective work really well, turned out I did not need the PI. Results?: There is no OM, what there is is OW! Yep, you heard that right, OW, I know her name, but not her phone number or address yet, just caught the 2 of them meeting Sat. night. She admits to it. Afterwards I went to talk to my daughter and she told me 'Dad, mom is a lesbian, have you not figured that out yet? OW is not married. Now what? How the ****** do I expose this? She says if I tell her family, she will say they are just friends and no one will believe otherwise. I didn't think this could get any worse. I think I cried for 2 hours after she admitted to this, and most of that time she either laughed or harassed me to hurry up and get my [censored] out to the kitchen table so we could get our list of 'dividing up our stuff' done so she can go live with OW? Just what the ****** am I supposed to do now to save my marriage?

Journeyer, we all have individual boundaries. A same sex affair would be a dealbreaker in my case. Being female is not an EN I can meet for Squid.

I hope others on the board can help you here.

I'm sorry mate. Thats grim news.

I'm so very sorry you're in this mess.

Be kind to yourself today. Its not your fault your WW is so messed up.

I think you may have to consider that you just can't save the marriage. Your WW would have to want to choose the M, and I don't see any sign of it now.

If you want to hold out hope and play every last card, you could go Plan B to protect yourself. Separate/Divorce. And don't get involved yourself with anyone for 1-2 years. Maybe your WW will come around in time. (Nothing is going to change for the better quickly.) It stinks.

- WG

Divorce. And I am very sorry for your pain.
End this now so you can get on with your life.
Protect your children.

Well, at least you know the truth. The only thing I would suggest is exposing her, so others know the truth, and getting the best lawyer you can find. I would not cooperate with her in a divorce, but let your lawyer do all the work. Since she is breaking up the family for her affair, you would want to go for primary custody and the house. Most of all, I would do your best to prevent her from dragging your DD into her sleazy affair. YUK.

She is blowing smoke. Expose the affair as soon as possible and people will believe you. I am new here and not as wise in these matters as others, but if it were me, I would go to Plan B immediately and not give up hope just yet. If you haven't started seeing a counselor yet, make an appointment.

Keep posting here -- These are good people. Good luck!

Journeyer,

We told you before, EXPOSE.

Exposure works equally well on all types of OP's!!! Does not matter if it is a straight / bisexual / homosexual relationship!

Destroy this Affair and you will still have a chance to turn this around!

You have, in your hands, the single best weapon to break up this affair. Are you going to use it or not?!

Journeyer, I'm sorry buddy. I've got one good friend that this happened to. He's doing really really well now. I'm sure you will find others to talk to who've been through this. You aren't the only one. Deep down you know their's someone else out there for you; that's what I'm beginning to believe.

HWW

I think to your earlier question, what do you do, nothing different than if it was an OM.

First off just like your daughter, people have that radar that they can just tell and when you expose it will just put a name to the feeling they have around your wife.

When exposing to adults use your daughter's words, dad don't you know mom is a lesbian. That would set me off if my daughter had that insight.

I know laws have relaxed about same sex relationships and custody but you can create a huge argurment that your daughter wasn't raised in a same sex home so she is not conditionf for that environment, so you can get full custody and you can get a RO on the partner. You just have to find a lawyer who will fight for you

J-
So sorry for you. I know that some couples stay together for the kids, but not sure that I could do that. Turns out that one of my good friends left her husband for another woman. She was a good friend for years and I had no clue. Neither did he. Did you ever have any indication?

Question is - do you really want to save the M now? I guess only you can answer. Are you willing to live with your WW knowing this? It's a toughie for sure. My thoughts are with you....