Hey LG!



Ok, but to what end? What's the point?

Yes, it IS a beautiful weekend. We had a great day. Went to the store early, came back & were outside all day. Trimmed bushes, raked the yard, used my NEW weed eater, cleaned the garage, kids played with neighbors, helped me with projects. I am EXHAUSTED in a great way!

DD has the neighbor spending the night. DSS is watching a movie he really has wanted to see,,,,,weather is beautiful.

We are going to buy fish for the new tank tomorrow. PLEASE GOD, let them live! LOL!!

Kids talked to Drac & no "issues" that I heard about.

Oh, here's a funny for you. Seems Drac was moving tvs around his house today (am sure he bought new flat screens for the living room & his room). He called here to ask DSS where the remote was for his tv (at 7:45 am! ) and while he was talking to DSS, the tv fell off the bed and SHATTERED the screen!! LMAO!!!

So, apparently Drac is finally working on setting up the house in better order. Which makes sense in the cat story. I am sure that in the piles of stuff he left laying around, the cats used them as litter boxes, which would be why he is looking to dump cat A. I am sure she gets the blame for all of the "presents" he probably found in those piles!! HE HE HE!!

What is up with calling here so darn early?!? Oh, dear me, how could I forget? The ENTIRE world should revolve around Drac and what he needs at any given moment!

Well, am going to get the girls settled in with their own movie. Neighbors are very appreciative of me keeping their girl tonight - - the Dad just got back today from 3 weeks in Hawaii for work, so this gives them a chance to have their own evening, welcome home party! I hope they take advantage of it! LOL!

If there's anything that I'm coming to the clear stark realization of, it's that when WS's are acting like WS's the only way they can truly think of to show that they still care is to try and do things that they know will affect you emotionally and get you all wound up about them all over again.

It's a tactic to reassure them that they still have some control over your life, or perhaps to reassure them that they are still a part of it.

Water off a duck's back.. breathe.. focus on now. Say the serenity prayer and move on.

Oh.. and go look at the wonderful advice you've been giving to other people.. and make sure to follow it yourself. I know that's the tough one for me. Often we know what we ought to be doing, even when our hearts scream at us otherwise.

Hope you're having a wonderful weekend. Don't let Drac ruin it for you.

(((((Hugs for Bugs)))))

Hi Bugs. Just checking in and catching up. I've been following from a distance...you are just too close to where I am, and it's kind of gut-wrenching.

I am without kids this weekend. I hate these weekends. I wake up in the morning feeling SO alone. I don't know HOW WH can stand it: he's alone much more often than I am, and he CHOSE it.

Then again, he's not really alone, is he? He has RT. And even when she's not around, he's got his parents, since he lives with them. Now thats fertile soil for emotional growth, doncha think???

Anyway...I totally, completely, perfectly understood what you said the other day in response to chris:

Amen, sister. You were not rambling in the least. At least not to me. I could have said the same thing.

One thing I have to say in Drac's "defense," (yuck!) is that he at least takes the time to connect with the kids. WH never calls, never emails, never communicates with them at all when they are here, at home (which is of course most of the time).

Maybe that's no consolation, and having him communicate with them looks like it may be harder for YOU, but at least the kids know that they EXIST to him when he's not around.

And I never took the dog, either. I got a new one--OURS. It seems to have worked out very well in terms of distracting (for lack of a better word) the kids from the fact that WH essentially pawned the dog (and the cat!) off on someone else and they never even got to say good-bye (probably because WH was too chicken to tell them).

(I've wondered if they were pawned off on RT, but she has that stupid designer dog and HATES cats.)

You are doing great, Bugs. And we are not alone, none of us. Thanks for being here this morning so *I* don't feel so lonely....

Bugs:

Did God tell you it was over or did the attorneys ? If God has not told you it is over then remember to keep praying for Drac. Pray for his salvation, that his heart be softened and that the fog be lifted off of his eyes. And remember to pray every morning that a hege of thornbushes be put around him to keep the evil influences out of his life.

God will tell you when it is time to go on.

Last weekend after speaking to my WS I was thinking this is it. I decided to go to a church I never go to. On the way there God's rays were shining down lighting my path from the left and the right side. I was talking to God, saying "Ok God, is it time to give up and move one. Is it over, what do you think Lord? " When I got to church the normal pastor wasn't doing the sermon because he just got out of the hospital. But he walked up to the pulpit and said that God gave him a message for someone who is struggling with divorce and not knowing which way to go. He said that God told him to give me the scripture from Job about never giving up.

We have to remember God is patient and takes his time refining us. It may be that he is refining Drac, or it may be time to move on. Don't do it yourself, do it with God's guidance.

I really feel for you. I know how hard this is.

(((((BUGS)))))))

All,

Morning everyone. It's a beautiful sunshine day! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

James, thanks for checking in. I think you are right about the WS's need to prove they have some kind of influence, if not actual control over us. Which I find disturbing and FUNNY. They are so done with us, yet won't just go quietly into the night??!!

You are doing VERY VERY well, by the way. Thanks for the hugs!!

Sis,,


EXACTLY how I am about your & your sitch!! Yet, I DO continue to follow along and keep up with you. Despite it being difficult at times because we are very much at the same place, I find I do get a lot out of keeping up with you and the input you get from others is a benefit to me, too. It is VERY nice, in a way, to read that I am at the same place, with the same kind of feelings as someone else.

It's the "I am NOT crazy" realization! LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for stopping by and for the great support!! I am feeling today, that I am strong enough to leave Drac totally alone. He's not going to be clouding my thoughts today.

Am taking the kids to the store in a few minutes to buy our fish! 2 Angel fish for DD and 2 baby sharks for DSS. Should be interesting! They tell me the sharks won't eat the angel fish,,,,,,I pray they are right!!

Am taking the neighbor girl with us - that should be interesting!

After that, am finalizing the pool closure. Then, am taking the kids to a corn maze. The weather is perfect.

Then on to taking DSS home,,,,,,,,,am not going to worry about the drop off or seeing Drac. For some reason, today, it doesn't seem like the big deal it used to be??

Hmmm, wonder what what means?

Ya know what? I am not even going to spend any time wondering about THAT either. Am going to spend my time today in the MOMENT at hand and just ENJOY.

Wishing the same for you all!

I just remembered that I didn't get the mail yesterday and just got it when DD & I came home from dropping off DSS.

Letter from my A. Seems the judge cancellled her entire docket Mon. due to a family emergency. My D won't be signed until tomorrow. Seems Drac didn't sign HIS name to the paperwork until Friday? My A states "assuming it was accomplished without incident".

So, I guess Drac was supposed to go to court and sign it all there but didn't when it was canceled? I am REALLY glad that I did not know any of this! It would have just messed with my mind and my emotions. This way, tomorrow is just another day.

Guess the cookies were a "thank you" for going along with the D?!

Drac is still being the a$$ about the cat. DD went in to tell him hello when I dropped of DSS. She came out, got in the car all sad & started crying.

"Daddy's getting rid of A because YOU won't take her and she doesn't like the new cat T".

I basically told her that i was sorry to hear that, but that is Daddy's decision. I don't understand it, but that's HIS choice. I am sorry that makes her sad.

She was pouty,,,but rebounded a short time later. We drove thru McDonald's and sang songs all of the way home. She's getting a cold, so is really tired.

Oh, DSS ran back out to the car tonight to show me his report card. All of his grades are up from the progress report, but he's still getting a D in Social Studies from doing his project so late. Atleast he's not failing.

He's lost his phone somewhere around my house,,,so I'll have to track it down and mail it to Drac.

Am trying hard not to think about him or what he's thinking/doing,,,,,,,,,,,,if the final D papers elicited ANY feelings on his part, etc.

Am going to get DD ready for bed.

Morning,

I "should" be working, but am having a hard time getting myself to settle down into it. Despite my determination to keep my thoughts off of Drac, it's not working so well

I "know" it is wasted time & energy wondering about his thoughts/feelings now that the D is going to be final. It all went through my mind last week, and I let it go pretty well. Now, knowing that HE knew it wasn't final yet has me thinking about it all again.

It seems crazy, but I just keep picturing HUGE PURPLE DOUBLE DECKER KARMA BUS RUNNING RIGHT OVER THE TOP OF HIM. Where is that darn thing???

I realize it may never happen, but I really, really, really want him to say to ME or ANYONE,,,,,, "I realize that things with Bugs weren't really all that bad. In fact, I realize that I really gave up a good thing and I have been so stupid and selfish".

Does that sound terribly sad & pathetic?

Don't get me wrong. I know I am going to be OK. I know that life goes on. DD, DSS, and I will have a fine life. It's NOT the life I want, but it will all work out and we will all be happy. There ARE great things & opportunities,,,,,,and yes, even love waiting for me in the future. I'm still stuck wanting that to include Drac.

Well, am going to FORCE myself to do some work.

Hopefully going by Wayzillas!


Sounds pretty normal. I thought all the same things. It does start to pass with time Bugs. And they do not deserve to have this control over our lives.

Uh, NOPE, not any of the above.

I don't think it's unusual for someone to want something to come from tragedy. An awakening is the best thing, but sometimes, I think you just get regret, or recognition of the wrongdoing, and the poor choices.

Even when the Karma bus does come to run you/them/ whoever down, it doesn't mean that they learn from it. Some will still point the finger at others for their 'misfortune' and not see it as a consequence. Some people are always victims, never really taking responsiblity for self.

Bugs,


When you see that big Karma bus send it over my way, there are a couple of infidels I'd like to see run over by it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Still

Hey guys!

Let's see, I think I will start working on a better schedule and map for the Karma Bus Driver. Frankly, whoever is driving that bus right now is way overdue to visit a LOT of ws's around here! LOL!

I finally realized I was going to accomplish no more work, sent the boss and email & told him so.

Silent,


I would LOVE to atleast have that from Drac. ACKNOWLEGEMENT of his actions being in any way wrong.



I am pretty certain this will be Drac unless/until he deals with his own issues. Like I said above, just some kind of acknowlegement that what he has done was wrong would certainly sooth my soul a bit.

Of course, I say that. IF he did admit to having done "wrong", I'd likely be right back on here saying "Well, he's admitted he's wrong,,,, why won't he fix it? Why not work on our M?"

I know that for a long, long time to come, I will accept no less than him realizing his mistakes and working on our M together with me.

I feel like a 3 year old in a temper tantrum. If I can't have what I want, then I'm just going to pout until I get it! LOL!

Seriously,,,,I am really just off kilter today. I did drop my A an email earlier asking if it was signed today. Hope she checks her email yet today. I didn't think it necessary to spend $ on a phone call. She's pretty good about responding to my emails.

Oh, now what am I going to do with myself? Maybe I'll go for a walk.

Just got an email from my attorney, my divorce was signed this morning. She was in juvenile court, but had a vm message from Drac's Attorney, so I am sure Drac was made aware as well.

A friend just emailed me with a soft 2 x 4. Telling me that I am looking at this all wrong. I need to view this as Drac being the one who has lost out here. I have a whole new world open to me. I can do what I want, cook what I want, watch what I want on tv ,etc without answering to anyone. She noted the several "opportunities" I've had to date already ------that I deserve to go out and have some fun.

Well, I guess now there really isn't anything stopping me from doing ANY of that -- except ME.

So, today is the last day of the looking back for a while. Time to strap on the new single persona and move forward. Don't know what exactly that means for me, but I guess I'll figure it out as I move along that path.

In all honesty, I have to say that I likely would be further down that path were it not for my kids. They are still #1. Any "single" life will be tempered by what is best for them first and foremost. Unfortunately, that is also what will continue to tie me to Drac and make the moving forward more difficult for me.

So, I am thinking I will be living more of the "single MOM" life vs the "single Bugs" life for some time to come. That's ok for me for now.

Well then Bugs here is your formal welcome to the club neither one of us ever thought we would join.



Nope, it still happens but it does get better as the weeks pass. You just can't let it define you.


No one has won in these divorces. But.....I agree, he lost a lot more. He will know it someday. You may never find that out but it will happen.

Gulp. Once again, you spoke my mind (except for that last post, because you snuck across that finish line mere weeks before I am).

You are oh-so-much-more "okay" than Drac. He is a sorry soul. You are NOT. You are coming out of this nightmare a stronger, more enlightened, more compassionate woman with incredible emotional depth.

By contrast, Drac is still in the nightmare, and he's making no attempts to get out. He will just stay there. Not a way to live a life, is it?

OH ((((BUGS))),

Remember, there is no battle won here. It was not the battle of Bugs vs Drac. This is a spiritual battle and God is not done with him yet.

Keep praying for him.

Also remember that God is a refiner, and he is refining you. He has allowed you to go over the fire and thru the fire, but look at how strong you are.

Your weaknesses are reminders of God's strength and suffiency. When you face hardships or are FRUSTRATED by your inadequacies, take a good look at the GOD you serve. HE is bigger than your problems. HE will empower you with a much greater strengh than you can ever generate on your own.

God doesn't want us to dwell on the past or on the future but to live today to it's fullest. Praising him always, and giving thanks for everything.

You are so blessed to have a daughter and a step son who love you. Remember you are a child of God who was created in the PERFECT image of GOD !!!

God knew you could handle this, and he knows that you will use your life to be a testimony for others. Show him how great of a servant you truly are !!!

GOD BLESS YOU TODAY !!!!

Well today is the first day of the rest of my life, as they say.

I just have a quick minute before finishing helping DD get ready for school.

Rather than wallow last night, I called my sister and we went to her house for dinner. Went through Halloween decorations, brought some home with us, bar-b-qued and generally had a nice evening. It's GREAT having family so close now. DD even commented on that when we came home.

She talked to Drac,,,,, he's still stirring it up about the stupid cat. Telling her he'll get her a gerbil or a guinea pig, or even another dog AFTER getting rid of the cat. Turns out, as I suspected, the cat is peeing in the bed because she is unhappy!! LOL!! Amazing to me that Drac can't simply CLOSE THE BEDROOM DOOR like I have always done. The cat doesn't "go" anywhere else in the house. Unlike HIS cat, that pees in the corner of the living room where I cleaned EVERY DAY instead of getting rid of that cat. Guess Drac just doesn't see that corner since he doesn't sleep there?? LOL!

Well, I stuck to my guns that we are not taking the cat. Drac will do what Drac will do. Not my problem.

Gotta run!

Keep that chin up Bugs.. you have every right to be -very- proud of yourself. You're a warrior for your family, and a true hero to your kids.

First day of the rest of your life indeed.. it's pointless to look back and dwell. Keep looking forward lest we trip over our own feet <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

have a wonderful day! (((((Bugs)))))

((((BUGSY))))

Thought you'd appreciate the following excerpt from an article about this problem I found on catsinternational.com.;)

"Sometimes it takes the skill of a detective to determine what is upsetting the cat. The location of the urine ... marking may suggest a cause. For example, the cat who urinates on beds... is often trying to communicate: ... distress relating to the individual whose belongings are being soiled. ...occasionally, a cat will selectively urinate on items belonging to the individual who annoys ... the cat."

(Could this be the beginning of the karma bus?)<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

You must have been posting at EXACTLY the time I was thinking/wondering about you today! We have some kind of psychic connection,,,,, LOL!!

I went and worked from my 'real' office today to help keep me on track for work. It was a pretty good day work wise. I accomplished much more today and feel good about that.

Am going to ask my "little" brother over tomorrow to help me do some stuff to the pool cover to keep it tied down. He just broke up with his GF and is not doing well. He has a alcohol problem that always rears it's ugly head after a "girl" problem. That, combined with the loss of our nephew, his close friend and his having been the one to find him has made him very vunerable to a bad dive. I am hoping I can get him to open up with me.

He is 30 years old, hardly a baby, but he grew up with 3 much older sisters, so he has always been the baby. We are the closest in age & in relationship. James, I think your age is one of the reasons I am so rooting for you. You remind me of him and of the things he could/can be. A good husband, a good father.

I hardly had many thoughts of Drac today. Another friend called who heard about it being "final". I didn't get emotional. I wasn't wistful or sad. As I told her, for now I am ok with realizing It is What It Is.

I did go a bit further in that I think it is Extremely sad. For Drac, that is. He's chosen to walk away from his family and from the BEST thing that ever happened to him- ME. Despite my taking responsibility for my part in not making our marriage everything it could/should be, despite my having grown & changed, despite my willingness to work to make it GREAT for us both - - He chose to sleep around, worry only about his own gratification, drag our children into an adulterous affair realtionship, and just be a selfish jerk. And for what?

As was said here yesterday - wherever he goes, HE will always be there. Until he chooses change, his life will never be all it can be.

THAT is sad.

While, *I* have grown, continue to grow, and have infinite possbilities. I have learned so much about HOW a great relationship CAN and SHOULD be, and have the TOOLS with which to do that, I will share that with someone, but not Drac. That is really a loss for him.

So, as you can tell. It's a good day today. Here's hoping/planning/building/praying/studying/learning/growing/eEXPECTING there to be many more to come.