Thanks for the cheerleading, Still!

Lexxxy, thanks for caring enough to be tough on me about getting it RIGHT.

I see that 3% issue and you were right about leaving that hole open. But, now closing time has arrived. Window is now closed, locked, And Covered!

I don't fully understand it, but I do trust in you all being right about their NEEDING me in the affair triangle.

So, thinking in those terms, his attempt to break Plan B starting on Mon. It came after a glimpse of me AND after 11 days of darkness from me, and after an entire Affairland weekend.

So, all that combined to NEEDiNG something from me to stir the excitement, right?

Am I getting it now? I think so! I Hope so!

Hiya , I used to read here ages ago and come back from time to time to see if there are any updates from people .
I started following your thread and wanted to let you know you are doing great . The attitude seems to of changed from when I was a more active lurker <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I encourage you to search and read posts from pebbles , faithinme , hurtinginoklahoma , you will see thier progression of events from Plan A and Plan B. And you will notice that when they had contact with thier husbands while in Plan B it was treated as Ok , it happened time to get back into the Plan. It sort of seems to me you are being a bit beat up over things and maybe reading others experiences will reassure you that you are doing a good job . " Alien sightings " happen , just get back into the plan and you are doing great .

AKeeper,

I absolutely love it when somone who has been following my thread drops in!

Thanks for the encouragement and for those posts to look for. I learn from every thread I read. Sometime I find great ideas on what to do AND even learn what not to do sometimes!

I just so appreciate everyone's help and advice. In all of this, it comes down to me doing what I think I need to do.

No matter what line of advise I get, I do value it all.

Thanks again for the kind words!

Bugs,

I did a very poor Plan B, initially, and you know what happened, my WAYWARD husband showed up and wanted to date, so I did, due to that very poor plan B; caused more pain and sorrow and damage to the marriage.

When I shored up Plan B, still not 100% mind you, and went very dark, I released PWC to Aimless. He was on his own. That's what Lexxxy and Mimi are getting at; he has to float out there ALL ON HIS OWN, without any help from you, especially over things with DSS that Drac is supposed to take care of; it's not for you to deal with anymore. You see how easily you got side tracked. If he sent the TM yesterday about meds, and you didn't notice until this morning, and the world didn't end for anybody, then it was OBVIOUSLY not all that important.

You are doing great--good job on shutting down his trusted source for a Bugsy fix--the dreaded TM's.

Trust that he will miss you. He will; you have been a good wife; you just DO NOT want that Wayward species around. It just causes turmoil in your life that you don't need. The darker you are, the more he has to turn all his focus toward OW, the more he will realize she IS NOT all that and a bag of chips--NOPE--Bugsy IS.

Thanks SL!

I have been reading more of Mimi's Plan B thread and continuing to try to learn from it. We all know how hard it is.

Drac was in the house again tonight with the mail. He DID take DSS's cell phone bill with him. I had left it on the counter. In talking to my A about it, I can try to power struggle with him about it, and can go as far as filing for a restraining order to keep him out. But, by the time I do that, I will be outta here.

Kids finally called tonight,,, late PER the Schedule! ha ha!
They were at a ballgame,,, I know it was a local minor league team game. I happened to drive by the stadium on my way home & saw there was a game tonight. I then saw who I thought was Drac driving that way. I wasn't TRYING to see him = it was all coincidence. I was headed home from the dr's office, at a time & place I normally would not have been.

It was SO LOUD I could barely talk to the kids and had to end the conversation early. At first I was SO ANGRY with Drac, but then I remembered, He does not exist. Unfortunate circumstances were in place that kept me from having a nice conversation with my kids and I will get to see them tomorrow night. I can call them in the am at the sitter's as well.

My arm and shoulder are really hurting. I tried doing some packing, but didn't get far. Typing isn't so hot either!

One quick note before I sign off, , , this afternoon, my cell phone rang with a local area number I did not recognize. It was, I knew, in the general area where Drac works. I did NOT answer it and no one left a message. Turns out the number was from a bank branch office in a supermarket in the area where Drac works. I have a feeling he found out that I withdrew my half of the savings account today and tried to call me from there, knowing I would not recognize the number. No message was left. Since his A is on vacation this week, he has not received the fax informing him that I have made that withdrawl. Too bad.

I just felt great resisting the urge to answer the call. I do feel bad having done the "research" to find out where the call came from. I know I probably should not have,,,,,,,,,,,,but hey, I am only human. I feel like if I can avoid contact with Drac, I am doing pretty darn good.

I even resisted the opportunity to do a drive by the Ho's house on my way home,,,,,,,,,,,Had I given into the urge, it would have been a close call to a Drac sighting for sure. So, I am going to take positive points for that, too!

You are right SL, I don't want what he is right now. I want 100 Percent MY HUSBAND or nothing. I deserve nothing less!

Have a great night everyone. Am getting an ice pack and going to bed!

"At first I was SO ANGRY with Drac, but then I remembered, He does not exist."

Excellent job!

That is one of the hardest things about Plan B, not about staying away, out of contact, but GETTING HIM OUT OF YOUR HEAD.....how do you not make him a part of your life right now?

Yeah -- 2 points for Bugs!

I had to laugh at a friend of mine. She gives herself points, when she's earned enough she gets to buy herself something fun. Use whatever behavior mods works!

hey there!

You are right, it is so darn hard getting him outta my head! I am doing better with making decisions and going about the every day things of life without stopping to think about him in relationship to it. Simple things like when I am at the grocery store, not thinking about the things I used to fix for him. Stupid stuff like that.

I am also working on other everyday "life" triggers. For instance, seeing a motorcycle or the same kind of car he drives or that the HO drives. I stopped looking at the license plates or trying to see the drivers. Today, I went to the doctor. I hadn't been in a while and apparently a doctor that HE used a few years ago for a surgery is now in the same group office with my doctor, as I saw his name on the door when I walked in. Yes, I connected the dots, but I did not let that lead me down a sad path. Well, at least not too sad. It did cross my mind that it's a shame he's forgotten about all of the things I helped him through from the day we started dating. That same week we started dating, he broke his ankle. I was the one who took him to the specialist, took him for surgery, brought DSS to see him in the hospital, etc. I was there for him through 3 bouts of diverticulitis, 1 surgery for that, and 2 serious bouts of pneumonia. I decided I hope he doesn't get seriously ill right now because I'll be darned if I'll foot the bill and have the HO come to visit! UUUKKK. THAT put me right back where I needed to be,,, I just STOPPED thinking about it.

Just like last night when I was talking to DSS and DD while they were at the ballgame. Neither of them sounded like they wanted to be there. DSS didn't even know the score because he was "playing his Gameboy", and DD was telling me how unhappy she was about what they were having to eat. He doesn't get it that his party all of the time lifestyle is wearing on his kids. They don't need to be on the run 24/7 with him, the ho, and her son. They want and need time with their Daddy.

But, you know what? There's not a darn thing I can do about it. It is, unfortunately, something he'll have to figure out on his own. He may not figure it out, and it WILL damage his relationship with his kids. In fact, it already is. That is HIS to own. My job is to be the Best Mom for them both.

I went to the dr this morning and got an anti-inflammatory for my shoulder. Hope I won't need to see the ortho specialist she referred me to. Praying that the meds and careful use will let it heal. While I was waiting for my script to be filled, I went to Old Navy and bought some school clothes for the kids. I did really well. 3 tops, 3 bottoms, and a jacket for DD, and 2 shirts and a pair of jeans for DSS all for $100.

I have gotten some of DD's school supplies and will be picking up the rest sometime in the next week. I have debated on buying school supplies for DSS. On the one hand, I don't want to treat them differently (doing for one and not the other). BUT, I feel very strongly that this is one of those things that Drac is going to have to take care of himself. He doesn't want me to be full time Mom to DSS, so I should not be doing ALL of the things that a Mom does.

Does that sound bad? I just worry that DSS is the one that suffers, which is the LAST thing I want. On Sunday when Drac dropped of DD, DSS brought her in the house. Before he left he gave me a BIG FULL 2 arm hug. He's doing that more and more lately, when before it was always a typical half hearted 13 year old boy kind of hug. It just rips at my heart!

I have been giving myself "Atta girl" points! But, with the new house, I know that is where all of the points will be spent for a while!! Mom is already lining up plants and spare furniture from throughout the family! I am going to "make due" with whatever is available for a while. Then, when I've saved up enough "points" I am going to buy Nice furniture. Maybe as a Christmas present to myself!!

It is now offically my wedding anniversary.

((((Bugs)))

Still

Bugs:

I am so sorry honey. I know how hard this day is for you, as I just did it a couple of weeks ago.

Pray today, and tell GOD that you can not handle today on your own. Ask HIM to wrap HIS arms around you and to carry you through today.

I know he will, he did me. I found strenght I didn't think possible, I laughed alot. At the end of the day when I prayed and told God he could put me down now, I felt as through all of my energy were drained in a second.

Remember "Satan will whisper lies to you, hoping that you will begin to believe them." John 8:44

I want you to say to yourself today and keep repeating it...


Dear Heavenly Father, we just ask you to take Bugs's negative thoughts right now. Please replace them with good ones. Lord, help her to focus today on the blessings you have given her. And Lord help her to realize that YOU love her and so do all of us. Amen.

Now to put a smile on your face, I was driving to work yesterday and praying. Someone cut me off bigtime. Instead of getting angry, I smiled, looked at the truck and shouted "THANK YOU LORD". Kind of hard to imagine thanking him for cutting me off, but the words on the truck said Love Construction. God's subtle way of letting me know he's doing this.

Bugs: You can celebrate today without your husband. I took my family and a couple of my friends out to eat. It doesn't matter if Drac's not there. You became One on your wedding day, so he is there when you are there. I went and we celebrated the day I made the covenant with God for my marriage.

Hope this helps you at all.... I will pray for you throughout the day. When you feel down, pray and ask God for that hug. It's amazing because he does give it.

I NEED, your words are so INSPIRATIONAL!!

You seem personally touched by the HANDS OF JESUS!!

Bless you, I NEED, for coming here and speaking to us in the midst of all of your own pain.

As you well know, you will RECEIVE as much or more as you GIVE. I'm sure that BLESSINGS await you..

INeed,

Well, I can not say it any better than Mimi did! You are such a blessing!

First thing upon getting to my office I opened my Bible. It was random - The 23rd Psalm. How perfect! I spent time reading and then in prayer. I have used a visual of the Lord holding me, filling me with His light & love. Then the entire room fills and I am surrounded by angels. I have a protective circle around me to keep out those demons.

The hardest ones to keep out are the ones questioning if Drac even remembers what today is. How can he spend our anniversary in another woman's bed?!? Why would I want a man that would do that?

So, now I got those thoughts out, I am going to try very hard to leave them here on this page and NOT carry them around with me today.

((((BUGS)))))

Oh, my ANGEL...so you ARE reclaiming the day right? Got some plans?

I understand that this is tough for you but you will be just fine!! I hope that you know that!

Goal for today: Think positive...don't allow your mind to be the devil's playground! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

(((BUGS)))

Wishing the best for you!

I too spent our "anniversary" alone during WH's craziness. Even worse, OW's BD was in that same week. Guess which one he celebrated. I know what you're feeling.

This IS hard. For this year... use this day to celebrate YOU and the changes you've made. And remember, something good did come out of this day. You've got precious DD as a result of it.

(((Bugs)))

Ok, TALK ME OUTTA OF THIS!!!

I want to Anonymously send a rose for each year we have been married to Drac's office.

Tell me again why this would be a BAD BAD BAD idea!!

Would it be better to send DEAD roses! LOL!!

Ahhh..Psalm 23..one of my favorites in the MIDNIGHT HOURS..



This is certainly true for YOU, Bugsy, for YOU as a BELIEVER...

Pray today that the LORD will deliver DRAC from evil...Pray that DRAC will hear HIS VOICE...

PRAY that whenever you think of him...

Do you hear that loud rumble? Is it getting louder? That'd be us heading towards you 90 to nothin' down the highway to kick your butt if you do this.

Send yourself roses! YOU deserve them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He does not deserve them Bugs!!! Do something nice for yourself instead girlfriend!

Meggy,

LOL! I actually DID think of sending myself flowers,,but NOT roses. Back in Nov Drac hand delivered a dozen to the Ho's house ,"becuase he felt sorry for her and wanted to do something nice to cheer her up. She's a single Mom about to lose her job and he did't sign the card'. Projectile vomit!!

I told him when I found out to NEVER send me roses again.

I AM going on line right now and ordering myself something beautiful and I am taking off early to go get a pedicure!!