An hour after my wife said that she does not love me anymore there was no more talking. Just a word here and a word there. Even people who are not in love can talk, you can say "Hello" to a perfect stranger just to be polite. She doesn't love me and she must really hate me to.

I never could make good conversation, not even with my parents, who I get along great with, I'm just not a good talker. How do I get the conversation going? I don't know where to start. A little bit of conversation, about anything, would give me hope that she is going to see the marriage counselor for us and not just for me.

I'm lost.

How about writing her a letter?

JinGA

cwz-

Do you suspect that there is an affair going on???

Is your wife having an affair?

cwz:

You need to get HIS NEEDS< HER NEEDS (HNHN) from this Website, NOW!

Read it cover to cover.

Then we can really start to help.

Conversation isn't about being polite, it's about connecting with other people.

Your W has found someone else to connect to.

You need to START TALKING.

TOO YOUR WIFE.

Before it is completly to late.

How many engineering/computer degrees do you have?

LG

I did write her a letter, and got no responce. I do not know if her is having an affair but it really is looking that way. I read lots on the MB site and I have also ordered the her needs/his needs.

Thank you

Time to start snooping too, IMO.

JinGA

cwz,

My profession has to do with communication and language.

The first thing I recommend to you is that you buy the book "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil McGraw. This is the Dr. Phil on TV, and while he is not a favorite of many people, the book is actually quite good for folks who are not so good at conversation - like you.

In reviewing your posts, your basic problem is likely related to not responding verbally in detail the way that many women would like. If your wife likes or wants more talking with you, the problem probably is based in the fact that you don't tend to expand on your ideas very much.

You are short on words, and this can be misinterpreted by women as being short on interest in them.

So when you talk to your wife, give her ALL of your thoughts on the matter at hand, not the condensed version. Give her the details, WHY you think what you think, what you FEEL about things, WHY you feel that way, and how you came to feel that way - do you understand?

Relationship Rescue will help you do this, because in the back there are structured questions for conversations to help you initiate conversations between the two of you that will open up thoughts and dialogue about your relationship, past, present, and future. This should give you some opportunity to talk about lots of things, and if you read the questions and prepare your thoughts ahead of time, then maybe you will be able to express your ideas more freely and more at length.

For right now, it probably isn't a great idea to try to talk about your relationship too much, if she is in an affair. You will need to find that out first, and work on it if she is. Because she's said she isn't in love with you anymore, that's an indicator she might be.

Look up Plan A on this website and go to work on that, and snoop to see if she's in an affair. Do the Emotional Needs Questionnaire and if she won't do one with you, do one for her based on what you know about her, and then start filling her needs as best you can.

It's my experience that many times women need their men to fight for the relationship. The men on the boards are better equipped to talk to you about this, and I'm sure they will do that with you.

But you need to tell us your story. AT LENGTH, with DETAILS. We will be better able to help if you do that.

Tell us things like how long you have been married, the problems you see in the marriage, what problems your wife has been telling you she has in with you, and why you think she is having an affair.

We need you to talk to us. And that practice here will help when it comes time to open up and talk with her.

For now, every time you talk to your wife, your assignment is that you have to say THREE SENTENCES. No longer are you allowed to give her a short sentence response - say three things, even if you have to restate it a different way. If you need to, change the topic. Then, in order to get her to respond to you, the last sentence - make it a question that she has to answer with something other than "yes" or "no", because this makes it so she is obligated to talk to you - questions like this start with:

what
where
why
how
when
what if
what are your thoughts on
tell me what you think about
tell me about the time you
what do you think about


You get the idea. Ask her thoughts on things. Then, listen, and respond to what she has said. Repeat something she has said back to her, so she knows you listened. Because people tend not to listen, and when a response to what someone says is one or two words, we feel as though we were not listened to. Your sentences and responses look short to me, so as a man of few words, this may be interfering with your communication with her.

Give this a try.
Snoop to see if she's having an affair.

And read, read, read.
Work Plan A.

Schoolbus