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Joined: Oct 2001
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just testing once more


me-59 ww-55
married 1979 - together since 1974
6 kids together 15,19,21,23,29,30
my oldest son 37
d-day (confession day) memorial day 2001
oc born 12/20/01
now 8 grandchildren
Joined: Oct 2001
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seems to me your h is talking out of both sides of his face. with his "you are so wrong that i can't forgive you but i can now have the freedom to bang as many women as i want." this is a bunch of garbage.

again i will relate to my own situation and maybe you can pick something out of it to help yourself.

i as your h was in the mind set that the only choice i had was D. that was the "mandatory" action when a spouse cheats on you. i filled out the papers and tucked them in the drawer. they were never filed.

i found this site and the outpouring of advice and support that was offered to me saved my marriage.

i did however have that D notion in my head for a very long time. even the D now and reconcile later idea. the thought being that she (my w) had to pay in some way for her actions. and the D was the payment. i know, really dumb huh?

anyhow i would say that your course of action from here on out is to work on YOU. take care of your health, A proof your life, be the mother you are supposed to be, and become the woman that your h fell in love with 7 years back.

after that it is up to him to decide where he wants to be. i think he was looking for the way out and the dna test was that open door. your marriage has been struggling for some time.

i think your h playing house every 3-4 weeks was part of the inner battle he is facing. on one side he wants his marriage and family and on the other he wants out. his out now is the oc and it seems like he is using that as his excuse listening to the "mandatory" D viewpoint.

as far as the name goes i am sure that your h is feeling the embarassment of "his" name on om's child. unforunately for him (depending on which state you live in) it is also your name after he said "i do".


me-59 ww-55
married 1979 - together since 1974
6 kids together 15,19,21,23,29,30
my oldest son 37
d-day (confession day) memorial day 2001
oc born 12/20/01
now 8 grandchildren
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 10
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Massiel Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 10
Pops,
Thanks for your insight!... It's good to get input from amother man who has been through this.. I really appreciate it.. so for now im letting go and letting God and im focusing on myself and the kids.. i'll keep you posted... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Joined: Jan 2002
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Massiel,

While what I am about to tell you may appear like brinkmanship (the art or practice of pushing a dangerous situation or confrontation to the limit of safety especially to force a desired outcome),I hope that you at least give it some serious consideration.

Right now your H realizes that he has the "power" in the marriage because of your guilt with regards to your affair and your OC. He KNOWS that you are the desperate one of the two in trying to save the marriage so he has nothing to fear by threatening you with divorce. But if you were to gain the emotional strength to tell him "As much as I love you and want to be your W, I will respect your decision for a divorce". Will he change his tune? Only the good Lord knows BUT he will take notice of your emotional strength and it just MIGHT make him stop his threats of divorce and POSSIBLY make him question if a divorce is what he really wants. Is it a manipulative tactic? Probably but no matter how you look at it, you will have to start to develop your emotional strength not just for your sake but for your children's as well. Remember that emotional strength attracts and fear repels which of the two have been showing him?

TMCM

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