Well I'm not going to criticize that. Just remind her that you'll be home soon.

I did remind her of that, and also told her I was coming home on the 23rd instead of the 25th, because I wanted her to have a little more hope. Those are things I have wanted to hear for so long, but realize there is still a long way to go...

Like I said before, maybe it is a good thing you can't go back right now. It sounds like she is killing her own affair. She is ikely not very stable at the moment. You did good not criticizing her for seeing OM.

It still rips my heart out when she is hurting and I can't comfort her...

GHA,

You responded well. In your heart of hearts, I know part of you wanted to SCREAM and be angry that she was doing it AGAIN!! But the other part of you wanted to comfort the woman you love who is hurting. It's weird, isn't it?

Here's my take on things. First, don't surprise her. Neither one of you is in a good place for "surprises" right now and it might seem more like a sneak attack than a pleasant surprise.

Second, when she is honest, even if it hurts A LOT, practice saying, "Thank you for being honest. What you said hurt a lot so right now I want to just have some time to think about what you've said" and then leave it at that. The thing is, lots of times BS's will say, "I wish my WS would just be honest with me!" but then when the WS IS honest, the BS screams and yells out their pain and the WS learns to never do that again!!! So teach her that she is safe being honest...even if it hurts.

Finally, don't get on your own case too hard about the "hope" thing. You're a guy. Guys like to offer solutions. Guys are practical. Girls like to talk about feelings. Girls are romantic and sentimental. I would say one thing...subtly hint to her that you have found her a GREAT surprise gift and give her a little something--like a little necklace or other modest jewelry (maybe a bracelet). The idea is not to buy her off with bling-bling, but to give her a sentimental memento that you thought of her while you were away. A locket with your photo in it would be PERFECT!!! But it will give her a little excitement to get a small, velvet box. Hope...


--CJ

I would be lying if I said that it didn't feel like someone pulled a band-aid off that is stuck to a fresh wound, but would rather be there for my wife rather than worry about my own pain. I will get her a surprise gift in Dubai...Won't be hard to find one, but time will be a factor...But for an hour, she was my the incredible woman I fell in love with and for that I am grateful.

I knew a guy who bought his wife a gold necklace in Dubai. Big mistake. Most of the gold in Dubai is 22ct although you can find 18ct. She got the necklace. First thing she said was "It's too yellow. It doesn't go with anything I have. You need to go back and get me some more gold."

My wife wears silver or platinum jewlery, so definitely won't buy her any gold...that stuff is too gaudy...

Don't rule out three-color gold. It is distinctive. For example, a set of three matching bracelets of yellow, white and rose gold.

GHA,

I think you did just great. She felt safe telling you what happened, and your response will continue to allow her to feel safe in opening up to you. It seems like she had a real eye opening experience with OM and this is a good first step (warning... I had many of these moments with OM but was still drawn back to him... my H didn't know about the A yet though. The fact that you know... and your W is confessing this to you... is very, very good.)

Also, it must be incredibly confusing to have these two feelings... the anger and the profound love and gratitude. My H told me he often felt crazy for loving me so much after I cried and confided in him about OM. I think having these feelings is normal... at least, my H felt the same way.

I hope this doesn't sound inappropriate, but you guys talking about jewelry is cracking me up. I didn't know guys had these kinds of discussions and I feel like I'm getting a glimpse into the "secret life of men", lol!

KM

KM,
Thanks for the kind words....It isn't so much confusing having two different sets of feelings, which I understand them now, but just crazy because of the highs and lows...As far as jewelry discussions, ha ha ha ha, but I thought it was normal...We always talk about what jewelry we are buying for our wives or girlfriends here on camp before we fly out to Dubai...Anyway, man it is raining hard with hail here today...hot though...

Of course a really great place to go in Dubai is Karama. There you can find anything designer you can imagine. WW loves to buy Burberry, Gucci, etc. hand bags for about $15 each. They have designer clothes, designer watches, anything. Personally I buy all my shoes there. I'll go once every two years or so and buy 10 pair of dress shoes for a grand total of about $170.

I can't believe women don't understand that us men take these gits for our wives so seriously. Now I was in Sergio Rossi the other day and I saw an absolutely stunning pair of cream colored sandals with 4" stiletto heels. And...wait...I'm starting to sound gay now aren't I?...Never mind....

LOL

ROFLMAO!!!

He's too funny, isn't he GHA.

Hey guys. How about those Dodgers, huh? Man I sure hope Kobe gets traded.

I take shopping for my wife seriously, too. Just not that seriously...Ha ha ha...The problem with my wife and buying clothes is that she'll ask me how she looks in something, and I'll say that I really like the outfit she tries on...She then replies with, "I don't like it." Then why did she ask me? now I just reply with, "Honey, if you are happy, I'm happy.." I do still tell her when she looks good in something though. She lets me buy the electronics, which are my babies...She knows that if I tell her not to buy a certain brand of some electronics, she won't do it...I have her trained there...Ha ha ha ha...

Yeah! How about those BEARS? Think they'll win the Super Bowl this year?

Uhhhhhhh....

I was fixing the timing on my engine, when I grabbed a pliers instead of a wrench! HAHAHAHAHA!

(insert scratch or burp here)

********
There piojitos...feel better??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Its more about your participation and engagement than it is your expertese in what does or doesn't look good or fit. We want you to care. Thats why we ask.

Jo

LMAO CJ. You're too funny.