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#1901398 06/28/07 02:09 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
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Posts: 14
I'm new here and I don't know if it's advice or just an opportunity to vent I need. Three years ago my husband came home and told me he didn't love me anymore after 13 years together. I was shocked but in a way relieved to know what had been wrong with him for months. He denied that there was anyone else involved. I asked him to leave and he went to his parents. A week later his phone bill arrived and I opened it and found out he'd been texting and phoning a woman constantly for a fornight. A further week later he visited and broke down. To cut a long story short I took him to the doctor who said that he was suffering from depression and was in the midst of a breakdown. He didn't work for 3 months. I felt that I had to take him back. When he was feeling better we discussed the OW. He said that it was just phone calls and a couple of meetings. He insisted that he didn't even kiss her and that his mind was all over the place. He told me that the way he was he wouldn't even have been capable of anything else with anyone. This helped because the I see the OW everyday, although I don't know her. Well it was difficult but after some counselling we decided to rebuild. We have both lurked in this website ever since, although me more than my husband. My husband was the model husband again, making every effort to reassure me and meet my emotional needs. Then three months ago I had to go to the doctor and he did some routine tests for STDs. I was stunned when one came back positive. (I have only ever slept with my husband in my life) My husband eventually admitted that he had had sex while we were separated and totally stunned me by informing me that it was a different woman altogether. He insists that as soon as sex started he realised it was a mistake and couldn't finish, he got dressed and left (I find this hard to believe) I feel that his illness may have accounted for his behaviour at the time but not the deceit that followed. we agreed on an honesty policy! He seems to think that since we have stayed together these past three years that it's water under the bridge. I asked him to leave again and I'm being accused of being the family wrecker!! I feel that the past three years work has been wasted and I have absolutely no trust left. Sorry this is so long but I have no-one I can talk to. Help!

Joined: Apr 2007
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You have every right to vent here that is what the site is for! I feel almost to an extent I am reading a version of my story - my husband did the same thing in our 13th year together (in the past year) and did have unprotected sex. I went to the GYN in Jan 07 and had an abnormal test come back but they said it wasn't positive for STD so I go back again next week for another check and they are going to do a full test run just to make sure. He claims he was depressed and was out of his mind and doesn't know why he did it. So I feel your pain the only advice I can help you with is this - if you are certain it won't work get out now. If one of you is not committed to making this work then it won't. It is horrible to summarize your life like that but you deserve love, trust, faith and honesty. Be safe and be happy. It will all work out it is just such a bumpy road getting there.


Don't pet the sweaty things and don't sweat the petty things!
Joined: Mar 2007
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It still just is amazing to me that we all seem to have the same stories! This is what mine did, I just found out about most of his unfaithfulness recently, he tells me he could not do much with these women either, I also find it hard to believe, I wish I could help you with what to do, I can only tell you that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. The problem is he let you live an illusion for 3 years an illusion that he guided, he could never be intimate in the way that he should of been, he had to be real careful in what he said to not tip you off. Tell him he must come clean with the truth or it will never ever work, he must tell you what and who 3 years ago that he did. My H insists that I now have the truth, I am not so sure of that and how can I be when there was so many years of lies, its very difficult. It can be done if he and you want to fix things, but he must come clean.


Me-49 and staying there, course AARP sent me my card ugh
H-49
DD and SIL
GS the light of my life! 1 and a half, full of you know what
DS med school
always working on me
The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated. Ghandi
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 94
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Wow that is some situation. Do you believe his depression can be to blame for it all? I think as an adult he has to assume resonsibility as well. An STD is serious, does he show remorse?


Me - 26 & Hubby - 27
In Love since 10/99
Married 6/01' - love our 2 sons ages 4 & 6
Problem: Communicating & Making Time for Our Marriage.
Status: Started Recovery June 11, 2007 -Our marriage is happier & stronger then ever - It's been a year and we are SUCCESSFUL!

Completely head over heels in love with my romantic hubby
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 14
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My husband has issues (childhood abuse) At the time he was working a minimum of 70 hours, a lot more with travel time. I knew he was unhappy and asked him to change jobs, he said we couldn't afford to. Well 2 weeks after I asked him to leave he had a breakdown. He was forced to give up work, I believe this saved his life! He slowly got better and was the perfect husband (apart from witholding the information of the one night stand)
In the past few days he has really began to talk. Some of this has been hurtful for me but at the same time it is a major breakthrough. There isn't much to say about the ONS but he has answered all my questions. He has stopped saying that it was nothing and has to taken responsibility for it. He has also answered questions about his EA that he has avoided for the past 3 years. I don't want to rush things but I am feeling very connected to him at the moment. A lot happier than a few days ago. He has shown a LOT of remorse and has done everything I have asked of him. We both realise there is a lot of work to do and at the moment he is more committed than I am but he says that even if it takes 20 years he will work at it on his own until I feel ready to commit again.


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