It sounds like you are having such a great time with DD. Mine doesn't want to do to much with me since daddy moved out.

I am building her a tent indoors though. She has all her stuffed animals set up in a corner of the room.

You must remember bugs, drac is a taker right now. It is all about him. You have to just pray about the influences in his life and how they need to change. And as it says in ROMANS for all sin to be bannished from his life, adultery, hatred, selfcenteredness, etc, and for him to be filled with the spiritual blessings of Love, patience, kindness, unselfishness...

Things can change, but you must not forget to pray for it to happen in the midst of all the excitement going on for you now.

Wow -- I am picturing a MINI Mimi!! Cool!

INeed, I have placed Drac and his care firmly in the Lord's hands! I do continue to pray for him, just as I have all along, including that day outside of the courtroom.

Sorry your DD is feeling down. I love the indoor tent idea, my DD and I do that a lot and have indoor parties. We also play 'movie theater' turning out all of the lights, making a tent, watching movies, eating popcorn & drinking soda!

I think Drac is hurting a bit financially, as he had canceled the insurance on his and DSS's 4 wheelers. For some reason, he did not cancel on DD's?! He has also apparently gotten a PO box or moved some of his mail to a different address. I have noticed several bills no longer come to the house. Whatever.

DD did call him last night, while I occupied myself elsewhere.

I am feeling a but of withdrawl, but not too, too much. I do think about him, wonder what/how he is doing, as well as I still get those images of him & the Ho together from time to time. I just try to push them away and stay busy. As he had virtually done a total withdrawl from me already, life does not seem much different, other than I spend a lot less time worrying about him, if he is going to call, how the call will go, how can I figure out a way to see him,etc.

It has been less than a week of Plan B, but I have yet to cry. I wonder about that--have I let him push me too far to where it my love is gone??

Hey Bugs (shining a flashlight around)


I have wondered this about myself.

LOVE still there...



It all comes RUSHING back in..when and if you see him..

That's what got me into trouble... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

I think you've done a fabulous job of occupying yourself and protecting yourself.
I don't think your love is gone. Its just safely protected.

Will you be packing and moving yourself? Or hire movers to come and do it for you?
Sorting through everything could bring some triggers, be prepared!
I suggest boxing up his stuff and not spending much time going through it....

IF H ever comes back, I hope you are all right. If NOT, then I guess I am on my way to my own recovery. Either way, I am setting it aside for now. I have other things to think about!

Last night DD ended up having neighbor girls over to play. I was mentally exhausted, so I sat down and read some of the new Harry Potter book! We ate dinner and then I tried to get DD to bed earlier than she has been going. It is time to start getting back on 'school' schedule

Speaking of which, I called the school, they are faxing me her physical form. I also talked to the dr office, they will complete based on her last physical and also fax me her shot records. So Good news is I don't have to take her to the dr before the 15th!

Am now going to ck with my agent on scheduling of the inspections,,she was to set those up yesterday but I have not heard from her

I will be moving 'myself'. That means mt entire family and a host of friends will be there to help! Am renting a truck so that we can do all in one trip,, it is over an hour 1 way. Guess I will call some places today to get prices.

Thanks for the tip on triggers, Lexxx. I won't be packing ANY of his stuff, as he will be returning to live there when I am gone. Though I was looking at pics on the walls last night,,of our wedding especially. Not sure if I want to take them all, or maybe leave some so HE will be forced to look at them and/or put them away.

Lots to do! Thank goodness!

Jealous....I want to read the new book but I still have one to go before that one...the half-blood prince I think?

And I just know I'm gonna run across a spoiler before I get to the new one! Too much publicity not to...

I've been sort of considering a move myself. I love my house and the location -- but it might be wise financially.

I've found another house that would be fun -- but its really too big. Its 5 bedrooms...and my household is shrinking not growing. But -- its gorgeous. Huge yard, secluded, all the amenities....
So....need to think about it.

So Drac will be moving back into YOUR space? I think I'd leave behind some panties...HEHEHEHE

Lexxx,

It is So tempting to go for what we WANT vs what fits our lives when it comes to beautiful houses. I like this place a lot, but know I will not be there forever. It works for now.

I let DSS read the book first and he finished in a day. Am sure he stayed up all night! That's ok. He loves to read and HP has been his 'thing' from tjhe beginning. But, like you, I want to get through it before someone spoils it!

In my recent mood, I have had thought more of leaving an egg hidden in the attic and one in th basement,,so they can rot & eventually break leaving a delicious aroma for Drac!! My sister told me about a woman who put shrimp inside the curtain rods of her WH's house!! LOL!

Maybe by the time arrives I will consider the panties. I found a t-shirt that Drac very OBVIOUSLY left behind. It was from our honeymoon and eve says so on the back. I will admist to wearing it as a nightgown a few nights this week. Think I am going to leave it spread out on the bed when I leave.

That makes me sad. He will probably just throw it away.

yeah...and to quote Kayla "your lightbulbs unscrew themselves"....

I understand that protection mindset -- but really girl give yourself more credit!!!

Lexxx,,,

I LOVE that quote from Kayla! It still makes me laugh!

Part if my statement is because of self preservation, not getting my hopes up. Another part is based on how I know Drac. If he is getting support to go forward with the D (which he is), and if he has convinced himself that he has been 'wronged' (which he has), I see very little chance of him turning around for even much of a glance backwards in my direction. Just the way I see it.

Knowing that does not lay me out into a sobbing heap of sadness. It hurts, but I am doing ok with it.

He has gone on a few times about how he has 'changed' and he has changed. Not for the better IMHO. He is much less giving, much less tolerant, etc in all aspects of his life. Until he realizes that is not a good thing, nothing will get better for him.

In my heart I know I did a good Plan A. In my heart I know I have made great changes and grown a lot for the better. I just have a hard time believing that any of it has or will make a difference when it comes to Drac.

Does that make sense? I Can and Do give myself credit for what I have done & am doing,,,, but can not seem to see it applying to my sitch with him

Bugs:

Here was my thought....

Keep the t-shirt.

Heck, you went too!

But take a picture of you in it. And leave that behind for him to find.

Nothing but the shirt however....Pull it down for some modesty.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

You need a self-timer on the camera for it.

Leave them in various places around the house for him to find after you have moved out....

Just me being rude.

And about this:

"He has gone on a few times about how he has 'changed' and he has changed. Not for the better IMHO. He is much less giving, much less tolerant, etc in all aspects of his life. Until he realizes that is not a good thing, nothing will get better for him."

He's right, he's wayward.

He has changed. Now he needs to return.

His choice.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

LG

LG,

So typical of you to be rude, but also suggest "modesty"!! Mom always told me it's not what you SHOW, but what you HINT at that is the most sexy!!!

Yep, it is his choice. For now, I operate in my life as if his current choice to be wayward IS the final choice. I don't have to like it, but I do have to go past it and live MY life

I got some good work done today and have a good day planned for tomorrow. Tonight am going to leave a bit early to go tan.

Later!

You know the legalistic side of me could really misconstrue this sentence. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

You are not losing your love for him. God is just making you a stronger person and enabling you to go through some of the toughest times.

Isn't it funny how god gave women the emotions, but he also gives us the strenght to get through just about anything, but when our man gets sick oh, how the rugged just wimper.


Enjoy your gift from GOD. Don't worry about tomorrow, just enjoy what GOD gives you today. GOD will work out the other days for us... one day at a time !!!

Don't let anyone tell you to give up hope....

Remember what GOD says.... have hope, be patient and pray at all times.

Keep working on yourself and ask GOD if there is anything else that needs changed in your life, and how you can become closer to him.

It hurts us so bad to see the darkness in our husbands. We want to reach out so bad and help them. The reality is the only way to help them is to pray. God already knows whether they will be saved or not. Their only choice is how they will be saved. Our only choice is to follow GOD's wisdom and wait for them to ask for repentance and to allow god to be the shepherd for his lost sheep, and lead them back to the green pastures where we are.

Today I was comforted by saying the passage said most times at the funeral homes. Yea, thou I walk....

It is so fitting for us now. We are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I will feel no evil.

Of course, I like to replace doubt with death. Our husbands are in the valley of the shadow of death. They are choosing death over life right now, and we must not give in to evil, but remain strong. YES we have doubts, but we WILL NOT let doubt rule us !! Satan brings doubt and death, WE KNOW that GOD will win this battle. HE WILL bring our wayward spouses home. Keep believing in that !!

Meggy, you naughty girl! LOL!

INeed,

I am amazed all of the time by the blessing of strenth!

Nothing really new to report. Am in day 7 of Plan B and no attempts by Drac to break through the darkness.

For those of you who have done Plan B, I guess it is 'normal' to feel a bit of a let down at this point? After getting prepared for any attempt to contact me, the fact that he has not even tried at all is a bit disheartening. Is it usual to feel disappointed, even though I know that no contact with him is truly better for me?

I know that chances are more likely than not that even If he did try to contact me, he is no where ready to attempt any real recovery at this point. Yet, the longing remains. As I said before, he pulled away from me so much already, I doubt that this is much different for him, and likely to be a 'relief' in his eyes as well.

Just feeling a bit down today in thinking 'well, this is more proof he doesn't want me' kind of thinking.

I know it is a pity party that I need to leave. So, for today, I am going to work steady for the next hour with no interruptions. Then will call my A if I have not heard from her by that time. After which I will call the lender about the appraisal. Then am going to contact my friends J and A about getting together after work as DD will be with Drac tonight.

Staying busy!!

Bugs:

Your feeling "normal"

You want a reaction.

You want this horrible rotten person that your WH has become to MISS YOU.

And to come to his senses.

He might have to get hit by a bus first.

But that KARMA BUS has left the station.

It's traveling to Drac's pick up point, he just doesn't know where it is yet.

You did a mar-vel-ous Plan A.

You looked inside Bugs, and emerged the butterfly.

You showed that metamorphis (sp?) to Drac.

His choice.

Plan B is designed to stop damaging your heart, that you put out there during Plan A, to give, with no expectation of receiving. Your not a TAKER right now, and will probably never be. You are just someone who decided it was time to step off the caroseul.

Let Drac ride. The Karma bus will pick him up when he decides to step off.

(((BUGS)))

LG

PS: How much more have you told DSS about the change in the sitch? Send him a card at FIL's. Light-hearted and fun, goofy, and happy... You have DD, and can talk to her, but NO ONE is talking, or listening, to DSS now.

LG

Didn't you decide to LET GO and LET GOD...

Have FAITH in HIM. HE is the ONE who will never leave you or forsake you.

Have FAITH that HE is working this out for you.

Having FAITH means that you need to STOP yourself from having those NEGATIVE THOUGHTS about this. I'm not saying that those thoughts aren't normal. I'm encouraging you to SHOO THEM AWAY...

Who knows what can get transmitted through the universe?

Replace the NEGATIVE THOUGHTS with the FAITH-FILLED thoughts that INEED is providing. I love her messages to you!!

Remind yourself that you, your DD and DS are wrapped up in the arms of JESUS.

Bug:

Put a smile on that face....Radiate your Love of God towards others and see how happy you will feel.

WILL post more later...going to bible study.

Bugs:

DO NOT let the enemy tell you that you are too busy, or that praying does not make a difference, or praying the scriptures does not really work. Believe what the word of the Lord says and pray for Drac to fear God and to hate evil. The Lord will not stop calling his name to repent and turn from his sinful ways.

"THe Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cries and saves them." Psalm 145:18-19

Never forget that the enemy has deceived, tempted and seduced Drac to falling into sin and now he is living in darkness, in a prison where he can not see or find a way out. Remember the promises of GOD and speak them daily.

"Lord, bring Drac out of the darkness and deepest gloom and break away his chains" Psalm 107:14

"Lord, we know you speak one way, and then another even though we may not see it you are answering our prayers. In a dream, in a vision of the night , when deep sleep falls on Drac as he sleeps, speak in his ears and terrify him with your warnings Lord. Turn him from wrong doing and keep him from pride, to preserve his souil from the pit, and his life from perishing by the sword." Job 33:12-18

"An oracle is within my heart concerning the sinfulness of Drac: there is no fear of God before his eyes. For his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin." Psalm 36:1-2 Please open his eyes and ears and allow him to see your truths Lord.

"No one whose hope is in you will EVER be put to shame. You are God, my savior, and my hope is in you all day long." Psalm 25:3-5

Lord, you hold my faith, my stength and my hope for reconciling this marriage. I will stand no matter what and ignore the doubts that the enemy tries to fill my mind with. Please put your helmet on me and allow me to only see your truths lord. I will be patient, and I will Endure while you are working in Drac. Thank you Lord, for moving the mountain that I can not see right now. I anxiously wait for what is on the other side.

INeed & Mimi,

thanks for the continued spiritual direction! I really, really, really, needed it last night and this morning. Actually, I spent quite a bit of time yesterday reading the word, in prayer, and in PRAISE. I continue to pray for Drac, especially RIGHT NOW, as things are not good at all.

I received a "response" again from Drac's attorney. Bottom line is that he has produced documents showing that when he refinanced the house in 2003, he took out a substantial amount of money to pay off his credit card and his 4-wheeler. He has produced NO proof that the credit card was "marital" debt. However, he thinks that he can leverage my wanting to buy this house, as he does have to sign a marital waiver for me to be able to close. He's trying to hold that over my head so that bottomline, he is going to walk away giving me $1,000 for each year that we have been married as a total settlement!

Now, before I go on about how upset I got at first, let me say that it only lasted a brief amount of time, as I truly felt and do feel that it is all going to work out just fine. I do truly trust that ALL of this is in God's hands. My faith and trust revealed itself with a phone call I received last night from my Dad. Long story short, my parents have offered to buy the house in their name if Drac refuses to sign the waiver. They will rent it to me until the case is settled. I cried so HARD, I could hardly speak on the phone with my Dad. I was completely overwhelmed and still am. Even through the darkest of times, God continues to bless me so much!!

I have emailed my attorney with my counter to Drac, asking that he sign a marital waiver for the purchase of my house, and in exchange, I will waive my right to the additional "equity" from the amount he took out during the refinance. I am still holding firm on most of the remainder of my original offer. My dad asked only 1 thing of me if he does purchase the house, and that is to NOT give in to Drac and to fight for what is right in the settlement. While it's hard to hold out hope for recovery of my marriage under these circumstances. I feel like I am in such a battle with Drac, I know I have to hold hope AND do the right thing in protecting myself & DD financially.

I don't think I've ever been through anything harder in my LIFE! Thank goodness for the strength God continues to give me or I'd be laid out on the floor right now!!

I am going to call my A to discuss this shortly. I am giving Drac until 3pm tomorrow to sign the waiver.

I just want this over! I Hate feeling like this is a war