Tonight DS, DD, and I are going to a family swim for DD's swim team.. should be some good fun there.

Saturday DD has a softball game, and I think we're going to go to the lake to meet up with some friends of mine and play a little acoustic around a campfire.. share some laughs and some good times. Plenty of kids, family friendly atmosphere.. should be fun.

Sunday 8AM Mass, and then I'm pretty open.. I try not to plan too much on Sundays because I like to have room to be a little spontanious. The Ice Queen will be the first to tell you that I don't 'schedule' well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> BUT I'M WORKING ON THAT.. .and honestly doing a heck of a job if I do say so myself.. should see my calendar on the wall at home.. all marked up!

Oh.. and don't let me hijack your thread by talking about me...

I'm over here on this thread for you.. not for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

James,

No thread jacking problem here! That's why I went ahead and asked the question here. Lots of serious talk over on your thread, so thought you could use the "social" break.

Sounds like it's going to be a great weekend! Outstanding plans!

For me, I had to have Drac notified that I will be out of town this weekend. I told M to include that I left a bag of clothes for DD on my porch and that I still hadn't found DSS's cell phone.

The response was stuff about him still trying to change the billing on DSS's phone to him - but that if I am not in a contract on that phone I could cancel it and DSS can keep Drac's personal phone. (interesting because I've always thought of that as the HO phone).

Also said something about him having plenty of clothes for DD - - M didn't give me the whole thing he wrote about everything, he mentioned that due to time contraints, he'd let me have DD Halloween night and asked if the following night he could take her to dinner.

I had reply sent - DSS's phone IS now billed to Drac (I called about it, and they gave me the information only because I knew Drac's SS #!) The contract ends 12/25/07 and there is insurance on the phone to replace it His choice.

Confirmed I will have DD on the 31st and he can have her Nov 1st "per the standard visitation times"


I had mentioned to M that Drac seems to have an issue with the 'clothes' situation with DD. He has made sure to tell DD that the clothes HE buys are not allowed to come to my house. Not sure how the back & forth went between them on that - - basically I think the gist of what came back from him was that it's not an "issue" and that he is trying to make things EASY and GET ALONG.

When I got home, the clothes were gone, so I am guessing they came and picked them up.

OY,,,,I just hate any interaction with him because it just brings me down.

So,,,,, on to happier subjects. Tomorrow am, Mom is coming and we are going to pick up rental car. (I get a FREE weekend rental due to all of my travel). We are taking a "girls road trip" out of town for a wedding tomorrow. Spending the night and coming home Sunday. I am getting kind of excited about it.

I made sure that all Drac knows is that I am out of town. He has a land line # to reach me in an emergency. DD doesn't even know that I am going out of town, so she won't have to answer any questions if he pumps her for info. He used to do this - - not sure if he still does, but I figure it is easier on her if she has nothing to tell.

I love my Mom & we are such great friends. She hardly gets to GO anywhere, so I know she is really looking forward to this.

I have all my laundry done, dishes done, and even did the trimming on the yard when I got home tonight. So, I shouldn't have much to do when I get home Sun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Have a great trip. I would so love to take such a trip with my aged mom. I posted to you before about my divorce celebration over 30 yrs ago. I was so glad to be rid of him! I know that is not your situation. Just so you don't think bad of me, though he never laid a hand on me during marriage, he began wailin' on me after the divorce was final. He actually choked me into unconciousnes 3 months after the final decree. He broke into my house and laid in wait for me 6 months after the D. and had his way with me. I came down with HPV cervical ca. that almost cost me my child's life 2 yrs after our D. Back in the day, the courts sort of looked at his thumpin on me and raping me as a "domestic" thing, never could get a restraining order, but i sure as H$ll got a big ole doberman. and then I got my H who was large and n charge.
And then the abuse stopped in it's tracks. He didn't want to pay CS, so he let my H adopt our child. Can we say "winner" Over 30 yrs later, NC with xA$$holeH, and my child never having a memory of him, it's all good in my case, but then, going for life with NC with an XH like I had was awesome for me. Just so you know, my sitch.
GF

Hope your trip is going well!! I've actually avoided a few weddings the past few weeks.. kinda feel like I'm a bad omen right now... I know it doesn't make sense but hey.

DS has a pretty bad case of the runs (yeah.. I'm a ray of sunshine on this thread right?) since Friday.. so we managed to do the softball game and very little else.

On the -upside-... I've finally gotten him excited about doing #2 on the throne!!!! Ok.. he's 3.. and it's been almost a year struggle.. he's got no problem with standing.. but he doesn't like to sit still long enough to complete the transaction as it were.... so it's a victory, and dispite his tummy feeling ucky he's very proud of himself (and I'm actually kinda proud of him, and myself for kinda finding a trick to get him into it) for achieving -big boy- status <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Got him a little trophy at the store today.. He rocks so much.. even on the puny list he manages to find that little smile that makes me melt.

DD's not feeling all that great either.. so we're going to hang out together and watch Purdue get over on Ohio State tonight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Cuddle time!!! Sorry they feel bad, and I feel kinda guilty but I -love- having them cuddle with me on the couch... I love taking care of my kids.. sick or not.

Congrats on the Big Boy Status! That is such a special day! So glad you mad eusre to celebrate with & for him!

Cuddle time is the best! I just had some with DD.

My trip went well. Nice wedding. Long drive. I really did it for Mom & she appreciated it. We had fun. I didn't think I was tired, but I laid down on the couch when I got home and slept for an hour!

DD came home (a bit late). She is covered in mosquito bites. Drac took the kids to a bar-b-que last night & apparently didn't put any bug spray on the kids. UGH. Although I hear that DSS won a pie eating contest. DD told me she 'begged' daddy not to go & when I talked to her last night she was VERY unhappy,, complaining of being sick. She really didn't want to be there. I don't know if it was a "date" thing for Drac, which would explain her not wanting to go. I didn't press with any questions. DD just said she didn't know anybody there & they went because of daddy's "friend" and she told me a girl's name. I know he worked at the last job with a girl by that name - could be her. She HAD a serious boyfriend when they worked together, but who knows now.

NOT my problem. It IS my problem only if he's dragging my kids into ANOTHER relationship already. I will just have to watch out for the kids as best I can.

It will be a good week. Drac is out of town all week, so DD & I get an extra night together!! Yippee!

Am going to bed - am really still tired from all of the driving.

Later all!

Hehe.. congrats on the additional time with DD <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I really envy you in that respect that Drac seems so willing to give up his time with the kids. Wish my WW would do the same.. it'd make things a lot easier on me. Life is good again when the kids are around.. not so much when I'm alone and bouncing off the walls.

Glad you had a good trip <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And don't worry too much about Drac's new flame.. like the others it'll burn out.. Chicks don't tend to dig guys his age who still live at home with the parents..

Course.. then there's people like my WW.. but that's another story.

((((((Bugs)))))

Bugs:

Remember now is the time that Drac really finds out what it is like to be alone. He will truly find out what it is like to miss you and DD.

Just stay dark. Let him miss and truly miss you. He could be thinking he made the wrong decision. If so it will take him awhile to realize it and to come groveling back to you.

You just need to figure before this would happen, is this something you want. You are a much stronger person. God wants you to concentrate on being single. He wants you to find you, the unique you, find your best qualities, and become a whole person, without anyone else.

You are not to do anything now, just be patient, pray and praise God.

God will bring the best to you....just be patient.

Sorry about what DD told you. I know how much that stuff hurts, but hang in there. You're doing really well!

(((Bugs)))

Morning, all!

Thanks for the continued encouragement!



INeed,,,,,this is exactly what I am doing. Yeterday I recv'd a teaching cd in the mail and listened to most of it in the car on the way home. Mom & I listened to another during our trip. All GREAT stuff that is really helping me.

Drac is out of town on business until Thurs. night. He's asked to take the kids to dinner Fri. night and then bring them to me. I agreed. I think it's a good thing that his priority upon returning from this trip is his KIDS. Sure appears to be a nice, positive change. Well, it's only one night,,,,which doesn't necessarily represent a BIG change, but I am glad for the kids. I am sure it works out well for him in someway for the rest of his weekend plans, but I am trying hard not to go there in my thoughts!

BIG NEWS!!! DD learned to ride her bike last night WITHOUT her training wheels!! WHoo Hoo! She forgot to tell Drac when they spoke, so I let her call him right back to tell him. She's SO PROUD. She didn't crash even one time.

It came down to just being a confidence thing. I knew she was ready - she just had to realize it for herself. Kind of like me around here. You all can see so much looking in from the outside, but each of us must realize things within ourselves. It's so great to have someone to believe in you, so thanks!

I've been struggling a bit with Halloween coming up. It was always such a fun family time for us. I am really, really sad that we will be apart for it. But, *I* didn't choose this. I can't change it, but can only make the best of it for DD. DSS won't be with me, unfortunately.

Well, rather than go down the path of what if and if only, I think it's time to jump in the shower.

Enjoy the shower and congrats to DD on the bike riding!

DSD has been working on it, and I guess she probably still is at the place WW is staying.. so I'm not sure where she's at in the whole process.

You're doing great Bugsmom. I'm finding that dwelling on the things you used to do as a family with the WS isn't productive, and prevents you from truly enjoying the moment and making -new- traditions for you and your kids. It may not be what you want, but as Guy Smiley would say.. it is simply what IS.. and you have to make the most of it.

My DS and I have a new ritual of spending time at the park by my house on the way home from daycare and before dinner.. it's something we didn't do as often as we should have before all this, but it has been an incredible way for he and I to bond and to keep his mind from being troubled by this whole situation.

Here's to making new traditions that fill your life with joy, not the memories of what was, or what we believe -should- be... here's to enjoying what is.

((((((Bugs))))))

Oh Bugs, I think you've been riding without your training wheels for a while now and just didn't realize it. In fact, I think you're ready to graduate to mountain bike-- easier to get up and over those unexpected mountains that appear in your path. (Ok, I know... corny analogy).

I agree with Jamesus... make new holiday traditions.

Thanks guys!

We are already planning new fun things to do here. Tonight we'll be decorating the house. We didn't do a lot of that before, because we were always gone from home on Halloween night. I want to decorate for my party - - but DD doesn't know that. I am not telling her about it because she'll only be upset that she doesn't get to be here for it.

Had a bit of back & forth yesterday with Drac on the Fri. night 'dinner' He didn't want to give a specific time that he would have the kids home & got snippy with M she asked for a more specifc time. She did explain that I have things to do and need to know what time to be here for them, not a potential 2 or 3 hour window. He apologized for being short & is "frustrated" with trying to make it all work with the time contraints.

TOO BAD. SOO SAD. Drac has to deal with the REALITY that HE created.

I talked with Drac's dad. He is considering buying a house his brother has for sale, but it's really not any farther than where he is now from me & DD. He's talking about coming up to get his tractor off the property that is supposed to be going up for sale. He said he'd let me know so that we can get together. I've invited him numerous times to come visit our new house. In fact, I've told him he is ALWAYS welcome here.

DSS is with one of the Aunts this week, not Drac's friend R. Wonder if R is getting tired of having DSS? Anyway, her daughter got on the phone after picking up DSS at the house Monday to talk to the other Aunt (typical family gossip). They are quite upset. Seems that the house is in pretty bad shape inside. She said that if family services came in, she doubts it would "pass".

Now, the gossip is not my concern, but the living conditions for my kids IS. I am not yet sure what I am going to do about this. I find it particularly STRANGE because DD told me they stayed home Sunday for Drac to work on the porch(which is broken but it is not dangerous or even visible that it is broken) AND so Drac could Clean House before he went out of town.

Wonder what he cleaned? It amazes me, as that is the one big thing he kept complaining about at his Dad's, that it was never clean and he HATED living there because of it. sounds like it's no different now.

Meggy - - my sis is bringing me a bike so DD and I can go ride together! Hope it is a mountain bike! I am READY! LOL!

Bugs:

Just dropping in to say hello!

LG

Hey LG!


It's SO funny,,,, I was just wondering if I had offended you since I hadn't heard from you in a while! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> LOL! Hope all is well in your world!!

What's the latest with DS? Let's see,,,,football should be wrapping up. Basketball in his future? Another play perhaps?

I had to 'communicate' some divorce settlement issues w/Drac today. YUCK! Here's a question that I wonder about.

Do you think HE gets as nervous as I do every time I have to send a message?

I made sure what was sent to him was 'strictly business'. He responded in kind. He apparently is either coming into a lot of money in the next 4-6 weeks or is re-financing the house with a LOT added on. One bill that I've been paying, he is supposed to take over now that we are divorced. His reply was that he is paying it off in 4-6 weeks. Hope he intends to re-pay me for making the monthly payment. Not to worry,,,,, my attorney is all over that already.

He's also sending some paperwork with DSS. WHAT? More messages thru the kids??? SHAME on him! After all of that berating me about it,,,,,

What I hate most about having to deal with him, even via 3rd party, is that I still want to hear him say he's sorry. That he made a mistake. That he is atleast sorry about how very much he used me and hurt me.

When will that go away? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

As LilSis is writing about this:

"When will that go away?"

The day after he says it in all sincerity.

And that may not EVER happen.

Or, it might happen at your DD's wedding twenty years from now.

He's in his 8th relationship at that point since Plan D, and your in a long-term MB relationship with someone terrific..

Whereever he tries to run, there he is.

WhoME had an interesting quote from her FWH. Thay had run into her first, long divorced H. And her (now) H said something to the effect of "that the first H KNEW that he let the good one get away....."

Does Drac get nervous about messages?

Probably not. Why should he? You consider plan B protocols when you send a message. How will he percieve it? Will he LONG for you? He doesn't do any of this, he just sends it.

And if he isn't, that's still his choice.

Personally? I think you should drop out of Plan B. Sure, he can contact you. Sure, he can ask you a question. Sure, he can try to "work with you FOR THE KIDS"

And then you treat him like he deserves. Short answers. He's a pleasant annoyance to you. Ignore the stupid stuff, when he trys to bait you, and just be sweetness and light. You seem approachable, but he still gets nothing. Your not a "friend" just a co-parent. Who is dating, and moving on.

That WILL rock his world.

I'm not second guessing MB Plan B principles here. Just trying to think of a way to pull YOU OUT of that loop.

Sorry about this hand grenade. I DO THINK that Drac would respond to your dropping PLAN B darkenss moreso than say LilSis's H would. It's just my opinion. All other opinions welcome.

As for DS:

One month left in football. 5-0 on the JV team. He's only been in for 8 plays though. So, it's not his doing.

No more plays until the spring. And the one selected for the HS is going to be dreadful..... I watched the big screen version, and thought.....OMG...that is just DRECK. But the Arts Director ALWAYS wanted to do this one. We will see...

Anywhoo... Till next time.

(((BUGS)))

LG

LG,

You know, 8 plays while on JV is a-ok! Glad to hear his team is doing well!!

I know what you mean about the Director picking dreadful plays! Same thing happened to me in HS. It's always the one that the director has ALWAYS wanted to do! LOL! Well, there is a bit of time,,,, I'll say a little prayer for a new idea to come into "play". he he!

I don't think that dropping out of Plan B at this point in time necessarily goes against MB concepts. Plan B is for me, for my protection and so that I can find a way to move on. Plan D has been completed, so there technically is no Marriage to be saved here. I no longer really feel that the darkness of Plan B is helping me move along in my life.

I have considered dropping out moderately. Pretty much as you describe above. I am pretty sure that Drac's whole attitude is based on his thinking I'm trying to manipulate him in some way. I would suspect (but don't know) that he views me as what he considers to be a typical betrayed spouse - full of anger, bitterness, etc. That is the input he would be getting from those he interacts with and what his life experience has taught him. That is likely his view of Plan B.

We know that really is not who or what I am.

I think showing him that I am not bitter, not manipulating, but rather just living my own life and treating him as he deserves - - - as an annoyance in my life as you say, would be a good thing.

I know it would help me to move along in life. Being able to "face the demon" so to speak. Does that make sense?

I don't know about the potential to Rock His World,,,but that isn't and can't be the point. The important thing is to find a way for ME to continue down a path of recovery. Staying here in the darkness of Plan B feels like I am hiding out. I think it's time for Drac to get a glimpse of what he has lost. It's time for me to 'face him' and know that I won't fall apart.

I'm not talking about being friends. I'm not talking about having any R talk,,, or much of any talk at all. Just doing my thing, being myself, liviing my life.

I'm interested to hear any other opinions out there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

bugs!!! personally, I think that if YOU think that you can handle it than you need to go for it...I don't think that whether you come out of Plan B or no that it will change Drac's thinking...He's sooo fogged out and he will find any little thing to "make" things appear HIS WAY...

On the other hand, if you are ready to face "the demon" then you do that for you!!! For your recovery...but you are going to have to remember not to have any expectations from Drac...like you said you just living your life...

I admire you for what you are thinking! I am NO where near that point...I feel that facing POWS would only cause MORE damage to me...he's SOOO "charming" I guess you can say...really SUCH A GREAT lair and I find that I "want" to believe him but KNOW that I can't...

his words doesn't match his actions...

So, there's my 2 cents for the day!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

No matter what, Drac is in search of something he will never find.

He may have found it with you, but then he decided it was time for something else.

Then you came here and learned SOOO MUCH.

And he's still just Drac.

Still ill prepared for the search he is on.

Your search, if you decide to search, has been bolstered by the things you learned here. Your much better prepared for the trail now.

Unlike POWS, who is a scoundrel, and Mr. LilSis, who has wwwaaayyyy to much pride, Drac seemed more lost in his A.

His A needed you as the third leg to support it. And it fell apart when you were no longer involved. Just like the "new" GF R will end because it isn't you. If you were to send him an invitation to lunch or dinner, he would be all over it.

I believe Drac is closer to S/L's husband than the other ones. Drac may have been closer to coming home than either POWS or Mr. future RT. But he could not see his way home, or never really hit bottom, realizing that the poor choices he made where his. You tried to show him a path home, but he decided that he knew a better way. There's quicksand that way, but he didn't pay attention to the signs.

Once again, just my .02, and a cyber .02 as well.

Good luck Bugs, you have come SO FAR. Your first post still resonates with me, and your growth since then has been tremendous.

Poor Drac.

LG

Drac strikes me as one with a lot of pride. It won't be easy for him to admit mistakes, or be remorseful, or have the right attitude that he'd need to fix this.

Which is why you are safer in Plan B.

Because I do agree that he would be "all over" any offers from you. But he would only take. Not give. And he would only take what he wanted -- family time, sex, friendship. But I don't think YOU would get any of what YOU want from that situation.