Jaded,

I hope he asks those questions, but I am going to TRY nit ti give it too much thought.

INeed,

Thanks as always for the fantastic spiritual support. Sorry to hear about your flood! You sound pretty upbeat, though, for having no sleep and wet clothes!

Have a great day!

LG,

If DSS wants to play ball, I will most certainly support him! I have talked to him before about this, and he has told me several times he is not interested. Should he change his mind, you know I will do whatever I can to support him!

I left him a note this am. I let him get up on his own and walk across the field to the sitter's. I made sure to sign the note Love, MOM. Want him to know and see I think of myselg that way!

Re: Drac info from the sitter, all that ends after Tues. Just this am I said to her, let's not even bother talking about him! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the support and well wishes everyone!

1 hour to close!

Congrats on the house. When I went to the closing on my house (first one ever owned) I wept with joy. Finally, I owned a home. It was so exciting. I know you're excited too.

When you get moved in, go through the house and pray a blessing on each room. Pray for a hedge of protection around your home and you and your kids. Can't hurt.

I'm thrilled for you. What fun!

Good news - closing went fine and the sale is complete! We take posession Mon!

Bad News - HORRIBLE letter from Drac's A

A comment I made to my A was misinterpreted and now is being blown way up. I asked her if I could ADD a lock to the house becuase I feel unsafe? This would keep Drac out til I move. She put in a letter that I fear for my personal safety. It has been construed that I am afraid of Drac, which to NOT at all the case.

I informed her to FIX that asap!

However, his letter was accusatory, nasty, and sarcastic on a ton of other things.

He accuses me of dropping off DSS when no one was home. When I dropped him last Sun, all of FIL's cars were there. I did not go in. I also know that Drac arrived home 3 min later, as I almost passed him!

They totally missed the point about not NOTIFYING me about shutting off the phone. Saying it was OK because I have 2 cell phones.

Lots of other stuff I do not yet have a copy of the letter. Doesn't matter I guess. It is all BS!! Obviously he is in BIG time hate Bugs mode!

WHY is he being so nasty and mean?? I HATE this!!

WHY is he doing this??

Oh, he DEMANDS to know about DD's school enrollment saying she is not enrolled anywhere as we BOTH have to enroll her. He already agreed to my move and Knows where I planned to enroll her. As I just TODAY signed my rental agreement, nothing was confirmed until TODAY. A$$!

Talked to DD before and after the concert. She did not sound happy. I am concerned. I think Drac had her lying again. I will find out Sun when she comes hom. She always tells me. Poor baby!

I did have a good time at the concert. Glad I did not run into them!

So what is up with all this spiteful, hateful nasty BS from Drac? Why now? He could have settled this a month ago!

It's more important for him to gain RESPECT of you, Bugs..to know that he can't push you around..to know that you will not accept THE TRIANGLE.

I still say that's what it is. He definitely wants HIS CAKE. He wants you to be HIS FRIEND, TO COPARENT WITH..He wants it to be ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY. He wants you to ACCEPT this situation...THE BRADY BUNCH MYTH...

Stand firm. Even without reconciliation, it will be best for you in the long run to maintain your SELF-RESPECT and PERSONAL POWER...that it is NOT OK with you for your H to leave you for another woman and to place your children in the midst of such IMMORALITY.

Part of it, though, is the ATTORNEYS. My H went to an ATTORNEY at one point who ENABLED HIS ANGER and he cut off DIRECT DEPOSIT of his check at the attorney's suggestion. I also went to an attorney who was encouraging me to sue my H...ATTORNEYS DO DIVORCE AND CONFLICT...

So just get it FIXED..Be ASSERTIVE with your ATTORNEY..speak your own truths to EVERYBODY..what a valuable LIFE LESSON this has been for me and I hope for you, too..learning to do just that...

PERSONAL POWER!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

(((Bugs)),

I think it will be easier for you once you are in your new home. The chances of running into Drac will become even less. And with your very dark plan B it will be better for you.

At times I wish WH would move far away so I wouldn't have to see him. Although we live in a small town and I rarely run into him. And MOW lives right down the street and I have only seen her a couple of times in the distance. The only times I see WH is when he comes to my house. That will change once the kids start school and sports start up again.

Mimi is right attorney's thrive on conflict... that's their job. But I feel for you because it does hurt to think that we are "hated" by the person we love and committed ourselves too. He has to make himself "hate" you so he doesn't feel the guilt of what he is doing. And I do believe they feel guilt but will not show it to anyone because that would make them see that what they are doing is soooo very wrong.

You are doing great and are growing so much. You have so much to be proud of the way you have handeled things.

Still

Bugs:

Mimi's got it, once again.

Drac is pissed because your desire for another lock on your door was streached to fearing for your personal safety....

Attorneys do that.

Have your attorney correct the filing, and go forward, bring no further attention to it.

Oh, BTW, have you checked your lightbulbs? You should have a reason to fear DRAC.

WHY is DRAC doing these things?

To control, intimidate, and anger Bugs.

He LOOKS like he cares...wanting to be invaolved with DD school enrollment. But he really doesn't care. He just wants to look good.

Ignore it.

DSS is 12. He can be in the house alone at that age. Heck, he can even babysit others at that age.

It was DRAC's failure to be at FIL's HOME at the times that that he agreed to, not YOURS.

You did not send DSS into a CRACK house, you sent him into his grandfather's house.

Be assertive, as MIMI states, but you do not have to do anything else than that.

DRAC will bring up EVERY LITTLE THING you do worng (from his POV) from now until the D is final.

WHY?

Because it HAS to be YOUR FAULT. It doesn't work as well, if it is HIS FAULT.

You could list all his ERRORS in the same way.

His NOT being at FIL's house while DSS and DD are there overnight.
NOT consulting you when registering DSS for school.
His inability to clothe the children, and how YOU need to deliver clean clothes.
Turning OFF your phone service. Not just changing the billing address.
Anything else you would like to add?

But why would you do that?

See how pointless it is for Drac?

But he has to make it YOUR FAULT. Changes the perspective doesn't it?

Sorry about the rant the other day about DSS and sports. Sort of touched a nerve for me. One of those area's that Flamingo and I have to have some discussion about. And my kid likes sports. Not really DSS deal, I know, but I sort of ranted a little to much.

Oh, and we have pool. If you need any advice on how to keep the greenie's away, just give me a shout out. It's been a REAL learning curve in the past two years.

(((BUGS)))

LG

LG,

Don't mean to TJ.

How do you keep the greenie away from pools. The last 2 years my pool hasn't been clear. One day last year while we were camping and supposedly WH went skinny dipping (hope Ho wasn't with him but I don't know).

This year I haven't been able to get it clear at all. Just got back inside from brushing the algae off the sides. I'm ready to drain it and scrub it down and refill it and start fresh.

Still

Still:

T/J:

Shock the heck out of the pool. Algeacide included. Double or triple the recommended amount. (this will restrict your use of the pool for a short time, however)

Backwash the filter. Make sure the return from the filter is coming out with a strong flow. I mean, it should be shooting out three-four feet into the pool, not just 4-8 inches.

Shock the pool again.

Also, test the aciditity of the pool. Many of the test strips indicate that there is problem with PH, but they never tell you to add Acid to the pool. Why? Cuz it's dangerous....It't ACID.

However, most of my reading of the literature states that you have to get the PH right, before the pool will stabilize. And to do that, you need to add acid to the pool. And they do not recommend that. Cuz it can be dangerous. THey describe all the other things to adjust the pool, but they never really talk about adding acid.

If you have a continuing problem? Go to your local pool store, one that tests your pool water sample, and they will usually tell you what you have to do. They can give you a clean quart container to take the sample to them as well. If you do this first, it can provide much help in what to do next. It proved invaluable the first year we had the pool.

I opened our pool this year myself. Closed it last year, as well. But the filter clogged right at closing (the lines from the pool to the filter filled with leaves....) and there were a tree full of leaves in the bottom of the pool when I put the cover on.

It was the most beautiful emerald green when I opened the pool this year. I cleaned the blockage in the line, vaccumed up the leaves, and Backwashed the filter three times in a week, Shocked it, Shoocked it again, and now the pool looks terrific.

But last spring, someone else opened it, (that's why I did it this year) and it stayed cloudly for a while. We were just using the rocommended amounts of shock, and clorine tabs. Then we bombed it with shock and algaecide, and it cleared up in a week. We als had to add acid if I remember right, as well. Haven't had to add any acid this year. It is well balanced now. We got back from ten days of vacation, and the pool just needed to be backwashed, and shocked and it was ready to go.

T/J over, or time for a Pool Owners Thread?

LG

LG,

Thanks for the info. I have been dumping shock like you wold not believe. I never thought of alcicide....I must have some of that in the garage. I'm bringing a sample of the water this morning and hopefully they can help. I think I also have acid to add if needed.

Stupid question.... I have taken out the filter and hosed it down a couple of times. Really gross. Last time yesterday morning. But how do you backwash the filter. I noticed it had algae in it also... If it's an inground pool does that make a difference.

Maybe a thread on pool maintenance could be done.

By the way my pool is also emerald green.... like the color just not in my pool
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Still

Still:

Is your Pool Emerald green in water color?

EEEK!

Or is that what color the liner is?

What type of filter do you have?

A sand (DE) filter, or a paper type?

A sand filter can get backwashed. This removes the dirty things and the old sand (DE) from the fiter. And then you re-add the DE so that the filter collects the dirty things.

Our pool is inground as well. How old is yours?

And if you have algae in the filter, you are in a world of hurt!

Take the sample to the pool company and have them test it.

If you have been shocking it, then something else is out of balance. And your filter being clogged with algae doesn't help.

Is the filter a paper filter or a basket type?

You can clean a basket out, but the sand filter is never cleaned in that case. A paper filter, may be sprayed out, but you may need a new one, as they can become so old that they no longer collect the smaller particles and they just return to the pool.

Are you getting all this BUGS? Something new to learn...

LG

Wow! I need to see if I can get caught up here!

Meggy,

I LOVE the idea of blessing each room in the house! This is something the kids and I can do together.

Mimi,

I definately want to get that miscommunication fixed. I have worked to hard to keep to the HIGH road to let something appear to change that.

You are right, it is very much the Attorneys that contribut to so much of the strife. This is what they do, so I will allow my A to handle it. However, I will be specifically instructing her on the point by point response so that it is Clear what my intentions are, including the fact that I am NOT backing down! Drac did this, not me and he has to face the realities of his actions.

Still,
Thanks for the input and support! You are right, and my Mom keeps saying it too, that once I am in my own house, things will calm down. Eliminate the possible sightings, having my life 'secure' from him just walking into the house any time, getting into a regular routine w/DD and school. It will be much better.

I am sitting in the middle of the kitchen with dishes everywhere trying to get packed up. As much as I am looking forward to my new house and getting out of this current sitch, I am sad.

Packing up my life all alone today is HARD. I did not and do not want this. While I am here doing this crappy work, DD, DSS, and Drac are headed to the lake. Ho, I am sure, is going, too. While I am here packing up our lives into boxes. It really HURTS.

Ok, going to stop this pity party! Darn it! I know how lucky and blessed I am despite these feelings! It 'could' be much worse!

LG,

Thanks for the input. Don't worry about the DSS/sports post. I know this an issue dear to your heart, and appreciate your honesty! Really!

You are right about Drac having to blame me. I hate that the miscommunication w/the A has given him what he thinks is 'proof' of reason to blame me. AND I hate that it has likely helped keep a spark going in Affairland. Back to battling agaist horrible Bugs!

Well, all I can do is try to repair the damage.

Thanks for all of the great pool advise! I do know a bit about them, but will take all the help I can get.

Actually, I am advertising for a pool boy. The one 'applicant' so far is not 'qualified' to wear the uniform. THONG wearing ability and suitability is REQUIRED. Hehe!

Well, as much as I hate it, I have to get back to packing!

LG,

You were right there is alot more going on in my water.

I have paper filter... that will probably have to be replaced our pool is about ten years old. Had to talk to WH and asked about backwashing... he was a little snotty like you don't have to backwash. Dealing with him makes me want to cry. I told him you know I'm doing the best I can doing something I never really did before without any help from you.

Pool people gave me 4 steps... no cholrine at all in the pool even with all the shock, So put in ph stuff. 2 hours after algicide and then another 2 things hopefully in 48 hours it will be clear.

No more TJ.... although LG I'll let you know if the emerald green is gone in 2 days.

Still

Bugs:

You have to remember they want 100% control of our lives.The minute we take even the smallest amount away from them then they get upset and immediately blame us because they can't control us.

Part of the reason they fell in love with us is because we were strong women. Then we got married and let them run us. Now that we are strong again they hate that. That is the one thing they love about us, and they don't want to like us.

You may not see it right now, but he is fighting inside as to whether to see the goddess or the HO. We were made in God's image, so we are perfect. Our light radiates from us. They don't have to admit it but they want us.

Hope you are okay packing...Gotta go throw more junk out myself from the flood. My parents came over today to make sure I put new locks on my house. Legally he is still allowed in, but because of the email he last gave me the lawyer said to change the locks asap. SO I know I can sleep better tonight anyway.

Relax and enjoy yourself. I'm going to let go and let god myself. I realized yesterday that I jeopardize my welfare and my daughters welfare when we are with him. He is being ruled by satan now, and I know that when I come away from him my attitude is different as well. I want to live the best Godly life I can try. So God will handle him..I'm practicing the reverse babble though..Between that and the parrot technique it turned my daughters attitude this weekend.

Hang in there sweetie...remember things are going to get much hotter before it gets better. You've made it through the waters, You've made it through the river and God will get you through the fire as well.

Still,

Hope the pool is starting to clear! LOL! Keep us posted!!

INeed,

Thanks for stopping by. Good luck with YOUR cleaning! I know how yucky those tasks are. Glad you are getting the peace from new locks on the house.

Today am going to call to see if old owners are out. I drove by last night and it looked like they were gone already. Dad said last night at nephew's b-day party he would help move furniture in today so DD and I have some stuff there for Tues.

My sister is giving me a couch, love seat & chair. I have new patio furniture for the screened in porch. Mom & Dad are giving me computer desk. Niece is giving me a tv stand. So, for our "temporary" before move stay, we'll not be in a completely empty house.

DD did not call until LATE last night. I am pissed at Drac, as he waited until they had JUST arrived at McDonald's playland and THEN gave her the phone to call. Needless to say, she didn't want to talk to me, she wanted to play. DUH!

What made me MOST upset is that she started telling me where they were and what they were doing when she said, "Hang on Mom". She was off quite a while befoe coming back on. She had to check with Drac to see if it was OK for her to tell me WHERE they were!! I have a RIGHT to know where my daughter is, especially if he is taking her OUT of TOWN! A$$!!!

But, I let it roll and spent a few hours enjoying nephew's bday party. Am looking forward to getting IN the house today, maybe then it will seem more real.

Early this am I sent my A a step by step response to Drac's A's letter and asked her to send first thing tomorrow. I stressed the importance to correcting the "personal safety" issue AND that we want to take the HIGH road,,,,,,,and not to wallow in the mud with pigs!

Am determined to hold my head HIGH when this is said and done. It's harder some days than others. Like yesterday when I was standing in the middle of my kitchen, a total mess, and I just stood there and cried. Despite all of the blessings, I still have my moments.

Hope everyone has a great day. It's going to be 102 degrees here today!!!

Well we delivered the sofa, love seat, and chair to the new house. Also the patio set for the porch.

Recv'd a quick 'how to' on the pool from the old owners.

Am back to packing.

Question -- what about pictures?? I am leaving our wedding portrait on the wall, but AM taking the album. I left some duplicates of our couples wedding shower they threw for us at work in the desk. Figure he will find them sooner or later. One in particular shows a friend of ours giving me a kiss while Drac looks on,, obviously not caring for it much!

I boxed up most of our small photos,,,I was going to make him an album when I was in Plan A, but did not. Should I put duplicates in an album and leave it here?

Have not heard from them ALL day. Glad he is sticking to the schedule he expects ME to 'honor'. I know it is for 2 reasons, to tick me off AND because the Ho is with them. He won't have her cal when they are all together. I don't get that

Hoping the HOT weather breaks before the weekend!

What was your thinking on leaving any of your WEDDING PICTURES there, particularly your PORTRAIT?

There's a chance it could be DESTROYED..even BY MISTAKE, you know by the HO...

ICK...

It's a part of YOUR LIFE..YOUR HISTORY..that you somehow TREASURE, right?

Mimi,

It is only 1 picture that I had framed. I have it, and all of the others that I am taking with me. I would leave nothing that I do not also have myself.

I planned on leaving the pictue up -- it is a Family portrait. In the thought that he would be reminded of the good, of the love, of the promise, of our family

DD came home full of stories from the lake including about the HO. Daddy says We are NOT married any more.

WTF!??

Daddy is selling the boat to his boss

Daddy is SO MAD you. Seems FIl asked DD about school and then Drac was told about the move and new school. he is TOTALLY pissed. He thinks she is starting tomorrow.

FIL came by and apologized. That he did not know thatDrac did not know. Drac told him I can't LEGALLY enroll her w/o him.

Should I send a tm letting him know he has been misinformed?

Most importantly, NOW, I would be concerned about the EFFECT of this on YOUR DAUGHTER.

He's USING her to get to you and that is EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE as far as I am concerned. It's ALL ABOUT HIM. He's not conerned about her as he needs to be. Typical NARCISSISTIC WAYWARD... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I recommend some strong-arming from your A on this one. Maybe his visitation needs to be limited or counseling needs to be ordered.

ETA: Of course, DO NOT EMAIL HIM!!

Is there some way you can insist that the HO not be present in order for the visitations to continue? Just think how crazy he must be with the HO around....

ICK...

Mimi,

I only wish I could limit the visits and Ho exposure! My state does not care. Unless they are having s*x in front of her, nothing I can do to stop it.

One more night here after tonight. Then we have our own place and own plans/schedule/routine. It will be so much better then.

You are right - it is ALL about him, but he masks it as being about DD. He KNEW we would be moving. This should come as no surprise. He jsut thinks everything should be easy breezy and done HIS way. He gave up that right some time ago.

He will just continue to twist is all around to be MY fault no matter what I do or don't do.

He apparently is willing to go as far as selling the boat to prove how horrible I am?!

Why is he making this so BAD? He could have settled a month ago. Why go through all of this?