It doesn't matter if you didn't look at him. He got his FIX from a look at you and that sets you back, Bugs.

In order for PLAN B to be effective he has to miss you.

This all fits together.

He did a TEST after seeing you.

Don't for one minute believe that he did not see you on purpose.

Got to work on COMPLETE DARKNESS,Bugs.

And yes I still say that there is too much talk and knowledge about what he is doing.

TOUGH LOVE from Mimi....

Hey Eph! You are MAH-VE-LOUS! Such patience you are having dealing w/WW's 'communication' issues!

Of course she does not want a 3rd party know the [email]cr@p[/email] she is up to! DUH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mortarman and all these are dishing out some great advise and I am taking full benefit from it, too. Keep dark!

Ok, Miss Mimi,,,

Maybe I am having a dense day, but can you or anyone pretty please tell me HOW to be more dark?

And also, a bit more on how him seeing me sets me back in my plan?

I thought the email was a test to see of I would reply or not. But why?

Btw- home inspection went GREAT. The inspector himself told me it is Very Rare to find a place in as good of condition as this house is. Only 1 light switch that does not work properly!! Everything else top to bottom is good. Also my Dad was Very Impressed & feels very good about it, which was Very important to me.

So, closing on the 10th. Current owners out by the 13th so DD and I will be there for her first day of school on the 15th!! Offical move that following weekend!

Well, Miss Bugs.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When we say DARK, we literally mean DARK. We mean that he is NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE YOU.

One of the major purposes of PLAN B is for the WS to miss you..for the WS to SUFFER...to reach his bottom..for the OW to meet ALL of his needs...

Seeing you meets ALL KINDS OF NEEDS..SF/PHYSICAL ATTRACTION/DOMESTIC SUPPORT..She is supposed to be his TOTAL EYE CANDY..and he will soon realize that she is not enough..that is if he DOES NOT GET TO SEE YOU...he is to only IMAGINE YOU and LONG FOR YOU...

My H pulled the same stuff..trying to catch me at the gym...and on and on..

He SAW you and wanted CONTACT with you..in any form or fashion..E-mail or whatever...

We want him to LONG for SUCH CONTACT and know that he will not GET TO EVEN SEE YOU..unless he ends his AFFAIR...

I know it must be hard with children but try to DO YOUR BEST WITH THIS...

Come at a different time to the sitters' or whatever...

Ok, that helps, Thanks!

I will go a bit earlier to the sitter one day and then a bit later another. I am generally VERY prompt with my schedule. Drac is not.

So, all this what do I do about the TM that signaled on my cell 30 minutes ago that I have not read?

I told DSS to let Drac know I have not seen electric bill - and I sent his mail down to the sitter so he had it when he picked up DSS.

He's trying to break PLAN B after seeing you.

HE MUST SUFFER!!!

He's not supposed to be able to reach you.

I guess because of business you can't change your number can you?

I changed my cell no. and home pnone numbers and never answered my phone at work.

If you read the TM, certainly don't respond to it unless he is saying that he is ending the affair.

No, I can not change my numbers, unfortunately.

I read the message,,finally. It said "agreed to email. Don't send messages through the kids".

That is in response to my having DSS tell him that I have not seen the electric bill.

As much as I might want to respond, am staying silent. No response is necessary. He Exploded the 1 other time I told Dss to tell him anything. That was the night I did not want to see or talk to him and told DSS to tell Dad I'd see hin tomorrow. He ended up following me around the house, insisting I speak to him.

I think this is the same. He is NOT in control and he does not like it at all. My Mom even said to me today to expect him to try to have a confrontation face to face very soon.

I am thinking it is not even close to that. My goodness, I have not even begun to ignore him or treat him as badly as he has me.

They no longer have you around as an excuse to JUSTIFY the AFFAIR. She has to provide REAL CONVERSATION now..not just CONVERSATION about you being a BAD WIFE....

Good stuff..this is running according to the script...

The key is to continue to AVOID him....

DARK..DARK..DARK..

Mimi,

WHO are you talking about??

The only people who exist in MY world are Me, DD, DSS and family. No WS or Ho exist in MY world!

Or atleast that is my goal

LMAO...Good Morning! glad to see that you are doing well!

I'm just checking in...I'm still doing well!

Take care!

ROFL....he's poking at your plan b (and unfortunately you have him ammo to do it....)

the e-mail, the text, the sighting.

go darker. (and he's right by the way, don't use the kids as intermediaries. you just gave him that ammo to come at you with....)

Who is your intermediary bugs? The proper response since you felt a need to give one was to have your SISTER (I think) send a quick e-mail saying "please do not contact bugs directly. and no, she does not have the electric bill, she will forward all bills in the usual method -- if you have concerns contact the company."

Good morning!

Well, I never responded to Drac's text message last night, and frankly, it wasn't as hard as I thought to just let it go! Didn't sleep well, though with this shoulder pain. I am trying to decide if I need to call the MD or just suffer through and see if it gets better.

Lexxx,

You are right in how I should have responded. I did not 'plan' to use DSS to carry a message, I just mentioned it without really thinking it through properly. Will have Sis take care of it next time


I purposefully went to drop DD at the sitter's a bit later than usual this morning. I was a bit distressed to arrive to find that Drac had not yet dropped off DSS, so I hightailed it out of there pretty quick to avoid seeing him. I didn't, thank goodness! Didn't even pass them on the road for which I was grateful. It is kind of strange, though, after months of hoping, praying, and planning ways TO see him, now it's the complete opposite!

I don't think I posted yet about my A's response to his A after they refused my SORDID offer! LOL! She read it to me over the phone yesterday afternoon and faxed it to his A right after that. I am guessing he has it by now. It basically stated that I will in NO way agree to the sale of the marital assets when it includes paying of Drac's personal debt, and noted the SUBSTANTIAL difference in my personal debt vs his, Plus the fact that his has increased by $5K since he filed in April, Plus the fact that he paid it off during the refinance of the house in 2003. She noted the numerous things which I have contributed to the M financially, noted his areas of "misconduct", and stated that in light of this, MY offer is more than fair. She went on to say that I have documentation of my claim and that he needs to provide documentation of HIS claim, and that we should "seek guidance" from the judge on the 20th. In other words, we are not afraid to go to court because we can prove my claim.

Drac's certainly not going to like any of it. One area that she mentioned in the letter is how Drac has assisted his Dad in buying property and that he has an "interest" in that property. I do NOT want to drag FIL into this at all. My A knows that, and I'm not sure mentioning it in that letter was a good idea. Oh well, what's done is done at this point.

I guess that this is going to give some further fuel for conversation against/about me in Affairland. Oh well, not anything I can do about that. That is except to stay dark.

Mimi, you said that this seems to be going according to "script"? Do you really think so?

In my newbie Plan B mode, the only script I see here is the one that completes the D with Drac & the Ho driving off into the sunset,,, returning just to involved my daughter in their sick relationship from time to time.

Uggh! Sorry! Too much thought about someone who does not exist, right?

Hard to work on avoiding someone who doesn't exist! LOL! Another one of those things that will take a bit of work to get my arms around!

Well, Sis isn't on board with being intermediary. Bottomline is she doesn't understand or see any issues w/Drac and I communicating via email unless it is hostile in some way.

Here is email Drac just sent. I need advise on a response

"I believe I have been following the schedule you created for our children to keep in contact with us, since you gave me the schedule I have had to call DD more times than not. I do not have a problem with calling her, but this was not my understanding of how this would be handled.

I would appreciate it if you would not use the children or family to deliver messages or mail, I have respected your wish not wanting to see or speak with me, so I make times to go by the house when you are not there to pick up my mail. If you would continue to leave the mail on the counter and I will pick it up.

The issue concerning DSS's cell phone bill, I have repeatedly asked you to transfer the phone over to my account and to date you have not done this. The phone is still in your name and in your possession and control. DSS is allowed to have the phone when you see fit. I am not able to contact him when he is with me through the week if you decide to keep his phone. Please change the phone over if you would like me to pay the bill."



Ok a few items to note. He has NOT stuck with the schedule of calling when he has the kids.


On the mail issue - yesterday I had given his mail to DSS so he would have it when he picked him up last night. I do not understand the big deal here. This saves him from having to 'make time' to go by the house when I am not there

Re:DSS cell. I have repeatedly requested the cell phone co change the bill to HIS name. WHY would Drac need to call DSS when they are suppposed to be together?


So what, if any of this, do I reply to and how?

I know, it is not the darkness I am going for, but am just doing the best I can right now. When Steve Harley and I spoke about Plan B, he told me email, as needed, was ok.

Yea...him trying to break into your PB...him needing for you to be in the threesome as the BAD GUY in order to FUEL the A...him going back into WITHDRAWAL now after SEEING you...Yea, scripted...




Don't allow yourself to think this way...

The ODDS are REALLY against this...


Think HE DOESN'T EXIST...

I just got off the phone w/cell company. When I requested the change to Drac's name on the acct, they contacted HIM to confirm the change, but HE did not return the vm message!

They are going to try again - this is the 3rd time.

Here's a draft reply,



Drac Wrote - "I believe I have been following the schedule you created for our children to keep in contact with us, since you gave me the schedule I have had to call DSS more times than not. I do not have a problem with calling her, but this was not my understanding of how this would be handled."

Bugs reply "The schedule did not appear to be working for you as DD ended up having to leave VM's for you numerous times, you called early at times, and there have been several occassions that I have had to call and not gotten any answer when they were with you. If the schedule works for you, as you indicate above it does, I will ensure the kids call you in a timely manner per the schedule and appreciate your doing the same in return"

Drac wrote "I would appreciate it if you would not use the children or family to deliver messages or mail, I have respected your wish not wanting to see or speak with me, so I make times to go by the house when you are not there to pick up my mail. If you would continue to leave the mail on the counter and I will pick it up."

Bugs reply "Leaving mail at the sitter for you to pick up along with DSS is a much more convenient way for you to get your things in a timely manner. In the future, as to protect your privacy, I will ensure it is in a sealed envelope"

Drac wrote "The issue concerning DSS's cell phone bill, I have repeatedly asked you to transfer the phone over to my account and to date you have not done this. The phone is still in your name and in your possession and control. Austin is allowed to have the phone when you see fit. I am not able to contact him when he is with me through the week if you decide to keep his phone. Please change the phone over if you would like me to pay the bill."

Bugs reply "I have requested the billing be changed to you for the 3rd time today. X Company informs me that in the previous requests, vm messages were left for you to return and confirm the change, but they did not receive a call back from you. They will. be contacting you again to confirm. I have kept control of the phone as to prevent the loss of it as we have had in the past. I assumed that the times he is with you during the week, that he is either at the sitters or with you so it would not be needed at that time. Feel free to take control of the phone"

Comments?

Bugs,
I do not post very often, but I read your thread, first thing, each morning. You are such an inspiration for all of us. I am rutting for you as if I were you! You are so awesome! OK enough of that LOL!

I don't think I'd respond to his comments about the calling schedule. Although you & Drac have agreed on a schedule, the reality is life is not always that rigid. So, just as sometimes you have to be somewhat flexible & overlook certain fluctuations, he will have to learn to do the same.

Also, there may be a time when DSS not calling him etc... will have to be between he & DSS, same for DD.

It sounds as if you've taken care of the cell bill name change think. At least you've tried to. I'd think he should pick up the ball on this now.

As far as your sister goes. I don't think anyone who hasn't been through this & doesn't understand the MB concepts, can truly grasp what you are trying to accomplish. If you feel that she cannot totally follow through on your wishes in emailing the facts without a negative tone, you might need to get someone else to do it.

OK, here's the part I have a problem with, so bare with me. I may just not understand it, but here goes. Why the he77 does Drac get to pick up his mail on your counter in the house that you are residing in?

I know that legally it is still his house, but I feel that it is such a infringment & lack of respect for your privacy.

It seems if you're in Plan B that he could be getting somewhat of a Fix to be able to wollow in your personal space even if you're not around, look at pictures, smell your underware, whatever? LOL! Not only that, go through your stuff to make sure you're not up to anything. Wouldn't it be better to keep him guessing?

Would it make more sense to come up with some other way he could get his mail besides being able to just go into the house? Whatcha think?

BUGS!!

STOP THIS!!

HE HAS GOTTEN YOU OFF TRACK OF PLAN B SINCE YESTERDAY!!

FIND ANOTHER INTERMEDIARY!!

DO NOT RESPOND TO HIS E-MAIL!!

HE SHOULD NOT BE COMING INTO THE HOUSE!!

THE LOCKS SHOULD HAVE BEEN CHANGED AS SOON AS PLAN B STARTED!!

Yes, all caps...

BUGS, I AM SHAKING YOU!! HOPE IT DOESN'T HURT....

Hey Jaded!

So YOU are one of those folks out there I see reading but not posting,, thanks for checking in and the kind words!

I definately agree on the mail situation, which is why I had it with DSS at the sitter's house last night. There is NO reason for him to be in the house and I thought this would be the best way to eliminate the only reason left for him to be there. I think that is why he hates it so much , but too bad. It makes sense and he certainly can not stop me from doing that MY way.

I agree, too, that life has to be flexible with the calls. I have chosen to 'roll with it' the times HE hasn't stuck to it. Just not sure how to say that briefly and businesslike.

Phone bill will now be in his court and my reply on that I think is good

Read my post before Jaded.

DARK MEANS DARK...

NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT...

NO IFS, ANDS OR BUTS...

Steve told you E-Mail AS NEEDED.

IMO, this is all about him seeing you yesterday and he is trying to BREAK YOU DOWN and he is succeeding.

He is the one that created this mess and he needs to SUFFER FOR IT.

All of his mail needs to be forwarded. Immediately. Go to the post office in put in a change of address.

It needs to be made perfectly clear to him that he no longer will be able to have his cake and eat it too in any fashion whatsoever.

This will begin a continual E-Mail dialogue.

Plan B out the window.

He is missing the text messages, etc.