Bugs:

When you talk, I see doubt in your email. Satan is the ruler of doubt.

Please visit the site www.rejoiceministries.com

That is a pastor and his wife who did divorce and because of her steadfastness in praying for her husband, God led him home. This has happened to many many more.

To keep the faith and hope, you must read the bible daily and pray for him. Get others to fast with you as you pray. If you want to let me know what day and I will fast with you. You can do an entire day or a meal.

I have done this many many times. I see how God is helping in my relationship. My WH keeps going out on dates with people on the online dating services. I have seen 3 people so far dump him. God works in mysterious ways, and we can't always see that mountain that he's moving.

Remember, you are a child of God, and God like to provide all our needs. He expects you to get on your knees and beg him for it, to cry out to him, and to completely trust and depend on him to work this battle through for you.

You can plan B all you want, and yes I agree that to a point it works, but if it is not God's will for your life it will not make a differnce. Your best plan is to get your life in sync with HIS will.

Learn to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. Learn to completely trust in the Lord, and Learn to Listen to God speaking to you.

Remember Satan likes to find us in the H.A.L.T. position.
If we grow to Hungy, to Angry, to Lazy or to Tired with the word of God then Satan steps in to try to win us over.

If you are focusing on getting your marriage back, then the focus is wrong. Focus on your goal of growing closer to God. When I start to feel the doubt, I pray and ask god to remind me that he is working in my relationship some way.

The last time I did this, I passed by a church that normally has daily scripture readings on the board. THis time it said that the invisible battles will be won. I know that was God speaking to me. And I immediately said thank you LORD !!!!

If you give up, then you are giving in to Satan. He wants you to give up on the marriage, He wants you to completly let go, and to quit praying for your WH. God wants you to do as it says in Romans 8: 24 and 25

For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?

But if we hope for that we see not, [then] do we with patience wait for [it].


and then Romans Chapter 12

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

We must get up every day and dedicate our lives and renew our minds to God in order to fulfil his Will.

love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

Don't cling to the marriage, but cling to God, "All things are possible through Christ our Lord"

Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

God gives us the hope, because he can restore your marriage. Be patient in this time of trial, and continue to pray. Pray that the blinders satan has on drac might be lifted so that he might be released from the fog. Pray that his ears might be opened and that the Lord might call loud enough for him to hear.

Pray that the temptations might be removed away from Drac and that the Lord Might Break Drac.

God hates divorce and in Matthew 19 it says that the only way God allows divorce is if someone's heart has become hardened. So get on your knees and scream out, cry out to the Lord to SOFTEN dracs heart !!!

God does not see divorce papers as a divorce. He recognizes commitments. God will bring him home. Be patient with GOD. Timing in heaven is different then the timing here. God needs to prepare you for Dracs homecoming. Allow him to do so. Let him transform you, so that when Drac does come home you are not tempted to the other side.

Dear heavenly father, I just pray for Bugs right now along with any other women standing for their marriages. Strenghten their faith in you lord. Give them the strength, patience and endurance needed to withstand waiting and praying for their wayward spouses to come home. Help soften the Wayward spouses hearts lord. Let us become the soldiers of Christ that you want us to be, so that we might be able to minister to others in the same situations. Lord we know you love us. We know that you are as upset about our situations as we are. Lord, you are the almighty shepherd, and our spouses are lost sheep. Satan has lured them away with his deceptions. Lord break our spouses, soften their hearts, remove the blinders from their eyes and most importantly lord, please lead our lost spouses back to your kingdom and back into our homes. We love our husbands lord, and we know that we can forgive them, because you have shown us true forgiveness by shedding the blood of Jesus on the cross for us. We realize lord, that there are none that are righteous, no not one. Please deliver us from our sins, and help us build our marriages on the foundation of Christ, so that our families might be a true testament to the Word of God.
Thank you for moving the mountain of problems within our marriages lord. Although we can not see it being moved, we know that you love reconciliation, and we fully believe that you will lead our lost home to us. In the mighty name of Jesus we thank you. Amen.

Good morning All!

I have been busy, but also just taking a posting break as I just haven't had a lot to say. Have been reflective these past few days.

Not depressed - Not necessarily giving up (but I can see where you would read that in my posts, INeed), just pondering where I am, how I feel, and where I am going.

I believe I am at that place of figuring out for ME what the difference is between giving up and letting go.



You are right on the mark here, and it's one thing I was reminded of earlier this week and took a stand on.



THIS is what I have been clinging to. Not so much telling God that all I want is to have my marriage restored, but asking him to merely show me where HE wants me to be and for him to guide my life. Of course my prayers to include asking for the restoration of my marriage IF that is what He wants for me,,,, which I believe is what He does want. However, it is up to Him to make it happen, not me.

In terms of letting go, I think I'm really getting there. No messages or attempts by Drac since Thurs. and I haven't been thinking about that non-stop. I talked to DD last night, apparently he left the kids with his Mom yesterday and overnight last night. I went to a birthday party and while it occurred to me that I COULD drive by the Ho's house to see if he was there (which I am sure he was), it was a more fleeting thought. A small part of me wanted to at first, but the rest of me jumped in and said "WHY? Just let it go. What difference does it make right now WHERE he is or WHAT he is doing?" Instead I came home got a decent night's sleep,,,, even slept in late! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I need to run right now,,,,,bro, mom & I are bringing over 2 desks (1 for work and 1 for home), so I can quit laying on the floor while posting! LOL! Then we are picking up my new mattress! I'll get to sleep in my bed for the first time in 3 weeks! WHOO HOO!!

I will check back later.

Satan believes if he can corner you and pressure you with his vile, sinful suggestion, then there is a chance you may becaome so discouraged and fearful that you will want to give up. The entire time he is pushing to achieve this goal, he uses extreme tactics of warefare to separate you from God- from the blessings of living in the light of His love and from the love of friends and family.

When your life is focused only in one direction, toward God, HE will guide you safely across the emotional battlefield. Therefore, when you feel as though your resolve is about to give way, remember Paul’s words to the Corinthians: “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it” (1 Cor. 10:13)

We can fight the enemy, but unless we understand the power that has been given to us through Jesus Christ, we will suffer loss. Paul wrote, “The weapons of our warefare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses” (2 Cor. 10:4) When you understand the infinate strengh that is available to you through Jesus Christ, you will gain a sense of empowerment that will help you detect the snares and traps of the enemy.

Trust God and KNOW HE WILL HELP YOU. The apostle Peter wrote, “Be of sober spirit, be on alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethern whoo are in the world.” (1 Peter 5:8-9)

Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of HIS might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done EVERYTHING to stand firm. (Eph. 6:10-13)

Remember you are not alone. The disciples forgot this one simple truth and detonated a landmine of fear. Out on the open sea of Galilee with storm clouds gathering, they became fearful. Their eyes were set on their physical surroundings. Instead of recalling the promises of God, they cried out believing their lives were about to end. So many times we immediately think, Oh no ! What if this happens ? What will I do ? We cave into fear, but nothing touches our lives unless it has passed through the hands of God, the mighty hands of the omnipotent God, who only has OUR BEST INTEREST in mind.

God wants us to remember that HE is with us and will give us the wistdom we need for every situation if we will stop and pray. God has an answer for our every need. But far too often we become paralyzed by our circumstances because we do not call out to the Person who lives inside us.

Storms will come. The winds that blow against your life may feel threatening. There is never a moment when you are outside of GOD’s care. “We are never alone or without the strength and guidance to navigate EVERY situation victoriously.” (Psalm 18:32). The comforter, God’s Spirit lives within us, and HE has promised to come to our aid, stand beside us in times of trial and difficulty, and be our eternal Counselor.

HI, BUGS, just stopping by...How's my girl today? DId you enjoy that pool this weekend?

I enjoyed my friend's yesterday!!! The boy's and I had a blast!

Hope you have a great day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Rin!

I did get in the pool a bit yesterday,,, mostly cleaning but a bit of relaxing before DD came home.

Sounds like you had a great day at the pool w/the boys!

INeed, I always get a lot from your posts. Thanks much. I listened to a great teaching cd on the way home tonight too. It just came in the mail,,,,it was about seeking God. How timely!

Intermed. told me this morning that Drac wants to know if I am aware of his cousin's daughter's birthday party this weekend AND he wants to know if I am taking the kids.

I won't bother to have him told that I knew about it before I ever moved, as his cousin wanted to be sure to have our address to invite me & DD. We got our invitation weeks ago.

So, do I bother to acknowledge and have a response sent? Is it really any of his business if we are going to the party or not? I thought I'd just have the response sent that Yes, Bugs is aware of the party. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Had Dad come over tonight, as I had a leaky kitchen faucet. Took him 10 minutes and all is well again. I could have fixed it myself if I'd had to, but he likes being "needed", and I was sure it was done right. Plus, DD was happy to see her Grandpa. Drac called while Dad & his buddy were here. We missed the call, but she called right back.

I accomplished NOTHING at work today. Was not able to focus really well. No particular reason that I can come up with, I just wasn't with it at all. I came home a bit early. Mowed the front lawn, raked leaves. Met a couple more neighbors, which is good. They have 3 kids and a trampoline, so DD is excited and went over to play for a bit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It was great to get to sleep in a bed last night! Although I have to admit, it's a bit lonely. I have lots of pillows, but it's just not the same as being held by someone. Maybe that has something to do with my rather melancholy mood today. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Also, I saw my first husband over the weekend. Ran into him unexpectedly while out and about Sat night at the birthday party. We had a nice conversation. He is doing well and I am very happy for him. Haven't seen him in a couple of years (despite Drac's certainty that I'd been seeing him again, and Drac's telling everyone I was! LOL!)

Actually, I wonder if it's the "boredom" of a nice quiet Plan B that is getting to me?!? No Drac contact attempts Fri. Sat or Sun, and just the party question today. Ho Hum.

Bugs:

If you want the kids to go, then send them with someone else. Do not go to the party. That is exactly what Drac is looking for right now. He is asking because he needs his fix. Don't give it to him !

Psalm 86:15 - " But you O God, are both tender and Kind, not easily angered, immense in love, and you never quit."

God never quits, so why should we ? I attended my first divorce care session last night. It is a christian based divorce support group. Everyone else in there is divorced and I just seperated. I could easily just give up. I could easily throw in the towel, but that's not what God has instructed me to do.

When you pray, ask god to allow you to hear HIM more frequently. After praying sit back and relax and watch for his answers. Through other people, his word, even your surroundings. When I wanted to quit about 2 weeks ago, I prayed and said "Lord, it has been a while, should I still be standing for my marriage or is it time to start moving on ?" Later that day as I drove to work, a sign that I pass every day that normally just has scripture, had a saying about an invisible battle being victorious. I believe it was God saying that he believes he will win this battle. So I said then "Thank you Lord, I will continue with my stand."

That is the one thing I always had, patience, but when this all happened I became an impaient person. God is letting me learn patience all over again. I know that he is perfecting my husband, along with my life. I have become a stronger person because of it.

" They cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and HE saved them out of their distresses. HE sent HIS word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. (Psalm 107:19-20)

Lord, you have said to call upon you in the day of trouble and YOU WILL deliver us (Psalm 50:15). I call upon YOU now and ask that YOU would work deliverance in my husband's life and especially in my marriage. Deliver him from anything that binds him. Set him free from the clutches of the enemy, from his jealousy, pride, sexual sins, slothfulness, anger and any other sins in his life. Lift him away from the hands of the enemy (Psalm 31:15).

Bring him to a place of understanding where he can recognize the work of evil and cry out to YOU for help. If the deliverance he prays isn't immediate, keep him from discouragement and help him to be confident that YOU have begun a good work in him and will complete it (Philip 1:6)

Give him the certainty that even in his most hopeless state, when he finds it impossible to change anything, YOU, LORD, can change everything.

Lord, I pray that YOU would strenthen my husband to resist any temptation that comes his way. Deliver him from the evils such as adultery, pornography, drugs, alcohol, gampling and perversion. Remove temptation especially in the area of adultery.

Make him strong where he is weak. Help him to rise above anything that seeks to erect a stronghold in his life. Lord, YOU said that "Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls." (Proverbs 25:28)

I pray that my WS will not be broken down by the power of evil, but raised up by the POWER OF GOD. Help him to take charge over his own spirit and have self control to resist anything and anyone who becomes a temptation.

And most of all Lord, make reconcilliation a word that my WS desires. You know my heart and my desires LORD. Please help me by allowing Jesus to interceede for me, I am sure there are other ways that my husband needs prayers. Please strengthen me and enable me to see these ways. Strenghten my prayer life lord, and enable me to be a better soldier for Christ.

Through you all things are possible, and I will not allow Satan to tempt me with his doubt and disbelief. I know that you are refining my husband and moving that mountain to bring him home to his loving family.

Thank you Lord for moving the mountains that I can not see. Thank you for the ways in which you have changed my life so greatly. Thank you for protecting me and my family. And thank you for doing your BEST to achieve the goal of reconciliation in my marriage.

I give my husband and my marriage all to you, in the mighty name of Jesus, AMEN !!!

I agree, Do NOT go to the party. IMO, by his actions of what you have posted he is finally feeling the effects of plan B, if you go you start from scratch. Stay dark, don't start all over.

It will send a very loud and clear message to him if you don't go.

Send a nice gift, or arrange to visit outside of the party time. But let Drac have the party all to himself.

He doesn't want his daughter to miss the fun? Well, consequences suck, don't they? If you take her - his guilt is alleviated. If you let him take her - his guilt is alleviated. If she doesn't get to go because she is a kid of divorcing parents whose time gets split between two households....oh well, HIS choice. And it gives his family a chance to disapprove of him.

I think this is partly about him trying to manipulate you into COPARENTING.

This is NOT about that with YOU.

This is about PLAN B...DARKNESS.."Drac, you don't exist for me until you end your affair..."

I say that it's not an emergency..no big deal..more important for your daughter to have an INTACT FAMILY than to not miss out on a BIRTHDAY PARTY..short-term thinking on his part, focusing on the the trivial rather than what REALLY MATTERS...

I say IGNORE THIS ALTOGETHER...NO MESSAGE to HIM..NOTHING...

I agree with Mimi -- no response needed.

What you do with DD on YOUR time is none of his business.

EXACTLY!!! I LOVE THIS WAY OF LOOKING AT IT!!!

Hey all!

Just finished dinner after DD's gymnastics class. She's so funny - - all legs and arms. She went thru a growth spurt and her arms & legs are too long for her right now, but it's so cute! She's really liking it, which is the BEST part.

She's downstairs on the phone w/Drac.



That is almost EXACTLY what I said to my Mom - - only difference is I added an explative! I did have answer sent before I saw your posts- but it said only "Yes, Bugs is aware". As we all agree, it's none of his business what we do on my weekends.

Problem is that weeks ago and since, I did promise DD that she could go to the party. I was thinking today how I could make that happen without MY actually having to show up. I am going to call one of his Aunts to see about dropping the kids with them to attend the party and then I will pick up after from their house. This way they get to go, as I promised, but Drac gets no fix.

As I can no longer post during the day, but I can read posts, I went back and read your thread again, Mimi. It really got me to thinking. Wondering. Pondering.

You had what seemed to me, quite a bit of interaction with your FWS, even in Plan B. I worry that total darkness is not going to just allow him to hit rock bottom, but also to just move further and more Comfortably away from me.

I was particulary thinking about the "olive branch" and the transition period. How does one know when or IF that time comes? Granted, Drac has given NO indication that he is anywhere close. I guess I am hoping/searching for a sign. The email last week about the political issue was the ONLY non-kid, non-D communication I've gotten from him.

You are right, Mimi. For Drac right now, it's about making it easy, friendly, co-parenting. That is not what I want, but may have to end up settling for someday. I know this is a marathon, but it gets tiresome sometimes wondering what the actual length of the race may end up being. Wondering if I am anywhere close to the finish line - - - whether that finish line is my own new, single life, or the possibility of a new relationship with Drac.

Hmmm, maybe too much quiet time in Plan B with no true focus is making me loopy! I just finished a fiction book for pleasure. I think I need to find something a bit more challenging to occupy my time.

BTW - a tidbit overheard this week. Drac is having problems with the satellite company! Wonder if he's sorry for shutting it off on me yet!! he he! Just a tiny visit from the Karma fairy, I think.

Oh, and without asking, a co-worker chose to share that Drac is not seeing the Ho and hasn't been since about the time he told DD they broke up. Perhaps that is part of my mental confusion as well. Hurt/worried that the breakup and no action on his part in wanting to return means the real end for us.

Bugs,

May I make a suggestion? From this point forward don't even tell DD about any upcoming parties or any events w/Dracs family, that way you won't have to break any promises to her. You will have to find a suitable replacement to take her. I hope no matter what you do not choose to go.

If you can't find anyone to take her I would suggest doing something fun and exciting in place of the party. She won't be scarred for life if she doesn't get to go. Do something else just as fun and she won't miss it one bit.

Edited to add:


I would also suggest if coworkers try to talk about him, cut them off and say you would prefer no to know what is going on with him. I know it sounds mean and it's very hard at first, but it is best not to listen when someone wants to talk about him.

LC

Bugs:

You COULD call Drac and Ask him to meet you in that place you met him for Dinner at about six months ago.

And ask him what he wants to do.

You MIGHT get DRAC Spouting.

Or you MIGHT get H asking you to take him back.

Either way, You MIGHT get something.

He knows what he has to do to GET YOU BACK.

And if there is no HO, then it should be real easy for him to come back to you.

But he's probably on to HO #2 already.

He has that need for SOOOMMEEEONNEE.

It could be you. It could be someone else.

Would you settle for that, NOW?

Do not obsess about whether you have done "enough" to get your H back. You have. You have a thread over 170 pages detailing those efforts.

They also detail Drac's efforts.

And it all comes down to Drac making a choice.

So let him make it.

(((BUGS)))

LG

LG.

WOW - OUCH - THANKS.

Not sure which of those feelings is at the top of my list right now.

I DO hear you, although I don't know that I especially 'want' to just yet. Does that make sense?

Going to bed now and will be praying for Patience and Confidence as I obviously need a big dose of both.

Nite.

WHAT????

Any interaction that I had with my H PROLONGED his affair. HITTING ROCK BOTTOM..having NO INTERACTION with me..FEAR OF LOSING ME..having to depend on the OW to MEET ALL OF HIS NEEDS and finding that she was unable to do so is what brought an end to his affair...CONTACT with ME relieved him of his MISERY and sent him right back to HER feeling BETTER...so you are reading my thread WRONG..

There is NO WAY AROUND the need for DARKNESS in PLAN B..

I REGRET every single minute of interaction that I had with my H during PLAN B....

Remember I am getting this information from HIM now...not based on MY ASSUMPTIONS...



He has to be SUFFERING..BEGGING you to return..almost down on his hands and kness...OR you get the FALSE RECOVERIES...like I EXPERIENCED...I pray that NEVER happens to YOU...

My H went so far as to FIND A HOUSE for me...AND MORE OFFERINGS...

The HARLEYS recommend TWO YEARS in PLAN B..That was the TIME FRAME I was using...

I knew it ended up being much shorter but that was MY THINKING in terms of a time frame...



EXACTLY..take up something new that you always have wanted to do...something ADVENTUROUS...



That's BULLL..I guarantee you that he's still seeing her...they like it to be underground...keeps the excitement and drama going...

I wouldn't engage in conversations with those folks about my personal life..SO TACKY...

Head up, BUGSY..don't go to THAT GUTTER LEVEL with NOSY PEOPLE that don't really care about you and just want to use you for their amusement and gossip.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Nobody knows what's really going on with him..and YOU don't care 'cause he doesn't exist for you...YOU ARE NOT GETTING THIS, BUGS!!!!

People are telling him stuff about you as well..for their own personal pleasure and enjoyment...YUCK...

Mimi is right, Bugs.

Letting the co-workers talk to you about Drac is not a dark Plan B.

If ANYWONE wants to tell you what Drac is doing, just smile and say, "What he does is no longer my business and vice versa." and then change the subject. If they persist, then walk away.

People love to stir the pot, Bugs, so that they can have something to gossip about. Don't let them, because it is detrimental to you, as well as the recovery of your marriage. Any comment you make is likely exaggerated when they report back to Drac.

I agree with Lady. How do you know that this was not a
set up from drac to find out what your reaction is ?
He's looking to see how to reach you in any means possible.

He has to repent, he has to feel the guilt and you have to allow God to break him, before you can ever work this out with him.

This has been a great problem for me...one of the reason why I was in that downward spiral...

Remember I was saying that it seemed like I just COULD NOT get dark enough...this was the reason...I know that people mean well, but it was adding to my anxiety and depression!

Do yourself a favor and protect yourself! Set that boundary with them, say something like I know that you mean well;however, it pains me, whatever, to hear about him and you would rather not!

It's difficult BUT I KNOW that YOU can do it!

Hey Everyone!

I don't have a lot of time, but wanted to post and say thanks for the Battle Rally! The troops can stand down now. LOL!

Seriously, though, your support means so very much to me and I AM listening.

I was in the middle of a long post last night when I got a phone call that threw everything off! My niece called to tell me that she is pregnant! She & her husband have been trying for a while. She has had a lot of problems and had a surgical procedure a couple of months ago to try to help the situation. Obviously it worked!

Also, she is due in May, which is the month my nephew passed away this year. It's a pretty special thing for our family. The renewal of life. While the baby will never replace our baby boy, it is something to give us hope & joy, especially because it is so very wanted.

A real quick Drac update. I just want to say that I have resisted the urge to call or contact him. I KNOW it is fruitless, but knowing that does not completely take away the desire.

I have also made arrangements for the kids to attend the bday party early and for me to pick them up late to avoid the possibility of seeing Drac. Yesterday he said he'd found a Halloween costume for DD and wanted to know if I wanted him to buy it. Now, every year I have taken care of getting costumes for the entire family. Apparently DD told him she wanted to be a girl pirate when he told her about his friends having a Halloween party that they are going to. I had M tell him to talk to DD about it.
He had her last night, but dropped her off almost 30 minutes early.

THEN,,,,,,,,,,,while we were getting ready for bed, DD had a HORRIBLE crying fit. She was SO upset. Telling me how she does not want to live here. She wants to move back to the other house. She misses her cousin. Apparently she told Drac the same thing, including how she thought he forced us to move from the other house. He told her we could have stayed there as long as we wanted?????????

Needless to say, I got upset and teary, too. I did my best to reassure her that everything would be ok. I told her it was OK to miss her cousin and to feel sad sometimes. I tried to focus on the good things we have here, her dance & gymnastics, my family members being close, and the new baby on the way. She wasn't consoled much by that at all.

One thing she said thru her tears got me. She said, "We don't need this BIG house, we just need to be home in our small house". Where in the world did that comment come from??? It all just broke my heart. I felt so helpless. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Well, time to get her up for school. I'd welcome any ideas on helping DD through this.

Thanks.