There's still too much SUNSHINE peeking through...

Morning, all!

Yesterday I wrote out 4 or 5 different posts and scrapped them all. I finally had one but lost it when I tried to post -- - things were too busy here on the site!

I kept writing all kinds of 'stuff', but every time I finished and read it, something (someone) kept telling me that I wasn't being completely truthful,,, I wasn't really facing the reality.

LG, I know that the letter lunch is a do or don't do choice. My comment about 'pondering' was in reference to my questioning "When". I was thinking about the reasons I was giving myself for not just doing it.

Bottom line truth - I am not ready to sit facing him, pointing to the still open door, and having him say, "My goodness Bugs, you are an intelligent woman. It's obvious that I have already made my choice. I DIVORCED you. I don't want you, not now, not Ever."

That's it. Plan and simple.

But, you know what? This weekend is for my kids and me to enjoy. I want to do all I can not to think about him being on his tropical vacation with his ho.

Soooo,,,,, yesterday I picked up DD early from latchkey. We went together to pick up DSS. He was at the Aunt's house. For whatever reason, he's allowed to be home alone any time EXCEPT when I am coming to pick him up.

So, we stopped for a snack, got gas, and started on our way home. On the way, there is a beautiful Shrine that does a fantastic holiday light display that I've wanted to go see for years, as I haven't been since I was a child. So we went. DD wasn't excited, but asked if it was something *I* wanted to do. When I told her, YES, I want to do it very much, she said, "OK, Mommy. Let's do it since it's something you want to do"

They had a GREAT time. We drove through some beautiful lights. Stopped and rode a camel! Went to the exotic petting zoo. Saw a laser show that told the story of the birth of our Savior. DSS thought that was SO COOL! One of the usher's there helped keep DSS occupied while we waited for the show to start. He even gave him an "assignment", that after the show he had to come back and tell him what l.a.s.e.r. really stands for.

It was perfect! DSS loves that kind of stuff. So, after the show, we stopped and spoke w/him. DSS did remember and liked showing off a bit. We even got to meet the man that designed the entire show! He spoke w/DSS about how 30 or so years ago, a man came to his school and gave a demo on lasers,,,,,,,,which of course were a lot different then. He was fascinated by it and 'look where he is today'. He told DSS to find something he Loves to do in life. It was VERY cool, as this is something I talk to DSS about frequently.

We then went over to another building, saw a choir sing, and had dinner in the restaurant. It worked out perfectly because the kids could each talk to Drac on the phone while I was up at the buffet. I didn't have to hear a word of conversation. We then visited the gift shop and finished up driving through the light display. They tell the story of Christ's birth throughout the drive, all done in lights. It is VERY cool.

They don't charge, but you can give a donation at the end that goes towards helping their ministry. I gave enough so that each of the kids was able to get a stuffed camel. I know none of us will forget the fun time we had. Even DSS was talking about how we are going to go there again next year, and the year after that, and the year after that!!

I felt very Blessed!

Today DSS is going to help with more outside lights, we'll finish decorating the tree, and then are going to make some candy.

So,,,,,,,,,,guess I'd better get in the shower.

Thanks everyone for helping out. I'll be having fun on the dark side of Pluto,,,,,'at the Coba, Coba Cabanna,,,,,,,I won't stop believing!!"

We had a GREAT day today. It's cold, raining, freezing rain.

Did laundry, made tents in the living room, decorated the tree, made cookies, made paper snowflakes, watched Christmas movies, had a special 'theater' movie in my bedroom with soda & popcorn and had tons of fun.

Kids just tried to call Drac and got a message in Spanish, then it cut off, so unfortunately, his plane made it to Mexico. Somehow I doubt we'll hear from him. I know he didn't leave any contact information other than his cell phone with me, and I doubt he left it with any other family member either. To heck with everyone here if there is an emergency. UGH!

Well, ya know what? He may be warm on the outside, but he's missing what's most important - that feeling of warmth, love & family on the inside. I would not trade ONE single second of the day I had today with the kids for a week in Mexico with someone I just met.

So, off to take baths and watch more Christmas movies. It really has been a great day!!

I'm watching "The Grinch" right now- perhaps his heart is two sizes too small.;)

Hey Kayla!

I LOVE the Grinch!!! I memorized it for a poetry class in 8th grade and can still quote the entire thing!

Surprise Surprise - TM from Drac that he can get calls but can't call out. So, DD is downstairs talking to him now.

I wanna puke.

{{{Bugs}}}

Watch out for that freezing rain. Bad stuff.

We have rain here today. For us, this counts as a "storm."

I so ADMIRE you, Bugsy!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

Whenever this happens it seems like they all do the same thing. My WS helped out my best friend and her children as she went thru a nasty divorce. She worked 2 jobs and raissed chickens, so he would help by mowing the lawn and taking her shopping. I was the last to know about the two of them, and now since I found out, she can't be bothered to call me or anything anymore. I didn't do anything...heck I even forgive her.

As far as the understanding why they did it, you know why. It tells us in Romans 8, that they do the things they don't want to do and they don't do the things they want to do because they are not in control of their lives, but that Satan is.

I loved the sponge bob episode where plankton got in spongebob's brain and controlled his every move. THat's how I've explained it to my daughter. I've explained to her that the daddy she and I both love is still there, but he's hidden way deep down inside, and we just have to keep praying that Jesus will free him from the prison so that he might have control of his life again, and choose to follow God.

You've been thru what I believe was the worst, but until your ex truly experiences brokenness then he won't be able to experience the blessing, and until he chooses to get on the path to righteousness then he'll walk further away from you.

The divorce may be what it took for him to realize what he had in you. It became a final piece. You need to decide now if he does come back, are you ready ??? Has God prepared you enough and have you learned enough to be able to show him how the two of you can make a happy marriage with God as your foundation ? If not, you have hope, so work on it.

Let your children know that no matter what, you can't run from God. Teach them the stories of Jonah, and how he tried to run, and how God helped him.

Continue to ask God for his guidance, and a light for the path you are to follow, and most importantly, don't forget to keep Drac in your prayers, for salvation, for a hedge of protection. The more you pray using scriptures the more of a force you will feel pushing on you and him. Remember, this is a spiritual battle, and the only way it can be won is thru God's words and with GOD and By GOD !!

In the meantime, make sure that you stress the true meaning of Christmas. Don't shop at stores where they cant say merry christmas, Pagans don't need our money, what we need is to be able to serve our God Given Purpose, which is to
help God fulfil his will, by bringing others to him so that none should perish, but have ever lasting life.

Spread some holiday love during this blessed season, and teach the children that they can do it as well.

God bless, have a great night.

Hi BUGS, just popping in...

Letting you know that I'm still reading here... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi everyone!

Thanks for stopping by!! Woke to more rain today - feezing off & on. I'll have to time DSS's return home carefully today due to the weather. The good part is that I can coordinate with FIL which will be easy vs if Drac were home.

We finished up the movie day with The Santa Clause 2. DSS asked me why at one point the DAD had to do community service because of what his son did. Gave me the perfect chance to explain about PARENTAL responsibility. Even better, the son in the movie is about DSS's age,,, perfect! I didn't slam Drac, but kept it generic enough while specific enough that I am sure DSS got it. Atleast I 'HOPE' so!

Not sure what we're going to do today. Maybe wrap some presents.

Oh, here's Beau,,,,doing the pee pee dance. I'll ck back later!

I'm hoping the weather in Cancun is as lousy as the earlier poster wrote --

I spent a vacation down there, and the first day or so was lovely, and then wham, monsoon season! No cable TV, the hotel lobby didn't have a roof (normally it wasn't necessary) and we couldn't swim or sightsee.

Please, please, please, rain in Cancun.

Thanks, Bellevue!

I did ck the weather channel website - it says scattered showers. That could mean anything from a sprinkle to a miserable day down there.

I'll just enjoy the fact that the UV index is only a 3,,,,,,,which means even if it isn't raining, it's not the perfect tropical weather! Of course I am trying not to think about them not caring about the weather and being occupied with 'indoor' activites - YUCK!

Geez, I gotta get busy doing something to get my mind occupied!

LOL...I wish I had some colder weather to be working in...82 degrees!!!

I'm sweating IN the house! Trying to prepare for tomorrow, I want this lady to see EVRYTHING that's wrong with this house!!! LOL

Hey Rin!

Can't believe it's so warm there! All of that moisture is being swept my way and turning into freezing rain & ice!

Well, yesterday afternoon I sat down with DSS's backpack and I really almost TOTALLY lost it!

He & Drac have literally done NOTHING to help him get caught up on the old stuff and DSS played me the entire weekend on all of it - - current & old.

We sat down and went through EVERY piece of paper in the backpack. I had him doing homework for 3 hours straight and we still didn't get a dent in the old work!

He had a report from English and Math showing what assignments he is missing. He JUST got the report on FRIDAY?!?!? WTF?!

I asked him if Drac was sitting down with him every night. He said yes. I asked when was the last night they went through things,,,,, he couldn't remember. I asked what they go over. Drac looks at his 'planner'. That's it. He doesn't match what is in the planner to what papers DSS has completed.

But, then again, how could he? I know *I* could not tell from what DSS had written in there what work needed to be done, nor when it was due. I showed DSS EXACTLY how the planner should be filled out. The way he'd been doing it didn't accomplish anything if even HE could not read it and show me what needed to be done. All they were doing was 'checking off a box' so that each of them (he & Drac) could say they 'did' something but it wasn't helping HIM (DSS) pass anything.

I went through the math report and took his packet of assignments and HIGHLIGHTED every problem that he needs to complete. It was virtually the ENTIRE packet,,,,,over hundred problems to be completed.

I WAS SO upset. Cried again in my frustration. I sat down and tried to write a letter to Drac about it, but ended up throwing them all in the trash. What's the point?

I DID, however, call FIL when we were on our way and told him I needed to talk to him. He was meeting me at Drac's house, so I didn't want there to be an issue with me going inside. He said no problem.

I went through everything with FIL, explaining everything the Best that I could -- - remember, FIL can't read, so it's not like I could show him and have him read it. Nevertheless, FIL understands VERY well what is going on. I told him, "Drac is FAILING his son!" I don't know what, if anything, FIL can do, but he has a better chance than I to do something.

We agreed that the video games are a problem. DSS comes home from school and that is what he does until Drac gets home at whatever time (7 or 8pm) If all Drac is doing is looking at the planner and accepting his word that the work is done, then nothing is getting done.

We were leaving my house to take him to FIL, and DSS asked about his GameBoy. I told him I'd take care of it. I know it was wrong, but my reply was "If your Dad doesn't have sense enough to keep it away from you when he should, then I KNOW your Grandpa will". I was just SO frustrated. DSS KNEW he had work due on Monday, but waited for ME to get it out for him to do,,,,,,,,,,,hoping I am sure, that I wouldn't get it out.

I told DSS that he & Drac have to work together on this and that neither one of them is doing their job. I probably shouldn't have gone there or said what I did - -- which is that no, Drac is NOT doing his job as your dad. It's his job to make sure YOU do your job and he is to know everything and make sure YOU do it.

There are assignments missing from AFTER the time that Drac has said that he'd be checking the work. Heck, if DSS JUST got the list of missing work, WTF has Drac been doing?

DSS says, "well, it's ok, I'm in tutoring now". I explained to him that tutoring is NOT enough. It's not going to get him where he needs to be because he is SO far behind.

And with all of this, WHERE is Drac??????????

Boy, am I glad I don't know what resort he is staying in AND there weren't any convenient flights to Mexico!!

Who has the Silver Shovel????? Wood Chipper???? 7 iron??? Anything????????????

((((Bugs))))

I can imagine how difficult and frustrating this all must be for you.

I too know how it feels to be the parent that -cares- more about even a child who is not our blood.. but is ours in our hearts.

It's even more frustrating when you compound the fact that as angry as you are with Drac.. you know in the back of your mind that it's pretty much by his 'grace' that you have a relationship at all with DSS..

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation.. I'll be keeping you in my prayers throughout.

As for my DSD.. I'm almost afraid of what is going to happen when WW gets out of CoWorker's house and on her own.. I'm getting the impression that Wonderboy and CoWorker have been the ones pushing DSD on her homework..

I worry for her once that's gone.. I worry for DS once he starts school.. that's a few years from now though.. but still. I remember how woefully unprepared DSD was for school when she started.. WW and I met -very- shortly before her 4th birthday... DS's is coming up in February.

Bugs:
Bugs:
Bugs:

Who's fault is this?

A 13 year old who been abandoned by his birth mother, and then by his father?

A school system that doesn't really care, and DSS will get passed anyway?

The ONE TIME since this whole sordid mess came out, since DDay, that DRAC seemed in the slightest way to be affected by all these lousy choices he has made, was when he realized a month ago that DSS was falling flat in school.

And could BUGS fix, even this, for him?

Please? Pretty PLEASE?

Bugs, either take on this project to make sure that DSS gets through school successfully.

Or, leave it on Drac's doorstep to deal with.

You can't rely on Drac, and a 13 year old boy is going to choose GameBoy over Math homework ALL THE TIME.

I know, I'm living it. And Flamingo and I are there, and see his homework and monitor what is going on. And kick his butt to get the homework done.

Just this morning at drop off, he forgot the project he worked on FINALLY last night. It was due today.

But last night, he didn't put the assignment and bookbag all back together and in order so that he could grab and go.

All weekend, he was asked to do the work on the project. He finally did, after repeated nudges, pointed questions, requests and downright THREATS at about 7:30 last night.

And this morning? Even after a 90 minute fog delay, he still didn't get moving. So, he was the last one down and the last one in the car. And we asked him, when he got OUT of the car at the school, "where's your project?" Blank stare. "Oh, I forgot"

So, I'm not driving back to the house to get it. He made choices, choices that resulted in him not delivering the project on time. Drac is doing that. DSS is doing that. These choices are coming home to roost for all involved.

You can think that DSS failures at school are because Drac is failing his son. He is. Drac has set up a failure pattern in his son in regards to
many things.

But DSS bears some responsibility. Being 13 does not relieve you of doing your homework, even IF nobody asks you too.

So, you can step up to that plate, and do the RIGHT THING for DSS. Monitor the homework. Review the planner. Make sure that the assignments get caught up and that DSS is on track, because it is the right thing to do. And then you can BLAME DRAC. And take him off the hook for his failures in regards to DSS.

Or do nothing, and make it ALL DRAC's responsibility.

Pretty bleak choice, isn't it?

In one case, DSS gets the help he needs, and you get ANGRY with Drac. And the other DSS slips deeper into the abyss.

Don't get angry with Drac anymore. At least in regards to this issue. You already KNOW what you are dealing with. Do the right thing in regards to DSS, and the consequesnces be darned.

Because no matter what, Drac can fly to Cancun every other weekend, THAT, in the long run, will not make a difference in your life.

But DSS, slipping farther and farther behind, WILL.

Drac can own his choices, and he's an adult man-child.

But DSS is still searching, and he needs SOMEBODIES guidance.

And that should be yours.

Now. I will be blunt. You CAN use DSS as part of your Plan B to get Drac back. I think that DSS is ONE SURE FIRE way to get DRAC to pay attention to you. However, leaving DSS spinning in the breeze while this part of Plan B plays out? I don't know if that is fair to DSS. That "Happy Home" stuff is taken care of if you do what is right for DSS. And IF, Drac doesn't return, then DSS suffers for the sins of the father.

Sorry, Bugs.

I wish I could give you something else. I can only give you the most painful of choices.

The guilt, that comes from either of those choices? Can only be resolved by TIME. And some help from BrambleRose.

((((BUGS))))

LG

You are a sharp guy, LG. That was well said.

Bugs, I don't know what the right answer is. I could argue it either way. What gets me most concerned is watching it hurt you. When you get angry at Drac, when you're checking the weather in Cancun. . . it's all part of the Drac Dance, and I don't need to tell you whether that's bad or good for you.

I think you sound really good most of the time, though, and you seem to be on top of what you're doing. I certainly admire the choices you have made so far. So maybe you have everything together and just post out the occasional frustration?

Remember the concept of a TRIANGLE. It's SOOO important NOT to TRIANGLE your DSS or daughter in. So keep it about YOUR relationship with HIM..YOUR relationship with HER..YOUR relationship with DRAC. NO TRIANGLES...

Here's the ACCEPTANCE issue again. It is what it is. You can only CONTROL YOURSELF and YOUR RELATIONSHIP with him. THAT'S ALL..PERIOD....You can't CONTROL, DRAC..NOR your SON for that matter...especially during those teen years...OMG, BEEN THERE DONE THAT...even without all this mess that your son is involved in..it's his time to be REBELLIOUS..AGE AND STAGE...such a DIFFICULT, DIFFICULT time for HIM...

LG is RIGHT, IMO..you are not gonna FIX this...



Exactly. Do the best that YOU can do...that's all that you can do...



This part, you know I'm gonna disagree with..Don't USE a child for anything...and I doubt this is gonna get Drac's REAL ATTENTION..being a narcissistic WS, he's the one that will gladly USE his SON to get YOUR ATTENTION...

I think what you are doing NOW is just fine and SUFFICIENT in caring for your son...

He'll be OK as long as you remain PRESENT in his life...

The homework stuff is not as important as YOUR LOVE for him and his knowledge of that....

Our now grown sons missed plenty of homework assignments and projects when they were in middle school..what matters MOST in their lives has been the unconditional love that I have evidenced to them..The HANDWRITTEN birthday cards that they sent me last week, thanking me for "LOVING" them, is my testimony to that....all of those grades won't even count in the BIG SCHEME of things...

Hey everyone!

Yesterday was not the best of days. DD had not school, so she stayed home and 'worked' with me from home. That part was fine.

I sent her to her room to feed her fish - - it was Dead! So, all of the fish but the sucker fish have passed on.

Later in the afternoon, I went to do some work on the fish tank, so we could determine WHEN we could get a couple more. DD looks at her hamster,,,,,,,,,,,it has a TUMOR like the other one had. OMG!

She was a WONDERFUL pet owner and made the big girl decision to put Squeaky to sleep. We took her to my parents house and Grandpa gave it a 'shot' to put her to sleep and then he buried her in the yard for us. She was a little trooper. We stayed there for supper, and really, she didn't seem too terribly upset. She got to go see all of the other animals and play with her kittens.

Then, on the way home, we see a deer by the side of the road that had JUST been hit by a car. I told her the real truth about the fact that the deer would have to be 'put down' as well. She commented that so far, December seems pretty bad with all of the animals she loves having to be 'put down', yet she is handling the reality very well.

We called the Aunt's house and talked to DSS. She told him very matter of factly everything that happened, so I know she's doing ok with it. I talked to DSS about his homework,,,,not especially good. AND of course, he was on the Aunt's computer playing games when I called!

I did call his school yesterday and talked to the counselor. Gave him info and he did the same. He's going to get DSS in another class for next semester to help out, which includes giving up on elective class.

I talked to the Aunt and told her exactly what is going on and coached her as to what I told DSS I expect from him today on the homework. Seems Drac called there earlier, but certainly did not have the detail or involvement that I did when discussing homework. I let that go,,,, as it's not under my control.

Bottom line, I will do everything I can with and for DSS, as I am his Mom. Period. I don't care about what Drac is or isn't doing - - well I DO care in this regard, but being upset about it gets me nothing, so I'm not going there if I can help it. I'll do what I can for DSS and enlist anyone else that I can to make it happen. What Drac does or doesn't do in that regard is on Drac.

I realize I could try to manipulate the situation with DSS into something about me & Drac. Again, Not going to go there. It's just not me, and I don't think it's right.

Sd, thanks for your concern. You nailed it on the head when you said that I just come here to vent my frustration. That's where I am 99% of the time with that stuff. It's not pulling me under the way it used to, but as I DO still care, , as the love bank is NOT empty,,, yes some of it hurts. But, it's nothing I can not handle and venting here is the outlet to keep it under control.

DD did talk to him last night. She told me that she'd told Daddy about her hamster, the fish, and the deer, but "It's not anything he really cares about. DSS really cared, but not Daddy. Daddy's out 'partying' even though he's sick with strep throat".

I just changed the subject and she was fine with that. I wasn't going to defend Drac or discuss with her what he's doing. She was fine with it.

I'm running a bit late this morning, so gotta run.

I'll try to ck back later during the day. Here's hoping no more animals bite the big one today!!! YIKES!!