(((Bugs)))

You seem to be doing well so far in plan B. Keep it up. Learn from the mistakes that have been made with my plan B and others.

Your kids are very lucky....

Still

Hey Still!

I don't know how good I am really doing, but am taking it as it comes.

Drac called DD to say goodnight. I again went away so as not to hear the conversation. It is hard and it hurts, but it is the way it has to be.

I am really feeling pretty good,, a few triggers come my way almost hourly, but that is life. I try not to let them ovetake me. I think qualifying for the house, negotiating the deal all on my own, having success at work is all coming together to bolster me at the time when I need it most. I sang to myself while DD was on the phone with Drac, just to be sure I did not overhear her side ov the conversatio! I made up my own little lyrics, just praising and thanking God for his blessings, his love, his faithfulness. None of my life or how things are going is due to me, but due to Him.

He sent me here for sure! I know I would be at a much different, and much worse place had I not found MB and you all!

Bugs,

I know it's hard... those darn triggers.

I just know God is here with all of us and there is light at the end of the tunnel. A light we can't even imagine right now.

Still

Bugs,

Just a loving, friendly reminder. If you are considering changing or adding to the kids' "call WH" times, you do not come out of Plan B for that. There's no blood or fire, so it's not an emergency. You speak to your intermediary and have the intermediary send 1-2 suggested additional times to WH. PERIOD. Then the intermediary filters his response for spewed WS-babble, and tells you "yes" or "no" to each suggestion. YOU DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

Also, this is really the sad part. You are going to be begin to see just how much YOU bolstered, encouraged and facilitated his relationship with his own children. Up to this point, I'm willing to bet that you thought, "Oh, he's just busy. I'll help him out by calling, running them over, etc." Now you (and sadly, the kids) will begin to see just how much he is not willing to make the effort to be part of their lives, and how deeply his choices are going to harm the relationship with the kids. Please do not cover for him. Please allow him to face the consequences of his choices. Be honest with the kids...help them face and deal with how hurt and upset they are...give them appropriate tools for their anger--but do not protect HIM from the choices he is making.

It's AWFULLY sad <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />...isn't it??

Your faithful friend,



CJ

CJ,

You are right on target with it all. Thanks! Am going to send a change thru "the system' to tell Drac that if he wants to talk to the kids, then he can call the Kid Phone. Period. I will do the same when he has them.

Nothing more, nothing less needs to be said. This will be much easier for everyone, mostly Me!

I hate to admit that you are right about bolsterin his R with the kids. In fact, I am sure I will be surprised as it progresses. I will own up to being angry when he called DD tonight, as the thought that crossed my mind was 'well, now that the Ho has gone, you FINALLY have time for your kids!'. Jerk!

So then I just sang louder to myself and moved on.

Am putting DD to bed. Nite all!

Bugs-

I just had to tell you that you are doing great!

It is great to see that you have such a wonderful R with your FIL. My MIL is the same way, whatever she can help me with, she will. I do not impose on her, but I know that if I need her, she is there. And that is great. A great testament to wonderful, family orientated people.

You sound vibrant, and happy, the house sounds wonderful, I wish you all of the best!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Tonight I'm not doing so well...but I'll get back to where I was...

Good to hear things are moving for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Supporting you all the way!

It must feel great to know that you won't have to look at the same house all set up in the same way. That will be a stress reliever in itself.

That is the part that gets me the most. Coming thru that door and just praying that he's there waiting for us. Maybe one day....


You are doing such a great job. Keep up the good work !!

TO THE LEFT..TO THE LEFT... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

Welcome to Monday.

Today, Drac will show UP.

"How could you do all these things behind my BACK!"

Buy a House
Tell the kids
Talk with FIL.
Etc.

And he can do it because you work for the same company, and he can walk into your office at any time.

Remember that.

So be ready. If need be, inform your boss, etc., that if Drac comes by, you may need to leave suddenly, and with out reason. Have your Boss call you from his cell phone when the coast is clear.

Just like LilSis, you may have to cut back on discussions with FIL.

FIL is STILL enabling Drac's A.

SO, be careful with that.

Good luck on your journey. You have charted a course, and that is always a good thing.

LG

Good afternoon, everyone!

I have been busy this morning. I talked first thing with my lender, which was great. I have made calls to arrange the house inspection, the termite inspection, and gotten quotes for homeowner's insurance. I emailed my attorney to have her send Drac's attorney a letter informing him of the pending move, of the purchase of the house, and to have him sign the necessary waiver so that the deed will be in my name only.

As I am using MY 1/2 of the joint savings account as the down payment and there will be no "equity" in the house in which he would have an interest, I am hoping he will sign the waiver with no issues. HOPING, but not counting on it. I will just have to "prove" to them there will be nothing but DEBT if he would want to have his name on MY house. Should be no problems there. I am not going to worry about it. Frankly, the attitude I have had through this house buying/moving thing is that it will all work out when and how it is supposed to work out. My worrying about any of it won't change or help a thing, so I won't worry! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LG,

Thanks for the warning in that Drac might show up,,,,although I totally doubt it. At least I have a "plan", should it come to pass. The good thing is that my boss is hundreds of miles away, so I can get up, lock the door, and leave any time I need to. Even if he were here, he'd tell me to "do what ya gotta do". He's great!

Not to spend too much time or energy on Drac, but I have to say this. Right now, I don't think he gives a good golly about me in any way other than how it might effect him financially. He's enjoying his freedom and "living his life the way he wants and doesn't care what ANYONE thinks". He believes this is all a GOOD thing and it's what he's wanted for "SO LONG". Well, that's what he is getting.

My personal feeling is that he has done such a great job of re-writing history, putting all of the negatives on me, and totally justifying his actions to himself that even if he were fully into the A, he'd still be proceeding with the D. He's determined on the path he as set for himself and nothing or no one will deter him. In fact, he's done such a good job at this that I wonder if that day will ever come when he realizes what he is losing in me?! I've read a great deal of Mimi's Plan B thread and it has been very helpful. I just don't see Drac as being the kind of cake eater that her WH was with her. Drac has been firm in his mantra of not wanting me or the M from the beginning of this last year. Yes, he came by a few times for a "fix" with me, but those were merely fleeting moments. I don't see that there was a clear "need" for me, just a momentary satisfaction. I don't see him coming back. He's really adjusted to his new single life over the last 7 months and isn't about to give it up. His living conditions at FIL's are less than ideal, so his moving back to the house will make him even more comfortable, I think.

Regarding FIL,,, I do see that his is enabling, but I do not blame him or expect him to do anything differently. This is his son and he loves him. I may not have mentioned before, however, that Drac & FIL have had a few discussions about how Drac does not like that FIL & I talk. FIL told Drac, that's too bad, because FIL will not stop talking to me and he will be my friend unless I don't want him as a friend anymore. He really is a dear man.

Funny thing just happened,,,,,,,Drac has a new hire that was accidentally transferred to my phone when he was trying to reach the IT person. I took a message and then asked if he was the new "x' there. He said yes. So I told him " Congratulations! Welcome aboard! I am sure you are going to like our company and you have a Great boss over there". He sounded a bit funny when he replied, "Oh, is that right?" I don't know if he knew "who" he was talking to or not, but it made me LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, now that was WAY too much time and energy on Drac, wasn't it??? Sorry! Bugs has given herself a minor slap on the wrist! No more Drac talk. Back to work and Bugs Life! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

BULLCRAP, Bugs...I can understand you not wanting to get your hopes up..and no one can know if Drac will return..

BUT..more than the SF or anything else..my H missed MY FRIENDSHIP..conversations with me..talking about his life..hearing my perspective..he missed the ME that was his FRIEND...

We will not buy that he will not SUFFER THE LOSS of YOU and those DAILY CONVERSATIONS...

CONVERSATION..a PRIMARY EN of his that the OW will have to meet TOTALLY...

Mimi,

I love it when you cuss! Ha LOL!

I think there is a chance that he will miss the conversation, Eventually, maybe.

And maybe someday he will remember how he liked & admired my independence/self sufficient ways. For today, he will probably take my buying the house as another sign that, as he told me, 'you will be just fine'

And you know what, I know I will be.

But, I would rather be Happy with my Husband!

Bugs:

You call it a "fix".

It certainly wasn't Bug Spray.

Cuz he kept coming by.

Now, he needs to leave at 5 to get kids. No Bugs to pick up the slack.

FIL may get angry with Drac in regards to this,, but FIL will jump into the car and go get DSS and DD if Drac asks him to.

And if Drac is with OW, and FIL still does it.... Then that's enabling.

Move the money from your joint account for the down payment today to another account with your name only. Drac's Attorney will probably make a motion to void any transferrs that *might* be detrimental to his client.

Remember, in Mimi's case, the "for Sale" sign, and Mimi's signing the sales contract, really jolted her WH.

It just might be all you need....

Drac has been enjoying his time on the fence, he will not start to realize how much he did need you since Dday, and that realization is starting to dawn on him.

Cuz, he has only OW to turn to, and she WANTS nothing to do him his children.

Your doing great.

What's the plan this evening?

LG

LG,

Bug Spray! Good one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Funny you brought up my share of the savings, as I had JUST hung up the phone from having done a telephone transfer of exactly my half into MY checking account!

We had both left it alone up until now, although my A did advise me to move it right from the beginning. It will likely stir the pot, but it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it.

For tonight! DD and I will be playing outside, making dinnder together, and then planning some decorations for her new room! Am letting her pick out what she wants.

Ahhhhhh...a little goddess-in-training...PRINCESS BUGS... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Does she have some COOL LITTLE SHADES?

How FUN!
What a great way to get her excited about the move.
Has she seen her new school yet?

When can you move in?
Wow are you going to be busy for the next few weeks!

Mimi,

Actually, I could probably take some Goddess lessons from DD, my little Diva! Oh yes, she had 2 or 3 different pairs of shades and loves cranking the Girl tunes in the car with me!

Lexxy,

We have to get inspections & appraisal done before we can set the closing. We wil be able to get in 7 days after the close.

We haven't gone by her new school yet. I am planning to go there to register her this week! One more thing for my list of to do's! Gotta call current district for a copy of her record.

Gonna jump offf here right now and do that!

Busy busy busy!

Brief update.

Picked up DD from sitter at usual time DSS was already gone, as Drac had his friend
R pick him up. DSS won't be at sitter's tomorrow either, he is staying at R's house.

Seems Drac has to 'close' the office all week and will be late. Obviously does not want to deal with the sitter (HIS Aunt). He asked her today why I changed "the schedule" and was complaining about it because of his hours. Too bad. Sitter told him she did not know why I changed. He did call and talk to DD 2x today. He did ask her about the new house.

He also sent a message, which apparently was just an FYI about a 3 day out of town meeting he has at the end of the month. Not my problem, as DD & I will be long gone.

DD & I are outside playing. Then are eating dinner outside on the deck tonight!

Your life with your DD sounds sooo sweet.

I wouldn't trade my boys for anything..but they always said that I am too "girly" to have them...cause they are so rough and tough...

Maybe they will make me a girl grandbaby someday... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />