Just had a trade of emails with her.

My response to her from above:
Oh and telling me about your plans with her is just tossing the whole in
my face, and that's not supposed to hurt? That takes a lot of balls!!

You are in denial. You honestly can't expect me to believe that nothing
is happening or going to happen. If you keep seeing her that's a load
of crap!!!

You can't see the forest through all the trees. Well guess what, I'm
the lumber jack and I'm bringing down the forest. There won't be
anything left standing. This is your last chance. Please please please,
stop seeing her. Commit to me and I will do everything in my power to
fix our relationship. I need your help though. I can't do it with you
standing idly by.


Her reply:
I don't tell you unless you ask or unless you dig around.

My reply:
Like that's any better? You really don't get this at all. It needs to stop. I've gotten my footing now. I'm protected from you now. There's things I need to do now. Things that don't make sense right now, and go against every fiber of my being. In the long run though they make sense. See you on the other side, hopefully!!!

Lesbian relationships fall into several general categories, just like heterosexual ones. In your opinion, would your fiancee likely play the aggressor or the "female" role (fluff)? This is the second same sex affair that has hit this board in the past few weeks. I have tried to find the other one, which would be a good read for you, without success. But I know it is here.

The down side is that the emotions are typically even more intense and sometimes more shameful than more ordinary affairs. The up side is that they may not last as long on average from my observations.

Your first step is to develop a plan. Then you follow the plan. If you can afford it, schedule a session with Steve or Jennifer at the Harley center. They will help you with a plan. If you cannot, then detail your plan here and get feedback.

Develop a plan. Please do it now. Venting is fine, but it will not get you anywhere until you hoist them up at figure out a plan. He said, she said emails will do not good without a plan. What is your plan?

Larry

Plan yeah, that would be fine if I was so damn impulsive. I just put down the money to retain a lawyer to file for custody of my daughter.

I thought all this would be worth it, it's like talking to a brick wall though, and not just now. She's gets set in a direction and there's no deviating her. I'm done.

Thanks for all the kind suggestions, I just don't have the strength, the will, the means or the want to do this.

She thinks I'm crazy, that I'm ridiculous for asking her to write a letter and then have me review it.

My plan:
File for custody,
Sell the motorcycle to pay of credit card, then use remainder to fix things on the house (paint, deck, doors, carpet).
Put house on market,
Purchase mobile home and reap the benefits of low monthly payments.

The use of words to try to "educate" a wayward is like tossing cotton balls at a crocodile.

She will not hear anything from you right now. She's in full justification mode, and all her thoughts are on keeping her "friend".

Purchase and read "Surviving an Affair". Stop trying to change her, as it can't be done. You can only change "you", and allow those changes to influence her decisions. That is Plan A, and Plan A is where you need to be right now.

I agree with the others...call the Harleys for a plan specifically for your sitch. In the mean time, think of your fiance as an addict, who will forsake all she previously held dear, to get her "fix"; ie, the feelings she gets (her high) when she is with the OW. When people become wayward, there is NO limit to how low they'll go.

Your threatening IM's are Lovebusters, and won't help your cause at all. Read, learn and post, and you can get through this, buy YOU will have to do ALL the work. Your Wayward Fiance will do NOTHING to stop her destructive behaviour until she hits rock bottom.

You will have to love her UNCONDITIONALLY for months, and execute a near perfect Plan A to win this battle. Then recovery will take 2 years plus. Are you prepared to fight such a battle?

Best wishes,
SD

Am I prepared? I thought I was. I do have SAA coming. After today though. She called some of my later emails rude and I offered up that her affair was rude. She said it wasn't an affair, that all they do is hang out.

I bluffed about where she went Friday night and that I came out to check on her. She doesn't think I would because the kids were home, I made her think I could have. She got pretty quiet.

Man, I hate all these love busters I have. I go too far sometimes. I've already filed for custody now (i am very impetitous), I have a Real Estate agent coming to look at the house next week.

I can't live this way. She's just not willing to budge, I guess I can't blame her if I'm acting this way all the time now. Actually I do blame her. Thing is I'm glad it's done. I want it over. I have to move on, it's been a destructive relationship and it's best we separate. My daughter will suffer, and I feel very bad for that, but it won't work with us as just roommates.

I need to get away from her. I don't even now if what I feel for her is love anyway. I have a lot of thinking to do.

Where's that rock I ordered? I need to crawl under it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

You can always end it, but you only have one chance to save it.

But nothing has to be decided today, because one day in the process of saving a marriage, is as one drop of water in your favorite nearby lake!

Slow down, get the book, read it cover to cover, and in the mean time, do huge amounts of reading in these forums and on Dr. Harley's website. There is much to learn about relationships, affairs and human nature. Everything you learn will help you in your current situation, or your next romantic adventure.

You don't have to make decisions that can affect the rest of your life in the blink of an eye. Cool down some, become educated, and make your choices on well thought out decisions...

Best wishes,
SD

Too late, I always tend to move too fast. I've filed for custody, she knows and won't talk to me now.

It's for the best. This woman can be crazy and so can I. We don't fit together and I just want my daughter to have the best she can.

I wish I didn't move so fast. I wish I was a different type of person. I didn't do anything to deserve this, but that's just it, I didn't do anything. I've mouthed off to her now, I've said things in emails. I guess she's right, I am a jerk. I'll be lucky to get 50/50 with my little girl.

I don't know what to do anymore. So many people telling me what to do, me wanting resolution now now now. I'm too impulsive, and don't have enough patience. I need to learn to slow down and process more. I need to learn to keep my cool.

It's all over now, no turning back. We couldn't live together anyway, we knew this, her infidelity was just one of the last nails in the coffin. Besides, it was with a woman. I need to get away from her influence and back to the way I was before I met her. It'll take time, but longer because of custody stuff, and shuffling and who knows, maybe I'll only get every other weekend and 1 night a week. I won't be able to handle that.

I can't believe that she would want to take my daughter away from me, she knows how much she means to me. She's going to probably go for sole custody. She might change her mind once she talks to a lawyer though.