I know what you are saying...I will get her to do it...

My wife said that she is beginning to see the A as an addiction and is starting to look at this site a lot. I wonder if she will figure out who I am. I didn't give her my user name...

How is everyone today...I leave this God-forgotten country in 29 days...REAL mexican food...Can almost taste it now...

Alright, I need some advice....Talked to my RWW (now calling her "recovering") last night and she asked me if she could go out with one of her friends, not OM because he is back in CA, (I know him, but I would consider him an acquaintance, where as she considers him a friend) who she has known for as long as she has known me (11 years). He asked her to go dancing last night because he is leaving for Canada for a couple of months. He is engaged and getting married in November. I know in the past their friendship has been plutonic, and I believe wholeheartedly it still is. Considering what we have dealt with in the last year, I told her I didn't agree with it and absolutely not. She was not happy. I told her I will not put her, my kids, and especially myself in a situation where our life could be turned upside down again. She said that I need to trust her and that she is committed to our marriage and I need not worry. I told her it wasn't that easy. She said she swore that they were just friends, and I said that that is what she told me about OM and look where that got me. She got mad and asked why I still feel the need to bring up the past. I told her that we are only two months from D-Day and we haven't even begun counseling yet because I'm still here. I told her that in our state of recovery that I don't feel bad about telling her no and that I think if she told anyone else what the deal is that they would agree with me. She said that she needed a break and to unwind and have fun, which I agreed with, and even told her if she went with her BF (a girl), that I would feel better. Her friend was not able to go though. She made the statement that she thought that by telling me the truth that I would have reacted differently, and I told her that I appreciated the truth, but her going with him in our current state without me is not acceptable and won't be tolerated. She is still mad at me and said that she wishes she hadn't even told me. I told her I was sorry that she felt that way, but if the shoe was on the other foot, there would be no way in h-e-double hockey sticks that she would let me go. She said that she would and I said BS and that I wouldn't even think of putting her in that position anyway. I think she is basically mad because she didn't get her way, but am proud of myself for actually sticking to a boundary, which in the past, I would let her go out with him because I never thought I had to worry. Did I do good or was I being a jerk like she is making me feel like?

You did fine. She should never have even considered going dancing with the guy. She doesn't yet understand the gravity of what she has done. No male friendships allowed. Ever. You don't need to trust her - she needs to make you trust her. The burden is hers.

You did FINE. While you will be able to trust her after she proves she is trustworthy over a long period of time, it is much too soon now. Besides, it seems like she needs stronger boundaries. I don't even think she should be going out with a female friend dancing. If she needs to have some fun and unwind, there are plenty of daytime, marriage friendly activities. She needs to be taking extraordinary precautions to protect the marriage.

I hope she is reading here. That would be very good.

Update...My RWW called this morning and said that she was sorry for being mean to me and that she understood why I didn't want her going with her friend out alone. She said that she was sorry for suggesting it and deep down she knew better. She said that I was right telling her that it was inappropriate. She said that for a moment again, that she was more concerned with having fun than my feelings and was sorry for being selfish. She said that she is doing the best she can at making the right choices and that she is getting better. She said that she is also glad that she didn't go. She told me that she was glad that I was there to make the right choice for us. I agreed that she was making better choices for the most part and told her I forgave her. I am very proud of her for getting stronger and tell her so (even though realizing we still have a long way to go).

How about an update on the day count?

24 days till I'm home....

"She told me that she was glad that I was there to make the right choice for us."

Holy Moly, Batman, I think she's got it. She sure is fooling me if she doesn't.

LOL....Yea, I think she is beginning to, but still don't and won't let my guard down for a while...

Well, here's hoping - a wayward would say that you are being unreasonable, she has the RIGHT to have some fun, you are being unfair, it is only with a girlfriend, she is tired of your controlling ways, blah, blah, blah.

It sounds to me like your marriage has dodged the bullet. There will STILL be lots of work ahead, but you can have a marriage that is much better than before.

By the way, you are a cute couple, and have beautiful daughters.

Well, when I told her no, she got really upset and pissed, but then called me the next day and apologized and told me she understood why I said no...She is still recovering, but I am very hopeful and happy...

BTW, thank you very much, I think so too...

To GhostRider, believer, KM, and the other pros who have helped me the last three months, I will be in Afghanistan for 5 more days. I will then be home to start true recovery with my WW. I would like to thank y'all for your support and guidance. God has completely turned my situation around and am excited to start fresh with my family and go through counseling. My WW and I are moving across town when i get home to be closer to church (her idea and was glad she came up with it). She even wants to renew our vows after a couple of months of MC. I am so excited what the Lord has done for us. Again, thank y'all and PLEASE keep us in your prayers. I will continue to post and will even get her to post on here as well. I will talk to y'all when I get settled at the house. And, as my screen name says, God really does heal....

In God's unending love,

GHA

GHA,

I don't get on here much anymore, but I try to follow your thread and some others. I'm glad to see that you are close to leaving that place. Good luck to you and your family.

Good luck and God Bless, GHA... you are in all of our prayers. Check back in when you can.

KM

My 18 month update, and an amazing testimony to the power of my Lord and Savior. For all of you struggling, know, there is hope...I have changed my login from God_heals_all to Maroon_Liquid. Knowing that I haven't been on here in about 18 months and rereading some of my original thread, I knew I had to post an update. I returned from Afghanistan August 25th 2007. My wife and I started recovery and haven't looked back. I have come to a point where I don't even remember what the feeling of a BS feels like and also rereading the thread, it felt like a completely different person wrote it. My wife and I just renewed our vows on Valentine's at church and I proposed to her the night before at the park under a candlelit gazebo. We our expecting our third child in two weeks (a boy yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!) And are talking about a possible fourth. God returned to me the woman that I fell in love with. She is an amazing woman. I am now the assistant youth pastor at church and she is the assistant childrens pastor. She is writing music and poetry again. Understand, I am not bragging, just overwhelmed at what the Lord has done. I will try and write when I can and will put up pictures of our vow renewal ceremony. Again, thank you for all your help and may God bless you and God heals all...

Thank you for the update. Thank you Lord.