She wants to bury it under a rock and pretend it never happened. She'll have to face her full consequences sometime and she's feeling guilty, even if she is or isn't still having the A.

For us, we had to focus on the positives. And that meant that the only time we could empty out the pain and lash out in a safe place was a MC. Another thing that I did, you might try...

JOURNAL.

I kept an online private journal. It was where I vented and worried and lashed out when I couldn't at my FWH. My husband knew of the journal. Didn't like it. BUT.

He had the password to it and I warned him. "If you ever want to know EXACTLY what I'm feeling or EXACTLY how I felt, go there. But I do not hold back. But you do not need to go there nor should you feel as if you should."

He didn't read it for a little while, but has since. From beginning to now. He had to prepare himself. My journal was brutal. I made him understand that it was my safe place. I just needed to vent somewhere sometimes.

You don't have to tell your WW about it, but it's a good idea to journal. Especially when you are gone as you are... it's a good thing. You can empty out those harmful emotions so you can coherently THINK.

It's what worked for me.

Pio...you noticed I didn't say never when I mentioned the affair, but did when I said I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. I learned to never say never because that is when the devil says, "We'll just see about that!"

Will...I am currently doing a Bible Study Journal and my wife is doing a journal as well, but obviously don't have access to it...

I talked at length with pastor last night and he told me a lot of stuff that I figured but he just confirmed it. He said that she has been lying CONSTANTLY to him and her best friend at church about what is going on with OM...They told her that if she lies again, (he told me that she is lying so much that she thinks that she is telling the truth) they were cutting her off and she was on her own...He told me that he didn't want to, but he couldn't help someone that doesn't want help. I was floored...He asked her, "Are you prepared to lose your family for an alcoholic ex-con who obviously has no boundaries or value of marriage?" She didn't say anything...She is losing everyone that means anything to her except her family obviously. My pastor told her that I had every right Biblically to divorce her and because of what she is exposing our kids to, she could lose them as well. She told him that I would never do that and he asked her why she was so sure. She replied that I would never do that to her because I knows how much she loves the kids. He replied with, "Right now there is no evidence of it with the life that you are leading!" Floored again...He said that she was visibly shaken, but wouldn't admit it. He told me that she is almost at the breaking point one way or the other. He asked me if I am prepared to fight once I get home and said, "he$$ yes!" It was an eye-opening conversation and realized that the fog is still pretty heavy in her life. I am just floored...

Your wife is acting perfectly normal for a wayward spouse. The telling lies is what they ALL do. She is just like a drug addict that is willing to throw everything away for her drug of choice.

Stay in Plan A, and let her know that you will fight for your marriage.

I know, but you know, I think I have been lying to myself about how heavy the fog was...I am worried for my kids...My WW was told by the doctor this morning that our youngest daughter has walking pneumonia. I am just worried...

You need to be worried for your kids. Is the guy still locked up? Hopefully you will be home before long.

Have you exposed to her parents? I forgot.

Since she has been lying to everyone, I am not sure if he still is or not...I have 47 days till I start my 8 day trek home...I haven't talked to her parents directly, no, but her mom already knows...

I would contact her parents and let them know that you want to keep your family together and would appreciate any help they could give toward that end. They may support her in her horrible choices, but at least you have let them know where you stand.

And get a new travel agent.

Pio...Ha ha ha ha ha...I have to leave here a week ahead of time because of how hard it is to get out and get to Bagram Air Field before I leave on "R&R"...Stupid and unnecessary...Then I have to fly all the way back to Dubai to quit...Sucks...The only good thing is I have the Dubai to Atlanta flight which means I will be in Houston at 8:00 am...

Dubai to Atlanta? That's got to be a 16 hour flight. Ouch!

If I were you I would head for the airport about 5 hours ahead of time if you happen to be on the other side of the creek? I've spent 2 hours on the bridges alone at times. I haven't been to Dubai in 2.5 years but I am told it has just gotten worse.

I usually get to Dubai, early in the morning, go to the mall, go jewelry shopping, and then head for the airport around three hours before flight. It isn't that bad...My flight leaves before the masses, so that is good too...I don't mind the 16 hours as long as I know that when i get off I am on home soil...

You must be flying Emirates. I don't think anybody else would make that haul and, if they did, would not get landing rights at Dubai.

While you're at the mall, why not go snow skiing?

It is actually Delta...Emirates is still only flying to JFK, and then December will fly straight to Houston...But I know several people who have taken this Delta flight and they really like it..We'll see...Have already been snow skiing and was very strange...But cool...Mall of the Emirates is awesome...

Another update...My wife calls me 1:00am CST crying and said that she is a horrible mother and can't believe she got herself into this mess (heard this before)...Tells me that OM was over at MY house and that she told him it was over (heard this before also). She told me that a couple of hours before they were in the front yard and he manhandled her in front of the neighbors (don't know what to believe). I told her I want to help her but can't until she is ready for NC for life. She said she is ready. WE'LL SEE...I realize now why my pastor told me the other night why she had been lying to them...He got out of jail on Monday and she LET HIM STAY IN MY HOUSE...I didn't know what to say except listen. She left and went to her dad's house and that is when she called me and told me that she is ready to live right and do what God wants her to do...Again, we'll see...Now I realize why all week why she was so short on the phone and wouldn't talk but 3 or 4 minutes...He was in the background...She told me pastor has been mean to her, and I said I don't feel sorry for her because her and I are licensed ministers in the church and he holds us to a higher standard than anyone else. I told her that he was the same way with me when we were going through MC and stuff was my fault. she said she was sorry and that she does not want the kids in that environment anymore and that she was sorry that she put them in that position...Again, we'll see...Do you think she is coming out of the fog?

Actually everything she says is plausible. You are skeptical and with every right. The fact is there is not a whole lot you can do until you get home.

BUT

Things are not all rosey with OM. Good news. It would be very helpful for her to set NC in stone right now. Is there anything you can think of and that she would agree to that would help her with NC?

One fear I have is that OM might become abusive.

Restraining order? Jail has meaning to this guy.

WW's resolve is also very weak right now. If OM has contact, he'll convince her she is mistaken about his manhandling. WW's always want to believe in OM. Tragic really.

I have the same fear already, and to be honest, if he did lay a hand on her, well...As far as NC, I really can't think of anything except for moving, restraining order is a good idea, but what if she goes against it...She told me that it is all her fault that she got involved with him, and she is the one that lied to him and said that we were separated and in process of getting divorce when I came over here...News to me...She said that she was sorry for that too...Boy, the more I think about him in my house this week, the more I have visions of them, well, you know, and get mad....I am trying to Plan A really hard even though I am not there, and I am glad that our pastor and her friend from church are helping because I think it has made a difference...BTW, what did you mean by Jail has meaning to this guy??

I mean he's been there. He knows exactly what will happen for violating a RO. I would go for it. She might violate it. That would prove she isn't sincere. But having that document means that if she changes her mind, OM is in trouble.

Let go of the anger BTW. I know what you mean but you will have a lot of time to deal with that later. It isn't the priority of the day.

How would you file an RO? As far as anger, I mean I know my wife chose this, but to know he has put his hands (out of anger or otherwise) on my wife, I think it is just starting to sink in...I am just trying to deal with it in a constructive way by saying it here rather than holding it in...

I'm talking about that mental image of OM in your house that is eating you from the inside out. Been there. I know it isn't easy. Just don't let it get in your way right now. Things sound like they are starting to turn your direction. Keep the inertia going.

I've never had to get a RO so I don't know. Maybe someone on here does. But I would enlist the help of pastor to talk to WW to get her to agree to the idea.