Well nobody's talking back but every day this thread gets more views, so hopefully somebody's listening.

Yesterday was 100 times better than the rest of the days this past week. My help came in - more or less on time (he works for store credit and sometimes his regular job needs him on Saturdays. He's a great worker - I can live with absences or tardiness)... and he helped me immensely by finishing up un-re-routing the stuff I had to re-route after the debacle on Wednesday. So things are nearly back to normal.

Sales were brisk yesterday too - which is much needed and hopefully tha trend will continue today. The day flew by smoothly, briskly and lucratively. My creditors will be pleased *g*.

I even got a decent night's sleep last night - 11:30-ish til 5-ish - that's a long stretch for me these days.

Just *maybe* my run of bad luck is over (knock on wood!).

JinGA

Another *onday!

I survived the last week - which was no easy feat at the business. Last night I took the kids out for a bit of geocaching after work. We found 5 before darkness killed our fun.

XH went to my mother's yesterday. We are "from" a 1000 miles from here where we live now. XH went home to visit with his parents, and my Mom and her companion happened to have a social thing planned with XH's parents, they'd planned it a few weeks before. My Mom had not seen XH's parents in several years (they live about 50 miles apart), but a few weeks ago Mom was in the area and dropped in on XH's parents. They were thrilled to see her, and they planned on attending a music festival just this past Saturday.

My Mom asked XH if he'd be willing to help her sort out some computer problems, and he agreed (Mom paid him too - her offer). He went there yesterday. Apparently when he decided to take his vacation and visit his parents, he didn't tell them (XH's Mom told my Mom).. my Mom commented to XH that she wished that one day I would surprise her with a visit like that (because in order for me to travel, XH has to cover for me at the store.) Mom told me he was enthusiastic about that and mentioned he could take a Friday off to cover for me (I could go for Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon and back on Tuesday) at some point in the near future. Mom told me that he acknowledged that I need a vacation and she said he sounded very sympathetic to that need.

That's an interesting perspective, because initially a few months ago (on my b'day) when I told XH that Mom wanted to spring for my airfare for a few days home, I basically got a F-U. He told me he had *his* plans set (those changed several times after that conversation), and he was taking his full 2 weeks, and that didn't leave any time to cover for me.

He later softened that stance, but to me he's never really appeared to acknowledge my level of burnout - at least not to the point where he'd discuss a "plan" to enable me to get out of Dodge for a few days. He agreed to wangling a few days off for me at some future point, but that's about it.

So at least now he's considering the "how" even if not the "when". And acknowledging to someone that I am in need of some time off is somewhat encouraging too. Until now he's been pretty selfish.

He has not contacted the kids at all since he left, nor they him - and yes they know where he is and that they could have called him at his parents' - for their own reasons they haven't opted to.

Mom said that XH told her that today he and his brother and niece are going camping until Friday, then he'll head back to our part of the world on Saturday. Unless he drives straight through, he'll be back Sunday.

Oh and he had his laptop with him and he showed my Mom the pictures of his vacation that he took last year with GF... Mom had some choice adjectives for GF <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> (She shared the adjectives with me, not with XH!)

I do miss him. I did have to call him a few times for help and advice on how to deal with all the adversity I faced last week, but haven't called since Friday. I called him Wed. evening during an emergency, for help, Thursday for advice on the computer - which was dead so I called a client who could help, and Friday when I had other mechanical failures - more to apprise him of the situation than anything else. Haven't called since. Unless some new junk happens this week (knock on wood) I shouldn't need to call him this week - and if he's camping in a National Park, chances are I won't be able to reach him anyway, so hopefully I got all my disasters out of the way last week *g*.

I do find myself wondering from time to time if GF is "gone" yet... the fact that he didn't go out there to visit her means something, especially since he was so he11-bent on going there when he first started making his vacation plans 3 months ago. She's been gone for 4 months now. He won't have vacation time for another year.

Perhaps my thinking is flawed - and I'm sure somebody will 2x4 me if it is... but I do think that once GF is out of the picture once and for all, XH and I still may have a shot at things. Once she's not on the front burner of his heart anymore, he may take a step back and look at what's here at home, and decide that it's worth at least exploring. I know my wondering about it won't make it happen, but I'm hanging on to that bit of hope anyway.

Meanwhile I'm just doing what I've been doing - carrying on, learning about myself, taking care of business. Life goes on.

I have learned in the last week that I'm stronger and more resourceful than I thought I was. Most of the things that went wrong last week, were typically things that XH takes care of. I was able to find help to do the things that were beyond my capability (replacing the hard drive on the computer) but I was able to figure out things I wouldn't have even attempted before (re-routing power after the brown-out, getting the peripheral stuff on the computer to work after the new drive was installed) - and amid all that chaos, I kept it together - I didn't break down and cry - although I sure did want to on more than one occasion!

I have always been strong - in my M I was the stronger of the two of us, but recently - in the last 6 months or so, I've learned that I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be. That's an important lesson. I am stronger now than I was 6 months ago, another important lesson.

I have always been resourceful, but I've even surprised myself this past week, as I try to rebuild some of the data that was lost in the computer crash - the important data was saved but much of what wasn't only had paper backups so things like templates and forms, I've had to re-create from scratch as I go along - and again that was something that XH usually did because he's more computer savvy than I (that's what he does for a living), and maybe I'm moving a bit more slowly than he does at such things, but I'm doing a lot of trial and error to figure those things out for myself.

The last 7 days have been grueling, but they have been a learning and growing experience. That's good for ME.

JinGA

Jin,

I've been gone for a week on my own "vacation".

Coming back is a crash. I don't like where I live. I only live here because of my kids.

You have a very weird situation. I can't even imagine my parents hanging out with my ex's. The anger on my parent's side is huge and they partly blame my ex's parent's for supporting their daughter regardless of her immoral behavior.

My mom is of an old school background. She said that if she had left my dad when we were all little that none of her family would have agreed to be a baby sitting service in order for her to go out trolling for men in clubs like my ex did shortly after our D. She said they would have never stood for that and would have told her to step up and take care of her kids.

I've once again had to restort to using lawyers to get my ex to comply with normal, friendly requests on my part. I've sent her several messages asking her to not bring her boyfriend to my house when we exchange the children. I've asked politely each time. I brought it up to my lawyer today who says she will talk with the other lawyer. More legal fees.

I only bring this up because I often think of you and the relationship you have with your ex. It is so civil and cordial compared to mine and I often wish we could get along in a similar way.

I wrote my ex a message which encouraged her to change the tone between us, but she said no.

There is some hope on the horizon. We're supposed to get a "Parenting Coordinator" which is basically a mediator who is a social worker or psychologist especially trained to deal with toxic couples. I had high hopes for this, but I've hit a snag. We'll see if it gets resolved soon because I believe in the process and have hopes that it can really help get us to that "business" relationship.

I still have no trust in my ex or her requests. She called me to ask if we could alternate our weekends with the kids and shift them from the current schedule. I said I have made plans for the weekends I'm not supposed to have the kids but that I'd be happy to let her have them this weekend to celebrate the boy's birthdays. She claimed that's the reason she wanted the shift. She huffed and puffed and got upset that I didn't want to. I don't understand why since I offered her one of my weekends to allegedly celebrate the boy's birthdays.

It leads me to believe she had other motives. Like the fact that my daughter was having a "daddy day" on Super Bowl Sunday, which wasn't one of my assigned days. Funny how my daughter hasn't had a "daddy day" since.

Did you go through this much turmoil shortly after your D?

I don't mean to threadjack. It seems like you don't mind the inputs, though.

Your H is a man who seems like he knows what he wants, but is afraid to take that step.

It's a no brainer to me in your situation, from what you've shared.

I always appreciate input, BD - we all learn from each other.

Your XW is a real piece of work - that's all I can say. I'm sorry that you're going through all this, and I admire your trying to take - no *taking* the moral high road. You can only do what you can do - if she's not playing nice - that's her problem and I don't know how old your kids are but if they don't see it yet, they will at some point, so keep doing what you're doing, doing your best - and the rewards will come.

I can't say as I've ever had that sort of issue with XH. I wouldn't play the kids against him, since I was in that boat when I was a kid. He tried a few times - but it takes two to tango and I simply did whatever was *best* for the kids.

However it was never as dramatic or as hostile as your situation and I'm grateful for that.

I did have a major snafu when I insisted that he not have unsupervised visitation while he was a casual pot smoker. I'd found paraphernalia in his car on a couple of occasions - he wasn't a heavy user, but getting pulled over and having that stuff in his car would have sent him to jail and my kids to child protective services - so after speaking with my attorney about it, I informed XH (we were separated at the time but there's no LS in my state), that he could see the kids, but not unsupervised - until he tested clean. He blew me off at first, but once he realized I was serious, ... well I can recall a very heated phone call one afternoon when I was heading home from a seminar, the kids were with my neighbour (the same one that XH had lived with for the first 6 months of our separation, and he'd been kicked out of there for various illegal activities)... he called me every name in the book - and some I'd never heard of.

That's OK. He knew I was serious - and I simply told him that he couldn't hurt me anymore - he could call me whatever he wanted to - I was sticking to my guns. Of course he denied that he was partaking - so I told him that if I'm making it all up, just submit to a test and make a fool out of me. He didn't call my bluff on that one.

Keep in mind that during this time I never prevented him from seeing the kids - I simply prevented him from seeing them *alone*. At the time we were still going out for dinner as a family on Friday nights, and he could come to the house to see the kids, or he'd take them to a jam session at a local music store, *with* our friend/neighbour. The kids barely noticed a change. I did tell them that at that time they weren't to be alone with their father, and I didn't say why, just asked them to trust me on that - which they did. They're smart kids, I'm sure they've got a few theories as to *why* - but they didn't ask, I didn't tell. I saw no value in undermining their relationship with their father - but I did see fit to protect them from dangers - him driving high with them, him getting busted, etc.

6 weeks after he ripped me a new one on the phone, (and life went on as usual with Friday dinners etc.) he sent me an email one day and said he was ready to take a test. He was clean. I've only administered a handful of tests - and none in the last year. I have no reason to think that he's using again - and in fact, in later discussions he admitted that self-medicating was interfering with his antidepressants. I can trust him enough that he's off the stuff, for his own good. We never discussed my 'forcing' his hand - and I really didn't. He can choose to do or not do - I just wasn't going to let our kids be affected by it. His choosing to get clean or not get clean was just that - *his choice*. I'm glad he made what I think we'd both agree, is the best choice - for him, for the kids - for everyone who might be affected by his actions.

That was probably the worst of it. That and last year when he bounced the mortgage check and blew me and my attorney off. I had to take him back to court on that one... but even that I left to the attorney to handle, I didn't discuss it with him therefore I didn't argue with him. We both showed up at court - I presented my side, he presented his (he never acknowledged that the check bounced and he never made good on it - he made a payment without telling me, but I had to make 2 to bring the account back to good standing)... so I showed my receipts and was awarded reimbursement and half my legal fees back. XH made an @$$ of himself in court that day - and the judge even told him so.

During that time (the court thing), we didn't see much of each other at all, because he'd walked away from our business several months before. That was due to pressure from GF. He returned to the business in January - voluntarily, when help was needed. When I called him to tell him about what had happened (it was sudden) - it was more or less to inform him - but he happily announced he'd come in the next day.

DD had previously told me she thought her father missed working in our business - it's something we both loved to do - and this may sound presumptuous but I think the grief he got at home for it wasn't worth fulfilling his obligation and responsibility at that time.

Once he returned, he resumed the duties he'd always done - and GF left him a short while later. 6 weeks after he returned to working just on weekends (not at all during the week) GF went away for 6 weeks leaving her kids with XH (!!!) and 3 days after she returned, she announced she was moving herself and her kids back to their home state. They were gone 2 1/2 weeks later, and XH began coming in for brief periods during the week, as well as weekends.

Yeah - I see our situation as a no-brainer too, BD - we get along better than we have in years, and I think I have the tools now to be a much better wife to him than I was before. I have seen changes in him for the better, that I believe if he wanted to, he could be a much better husband than before. Just the fact that his depression is well under control would make all the difference in the world. Even now if he has a 'bad day', he can own it and not crap all over me or whomever else is standing before him. Instead of flying off the handle over nothing - if I notice he's subdued, I will ask if he's OK and he can just say, "I'm having a day"... I'll ask if there's anything I can do - typically he says no, and I just leave him be and he gets through it on his own, but knows that I'm sensitive to him and supportive of him.

If only we'd had *that* we'd never have split, I don't think.

Unfortunately as long as GF is in the picture, I don't think he'll even consider reconciling. And I know this sounds like a DJ - and it likely is - but why he'd choose a phone/internet relationship with someone who wouldn't even stay here to live with him, over his own home, family and 20 years of history - and there was lots of *good* history - is beyond me. We had it all once - we could have it all again - and MORE. This time, we could have the maturity and the methods to work out any differences, to POJA - he could have his home back, his lifestyle, more financial stability than we have ever had (not that money and stuff mean more than they should - but they don't hurt!)... it's all right here - all he has to do is want it.

I don't know if he'll ever want it.

I know what I want. With or without him - I am making the most of my life right now. I feel better, I look better, I'm getting out and doing things - I'm LIVING. That in itself is a victory, and a big step in my own recovery.

I had a good couple of days - I'm almost back to 'normal' after all the junk that went down last week.

I went out to a business networking thing this morning - despite hellacious freeway traffic (wrecks in both directions - between lane closures and rubberneckers - ARGH!)... then I went geocaching and found 12 (woohoo!) and headed back to open the shop at 4 (it's my short day).

Good sales - got stuff done - I'm dead tired but it was both a leisurely and productive day - two things that don't often happen at the same time!

XH should be back in the shop a week from today. He's due back on Sunday but the shop is closed Monday so I likely won't see him til Tuesday.

I do miss him - but I'm glad he's spending time with *our* loved ones, and I'm looking forward to an opportunity to do the same in the near future.

JinGA

I've been very bummed today. I wish I didn't live here.

I can't even imagine getting along with my ex the way you do with yours. I really hate being around her.

I saw her tonight at our daughter's orientation night for school. I see battles brewing. The YMCA offers before and after school programs, and I'm sure they're much cheaper than daycare. I can see her not agreeing to it just because it would require her to make two stops at night vs one, but will end up costing much more. Guess who pays?

I feel very lonely right now. The woman I've been out with a few times told me she doesn't have the heart for dating right now and hopes I understand. That didn't help my mood either.

It's too bad because I thought we had a great time on our dates.

Oh well.

I'm threadjacking again.

Losing his GF isn't going to wake him up. I really think it will be something much more serious to do so. Either you moving on or you getting ill or some reality check that he could really lose you someday.

If that doesn't do it, who knows what will.

I'm just surprised with the level of interaction between him and your family. I can't even imagine anything like that.

BD - sorry you're feeling down. I've had my days too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Well about something "serious" waking him up - he was within 5 minutes of being on that bridge in MN and that didn't "wake him up". Although 4 days later when I was late for work on a Saturday he freaked out enough to miss the note I left and went into my house to "investigate".... and he still didn't wake up.

And while I hate to think of bad happening to either of us, I think you may be right - grave illness - either on his part or mine, *might* have an effect - but God knows I don't want to go there to prove or disprove that line of thinking.

As for moving on - I am moving forward with my life - I'm not interested in dating anyone except XH - he's shown a bit of jealousy around people he has perceived as "interested" (even if they weren't)... but clearly that's not enough either.

Maybe he's not meant to "wake up" - or maybe he is "awake" and he's just not interested. I don't know.

JinGA

Well I've officially been asked on a date. I think I mentioned a couple of weeks or so ago, a fellow geocacher jokingly mentioned that he'd buy me dinner if I was the first to find his recent hide - and I was. I never heard back from him, and I didn't "follow up".

Well I found another of his hides early this morning and I was the first to find. I posted my log on the game's website, and an hour or so ago he emailed me to congratulate me, and mentioned that he hasn't forgotten that he 'owes' me a dinner and would I like to go out tomorrow night?

I'm flattered - and mortified. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I don't know what I should do. It's *just* dinner - not a marriage proposal... part of me wants to go - why not? I'm divorced, and while I want to reconcile with XH, he's apparently not interested... so why not?

On the other hand... I don't know if I should.

It's just dinner... so I shouldn't make more of it than that, I'm just in totally uncharted territory here.

I haven't answered the gentleman's email yet - even if I accept I don't want to seem 'too eager' - I'll reply by the end of the day... I just don't know if I should or shouldn't.

I've met him once in person, and we've corresponded by email a handful of times about geocaching-related stuff... I initiated contact with him a few months ago regarding some of his "themed" hides near local gold panning sites, because my son wants to try gold panning and his hide pages noted that if anyone wanted info on prospecting and panning, to feel free to contact him - so I did. After that, we've exchanged a few notes on tricky hides that either one of us had difficulty finding - if one of us had found it before, the other would email for a hint.

We met a few weeks ago at a group event. He seems nice enough - no reason *not* to go to dinner, just that I feel weird considering where my feelings lie - with XH.

A few here have told me that if I did date and "move on" that XH might realize that he risks losing me - and that's fine, but I don't want to try this strategy at somebody's expense.

Not to mention that I haven't been in the dating scene since I was a kid - and I only ever went out with boys that I was already in an exclusive relationship with. I have absolutely *no* experience in casual dating, period.

HELP?! What should I do?!

JinGA

It's just dinner not a promise to marry him. Why not go out, have a good time and just let it be that. Your EXH can make anything he wants out of it but really, it's not his business, and yes, it may very well give him the wake up call you want him to have. If nothing else, you met a new friend.

Well, XH isn't even in town - he won't be back til Sunday or whatever - I don't expect to see him or hear from him til Tuesday.

You're right - it's dinner, not a marriage proposal... I need to just settle down and not overthink it. I'm notorious for that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I've been out to dinner with male friends - no big deal. One is like an older brother to me (only a couple of years older), and we both went through marriage breakdown at about the same time (in fact XH stayed with him for 6 months when we first split up) - but there was *never* anything more than a brother/sister type of friendship.

Another guy I've known for years (and XH knows him too) we used to go out to Trivia night on Monday nights - again, not in a dating way - just as friends. In fact if he saw an attractive woman, he would tell me if he thought of asking her for a date! (I'm soooooo one of the guys!).

I'll wait a little while and probably send him a note back, accepting his invitation. I guess my apprehension is that I've got zero experience in just a dinner type of date, so I am not sure what to do!

He suggested seafood - asked if I eat fish as well as sell them! Then apologized for the bad joke (I hear those all the time!).

I'm not big on seafood, in fact I'm allergic to shellfish - so I guess in my reply I'll perhaps suggest something other than seafood? I'm more "turf" than "surf"... I can eat fish, but not shellfish and such.

JinGA

Jin,

Dating is much easier when you're older. I feel that people are a lot more open and mature. This isn't like when you're a kid, go on one date, and then find yourself thinking you're committed.

People take things much more maturely. Put it this way, I was hung up on my ex until I gave myself a break to get over her and then started dating again. I've been extremely impressed with the women I've met so far. They are independent, mature, and stable.

I encourage you to go with an open mind. You may find that you see that you've been eating tough stuff this whole time and could have been having filet mignon all along!

That's what I've found dating again. The women I've met are leagues above my ex. Then again, just about any "normal" person is leagues above, but that's a different issue.

Go to a steak house or nice Italian place. I'm a big fan of sushi, but it doesn't sound like you are. :^)

Good luck.

Actually I've tried Sashimi once and liked it (tuna) - I just have to be careful to avoid shellfish - and occasionally the language barrier makes it too risky to try something that I don't exactly know what it is *g*. If I accidentally had something with shellfish, cephlopod (octopus, squid) or mollusks in it - the date would go horribly wrong, fast!! *g*

Nothing like an anaphalactic shock to put a damper on the evening!

Having said that - I don't mind going to a seafood restaurant if I can get something else... I've eaten at Red Lobster and had a nice steak and pasta... so it's not that big of a deal...

I guess I should just go for it - I've got nothing to lose at this point, right?

JinGA

Could be filet mignon compared to what you've had all along!

Jin - Finally chiming in... I concur with BD. At the very least think of it as an evening out with someone who has a genuine interest in you. Even if just for a couple of hours. It might be a little nicer than the shoulder shrugging aloofness that you've been dealing with all this time.

True that - I just want to keep it light and friendly - hopefully he does the same - I guess I'm worried about getting in over my head and I need to quit putting the cart before the horse.

If we have a good time, perhaps he'll ask me again - and if not, so be it. At least my ego isn't hanging on how this goes *g* and perhaps just the lack of pressure from myself, might actually make it a nice evening!

I guess all my nervousness comes from not having been in this type of social setting before!

Yeah - I'm nuts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

JinGA

Not nuts at all. I'm kind of curious how you're processing this idea. As I start to contemplate reentering the dating scene myself, I wonder what motivates women in my demographic. The last time I did this, I was dealing with a different age group. Now... Even women my age who are NMNK are at least usually entrenched in their careers and a bit more serious and focused than when they were in their 20s. The way people correspond has changed too with the prevalence of cell phones and email and PDAs.

So what's your anxiety here? That he might not like you after all? That you might not like him and find yourself stuck in a boring 2 hour dinner? That maybe he's an axe-wielding maniac who's only interested in you for your liver?

Make two lists; one that says why you should say yes, and one that says why you should say no. Looking at the reasons as they're written down might help give you an interesting perspective.

Arghhhh! You're over thinking this, Seabird!

Dating now is very enjoyable because things are so different with women in their 30's than with those in their 20's. Women in their 30's are so much better!

Just go and don't think about it. Yes, you still have feelings for your ex, but it's been a while and you haven't really explored your options. Heck, you may have never sampled the other options. You may find that you have a bond with someone that is great.

I went on 4 dates with a woman I really liked. She ultimately didn't want to go further, but the dates were fun and nothing ever happened between us. I never even held her hand. We had great conversations and had fun going go carting and just talking.

I think it's healthy to date that way.

Keep it fun and light and don't over think it.

Be up front and be honest that this is your first real date since your D and that you're a little nervous. I wouldn't talk too much about your ex.

Open your mind. Your heart may follow.

Think of this as well: You will always have a part of you that loves your ex. He's the father of your kids and you have an amicable relationship. My mom still cares for my dad and it's been 10 years since their D, but she's happily married to a good man.

Dinner may lead somewhere. It may lead nowhere. Go into it with no expectations.

I think this is great for you and a big first step.

My biggest internal conflict is that I'm still in love with my XH. Going out with somebody else kind of flies in the face of that.

However - it's *just* dinner. I've gone to dinner with male friends who are just that - friends - no pressure, no expectations, we go out, eat, play trivia or whatever (I used to go with a male friend to a trivia night because we stood a chance of actually winning if we were on the same team!)... and that was fine. However those friends were people I knew - even if it was a one-on-one dinner, I didn't have to wonder if I should kiss him good night or anything like that - and it was usually Dutch treat - so it was plain and simple.

The gentleman that has extended the invitation is someone I've met through my hobby. We've only corresponded by email a few times - all about hobby stuff, and we've met in person once - so my looks didn't drive him away *g*. I lack a bit in the self-confidence department - and I've had reason to - I'm not ugly - but I wouldn't win any beauty contests - however in recent months I've started to lose weight again (lost 50 lbs 8 years ago and have kept it off, plus or minus a few stubborn pounds) but I need to lose more - but recently the scale is being nicer to me... I've updated my look a bit - a few new bits of clothing, contact lenses... nothing drastic, just kind of trying to make more of what God gave me, so to speak. My 'updates' have been noticed - mostly by female clients, but just yesterday an older male client told me my hair looked good (LOL and it was a bad hair day!)... I'm pretty plain really - I don't wear makeup most of the time - but I will put on a bit now and then, and I dress simply and practically - and appropriately for my age and body type. I don't stand out in a crowd - put it that way - nor would I want to.

I'm also 'one of the guys' and I have been most of my life, so I'm not at all accustomed to being thought of as "date" material - particularly since I was with XH from the time I was 17 until we separated when I was 37. So I haven't done the dating thing as an adult. Yes I had an R post M, but it was someone I had known through business circles (although we didn't meet face to face until the flirting started), we'd served on a board of directors together etc., so I already knew who he was and what he was about, for a few years beforehand - although our relationship was strictly professional until that point.

So here's this 40-year-old tomboy (who cleans up alright) about to go on a date with somebody I've only met in person once and whom I don't know beyond a few casual emails about a game we play.

I'm not worried about being stuck, I'm not worried about whether I can be entertaining - no, none of that. We have something in common as we share the same hobby so that's a good starting point.

No pressure - no expectations - I like that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And hopefully he will have the same notions - perhaps *that* is what I'm worried about - but I'll never know til I get there.

I'm going to *stop* overthinking, reply to his email and tell him I would like to join him for dinner tomorrow evening and let the chips fall where they may.

How's that?!

JinGA

What is NMNK??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Never married, no kids?

I believe the gentleman who asked me out is in that "group".

JinGA

Never Married, No Kids is correct.

Have fun! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BTW - I did have a relationship after XH and I split up - but we kind of jumped the gun on things - he lived with me for a while - but it didn't work out. Will NOT make that mistake again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> (XH did the same thing!)

So I have had a taste of 'other options' I just picked the wrong one the first time out. I could come up with a million reasons why I did what I did but they are all excuses so I won't even try to fool anyone. I was lonely, and yep probably more than a bit desperate and I screwed up. Lessons learned.

Maybe that's what I'm afraid of...

However, what I do know of this gentleman is that he seems to be independent, so I'm not likely to get into that same sort of rut if it moves past one date - and that's a good thing because I'm not looking for a commitment or anything else right now. An interesting companion to go to dinner with, or maybe geocaching, since we share that in common, would be just fine - I'm nowhere near ready for anything more.

So I'm going to just run with it, perhaps be on my guard a little - but not make more of it than it is.

And Seabird, I'm still chuckling at the "axe-wielding maniac" comment LOL! No that never really crossed my mind - but I do check the sex offender registry here (I have a registered sex offender living next door - so one can't be too careful!). Sad that in this day and age we tend to assume the worst about people, isn't it?

I haven't replied to his email yet - still contemplating what to say - but I think I'll go. I've got no good reason not to.

JinGA