Does this mean your dad is asking you not to reconcile with DRAC if things changed?

No,,, he wants me to fight to have a fair financial settlement. He means do not give in when it comes to getting one half of everything we have built during our marriage. He knows how hard I have worked and how much I have contributed financially to my marriage and does not want to see me on the losing end of any settlement


I am sure he will be very hard to win back over if/when any recovery comes along. However, this is my family and they will support me, even reluctantly, no matter what my choice. They are of course, concerned only for my best interest and welfare no matter what. That is what 'WE' do as a family. We always have and always will.

Oh, that's good (sigh of relief). I was concerned for you if that wasn't the case. You are SO fortunate and BLESSED to have such a supportive family.

My MIL "helped" me when we were separated but made the statement, "I'll never speak to you again if you take him back." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

We don't talk much now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Meggy,,

It would be an uphill battle, no doubt, but I will cross that bridge when I get there.

One item you may have missed on my previous thread- Dear Dad has cheated on Mom 2x that we know of. The last time was 6 years ago. I think him doing this for me is partially a way to try to atone for his own infidelity.

We all fully supported my Mom when she moved out that last time. AND we all fully supported her decision to reconcile with him. It is her life and was her choice. We would have supported her also should she have chosen to D.

I am truly blessed with a wonderful family. All my siblings are worried about scheduling the move date! They want to all be there to help.

Drac does not realize what he is losing in them, either!

Well, Drac's A has the letter on my response and has until 3pm tomorrow to sign the waiver for me to buy my house.

I was just sitting here, feeling exhausted, and wondering some things to myself.

How in the heck does a WS ever turn around to want to recover the M after all of the b*llsh*t we are going through on the financial stuff? I mean really? Drac is sitting there very angry that he is getting 'scr*wed' by Bugs financially.

How is it possible that he would ever move past that and see anything positive about me ever again???

Bugs:

Your worried about his "opinion" of the financial settlement?

How about you getting past his continued infidelity?

NOW that is a mountain to climb....

About the house: You lawyer could have your parents on the title, the debt will be in your name, and then after settlement, your parents sign a quit-claim and release the house to you. Run that by your lawyer.

What ya doing tonight?

My son is up on the stage, tonight! Gonna be great!

LG

I agree with LG Bugs....

I think your time would be better spent analyzing whether you feel like overcoming HIS behavior, not yours.

Really...have you done anything wrong here? Would any sane, rational person have a problem with your "fairness" when it comes to this financial settlement?
I don't think you need to worry about his ability to overcome anything. When this hits him, he will be begging for your forgiveness...and financial battles will be forgotten.

WONDERFUL news on the house. Nice to know its yours no matter what.

Sounds like you have a great family. Have you and Dad ever had a heart to heart about his affairs?
Has he ever reached out to Drac?

LG & Lexxx,

Thanks guys,, I am just feeling in a funk today.

I Know that I am doing what is right and what is fair. Of that I do not have any doubt. I guess knowing what I have learned here, that it IS possible to heal a M after an A, I do not really question my ability to climb that mountain to recover my M. On the other hand, I do question Drac's ability to ever see that as being possible.

But, what is wondering about Drac getting me beside down & depressed? So, I have been trying different things to pull me out of the funk. Been reading Scripture which makes me feel loved, yet in my emotional state, it also makes me cry.

I went out and spent a nice amount on moving boxes, storage bags, and plastic totes. Plan to go ahead with packing. No matter what happens, DD and I are outta there in a couple of weeks.

Regarding my Dad, no we have never discussed his A's. He isn't one for sharing feelings, shwoing affection, or talking about problems at all. He has gotten better with time, as well as the fact that I just do it when I am around him. Things like giving him hugs & kisses, and saying I love you. He tries best as he can

No. He as not reached out to Drac. Not his way. He rarely in his life has owned up to being wrong about anything, so him using his experience to try to help Drac just won't happen. Plus, I think if he 'reached out' it would be due to the urge to slug Drac, not help him!

I am feeling like everything is so surreal right now. Is this Really my life?

I do not want to sound unknowing or ungrateful for the many blessings I have and continue to receive - I just still have that voice inside me asking WHY am I even having to go through all of this.

I know God has his plan and it is my place to be patient as He works it all together for my good and His Glory.

But I do not think he minds me being honest about feeling pretty crappy about it sometimes!

Bugs:

Bugs to Dad: Drac has left, why didn't you ever leave? What made you stay?

See what happens.

Because what ever skills you learn from talking with Dad, will have to be used with Drac.

LG

Interesting idea, LG. Will try that when the opportunity presents itself.

I came home a bit early to pull myself together a bit before going to pick up the kiddos tonight. Am feeling a tiny bit better.

LG - - What's the show tonight?? I am sure DS will give a magnificent (or should I say MAH-VE-LOUS) performance!

You know, I was standing at the sink the other night when DD was playing outside with the neighbor girls, listening to the wonderful, pure sound of her laughter and I thought that there isn't a better, more perfect, or beautiful sound in the entire world. THAT is what I am thinking about now. THAT is what helps continue to pull me up and through all of this.

No matter what Drac does, no matter how much he hurts me, I am going to do everything in my power to help DD make that sound everyday for the rest of her life.

I am just extremely anxious to have an answer from Drac so that I can get going on the house,, time is short and I need to have a more specific plan in place.

Am going to play outside w/the kids for a while, make dinner, brew up some ButterBeer, and call it an early night for the kids. AM hoping to feel up to doing some packing after they are in bed.

LG - tell DS to "break a leg" tonight!!

Bugs:

It was a Mah-VE-Lous show....

Brought a tear to me eye.

And I was holding the hand of Flamingo through the whole thing.

So, I understand about the sound of laughter....Wanting to keep it going...

I was lucky to find a way back for that.

About the "break a leg" thing? DS broke his ARM three days before his performance as a lead 4 years ago.

LG

LG,

I knew the show would be great!

Re: your being 'lucky', my friend, luck had little to do with it. You were smart enough to see what you were losing and man enough to admit you were wrong, and loving enough to do whatever necessary to Earn your way back to a wonderful M with Flamingo!

So, I have completed week 1 in almost total darkness. I have had no contact w/Drac at all other than letting him know of DD's dr appt. That is if you do not count attorney communications.

He has stuck VERY strictly to the contact methods with the kids, even going as far as calling them precisely On Time every night. What's up with that??

So, he now has just over 4 hours to sign the marital waiver on MY new house. Anyone want to lay down some bets on if he signs it or not?

Either way, today I feel somewhat at peace. It is in God's hands now. DD and I will be moving in just a couple of weeks no matter what he does or does not do. I just want to know ao that I can finalize my plans.

Drac has the kids for the weekend, so I am putting on my old (yet Goddess-like) clothes and going into full pack up the house mode this weekend.

One thing that was hard for me last night,,,DD telling me something about the HO during which she says 'I really like her and think she is nice".

I would feel absolutely no regret/remorse about telling DD that the HO is wrecking her home and family.
That daddy would be home if not for HO.
That "nice" people don't steal daddies from their family.

No guilt whatsoever. IMO, kids need to know. Even 6 year olds. You are her ONLY moral compass right now Bugs.

And if it makes DD question her daddy....so be it.
Its about time he explained himself to her.

Plan B signals a huge loss of control for the WS. So my guess is that he will NOT sign the waiver -- just as a measure of control over you.

Go to Plan B on the house too -- meaning let your parents help.

Lexxx,

I did review with DD again that Daddy and Mommy are still married and that what Daddy & the ho are doing is WRONG.

I did not push it and let her change the subject when she wanted to move on. I do not feel badly about it other than it is confusing for her. I refuse to LIE and give any indication that their R is OK in any way.

I personally do not think Drac will sign either. He wants the D 'to be finished' but he certainly is not willing to give anything on his end to make it happen. It is still only about him, His life, His money, His freedom, etc. As it is certainly not going according to 'plan' for him, who knows what he will do now?

I am sure he & the Ho are united in it being all Bugs fault. HE is going to lose 'everything', it's Bugs fault he can not afford to move closer to her yet, it's Bug's fault that he can't spend more time with DSS. It's Bug's fault that there is global warming, too!

Eventually, if it goes on long enough, the Ho will get tired of it and then the reality really begins. I understand she is very high maintenance so the pressure will come on pretty quick if she is unhappy. I have a feeling they have a LOT more drama and game playing to go through before they are finished. They already broke up once, but that was MY fault. Who will they blame now?

Meanwhile Bugs and DD, after much work, will be snug in their new home, playing in the new pool, making new friends at the new school, and generally enjoying life!

Thank GOD (!!!) that you have a back up plan on the house.

Can you imagine if you had to rely on his signing? Then he really would be able to use that as a negotiation point.
As it is, when his attorney counter offers something regarding that waiver -- your attorney can say "go to **LL!"

Have fun packing this weekend!

And boy won't DRAC be surprised!! Love to be a fly on the wall when he tells HO it didn't work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am telling you,he is going to me sorely disappointed when I do tell him to go to he77 on anything other than signing and giving me what I have asked for.

Even if I did not have my backup plan on the house, I had already decided that I was not giving in. If he did not sign, I was going to live @ my parents in the basement for the school year. I wasn't backing down no matter what and I am still not.

Gee -- if you think about this, maybe my parents were so scared of me living there again, THAT was what motivated them to buy the house! LOL! Just kidding! They really are just being generous. I think my Mom would love to have me & DD in her house to spoil! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, less than an hour to deadline. Not holding my breath, that's for sure.

Ohhh,,I really can not WAIT.

Is that wrong of me? To want to basically give him the finger?!

I don't find it wrong at all....heeheehee.
There are so few instances where you get to have the secret back-up plan! Usually it is the WS having the secrets!

Is your attorney good about updating you?
What exactly happens at 3pm?

Lexxx,

I gave him til 3pm to sign the marital waiver as I have a home inspection scheduled Monday afternoon. I did not want to have to pay for an inspection if I could not buy the house. That was before I had the backup plan.

My A just emailed me. Here is what she sent and then my reply to her.

I got a fax from Mr.Drac's attorney rejecting the counter-offer I sent him yesterday. He refers to your counter-offer as "sordid" and now suggests that everything that is marital property (all real estate, time share, cars, household items, etc.) be sold and the proceeds used to pay off all mortgages and credit card debt in either parties' name with the remaining proceeds split equally. He also wants to divide the marital portion of all retirement benefits equally.
The problem with this is that there is no mention of a sale of any of the separate property accumulated by Mr. Drac during the term of the marriage (ATV's etc.) and I believe that his separate credit card debt exceeds yours (not to mention the fact that his separate debt was paid off with marital assets previously).
I guess this means that you won't be getting your marital waiver by 3:00 p.m.
Let me know if you want me to respond.

Dear A,
How about a simple Kiss My [censored]? Is that a proper Legal phrase?
His credit card debt is over $16K (back in April when he filed it was only $11K) This is the SAME card he paid off with the refinance Dec of 2003
Mine is less than $1K
He's mad. He's not getting his way and thinks he's going to scare me. Let them stew for today. We can respond next week.
In the meantime, please be thinking about what you suggest as a proper response. I say we go forward with my last offer, with the exception of the discount for signing the waiver, since he didn't sign it.
Have a Great weekend.


SORDID? What is SORDID is him having an AFFAIR!

Wow. So I can be sordid and not be a low down no good cheating POS?

So, any comments??

Thoughts?

Snappy come backs?

Poor Drac. Boy he is really going to 'give it to ol Bugs now! How DARE she ruin his plans! How DARE she insist he do the right thing!'.

HO will be ready and waiting with open arms and tons of sympathy! FOR NOW. How can she not see that if they continue, someday SHE will be in MY shoes right now??

Sordid? ROFLMAO. That's classic. Stick to your guns Bugs, see who blinks first. I'm bettin' my money on DRAC. He's about to hit full panic mode.