Thanks for the bump E. I'll update the thread tomorrow. Interaction went better than I expected. I was able to make several "deposits". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keep praying.

Thinking of you, always!

I’ve had a busy weekend and haven’t had time to update my thread. A lot has happened.

I was on the phone with a friend Friday night. He called my cell phone. Wanted to talk to DS before bed. UM, OK, so how many times a week should I be answering the phone to let him talk to his son?

I stayed on the phone, put DS to bed & was actually up till 3am. The phone rang Sat morning at 10:30 (I was in a dead sleep!!). It was him. He left a message on home phone. I did not answer. He called cell phone, I did not answer. Called a friend for some advice. He wanted to come see DS & take him out for ice cream or something, just for 30 minutes. He was leaving on Sun to fly 3000 miles away for a conference. He wouldn’t get DS on his Wed overnight this week and he would have to pick him up Sat AM instead of Fri PM for his weekend.

He called back again and I finally answered. I made plans for us to go to the pool. I wanted to have an excuse. He always wants a valid reason for me not “letting” him do something. He said he at least wanted to come by to hug him.

So, here’s where I make some deposits to his LOVE Bank!! I asked why he was going across country, conference or something??? He said it was a business thing for people with his certificate. I said, "oh, you don't have your certification anymore. (he has to re-certify every 2 years for it. Last Oct (month before he left), he took & failed the test. I urged him to retake it. This was many years of hard work to get it in the first place. He was just going to let it lapse. He said he really didn’t need it anymore. OK, whatever. But, this was one of the times I DID encourage him for “professional growth”. He said he actually just got put on "suspension" for 1 year. He can still retake the written by this Oct & keep his certification. He said he's thinking about it. I encouraged him to do that. POINT !!! :-)

I told him we were getting ready to head to the pool. He said he was about 5 min away & just wanted to stop by. He could dress him, wouldn't slow us down. He was on his way back from the mountains. I said, "oh, why were you in the mountains?" He said he was in a bike race. "Oh, how did you do???" POINTS...he said he came in last. I said, Oh, sorry, at least you got to race, or something like that. MORE POINTS!! (this is the “personal” accomplishments I don’t encourage)

I said, OK, you can stop by. UGGGG, my house is NASTY. DS said he didn't want to see daddy, but when he showed up he was excited. He wanted to go get his shoes. He thought he was going with him. He started pitching a fit. UGGG. WH sat in the dining room & got DS dressed. We had some small talk. He asked about the street signs in the neighborhood that had been painted, I complained about the guy across the street that parks his truck in the street (OK, maybe took some points away here). He asked who was on the board (he was Pres. of HOA for 2 years & on board for 3). He asked about what DS was watching on TV, if I was letting him see Spiderman movies or not, & stuff like that. I was walking around trying to get things together but still trying to converse with him. He told DS he was going on a big airplane. I said, "DS, ask Daddy to bring us something back from his trip, mommy's never been there before". He said he could do that. He said he'd send DS a postcard. He'd mail Monday (our anniversary*today ). He said he would be back around midnight Fri & would call Sat about getting DS. I told him several times to be careful. He left, I locked the door. He knocked back on it and said, "thanks for letting me come by to see him." I said, "you're welcome...be careful". He said he would.

OK, so I thought that went well. He did not allude at ALL about knowing about the email. HMMM, who knows.

Fast forward to Sat night. I met my Christian Mommy Meetup at a church to watch a movie. The girl I met that WH works with him was there. Both of them. She said that she showed hubby the email (I had sent it to her, didn't know his addy), he came in Fri from work saying it was all over the company. (I figured that). Apparently a few months before WH left me, he was giving some guy at work grief about leaving his wife, now he did the same thing. He’s being called on that. I talked to the hubby before we left. He said, "so, 2 people had a really bad day at work on Friday." I'm like, "Oh, really??" He said they both sat hovered over their laptops all day with their IM tiny. The email started flying. He's not sure how high up it got. I told him I hoped it wasn't being sent around as a joke on me. He said that apparently she's broken up another marriage before, she needs to lose her job. HMMMMM...not sure who he was talking about. I asked about her XBF. he doesn't know him. I'm thinking it might be him, according to his Myspace, he's divorced.

SSSOOOOO. Looks like they know. Wonder why he was so quiet about it. Is the war about to begin? My mom thinks he's relieved. It's all out in the open, nothing more to hide. I don't know. I'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall in a meeting room for a few weeks. I bet he's ecstatic that he'll be 3000 miles away for a week. Won't have to face anyone. Hope the disgust doesn't die down.

I’ve personally not gotten any more responses to the email. That’s surprises me a little. One other guy (I’ve met a few times) replied and said, “I wanted to let you know that your family has been in our prayers since we first heard what happened. I think it’s wonderful that you’re a strong enough person to be able to put all of this behind you to fix your family. We wish you, DS, and WH the best and hope that everything works out for you.

Quite a few people know what’s going on and will have no problems believing the truth.

Please let DW or I know if we can do anything at all to help you through this trying time.

I thought that was sweet.

K:

Call the OW at the office.

She might be 3000 miles away.

Just a thought.

LG

lg, I was thinking the same thing.

When WH left he changed his address with the Post Office. therefore all the bills have been going to him. I've told him several times to stop the forwarding. He makes excuses. He would put "my" bills in DS' bag when he brings him home. I pay what he brings me.

Several weeks ago I had a feeling there were some he hadn't brought me. i asked him at least twice look for any.

The leasing company with my car & my cable company have left messages this week. I asked him Tue if he had looked, that they were calling. I called them yesterday and sure enough, June bills were not paid and July are due in 2 more days. Cable company said they were about to disconnect (at least that's what I understood from the Indian lady on the other end). I paid both months of cable (with a late fee) and paid June for the car. I will pay July today or tomorrow. So, here's the email I sent him...


Hope you're enjoying your trip. Hope you get lots of goodies from the vendor (I always love vendor "gifts") <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

When you get back, will you please look for any bills you've not given me. As I mentioned the other day, Leasing company and cable company had called here. I called them back. Neither payment for June had been made. Cable said service was about to be cut off. They added a $4.95 late fee. July payments for each are due on the 28th. I've not seen those bills either. Please look and see what you have.

Have you stopped the address forwarding yet? I asked Leasing Co to put my address on my car, but that won't help if the post office is still forwarding the mail.

In the notebook I put in DS's bag, I have put a folder in there for bills. This way they won't get misplaced if they may be falling out of his bag at school or something. We need to keep that book in his bag.


Thanks for your assistance

And his response via IM today.


[12:48] WH: I'm sorry about the bills. they're stuffed down in my laptop bag...
[12:48] WH: I'll get the address changed but we're going to have to figure out how to get them delivered to the right place/person
[12:48] WH: Insurance Co and Leasing Co is a pain
[12:48] WH: Cable's not so bad
[12:53] ME: you are going to have to stop the address forwarding with the Post Office. I already asked Leasing Co to correct the address but that doesn't fix it since the post office will still forward to you.
[12:53] WH: I know I know... sorry.

He should NOT have changed his address in the 1st place. Should've just called each company (the few he was to pay) and have them put his address on them. GET OUT OF THAT FOG AND THIS WON'T BE HAPPENING!!!!

I picked DS3 up from daycare on Friday & noticed his ear was red & swollen. At first I thought he was just laying on it. It didn't get any better so later that evening I took him to one of the late night doctors. 1 hr & 20 min later, 2 bug bites on the ear & 2 prescriptions...he is super sensitive to bug bites. He showed him self big time trying to leave Target. He showed himself ALL weekend. I was so frustrated! Really hating being a single mom!

WH gets paid every other Fri. My lawyer was mistaken so the court papers say he is to pay me the 15th & last day of the month. I need to get this changed. So, he gets paid Fri. He did not transfer $...Sat, did not transfer $$, Sun, did not transfer $$. I sent him this yesterday...


12:04 PM me: morning. I have GOT to get the mortgage paid today, when were you going to transfer $$?

12:05 PM WH: just did it. sorry I didn't get a chance friday. did you get my email or IM about the last few weekends in august? I still show me having him three weekends in a row. did you want to do that or is there a particular one (before or after labor day) that you'd prefer to switch?

12:07 PM me: what was the reason for the 2 weekends in a row?

WH: you had memorial day so I asked for labor day
or whichever day is coming up...I always get confused

12:08 PM that actually makes it 3 weekends in a row

12:10 PM me: did you want him the Labor Day Weekend or just on Labor day?

12:11 PM WH: that 3 day weekend
me: that is a Monday. I'm sure daycare will be closed

WH: right
monday included. I'd bring him home monday evening
or I can take him to school tues morning. your call really

12:16 PM me: the weekend before I have plans. Let's tentatively say he'll be home the 2 weekends after that. He'll be with you the weekend of 24th, then Labor Day, then hone the next 2. Oh, and I have plans on my birthday, so he can be with you that Wednesday

WH: ok, sounds good. I'll update the calendar

12:17 PM me: can you put the white notebook back in his bag please?

WH: yes, sorry. its still in my suitcase from the trip to st. louis.

12:18 PM me: I need to update some things. I took him to Doctor's Care Fri late afternoon. His ear was red & swollen when I got him from school. Didn't look much better as the day progressed. He just got bit twice on the ear by a mosquito. He's just hyper sensitive. He's on Zyrtec for 30 days & a steroid till Wed

12:19 PM WH: ok
me: he just gets the Zyrtec before bed

12:20 PM WH: in the future would you be willing to call if you take him to a doctor or he goes on any medication? I'd just like to know. not that I question the choice. thanks.


Anytime I open the mailbox and find an envelope in there from my lawyer I stand in the driveway with a sick feeling and my heart pounding. today was one of those days. There was a letter in there to me stating that mediation had been set for 9/7 at 9am. Another letter was to the former judge who will be mediating. It said that my lawyer has hearings at 10, 10:45 & 11am. They informed WS's lawyer, but they said they want to proceed with mediation. So, exactly how can I be in mediation WITHOUT my lawyer???

I'm terrified...I'm NOT ready for this!!!!!

HHHEEELLLPPP!!!!

Call your attorney's office and ask him what he intends to do about this. Do not agree to mediation without representation.

Ditto what h&p said - see my e-mail I sent you.

Update on my weekend.

So, Friday was exchange day. I was meeting a friend for our kids to play in the fountains downtown. Since WH works downtown I asked if he could just meet me down there. He said that would be fine. He would leave around 5 & be there about 5:15.

We were just getting started playing around 4. I looked up and saw him walking down the stairs about 4:15. I looked at my phone & he had sent a text message saying he was there. Um...what happened to you calling first?

He walked up & I told him we were just getting there. He said that was fine, he had no plans. OK, so now I'm out in public having to be cordial to WH. It was uncomfortable. We both played around in the water with DS. We chatted about some things. He played for a while then went & sat on a bench. Back to his normal stance. My friend chatted with him a bit.

I kept trying to think of Plan A things to say. I asked if he knew about a co-worker of his that was getting married (I just found out that day). He asked me if I had talked to my Deaf friend that he had met the other week. I asked what kind of conversation they had. He knows VERY little sign language. Only what I have taught him. This was something I was passionate about and teaching DS. He tried a bit, but wasn't as interested. I asked him last fall to take a class with me. "um...I've got too many other things going on". Well, YES you do!!! I asked him how he liked being a manager (since he left he has become the mangager of his dept.). He said the same, just more paperwork.

I tried to play around with the kids, be happy (I wasn't really acting, just making sure he was aware).

At one point I just started crying. It's just so hard to have him that close & know he doesn't want me. I've been thinking more lately about what they MIGHT be doing. It's killing me! My friend told me that it would be OK. DS was having fun & his mommy & daddy were there.

They got up & left about 6:15.

So...I'm thinking he came to check up on me...see who I was with...eat into some of "my" time. his pickup time isn't until 6.

As I may have stated before, several months before he left, he had started growing a beard. He's never been able to grow one over the years. I didn't think too much about it, but after he left it got worse. It's not like a nice, clean cut one, just a yucky unmanaged bunch of facial hair. I know he's been hiding his pain / humiliation behind it. I've been wondering if SHE's liked it.

Well, when he dropped DS off tonight (5pm, 1 hour early, not unusual)...he was CLEAN SHAVEN!!! He doesn't look like a homeless man anymore. HMMMMM. Now, it's been like 105 degrees here all week, but it's been hot all summer. Why NOW would he choose to shave it? I lost my chance....afterward I thought I should've walked up, rubbed his cheek & told him how good it looked! I LOVE when his face is all nice & clean!!!

So, anyone have any observations???????? I'm stumped. Also, not wanting to read anything into it.

Did you get your house all clean and sparkling yet? I do hope you are working on that.