Bugs - get her to a school counselor asap! This can be court ordered if a professional determines he is a danger to her wellbeing.

If he's not careful, he'll be consigned to supervised visitation and no Ho. Journal what she came home discussing after this trip. And just see if the state doesn't care about his behavior.

FIL asked me if we will be able to get all of my stuff in 1 trip. I told him the size truck I am getting and asked 'that should be big enough, right?'. He said he did not know

I explained to him the items I will have. I told him the items that are staying. He told me Drac thinks I am taking EVERYTHING. So typical -- yet again Drac telling everyone what he KNOWS I am going to do.

I told FIL that is getting old for me. I am the same, high road person, and an improved Bugs at the same time. Drac does not get it. FIL even said tonight that HE will be glad when it is all over with. SAD. His take is the bad Drac will continue to be Bad Drac and I should just be done with him and move on.

I am concerned over the tact Drac is taking w/financals. Worry he is now determined to find a way to stick it to me financially. We all Know these things do not always go the Right or Just way in the end.

I know, I just have to keep trusting God to work it all out in His way and time. It is Hard sometimes, but I am trying!

It is just hard now that the move is finally here. It feels like I am closing a door on Drac with little to no hope that H will knock on that door and ask to come back in!

Faith, Bugs...

You've got to have FAITH that GOD will take care of YOU.

Try to stop thinking about HIM.

It's been too much about HIM this EVENING.

Get focused again on your NEW LIFE.

FOCUS on the PRESENT.

Who knows what THE FUTURE HOLDS?

SEAL YOUR MIND against all those NEGATIVE FORCES..EVIL SPIRITS...

Talk to your DD about FOCUSING on the POSITIVE..not the ANGER..not the CONFLICT...

PRAY...GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU...

I agree with Kayla.

There's got to be SOME WAY to protect your DD..

See what your lawyer says...

If not a school counselor, take her to a private counselor so that a neutral party can monitor the situation.

This is certainly detrimental to her, IMO.

Kayla,


I am doing BOTH. I journal (mostly here ha) and I looked up the info on the school counselor today. Am taking DD by to see her school Tues. She starts on Wed. I also am making another call to DSS's school counselor. Hoping I can see him this week, too.

Mimi,

Just finished saying some prayers like this. Trying to stay positive.

It is so HARD living out my life w/o considering him, his feelingsn his reactions, his emotions. Still hoping he'll wake up!

I Know getting out of here will be the best thing

Sis and BIL went over to the house and 'cleaned' the pool for me--just an excuse to go for a swim!

BAD news - they said air conditioner is not cooling the house! Sis going by in the am to ck again. If it is not working, she is going to call heating/cooling company for me. Gotta have that working! It was 103 today and will be hot all week!

That's ok. It will all work out. God is in control! Thank goodness, because I lose my train of thought walking from one room to the next tonight!

In my state, financial responsibility begins the date the separation began-not the date separation papers were signed-but the day one spouse leaves.

That may be the case with your state too. You should ask your lawyer about any financial shenanigans Drac is pulling right now and if you will have to be responsible for his stuff.

Also, I ditto mimi and Kayla.

Hang in there-you are not letting him have his way and he is just spinning his wheels trying to figure out how to get you to get with HIS program.

Too bad he doesn't know that the program has changed.

I know. I completely understand...been right there in your shoes.

But, in reality, the DRAC you once knew is GONE. He does not exist.

It's hard to explain..but if and when a semblance of DRAC does return, he will have to go through much HEALING in order to be NORMAL again.

YOUR DRAC is no longer out there in the world.

That's why we are so concerned about your daughter.

((((BUGS))))

Bugs:

It tells us in God's word to strive not. We do not have to worry. God is handling it for us.

Of course he's going to be mad about the house and the move. He doesn't want you to be strong. He wants to have the upper hand. He can only think about how this is effecting him... He's in the "I" mode.

Our focus should be on God and God alone. How can God let our husbands come back if we lose focus and He can't finish molding us. He is making us complete in HIM. Then he can work on our husbands.

Just keep praying that Drac will learn to Fear the Lord. That he might get to know some christians that will open his eyes and his ears and enable him to hear the Lord's calling. That the Lord might open his eyes and heart and enable him to receive the full knowledge of Sin.

Remember that Satan is the ruler of Doubt. Many people will be sent our way making us doubt our actions and the reason for waiting. We aren't just waiting for our husbands, but we are waiting on God's will.

I myself started doubting whether I would want my WH to come home or not. I read the emails and it looks like he's a man Ho. I know that I can forgive, but it seemed drastic to me. I got anxious about it, and angry. God wouldn't want me that way, but satan sure does. It was after I read the scriptures that I realized that Sin is Sin no matter what it is. Adultery is no different than murder and is no different than swearing. After I thought about it this way, then I was able to put it behind me, and I had a greater peace come over me. Some way I believe this was a test for me and I'm passing.

It doesn't have to be hard for us, because God's blueprints are right infront of us.

Enjoy your day bugs.... Hope you get more set up for you. We have to remember our children see what's going on and they are closer to God than us. They know, and she will see right through your WH.

Bugs: Ask yourself something. If drac were to come home today, would it move you closer to, or further away from Christ ? You and I both know that answer. If he turns to Christ for help, and then repents I believe that God will lead him home. God's word tells us that he wants us equally yolked, and that Light should avoid darkness.

When I read that it made me realize I needed to step backward. Everthing in heaven is B/W Evil/Good. On earth people try to make grey. It doesn't work that way. We have to wait for God to help our husbands do a 180. Until then it will NOT work.

It is so easy for people to tell us that it may not be God's will for us to reconcile. If it were not God's will then why does the Bible say "I hate Divorce, thus sayeth the Lord." If God hates it, then he'll do his best to try to avoid it. I fully believe he keeps giving our WS chances to see he's there waiting for them.

GOD IS GREAT !!!! He is the BEST shepherd, and our WS is just one of his lost sheep. Just keep praying that Christ will bring Drac Life. And BELIEVE NO MATTER WHAT that HE IS doing it !!!!

Thanks everyone! All great stuff I needed to hear.

Am probably just reaching a bit of overload. So close to the move, such a DRASTIC change -- a good change, but a BIG change. Doing this on my own, but NOT by my choice. Drac being an even darker, mor Evil Drac. Heaing the HO stories, horseplay between Drac & the ho (even a 'it seems like she is my mom'!). OUCH!

Feeling the stress, but finding relief on my knees in prayer and in your support here. Gotta face the fact that I am now own my own. As Mimi said - even if Drac had clue, he still has a long road to travel before he'd be in any condition to retur. In the meantime, I have a life to live and kids to take care of.

God handles it all. The A handles the legal stuff and shenanigans of Drac legally & financially.

Bugs takes care of kids and Bugs. Let the Ho take care of Drac.

Bugs:

Something you said a while back has stuck with me.

You described how the mother of DSS is "out of the picture" and not involved.

And then you came along.

But, and this was the point that stuck with me, you stated that Drac had had two "serious" relationships before you came along.

That was new to your story and my understanding of Drac.

Protect your DD. With counseling, if needed, or by being a great mother.

Drac's interest in her will wane. Soon after this D is final.

Your Husband may still return to your M. But the knowledge of those 2 other R's has really stopped me short.

Drac grows tired of his women quickly.

He was younger with DSS mother, but, he grew tired of her, and he had DSS. He had to take charge of that and he did.

Then he drifted, and found you.

You provided so many things for him, that first wife didn't provide him, or the others.

But he still grew bored.

And then HO appeared. Time for a little excitement.

He will grow tired of her. And then he will attempt to return to Bugs, until someone new attracts his eye.

Those other serious R's changed the dynamic of DRAC for me.

He will always feel abandoned and put upon, and feel taken advantage of. Drac's concern about the financials in the D, is proof of that.

It's a much deeper issue for Drac. Just a basic insecurity underneath his external persona that will never change.

IF it was, it would have by now.

Will Husband return? Based on the above. No.

Is it my opinion? YES!

CAN your Husband Return? YES!

Your Plan B has been having the desired effect. HE is SO DETERMINED to break it.

Using DD, FIL, whatever means necessary.

If he wants all those things that BUGS provided, he has got to WANT THEM, enough to change his basic nature. And that's tough.

Drac KNOWS your better. He just cannot admit that. Until he does.....

He might be 65, and wondering why he ever let you get away.

Or, it could be next Thurday. When he realizes that you have MOVED ON. Someone ELSE may be Step DAD to his DD. Another woman is attemtting to be Step-Mom to his DS. And SHE doesn't measure up. And SHE doesn't understand why DRAC isn't as concerned about HER kids.

All tough to face.

I hope he does.

Enjoy your new house.

Pool help is available if you need it. Only Flamingo gets to see me in a thong...

You have come along way. You understand SO MUCH more about DRAC.

I do not mean to be depressing here. You have to have faith that you will recover your M. Otherwise, Plan A/B isn't worth the effort.

Drac was good Husband at one time. But he has a flaw. So do I. I addressed mine. Will Drac?

Your doing great. Your strong.

LG

LG,

You are very perceptive and on the mark with Drac. There ARE issues beneath the surface that Drac needs to address for long term success in ANY relationship. When he WAS seeing the IC, they were starting to get to those issues. Remember him saying he was "losing time", That was when they were on the cusp of getting to the bottom of things. Also remember it was "MY FAULT" that he quit going, combined with the IC missing appts that he quit seeing the IC.

Not to dwell on Drac, but the abandonment of him & his Dad by his Mother AND having been abused by a male friend of his Dad at a very young age, are HUGE issues that he has never truly faced or resolved. THESE things combine to drive is relationship issues. You are right, he continues to move from R to R, and will continue to do so unless he addresses these things completely.


Will he? I don't know.


As his Dad told him regarding the HO, "I am tired of all of the women, don't bring her around here." With his family having reached their limit with the different Rs he's had, you'd think he would start to catch a clue that perhaps instead of looking at the women in his life, he needs to look Inward.

Why did I think I was any different????


Knowing Drac, I do realize that the likelihood of him realizing the things you talked about and returning to work though everything is almost NIL. However, most of the recoveries I have read here, the BS thought the same thing, so I continue to allow myself a spark of hope. Right now, Drac continues to justify, use everything I do and say, the entire world at large, as excuses to justify his actions. I do not see him truly looking back, Ever, no matter how good my Plan A was and no matter how Dark I make my Plan B.

I will disagree on the point that he is going to lose interest in DD. While he has not been showing it for a while, at least not in the ways that matter most, Drac does love his kids very much. He does "need" to be with them in the way that good parents "need" to be with their kids. I don't see that bottom line ever changing. He's worked TOO hard to integrate the Ho into all of their lives, he's not going to give DD up, but will continue to include her in this R and every other R he has in the future. NOT good for DD, but unless he makes a change, it is a fact. He told DD over the weekend that Mommy and Daddy are NOT married! What kind of father says that kind of out and out lie to his child? One that RIGHT NOW is more worried about his HO than he is about his daughter. I know he views this as being RIGHT, because in his mind we are NOT married. He even said to me some time ago, "When we were married". In his mind, the day he said he wanted the D, it was done. Too bad reality is different. Too bad the rest of us live in reality.

BTW - air conditioner is OUT at the new house. Waiting for details on Home Warranty deal so I can get someone out there asap.

Feeling a bit depressed,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Oh, also talked to my A this morning. She is sending letter to Drac's A, but may not be til later tonight as she has court today.

Basically, she said that "technically" Drac is right, that I can't "legally" take DD to the new house/school because the agreement is not yet signed by the court. However, by the time he could file an injunction, she will be in school and no judge would make me take her out and move her back in the middle of the school year. WORST case scenario, I'd have to go back after the school year is finished. PLUS the fact that we have it documented that he has been in agreement with this move all along, and he was aware of my intentions when he would not sign the marital waiver for me to purchase the house.

Regarding all of the other stuff, some she is going to address, some she is not, as it is as I stated, "wallowing in the mud" and we will continue to keep to the HIGH road.

We talked about lots of stuff and am feeling just a little too DOWN to rehash it all right now. She does not think that Drac is being completely honest with his A. Leaving out just enough details to keep to "his" view of things. She feels we have a good case, but are at risk with some things, like my 401K, as mine is larger than his. She is going to clarify the "personal" safety issue, which is VERY important to me and she understands that. Also, she is going to re-approach the fact that this was almost settled and see if we can't get back to that middle ground again.

I just want it to be done with. Not that I don't want my H back, I do. I just don't want this drama with DRAC anymore. I am ready for the peace of Plan B. I want to get back to being able to do the GREAT job at work I have always done. I have been feeling REALLY pretty good for a while, no big crying or depression, until Sat. Now again today, I want to just lay down and cry for hours.

But TO ME, he's already not SHOWING INTEREST in his DD..showing interest in her would mean, not abandoning her, not telling her HURTFUL THINGS..TO ME, LOVE is a VERB...

I'm saying this for you to be PROTECTIVE OF HER, Bugs..her FATHER may say that he loves her but HOW IS HE SHOWING IT??



And I don't agree with this if you mean that he NEEDS her. TO ME, that's a NARCISSISTIC PARENT. IMO, parenting is ALL ABOUT THE GIVER..not the TAKER... Children NEED their parents and not vice versa...



So, IMO, he's already given her up if he's chosen to INTEGRATE A HO into her life. You are acting as if the BRADY BUNCH SCENARIO that he is trying to put together WORKS. Yes, it can WORK to have a BLENDED FAMILY..but NOT in the UNHEALTHY AND IMMORAL WAY that DRAC is doing this....

I'm not picking particularly on Drac...

My H ABANDONED his WIFE AND CHILDREN, TOO..and he would agree with me..is trying to make it up to THEM...

I used that word with him...

IMO, Drac is repeating the sins of his OWN MOTHER...SO SAD...TOO BAD...

HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, CHEST HIGH, GODDESS...BE THE BEST MOTHER FOR HER THAT YOU CAN BE..BUT don't buy into DRAC'S CONCEPTION of the world...

I hope that you are telling your daughter that YOU ARE MARRIED..that her F is NOT HIMSELF RIGHT NOW..that you two can pray for him to CHANGE HIS WAYS...and for her to tell you when she is SCARED when she is with him...

Does she have HER CELLPHONE?

Could it be a little "buyer's remorse"? Wondering if you're making the right move? Going through all your "stuff" packing (which I'm sure brings up those triggers). Ask yourself WHY you're a bit depressed and then TELL yourself, that everything WILL work out. Choose today to be happy. You've got alot to be proud of Bugsy.

That's great you've got the home warranty, that should make the A/C a little easier to deal with.

BTW: Things WILL work out and small joys will come from the least expected places.

Meggy,

No, I am NOT having buyer's remorse. Just that I am 'feeling' some of the stressors and pressures of the whole sitch, down about the reality of Drac never being H again, hating the whole D battle bullsh#t, that the air is just one more thing on the list.

I JUST said to my bro on the phone 'it will all work out. It will be just fine'. I KNOW it will.

Mimi,

I don't disagree with you on all of that. Guess I was referring more the the Daddy he USED to be to her.

No, it is not the Brady Bunch and never will be. Yet I can not STOP him from TRYING to make it LOOK like that. Wish I could.

YES, absolutely I tell DD the TRUTH and that it just means that Daddy is not himself and has made a bad choice right now. We do pray for him, and all of us in this sitch. I will be setting her up w/school counselor and any add'l counceling needed.

Cell is on order.

I just got off the phone w/DSS's school counselor. He is NEW this year. The other counselor that DSS talked to last year has taken a different position.

I just gave him the abbreviated history,,,,,,,,,,,and let him know about the recent things w/DSS. Like hitting the board with a hammer until it broke, andf "feeling better" after banging his head against the headboard in his room.

He said that he can look out for him. That he will talk to the other and also check into the ability/services of a professional counselor that comes from a professional counseling company on Fridays to the school to see if she may be able to give some help/insight. He said "he is not equipped and it is not their role to give the type of "in depth" counseling that it sounds like DSS needs". But, he will do some checking and will do what he can for him.

He asked if we were coming to open house tonight. I told him I would not be and was not sure if they were. I explained that Drac thinks Drac is 'better than ever' and that any suggestion on my part to get Austin counseling has been "rebuffed", and I was hoping that if it were to come from HIM, that Drac may be more receptive.

I asked, if he COULD, feel free to call me. I want to help. I want to be involved as much as possible. DSS is and always will be my son as far as I am concerned.

Don't know what else I can do, but am glad that I was able to talk to him.

Home Warranty people do not have my house showing up as covered! UGH! Listing agent has done done her job! My agent is working on it.

Who knows, maybe we are not meant to have our first night there be tomorrow for some reason. It's God's plan either way! Maybe he's preventing a Drac issue! Who knows? God does and that is what matters.


So, am going to try to get some work done. I have stuff in the car I want to run up there this afternoon. So, gotta get a few items cleared off the list first.

Well the airconditioner needs to be completely replaced. My dad wants to handle it, so I am letting him. If we go thru the H.O. Warranty they can not even come out to look at it until tomorrow afternoon.

I called the real estate agent and told he this is unacceptable and something needs to be done about it. the unit was not working when I took posession of the house and the old owners, I am pretty sure, knew it was not working!

Am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. Drac was sent an email telling him about DD's school. He sent an 'attorney approved' reply. Basically accusing me of not co-parenting and 'informing' me of how he intends to handle his visit on Wed. Also wants to drop off DSS at the current house before school Thurs and Fri. Am having a response sent that DSS is welcome here anytime, but he would be on his own to get out to the bus on time, as I won't be here at that time. Sitter has offered to have him there to get on the bus. Remember, Drac threw a fit that I dropped off DSS the other day when no one was home??!

Gotta do more packing. Can't wait for internet hook up at the new place so I can post from there instead of my Blackberry! Am getting thumb cramps!

Hey Bugs - sorry, haven't been keeping up as much due to my own issues I'm dealing with here lately.

So glad you got in your new house, I bet you will turn it into a mah-ve-lous home in no time!

Bugs:

Sorry about the A/C system. I hope that you can get the system repaired/replaced/reimbursed without too much trouble.

Answer to Drac via your Attorney: Re: DSS and waiting at the old house: "I do not live there, anymore. Please make arrangements on your days for him to get to school." Something to that affect.

Answer via Attorney for DD statement: "It is within the prarmeters of our earlier custody agreements". "Please adjust your schedule to conform with that." "Its your day for DD" However, Bugs, I might be missing more of the DD story. Just me being rude...

PS: Have your Attorney look at ALL the paperwork from your Closing. The prior owners had to have signed something stating that the A/C was in good shape. Have your Attorney send a letter to your RE Agent, and the Sellers RE Agent, if not the same one. Did you get a house inspection?

Enjoy swimming if nothing else....

LG

Think of it this way. At least the heat is only temporary. Thank God we won't have to feel the real heat. We will be perfect in heaven.

Sometimes I like to picture Heaven as differnt grades of hotel rooms. I think we'll have the marriott.

Took my dd to MIL today to see her friends new puppy. WH made it a point to come out side and announce he didn't know we were there. What a crock, he was standing at the door as we pulled up. Then he wanted his camera. He looked directly at me and said, Excuse me I have to get the camera. His mom and I looked at each other and laughed. For not wanting to talk to me, he sure goes out of his way to do so. I didn't say much to him. Zipped my lip and just smiled.

When I left, I was able to walk with my head held high in a goddess type fashion. Thanks to God and Bugs. You inspire me. I actually thought to myself today, what would bugs do.

Girl you have the charm and the wisdom and light for us beginners, please don't lose it.

God has been so great to me lately. I know without a doubt he's working in my husband.

For that I am grateful ! Better yet, look at how far he has brought us. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us !!!!

Bugs:

2 Corinthians 4: 7-11:
"We have this treasure from GOD. But we are only like clay jars that hold the treasure. This shows that this great power is from GOD, not from us. We have TROUBLES all around us, but we are NOT defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do NOT give up. We are persecuted, but GOD does not leave us. We are HURT sometimes, but we are not destroyed. We carry the death of Jesus in our own bodies, so that the life of Jesus can also be seen in our bodies. We are alive, but for Jesus we are always in danger of death. This is so that the life of Jesus can be seen in our bodies that die.

It is great to know that even when we feel like it inside, we ARE NOT defeated !!

2 Corinthians 4: 16-18:
So we DO NOT GIVE UP. Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new every day. We have SMALL troubles for awhile now, but they are HELPING us gain an eternal glory. That glory is much greater than the troubles. So we set our eyes not on what we see, but on what we can not see. What we see will only last a short time, but what we can not see will last forever.

I am so greatful that God is using my troubles for me to have a closer walk with him. I feel great knowing where we are heading. There is no doubt that God has a room for me and you in his mansion.

2 corinthians 5:6-9
So we always have courage. We know that while we live in this body, wa are away from the Lord. We live by what we believe, not by what we can see. So I say that we have courage. And we rally want to be away from this body and be at home with the Lord. Our only goal is to please God. We want to please him whether we live here or there.

My eyes were opened....Here I was with a goal set before me of winning my WH back. Why is that our goal ? That is God's because it is his battle not ours. As of this morning I am setting my goal for each and every day to just have a closer walk with the Lord and to know my father better.

Have a great day everyone .... I know I will....Praise God...