It's all part of the ride, Bugs. It's hard to keep your eye on what you're doing all the time. It's easy to slip.

I'm glad to hear that you're getting your focus back.

Hi everyone!

I've finished giving myself 50 lashes and am back.

DD came home a bit early Sunday, which was great. I had laid down on the couch and fallen asleep. I got to see DSS for just a minute, which was nice.

DD and I played, got ready for bed, and had a talk about the hamster. She was upset at first, but took it pretty well. After all, she had 2 hamsters, so we still have 1 left. Also, with having a fish and a dog now, the hamsters don't get a whole lot of attention.

Drac sent an email late Sunday night. I didn't bother to read it until yesterday afternoon. It was just a bunch of bull about how he'd talked to 'a friend' on the phone about it and said he tried to put himself in my shoes and thought about how he'd feel if the roles were reversed.

That someday he hopes that we can get to where neither of us jumps to conclusions. Gave a big story about how he'd put all the phone numbers on the wall next to his mom's phone, but she'd forgotten about it.

He even used the words, I am sorry.

Of course, he then had to add a "However" to it. It couldn't possibly be totally his responsibility. He thinks his Aunt caused it all to become 'overheated', and that I "was a part of the family long enough to realize that".

I gave myself exactly 30 seconds on the message and then moved on with my day. I am extremely busy at work and don't have time for anything else.

DD and I had a great night last night. We gave Beau his first bath and he did GREAT! WE need more practice, but he was just perfect! Makes me wish I knew more about where he came from that he turned into such a perfect little gentleman!

Oooops,, time has gotten away from me. Gotta jump in the shower. Will try to ck back later today as I am working from home.

Sounds like you're doing good Bugsy.

Boy howdy do I know how it feels to open yourself up just to get kicked in the soft spots.

On the upside.. at least while he's not taking full responsibility for his actions, he didn't blame you a bit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'd send SD over to his place with a shovel if he did <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

James,


I was thinking last night about my soft spots and decided I absolutely need to start working out again! LOL!

Seriously, though, I DO mean that - both physically AND emotionally. Time to toughen up again. I did really well at both over this summer. When I stopped, it really started to 'show' - - again, on both fronts.

About this -



I found this intriging at first,,,,I started to 'analyze' it,,,and then envisioned Mimi holding up a [color:"red"] [/color] HUGE RED [color:"red"] [/color] stop sign in front of me!

While it may be a small change in Drac, that is not for me to worry or think about.

Thanks for the support


Frankly, I'd be for sending everyone here over to Drac's to take a whack at him! LOL! But, again, not MY problem.

Hmm... a red stop sign.

I think I need one of those.. do they automate them? I mean.. here I am spending time concerning myself about an email WW sent about something that is really NO BIG DEAL in the first place!

Gah.. I might be up for Wack-A-Drac just to relieve some of this pent up frustration..

momma raised me right and I was an alter boy for 8 years.

any more questions?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

One word.....INTERMEDIARY.

He is still getting the satisfaction of getting his message through to you. He is still trying to manipulate you into a friendship role. Now he's sorry -- because it suits him, he thinks this little extension of an olive branch might get him what he wants -- you to be nice to him.
However, when you hit one of those soft spots again, he will growl and yell again. Because he doesn't like feeling like a failure....

He wants something from you. You need to change this dance....

BC!!! Hey there!

Altar boy? You gotta post some pics of THAT for us!! Good to hear from you!!

Should I tell you about the one & only habit that is a problem with my Beau?? It rhymes with "jumping",,, LOL!


Lexxx,



So you are saying that he just wants me to BE NICE so that that this is all "OK"? Is that it?

What does he care now?

I have been thinking about your post and don't disagree. I am trying to wrap my brain/emotions/thought process around how to approach going back to the use of the intermediary.

I know it's for my own good - what is tripping me up is that telling Drac I am going back to intermediary, it just SCREAMS to me that I am sending him the message that I am still a total mess about him. I don't want to send that message.

Give me some time on this,,, I know I'll get there. I Do Not want to keep up the current dance.

I had planned to pick up DSS today and keep him through the entire holiday & weekend. Instead, Drac is going to pick up DD today as usual and have her spend the night tonight. He is dropping them both off tomorrow am at my sister's, which is where we have Thanksgiving.

I have kept myself from going down the Drac Path, thinking about what/how he might feel having to bring our children there for the holiday,,,,,where we have gone every year since we were married,,and then HE has to leave. But then I envisioned that stop sign.

My Dday was a year ago this month, just before DD's birthday. As so many can attest to, the first set of holidays is hard enough, but that the DDay falls on top of it can get those triggers going off non-stop if I don't reign them in. I've been doing pretty well so far.

Instead,,,since I am having an unexpected kid free night, I am going to meet up with friends from my home town. Every year a bunch of them get together the night before Thanksgiving, as so many folks are in town for the holiday. I've not gone in about 10 years, so I am really looking forward to it!

Kind of like a "class reunion" thing,,,,WHO will I see? HOW will they look? Bugs, of course, is going to be in casual Goddess mode. I think it's going to be an Ego Boost Night for Bugs!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you're doing well Bugs.

I can imagine it would be a difficult tiptoe job to go back to the intermediary. Is there a way you can do it more or less without letting Drac know?

I mean, the kids come in and out on the exchanges without you having to interact with him..

On the other hand, it's Plan B, and it works with a letter.

I'm not sure on the protocols of coming out of Plan B when you've finally 'given up' on things.. I've read nowhere here about how to do that.. but it does scream 'Ok.. uncle.. we'll be happy co-parents' to me. I imagine that's what it said to Drac too.

If that's not the case, you need to pull away again... I'm not sure how necessary the intermediary is in Plan B.. I'm sure some will say it is an absolute must, but I haven't been there yet.

What does it really matter what Drac thinks of going back to the intermediary? Why is anyone bothering mulling that one over? Who gives a crap what he may or may not think? Let him stew in it himself.

Bugsy, just go dark. This is about you and your health/happiness/solitude/peace. You get that whatever way you need to, okay.

You want to send an HONEST and SINCERE MESSAGE that you want NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM except for WHAT IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. How is that sending a message that you are a TOTAL MESS about him? I don't get it. I think he's got your mind in some way, Bugs. I think you are somehow buying into his way of thinking.

HE DIVORCED YOU. He CHOSE to DIVORCE you in order to be with another woman. Wrap your mind around that. GET TOUGH and let him know that this is not OK with you!! You are not going to be on FRIENDLY TERMS with a MAN who does this to HIS WIFE! HOW DARE HE think that is OK AND ACCEPTABLE! Why are you tolerating this for one minute. He chose to BE DIVORCED then let him BE DIVORCED. DIVORCED to me means END OF RELATIONSHIP except for PARENTING RESPONSIBILITIES. You don't need to know about HIS LIFE and WEEKEND ACTIVITIES and he does not need to know about yours. When the kids are with him, they are HIS RESPONSIBILITY and when with you, YOURS. He's wanting to call you and ask you about the your son when convenient when if you were living together it wouldn't be a problem for you two to easily work together.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />



Why do you need TIME? What's up with you, Bugs?

HERE IS THE STOP SIGN>>>>>>>>> HE IS STILL A WAYWARD SPOUSE...HURRYING TO GET BACK TO THE CRACK DEALER!!

Ok..AN X SPOUSE..YUCK...



WONDERFUL!!

Have you given your daughter a phone number to always be able to reach you. She's old enough to have that isn't she?

My suggestion:


One warning: You may want to consult with your lawyer or an MB (or MB-related) coach before proceeding down this path. I only say that to you because of the question about your legal right to a relatinship with your son. There have been other cases where Plan B was not a possible option because it undermined the parental rights of a BS who was not a biological parent of the child in question.

Have you visited Save Your Marriage Central? I believe you can work with them to get an trained intermediary.

GREAT LETTER!!

My vote is to go with it...

Yes, I'm going nuts. Apologies once again for the screw-up!

Sorry 'bout the mix-up! I don't know what happened!!

Hey Bugs;

Have a good holiday?

Whatever happened to DD's phone? I remember you saying you had ordered it....That would have prevented all of this most recent drama. Disney makes one that only calls Mom or Dad. If Drac thinks she can handle an IPod, she can certainly manage a Disney-phone...

What did he end up getting her for her birthday? I don't think I ever heard...

Bugs:

God is in control of our lives and our marriages completely. All things are under the absolute control of God who is God of the universe. God desires only good things for us. Satan can not touch a hair on our head with out God's permission and then ONLY for God to have it turn around for good in our future. Not all things are good when they happen, but God will make all things work together for your good in the future, to bring glory and honor to our Lord.

Remember to forgive Drac fro what he did or didn't do this holiday, and for what he is doing to both you and your children every day.

" Walking in forgiveness is vital for your own spiritual walk and for the restoration of your marriage"

As it says in Matthew 6:13-15 - "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin agains you, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins."

You must choose to love Drac and his family unconditionally, regardless of their lack of compassion, lack of commitment to your marriage or their lack of responsibility to you and your children.

Seek God for HIS love and compassion, that only HE can give to you. There will always be someone who can hurt, ridicule, reject or abandon you. But our heavenly father will never leave us nor forsake us. You need to learn how to love REGARDLESS of other people's behaviors.

1 Peter 4:8 - "Above all, love each other deeply because Love covers over a multitude of sins."

It does not matter what our spouses have done to us. We should love them unconditionally the way that our Lord loves us ! Once they turn to God, God will lead them home !


This passage was especially comforting to me this morning, may it comfort you and anyone that reads it the same way:

Eph 2: 13-16 - But now in Christ Jesus you who were once far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one, and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with it's commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of two, thus making peace and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the Cross, by which he put death to their hostility.

*******************************************************

Lord, heal our hurts and pains in our hearts. Help us to forgive and to love our spouses unconditionally. Holy spirit, empower us to love YOU LORD, our spouses, ourselves, our neighbors and our enemies as YOUR WORD has taught us. Lord, break down the walls of hostility this Holiday Season that has been made by selfishness, anger and unforgiveness by our spouses and other loved ones. Lord, reveal God's truths to our spouses and our beloved ones that we pray salvation for every day. And Lord make this Christmas season special to us and our families. We pray this in the mighty name of Jesus, Amen.

AMEN!!

Bugsy's not talking because she's out having a great holiday weekend.

Hi Everyone!

I have 2 minutes before I have to get DD up for school, but just wanted to say good morning!

Yep, I DID have a really great holiday weekend! I really just needed to take a break from here, from RL, from everything. I spent the entire time with family and the kids. 100%. I didn't even look at my Blackberry 1 time all weekend!!

I'll update later.